So there's this girl.... v.FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

[EdenHazard]

When you're so drunk you speak Klingon.

I lost it at "Shhhh." 

[Tick]

"what's the 411?"

what does this even mean

You dial 411 for information, so that is saying...what's the deal?

[MetalJunkie]

Second date was tonight. And she decided she doesn't want to enter a relationship because she's gunning for a promotion that will send her to another state.

/sigh

Could've let me know before I dropped 60 bucks on a date tonight.

[SystematicThought]

But what if that promotion doesn't happen? Where does that leave you two?

[MetalJunkie]

Then we'd still be dating.  As for the promotion, it's not a matter of if, but when.

[KevShmev]

Dang, that sucks.

But hey, her letting you spend money on her on a date before telling you that, says a lot about her.  Might not be a bad thing to be getting out now. Still sucks though, I know.

[Kotowboy]

Hypothetical question. If this has happened to any of you - maybe you can share what you did.

If I was with someone and I found out they'd been unfaithful - that would be the end of that right there and then. I've seen couples go through it and decide to stay together and it took a very long time for them to reach a point where they were both happy again...

Has anyone here been through it ?

For me - If I found out that it had happened - i'd end it right there and then. Surely it would be more trouble than it was worth...

For anyone who hasn't been through it - what would you do ??

[KevShmev]

I think that it is easy to say when you are on the outside looking in, when you have zero emotional attachment to someone. 

Not saying I condone cheating (not at all), or staying with someone who cheated, but it's often not as simple as "I'll bail the second I find out that he/she cheated."

Sometimes, if depends on what kind of cheating.  Something like your significant other slipping up and having a weak moment when they were drinking at a party is not the same thing as them having a prolonged affair with someone you both know, for example.

[Kotowboy]

Fair enough. If it was a spiked drink / loss of inhibitions / muchos remorse type deal - there would be more grey area...

If they knew exactly what they were doing and didn't seem that sorry about it . Then done.

[King Postwhore]

I find it very easy to make a decision when it involves cheating.  Now what MJ is going through, that's tougher.  She likes him, that's why she held back telling him.

[bout to crash]

Well right, I don't think she withheld info to get dinner or whatever out of him. That's just not the kind of conversation you want to start a date with 
You don't have to commit to somebody full-time to enjoy their company. It doesn't have to be labeled a "relationship" to go on a date. Just because she doesn't want to commit to something with her work situation doesn't mean she doesn't like him or want to spend time with him. I'm all about living in the moment and not worrying too much about what might happen in the future, ESPECIALLY when it comes to dating- I would never avoid hanging with a cool dude because I thought I might be moving, but I would be up front like this chick about it so that it didn't just come out of left field. Really what I'm saying is I probably would've handled it the same way.

As for the cheating thing... I avoid that drama by just not getting into monogamous relationships anymore . I just think some people aren't wired that way and I'm done trying to force myself or anyone else into it. That said, there can still be lying/deception in non-monogamous arrangements, and that has ended a relationship for me before.
Like Kev said though, it's easy to say you'd leave when you're not in the situation, but it's not always that clear-cut.

[ariich]

Well right, I don't think she withheld info to get dinner or whatever out of him.

This. If you choose to pay for dinner/whatever then that's your call - the other person is under no obligation or commitment.

[MetalJunkie]

Well right, I don't think she withheld info to get dinner or whatever out of him.

This. If you choose to pay for dinner/whatever then that's your call - the other person is under no obligation or commitment.

I didn't mean to imply that; she really is a nice girl. It was just kind of an "aside" comment.

[Calvin6s]

What are you guys talking about?

Every classy restaurant has two menus.  The paying person not only gets the prices, but what each order guarantees later on in the date.

One time I just got the menu with the prices.  The date ordered the most expensive entree.  I flipped.  The waiter immediately apologized, got me the correct menu and now I was encouraging her to not only stay with the expensive dish, but started suggesting some desserts.

You can tell the classy restaurants.  They have "cathouse" or "brothel" somewhere in the title.

[ariich]

[cramx3]

Well right, I don't think she withheld info to get dinner or whatever out of him. That's just not the kind of conversation you want to start a date with 
You don't have to commit to somebody full-time to enjoy their company. It doesn't have to be labeled a "relationship" to go on a date. Just because she doesn't want to commit to something with her work situation doesn't mean she doesn't like him or want to spend time with him. I'm all about living in the moment and not worrying too much about what might happen in the future, ESPECIALLY when it comes to dating- I would never avoid hanging with a cool dude because I thought I might be moving, but I would be up front like this chick about it so that it didn't just come out of left field. Really what I'm saying is I probably would've handled it the same way.

As for the cheating thing... I avoid that drama by just not getting into monogamous relationships anymore . I just think some people aren't wired that way and I'm done trying to force myself or anyone else into it. That said, there can still be lying/deception in non-monogamous arrangements, and that has ended a relationship for me before.
Like Kev said though, it's easy to say you'd leave when you're not in the situation, but it's not always that clear-cut.

Pretty much this.  It sucks, but the reality is she was pretty upfront to you about her situation.  She probably does have feelings for you and maybe you two still have something going to continue dating without having that commitment if you are interested in doing that, and who knows maybe her job situation changes.  Also, if you don't want to put yourself in that situation, you have the option now to walk away which I imagine is tough, but honestly, you are in a good position given the situation.  The girl is stand up for getting that out of the way now before you are too invested.  60$ isn't that big of a deal if you guys both have feelings for each other even if the game is over already.

[MetalJunkie]

Like I mentioned earlier, the 60 dollar comment was an aside. Granted, the situation stings a little bit, but I'll get over it. I'm glad she let me know early on.

[Stadler]

Hypothetical question. If this has happened to any of you - maybe you can share what you did.

If I was with someone and I found out they'd been unfaithful - that would be the end of that right there and then. I've seen couples go through it and decide to stay together and it took a very long time for them to reach a point where they were both happy again...

Has anyone here been through it ?

For me - If I found out that it had happened - i'd end it right there and then. Surely it would be more trouble than it was worth...

For anyone who hasn't been through it - what would you do ??

You make me laugh sometimes.  I mean that in the nicest way possible. 

There are many things in life, like touching a hot stove, or having your heart broken, that cannot possibly be communicated adequately without experiencing it.   This is one of those things.

I was you, once.  Big shot, tough guy, "I'll lay down the goddamn law".   Then I got married, had a reasonably good marriage, had a beautiful daughter, and... then it all went south.   

Lost my job temporarily (real estate crash) and the ex went through some concurrent health issues that really screwed up her system.  Had to take a job six hours from my home, which meant traveling every Sunday and Friday to and from.  Wasn't even a month of that, and I find out she's stepping out.  We talk.  Pressure, hormones, etc. etc., yadda yadda.  She breaks it off with the other guy, and I stay.   We reconnect.  I'm still working out the year away, and I notice the texts go from about 300 a month to about 5,000 a month.   Confront.   Denial.  "Work friends. I would NEVER jeopardize my work with that nonsense".   Well, turns out she would.  But then, personal tragedy (a loss in her family).  We reconnect.  "He's insensitive... as a friend, of course!"   Couple months later, I come back to work remotely out of the house, and I notice the texts haven't abated.   She finally files.   In the time since, I find out about at least one, possibly two others.

Would I do the same again?  Well, I just got remarried, and I hope to God it isn't a reality for me any time soon, but honestly, I wouldn't do it EXACTLY the same, but I don't think I would just up and leave.  It would depend.  My ex  wasn't cheating out of dissatisfaction with our marriage - that can be fixed - she was cheating out of dissatisfaction, profound dissatisfaction, with herself.  She is now engaged to the "work friend" (apparently, the scandal is ok if you marry as a result) but I have reason to believe she's stepping out on HIM too. 

[Chino]

If I found out my girl friend cheated on me, I wouldn't be in any rush to get out of the relationship.

[cramx3]

I think it's different when you are married and have a life together vs. just being bf/gf and finding out the other is cheating.  Much easier to walk away from a bf/gf relationship than a marriage.  It's also much easier to say you'd walk right out of it once finding out than to actually do it in that spot.  Sometimes things can be worked on and fixed, other times not.  I'd think I'd walk away from a girl who cheated on me, but I never caught a girl I was with cheating on me so I can't say for sure.

[Calvin6s]

How did this thread turn into the cheating game thread?  Did K-boy bring it up out of the blue?

I'm a bit curious as to what MetalJunkie's next step is.  Move on?  Offer to be promo-queen's boy toy? Take her to small claims court for $60?  Go find a sure thing to build up confidence?

[Kotowboy]

You make me laugh sometimes.  I mean that in the nicest way possible.