I get that and the second I was old enough and capable of getting away and being on my own, I did. Not because I didn't want to be around my family, I just wanted the independence to call my own shots. We got along fine then and now. When we go visit them in VA for Christmas, we all get along fine, for the most part. I just have seemed to notice lately that if there's ever any contact with the bubble that they all live in down in VA, I'm the one who makes contact. If there are visits to be made, it's me, Mrs. C., and Jr. Mrs. C. going there. There are members of my family I have almost begged to come here to visit and hang out that just don't seem to have any interest. Some have very rarely made the opportunity. My mom and dad have been pretty good about coming up every once in a while. I just start to feel like if I didn't make 99% of the effort, I'd never hear from them or see them. Just about the only time I ever hear from someone is when something is wrong. And I understand that everyone has their lives to lead and their limitations
The other thing - the big thing I'm wrestling with today - I sometimes question whether or not any of them realize that Mrs. C. has brought her son along with us when we come to visit, as he's pretty much ignored. Fortunately my brother has kids he can play with. Being blood, everybody engages and/or pays attention to them. Thing is, I'm not sure they even realize they're being this way towards Jr.
Anyway, she, as any mother would, has taken painstaking notice of how little interest anyone there has in him. The boy turns 13 today. A big deal. All of them know it, because I've spoken to my brother and my sister in the last couple of days about other things and have told them it's his 13th birthday today. I'm holding out hope that SOMEBODY down there in VA will pull their head out of their ass and make a phone call or something, anything. Mrs. C. posted a nice bit on Facebook early this morning about being the mother of a teenager, with a pic of him as a baby and one of him from this past weekend. There were a number of likes and responses from friends and people on her side of the family. My side?
*crickets*
Not one "like" or comment or anything. 8 members of my family are friends with her on Facebook and so far, not a single one of them has made an attempt to even click "like". I know that "Hey, it's Facebook, don't take it so seriously." It sounds petty, of course (You didn't "Like" my post! Waaahhh!), but it really isn't intended that way. To me, making a simple little effort like that is an indication that you acknowledge someone, that you haven't forgotten or dismissed them.
I did hear from my mother yesterday, AFTER I called to remind her that she was preparing to miss Jr's birthday yet again. I got the usual "Oh, no! But, but, I have it written in there in the back of the phone book, with all the other birthdays, how could I forget?" This is one of those old personal phone/address books that you write peoples' info in that they've had for probably 15 years. It comes as no surprise that she wouldn't remember something she wrote in the back of it. So anyway, at least she made an effort after I mentioned it. Again, the day isn't over, so I could very likely well be pleasantly surprised if someone makes some kind of effort this evening. However, I won't really hold my breath. Like I said, having made the choice to live 5 hours away, we're out of sight, out of mind. Except that Jr. seems to be out of mind, regardless. On Thursday, I will be calling my brother's daughter (turning 7, I think) to wish her happy birthday, as I do every other year, as I do with both of his other kids, and for both of my sister's kids. And they're adults now. I guess I just don't get where the disconnect is that others can't seem to have the same kind of consideration.
Part of the conflict is that you can't go telling people "Hey, whether you realize it or not, I'm paying attention and you pretty much ignore Jr. at every opportunity." Because then they'll go out of their way not to and you'll know it's never 100% genuine.
So I'm just kinda bummed today. It hurts Mrs. C.'s feelings that nobody in my family ever seems to pay the slightest bit of attention to her kid and are often somewhat dismissive of him. She wants very much for my family to embrace him like they might their own, but it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen. I hate to see her upset about it, but there's no nice way to tell people that they're being borderline rude, without them putting on a show about it afterwards. However, the longer this goes on and the more I feel like I'm the one who makes most of the effort, the less I start to care about what I say and who I upset.
I'm really just ranting out loud at this point. Seemingly not much I can do or say to them about it without coming off looking like I'm out for a pity party. I just throw my hands up sometimes without the slightest clue as to what to do. It sucks. I really hope that someone pulls through and makes me proud of them tonight.
Topic: The DTF Old As Mold Club v. 40 IS The New 30! Kids Stay Out! (Read 336930 times)