The DTF Old As Mold Club v. 40 IS The New 30! Kids Stay Out!

[gmillerdrake]

I've 'worn' a beard most of the time....a couple times a year I'll shave completely and go with the 'clean' look for a week or two. Here recently I've gone to the goatee.

[cramx3]

Funny some old as mold dude who works in the same building as me, but not with me or anything, said hi as we walked past each other the other day and goes "oh you shaved your beard"  I can't even grow a beard if I wanted to.  It's not in my genes I just got some stubble and if I don't shave it slowly and poorly grows out just a bit to look really bad.  Sometimes I really wish I could grow one, but most times I am cool without having to shave so often and take care of a potential beard.

[TAC]

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/technology/this-toilet-will-predict-if-youll-have-heart-failure/ar-AABKEoY?li=BBnbcA1

[Orbert]

So it has come to this.

[King Postwhore]

I don't need that.  It's when you have a solid coming out sideways.

[TAC]

It's a heart monitor, not a shart monitor, fool.

[King Postwhore]

You don't think your going to die with one of those?

[Dublagent66]

Time for a bump.  I just signed up for a company sponsored financial advisor.  I'm on track to retire in 7 years at age 60!! 

[jingle.boy]

Time for a bump.  I just signed up for a company sponsored financial advisor.  I'm on track to retire in 7 years at age 60!! 

Awesome!  I'm on a 8-10 year plan.  56 or 57 is my goal retirement.

[Podaar]

Excellent, my friends. I'm also on track to retire in the next year or two as well.

In other fogey news, I bought some New Balance running shoes, but they're not white leather like TAC's.



Does that make me more or less hip than Tim?

[jingle.boy]

I'm not sure which would be a compliment vs an insult.

[Podaar]

I'm not sure which would be a compliment vs an insult.

Ah, the criteria on which all post decisions are made.

[TAC]

I'm not sure which would be a compliment vs an insult.

 

[King Postwhore]

 

Chad, you know the answer.

[Dublagent66]

Time for a bump.  I just signed up for a company sponsored financial advisor.  I'm on track to retire in 7 years at age 60!! 

Awesome!  I'm on a 8-10 year plan.  56 or 57 is my goal retirement.

Dang!  Even better! 

[Orbert]

I'm 57 this year, and still have about 10 years to go.  Shit.

[hefdaddy42]

I am 46 and I don't really want to think about it lol

[Orbert]

So I had something new happen to me today.  But of course, there's boring background first.

We bought our house 20 years ago, and when we moved, I continued to see the doctor I'd been seeing for years when we lived in the apartment, even though his office was now 10 miles away.  Not a horrible drive, although 10 miles through endless suburbia can take like half an hour each way.  Then the building my doctor was in got sold and he moved to a new office 10 miles in the other direction.  Definitely less convenient, but still doable once or twice a year.  Then last year he moved again, again not by choice, and the additional five miles or so just made it silly.  After driving an hour each way a few times, it was time to find a new doc, closer to the house.

As it happens, the practice where my wife goes, which is like three miles away, had just gained a new doctor who was taking new patients.  The new doctor is female.  I've always had male doctors for my personal physician, but whatever, I'm sure she's fine and at this point the convenience factor was weighing heavily.  She's Indian, probably early to mid 30's, and not unattractive.  I met her last fall when I had some kind of cough that wouldn't go away.

Today was my annual physical.  Oh.  I hadn't actually thought about that.  Don't really have a problem with it, just wasn't sure how it would... um... play out, when it came to certain parts of the examination.

It was all 100% professional of course, and (thank God) there was no involuntary reaction by any Orbert parts which have not been touched by any female other than Mrs. Orbert in nearly 40 years.  I was both relieved and just the slightest bit disappointed.  Of course, disappointment means that I was expecting, or maybe just kinda hoping, or imagining, that something non-professional would happen, and that was never going to happen.  But I have this rule; whatever it is I'm doing, good or bad, try to find a way to enjoy it.  This wasn't good or bad, just a little awkward, but in this case "enjoying it" would have added to the awkwardness.

Oh, what the fuck.  It felt kinda nice.  I did enjoy it.  She was quite thorough.  And not unattractive.  So there.

[jingle.boy]

What did I just read?  Bob thought he was gonna be in an impromptu amateur porn scene??   

[Podaar]

I kinda know what he's talking about though. My Doctor is a female as well, cute too, but she already knows I don't have a prostate anymore so I don't get the finger. It's a little disappointing, really.

[Orbert]

I really didn't know.  I knew that a female would be going where no woman other than Mrs. O had gone in a very long time, and I knew that there would be necessary and intimate physical contact.  I didn't know how I'd react, voluntarily or involuntarily, or mentally for that matter.  Would I be embarassed?  Would I be fine with it and actually enjoy it a little?  Would I react involuntarily?  New ground for me.  That's why when it all went as expected with zero anomolies, it was a bit disappointing.  But this is what it has come to.  Having a female doctor check out my equipment, enjoy it for what it was, and post about it on DTF.

[Stadler]

I kinda know what he's talking about though. My Doctor is a female as well, cute too, but she already knows I don't have a prostate anymore so I don't get the finger. It's a little disappointing, really.

You should ask her to check, just in case it might have grown back.  Better safe than sorry. 

[Stadler]

I really didn't know.  I knew that a female would be going where no woman other than Mrs. O had gone in a very long time, and I knew that there would be necessary and intimate physical contact.  I didn't know how I'd react, voluntarily or involuntarily, or mentally for that matter.  Would I be embarassed?  Would I be fine with it and actually enjoy it a little?  Would I react involuntarily?  New ground for me.  That's why when it all went as expected with zero anomolies, it was a bit disappointing.  But this is what it has come to.  Having a female doctor check out my equipment, enjoy it for what it was, and post about it on DTF.

I've had one prostate exam from a female doctor (also what we're apparently calling "not unattractive") but while I went through all the above thoughts, in the moment it was so overwhelming and... clinical for lack of a better word, that in hindsight there was little room for any shenanigans (even if one-sided).   Though for me, the torment continued (Why WEREN'T there shenanigans?  Was she not impressed? How could she not be impressed??) at least until reason kicked in and I realized that she is a qualifed professional that has dealt with this 100 times and likely has had at least some training, if not experience, in making the patient experience as professional and as uneventful as possible.

[Orbert]

Absolutely.  I'm sure there is training, and "making the patient experience as professional and as uneventful as possible" would be one of the main goals and emphasized in the written materials.

[vtgrad]

I'm 39 so entrance into the club is not yet allowed... but the conversation is stimulating.

You guys went from retirement (I'm on the 20-yr plan so hopefully 59) to finger-in-the-ass by a "not unattractive" physician in less than 1 post; that, my friends, is impressive.

[Orbert]

LOL wait a minnit here, I never went into details.  Finger-in-the-ass definitely came a few posts after mine.  I was happy to just have her cupping my balls and primary weapon and checking them for abnormalities.  That was the part I was thinking had the highest probability of involuntary reaction.

But I'm glad I was able to steer the conversation towards finger-in-the-ass.  These are important topics that need to be discussed.

[Stadler]

Yeah, I totally went there (and so did she!  Ba-dum-PAH!)

[Stadler]

The interesting thing for me - and I'm not joking even a little bit here - is that I'm a sort of serial complimenter.   If the person at the check out does a good job, I tell them.   Guy sold me a replacement head for my weed wacker (absolutely ZERO euphemisms there) and I told him he made my day, because he did.

I had a physical not long ago, and had to discuss a few things that weren't on the check list, and my doctor is GREAT; he takes the time, takes it seriously, and gives what I've found to be great advice.  At the end of the visit (no prostate check) I said "Dr. C, you're a great doctor, thanks."   And he was pleasantly surprised.

After the above prostate, I had to curb my tendency, and I literally didn't say a word. But running through my head was "relatively painless!" and "wow, that was the best prostate exam I ever had!"  and "wow, if only they were all like that!" or something that would have been sincere, and with the best of intent, but in the circumstances would have been nothing but awkward and inappropriate. 

[Podaar]

Ha, Stads.

I had a physical several years ago from my wife's GP and he was pretty rough with the old prostate exam. I was biting down on a complaint, because, well...manly over here. Men don't complain.

He wound up walking me out to reception area where Mrs P was waiting for me. I must have had a look on my face because when she strolled up she raised an eyebrow and asked, "Is everything okay?"

I said, "Fine, but I could use a tender hug." Flipping a thumb over my shoulder, "And he wouldn't give me one."

[chknptpie]

I really didn't know.  I knew that a female would be going where no woman other than Mrs. O had gone in a very long time, and I knew that there would be necessary and intimate physical contact.  I didn't know how I'd react, voluntarily or involuntarily, or mentally for that matter.  Would I be embarassed?  Would I be fine with it and actually enjoy it a little?  Would I react involuntarily?  New ground for me.  That's why when it all went as expected with zero anomolies, it was a bit disappointing.  But this is what it has come to.  Having a female doctor check out my equipment, enjoy it for what it was, and post about it on DTF.

I've had one prostate exam from a female doctor (also what we're apparently calling "not unattractive") but while I went through all the above thoughts, in the moment it was so overwhelming and... clinical for lack of a better word, that in hindsight there was little room for any shenanigans (even if one-sided).   Though for me, the torment continued (Why WEREN'T there shenanigans?  Was she not impressed? How could she not be impressed??) at least until reason kicked in and I realized that she is a qualifed professional that has dealt with this 100 times and likely has had at least some training, if not experience, in making the patient experience as professional and as uneventful as possible.

Absolutely.  I'm sure there is training, and "making the patient experience as professional and as uneventful as possible" would be one of the main goals and emphasized in the written materials.

Right. A female must have training to have self control in the presence of an uncovered penis.

[JayOctavarium]

I don't belong in this thread... but...

I don't think it's "self control"... I think it's knowing what actions may cause unwanted uncontrollable results from the uncovered penis.

[cramx3]

I wouldn't take these comments too seriously 

I got an anal exam a few years ago and Podaar, I know the feeling of just wanting a hug after, and definitely not from the dude who just had his finger up my ass 

[Podaar]

It makes me emotional just thinking about it, Cramx3


chknptpie, yeah, it's been my experience that most of the posts in this thread are intended to be self-deprecating, not offensive. I read Orbert and Stadler's posts as being more a ironic jab at old men and their stupid libidos. That was certainly my intent. For my part, all apologies if offence was given.

[Orbert]

I really didn't know.  I knew that a female would be going where no woman other than Mrs. O had gone in a very long time, and I knew that there would be necessary and intimate physical contact.  I didn't know how I'd react, voluntarily or involuntarily, or mentally for that matter.  Would I be embarassed?  Would I be fine with it and actually enjoy it a little?  Would I react involuntarily?  New ground for me.  That's why when it all went as expected with zero anomolies, it was a bit disappointing.  But this is what it has come to.  Having a female doctor check out my equipment, enjoy it for what it was, and post about it on DTF.

I've had one prostate exam from a female doctor (also what we're apparently calling "not unattractive") but while I went through all the above thoughts, in the moment it was so overwhelming and... clinical for lack of a better word, that in hindsight there was little room for any shenanigans (even if one-sided).   Though for me, the torment continued (Why WEREN'T there shenanigans?  Was she not impressed? How could she not be impressed??) at least until reason kicked in and I realized that she is a qualifed professional that has dealt with this 100 times and likely has had at least some training, if not experience, in making the patient experience as professional and as uneventful as possible.

Absolutely.  I'm sure there is training, and "making the patient experience as professional and as uneventful as possible" would be one of the main goals and emphasized in the written materials.

Right. A female must have training to have self control in the presence of an uncovered penis.

Absolutely what Greg said.  This is all meant to be stupid fun under the guise of helpful discussion.  I'm sorry if you were offended.

But there may be some misunderstanding.  I'm not talking about training females to keep themselves under control.  That's not an issue for any competent professional.  I'm talking about training in the form of ensuring that they realize that guys can and will have physiological reactions to just about anything involving females, and when direct contact with genitalia is concerned, multiply that by about 100 (or more).

I have no idea how such cautions would be worded.  I actually laugh at the thought of someone whose job it is to write these cautions, but presume that they do exist.  Somehow impart that light contact can be stimulating, therefore contact must be assertive yet not aggressive.  Similar to how an abdominal exam can tickle, therefore pressing on the abdomen with your other can help alleviate the tickle sensation.  Touching must be steady, no accidental rubbing.  If you need to adjust your grip, break contact and re-establish in the new location.  Moving your finger whilst maintaining physical contact constitutes rubbing, which can lead to embarrassing results.  Stuff like that.

In my experience, females know that guys are basically walking bags of hormones and barely-contained sexual energy, but really don't understand how deep that goes.  2 million years of genetic programming and fine-tuning has resulted in creatures that literally live to procreate, therefore are constantly on the lookout for potential partners, and therefore will (consciously or otherwise) do whatever it takes to bring about that potential partnership.  It takes everything we have to not constantly put the moves on every female in the vicinity who qualifies as "not unattractive".

[jingle.boy]

This might help.

https://youtu.be/ZcJzb0Rk6RU