Sex with your significant other is better when you actually spend a few months with them. Don't wanna rain on anyone's parade, but I guarantee ya at least half of your one night stands were thinking "well okay now I can say I've done that, item checked off the list" after the night was over, and nothing more than that.
Being with someone who knows me, loves me and moves me, that's my jam, even without a harem of beautiful people just waiting outside my door
I agree 100%. I can't speak for other guys, but I only ever enjoy sex if I actually care for someone. Only one time in my life did I have sex with someone I didn't love and it was like eating stale bread or drinking flat soda. Something felt really off about it and its something I will never do again. I like to get to know someone, build a bond and from that comes intimate relations. But that's just me.
But is it completely unreasonable to think that you might have two or maybe even three people that you care enough about to have meaningful, semi-regular sex, but have a main "life partner" with whom you share a home and a family and parenting responsibilities?
Ugh. Fuck. Okay. You got me (You're lucky I'm 9 Heineken deep right now) .
Story time. This post may be long winded, and off the cuff, so bare with me. Apologies in advance if I ramble and become incoherent at any time.
Victoria broke. She moved out of out house last July. She moved out two months prior to the four year anniversary of us (me) buying our home. It's not an easy thing to talk about, obviously, seeing as I share a lot of stuff here that my closest friends don't even know about me, and it's still taken me me over 7 months to mention it here. Of my core group of guy friends, only 3 of the 7 are currently aware that she's no longer living with me. She had a complete mental breakdown and is in therapy twice a week, sometimes three times per week. We still love each other deeply, but she's got shit to figure out before we can proceed. It sucks, but I'm glad it's happening now rather than a few years into a marriage or with children involved. We still say good morning and good night daily. We still say "I love you" to each other just as often. She was here last night and we have dinner plans tomorrow.
Anyway, we still have sex like mad every time we see each other (a few times per week), and somehow, the sex has gotten better than it ever was when she was living here (not to imply that there was anything wrong with our sex lives to begin with). She's gotten herself a lease on a nearby apartment which ends in four months, at which time we will reassess the standing of our future together. Part of this arrangement is we are allowed to see other people.
I've had sex with three other girls during this time:
Girl #1: For our five year anniversary we had booked a 9 night trip to Ireland. Victoria didn't come. Part of that was due to our situation, which was only two months in at the time, but it was mainly due to family obligations on her end that she really couldn't avoid without her family throwing a shit fit. That being said, I met a girl in Dublin (I stayed in four cities in all) who was randomly looking for a lighter when I was nursing a beer outside of a pub. Five hours later after a shitload of beer and a local's (her) tour of the area, I ended up spending the night at her place and doing the deed twice. That was without question one of the most exciting experiences of my life. It was a combination of factors, but a huge part of it was the spontaneity and knowing that it was statistically impossible I'd ever run into or hear from her again. If I rocked the house (which I did
), cool. If I didn't, it'd be an easy thing to forget. To top it off, she was five years older than me and a cop, which somehow added to the experience immensely.
Girl #2: A girl I met on Bumble and had a two week fling with. We had sex a total of five times. She was a 33yo single mom (I'm 30 for those who don't know). She was really cool, and sweet, and and all around a genuinely awesome human being. I called it off out of guilt as I felt as though I was using her. She knew my situation, but even so, it still felt weird. Sidebar: the dating app game has changed a ton (for the worse) since I met Victoria on Tinder 5.5 years ago.
Girl #3) Jamie. Jamie is a girl I've known for over a decade now. We met at our place of employment and used to have a friends with benefits thing, a few instances of which happened at work, one of which happened in an industrial freezer that was 40 below. Good times. Anyway, her and I have hooked up a number of times over the last couple months. We both know the deal. We both know we could never have a feasible relationship, but are both 110% on board with just partaking in the act of sex. There's no pity element or anything like that. We've always just been really cool with each other and understand that sometimes sex can just be sex. We're both consenting adults and both seem to understand that when horny, fucking someone else is better than doing it alone. We've talked about it at length and basically just use each other like human fleshlights and dildos. TBH, it's freaking phenomenal. We're both fine with the situation. We've been friends a long time and are completely cool and comfortable with each other's bodily fluids, but at the same time we can both acknowledge that a relationship would never work. We have a connection and a ton of chemistry, but it's not "love". I see absolutely nothing wrong with that.
I have every intention of continuing things with Victoria if that's what she wants to do, and there will be no difficulties in going back to a monogamous relationship. But for the time being, what I'm doing now is fun. Would I want a lifetime of it? I don't think so. Would it be the worst thing in the world? No. If Victoria approached me and said I want to marry you and have a family, but we can agree to having disclosed sex with other people on the DL, I'd be completely content with that. And that's not a knock against her in any way.