Author Topic: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip  (Read 279423 times)

0 Members and 2 Guests are viewing this topic.

Offline Prog Snob

  • DT.net Veteran
  • ****
  • Posts: 16727
  • Gender: Male
  • In the end we're left infinitely and utterly alone
Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2765 on: October 05, 2016, 11:55:56 AM »
Still talking back and forth with Snow. I'm still not sure what inspired this messaging out of the blue. She said she isn't in the right frame of mind for a relationship, and obviously neither am I. I enjoy talking to her and we did agree to meet for coffee or a drink soon. Maybe this common ground will give us both some comfort and things will slowly fall into place. We'll see. I'm not pushing anything.

This is great! Sometimes the relationship doesn't need to start out romantically, just a casual relationship where you can find common ground (as you mentioned).  Often times, that's what a person needs: a companion to just relate to. If something comes from it, then that's a bonus.

Okay, let's have that conversation now.   :)

I think there is something to be said for the "friend zone", but I think that "something" is that men and women DO think differently.  I have this "argument" with my wife regularly.  She is very attractive (legit beauty contestant winner) and she's one of those that says "Oh, most of my friends are men; women are too catty.".   And while I'm secure and don't let it affect our relationship, we do have the philosophical conversation that I think it is rarer than she would believe.

And what I mean is, they MAY be friends, but while she may have no interest in moving from the friend zone, I guarantee she would be surprised at how many of her "male friends" would evolve that relationship if given the opportunity.   And I'm not at all just assuming "they'd f--- her because she's hot".   I mean that we evaluate things differently.  I have friends that are female, but I'd be lying to you if there wasn't at some point - and with some, more than literally "one point" - that moment of consideration of "is this someone I'd take things to the next level with".   And some the answer is "no" - for various reasons, including respecting a relationship  she is in - but it was still a consideration.

Men and women definitely think differently. We're wired differently, so for anyone to say we're identical, it's ludicrous. Though, this is an overall generalization. I'm sure there are exceptions. Men are less apprehensive when it comes to choosing someone to sleep with, man or woman. Men are always thinking outside the friend zone.


As far as my situation, I'd be totally fine if it never went past being friends. Besides, she's a bit straight-laced and I'm a weirdo. I don't mind it so much but what's she going to say when I want to put up my orc statue next to her Spode dinnerware?


Offline cramx3

  • Chillest of the chill
  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 34212
  • Gender: Male
Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2766 on: October 05, 2016, 11:59:59 AM »
Daaaammnnnn... sorry to hear that, shady business!

So, what are the signs you pick up on if a guy wants to be more than friends with a female?

No need to be sorry, that was good riddance.

Reading a guys eyes, the way he speaks, flirty motions, does he text you at night?  Are you conversing throughout the day, does he have a girlfriend?  Does he do the things I do when I like a girl?  There's lots of things that I might pick up that show a guy is interested in more than just friendship. 

Offline Stadler

  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 43016
  • Gender: Male
  • Pointing out the "unfunny" since 2014!
Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2767 on: October 05, 2016, 12:01:03 PM »
And what I mean is, they MAY be friends, but while she may have no interest in moving from the friend zone, I guarantee she would be surprised at how many of her "male friends" would evolve that relationship if given the opportunity.   And I'm not at all just assuming "they'd f--- her because she's hot".   I mean that we evaluate things differently.  I have friends that are female, but I'd be lying to you if there wasn't at some point - and with some, more than literally "one point" - that moment of consideration of "is this someone I'd take things to the next level with".   And some the answer is "no" - for various reasons, including respecting a relationship  she is in - but it was still a consideration.

This, so much.  My ex could not understand this.  She friended many males and for the most part, no big deal to me.  I'm not the jealous type normally or anything.  However, there were instances of a guy here or there, from my view, was clearly wanting to be more than friends.  My ex would always deny.  "There's no way!"  but yes, as a guy, I know  the signs of a guy who wants more than friendship.

Having said that, my ex is now engaged to a guy I had met as her "friend" when we were still together.  Coincidence?

THREE TIMES!  THREE TIMES, Cram.   My ex-wife said that. "Oh, we're just FRIENDS."  The first time nothing happened but the guy got lit up at my house one time and as we were (the two of us) sitting on the back porch he let slip that "I wanna fuck your wife".  Oh, okay.  Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.   The third one is now her husband, and like you, I used to se him a lot as a "friend" when we were together. 

As for signs, uh, if he has a pulse?   Haha, seriously, I don't know.  It's like obscenity; I'll know it when I see it.  But as a generality, that little "flirtatious, harmless comment" might be harmless, but it might double as a trial balloon. 

Offline oh8wrx

  • The Sassy Lass from Sassafrass
  • Posts: 350
  • Gender: Female
  • I'm a hoot & a half.
Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2768 on: October 05, 2016, 12:03:22 PM »
All those signs are ones I've looked out for as well so I guess I'm ahead of the game LOL
Beer: the cause of AND solution to all of life's problems.

Offline cramx3

  • Chillest of the chill
  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 34212
  • Gender: Male
Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2769 on: October 05, 2016, 12:10:03 PM »
And what I mean is, they MAY be friends, but while she may have no interest in moving from the friend zone, I guarantee she would be surprised at how many of her "male friends" would evolve that relationship if given the opportunity.   And I'm not at all just assuming "they'd f--- her because she's hot".   I mean that we evaluate things differently.  I have friends that are female, but I'd be lying to you if there wasn't at some point - and with some, more than literally "one point" - that moment of consideration of "is this someone I'd take things to the next level with".   And some the answer is "no" - for various reasons, including respecting a relationship  she is in - but it was still a consideration.

This, so much.  My ex could not understand this.  She friended many males and for the most part, no big deal to me.  I'm not the jealous type normally or anything.  However, there were instances of a guy here or there, from my view, was clearly wanting to be more than friends.  My ex would always deny.  "There's no way!"  but yes, as a guy, I know  the signs of a guy who wants more than friendship.

Having said that, my ex is now engaged to a guy I had met as her "friend" when we were still together.  Coincidence?

THREE TIMES!  THREE TIMES, Cram.   My ex-wife said that. "Oh, we're just FRIENDS."  The first time nothing happened but the guy got lit up at my house one time and as we were (the two of us) sitting on the back porch he let slip that "I wanna fuck your wife".  Oh, okay.  Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.   The third one is now her husband, and like you, I used to se him a lot as a "friend" when we were together. 

As for signs, uh, if he has a pulse?   Haha, seriously, I don't know.  It's like obscenity; I'll know it when I see it.  But as a generality, that little "flirtatious, harmless comment" might be harmless, but it might double as a trial balloon.

WTF, if any guy said that to me about my girl I'd flip a shit.  So disrespectful.  It's one thing to want to do it and one thing to even say to the woman that you want her, but to tell me to my face would be a mistake.

Online Adami

  • Moderator of awesomeness
  • *
  • Posts: 36093
Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2770 on: October 05, 2016, 01:17:50 PM »
Daaaammnnnn... sorry to hear that, shady business!

So, what are the signs you pick up on if a guy wants to be more than friends with a female?

If they're straight.
fanticide.bandcamp.com

Offline NunoTenniscourt

  • President of my uncle's Anti-Nepotism Organization
  • Posts: 413
  • Gender: Male
Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2771 on: October 05, 2016, 02:04:45 PM »
For the most part, I've had nothing but trouble with women who had mostly male friends. To put it bluntly, most of these "male friends" were nothing more than a
panel of white knight, ass kissing buffoons who couldn't seem to find a woman of their own, and would butt in to our relationship whether I liked it or not. The vast majority of them
only wanted to see my girlfriends alone, never when I was around. Then I would discover an endless trail of daily "oh my God, you're so beautiful" photo comments and various lovey
dovey memes from these schmucks on the girlfriend's Facebook page. Absolutely obsessive. Of course, what they were hoping for was for me to put my foot down and say something. A big setup to label me
the insecure, jealous, control freak.

When I was younger, I fell into that trap a few times. These days, I just don't give a shit.

Offline oh8wrx

  • The Sassy Lass from Sassafrass
  • Posts: 350
  • Gender: Female
  • I'm a hoot & a half.
Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2772 on: October 05, 2016, 02:08:34 PM »
That's just annoying all around TBH.  It's rude and disrespectful... but also, was the gf at the time posting provocative pics of herself? Sometimes women will do that in order to get the male (or female) attention she's craving or not receiving from her significant other
Beer: the cause of AND solution to all of life's problems.

Offline NunoTenniscourt

  • President of my uncle's Anti-Nepotism Organization
  • Posts: 413
  • Gender: Male
Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2773 on: October 05, 2016, 02:17:51 PM »
That's just annoying all around TBH.  It's rude and disrespectful... but also, was the gf at the time posting provocative pics of herself? Sometimes women will do that in order to get the male (or female) attention she's craving or not receiving from her significant other

Generally, no, they weren't too provocative, and some of these jack offs would go back and comment on pictures they had commented on months or years before. Tactics like that made it very apparent what they were up to.

Offline oh8wrx

  • The Sassy Lass from Sassafrass
  • Posts: 350
  • Gender: Female
  • I'm a hoot & a half.
Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2774 on: October 05, 2016, 02:19:33 PM »
definitely sounds like it.. creepers.
Beer: the cause of AND solution to all of life's problems.

Offline cramx3

  • Chillest of the chill
  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 34212
  • Gender: Male
Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2775 on: October 05, 2016, 02:26:28 PM »
That's just annoying all around TBH.  It's rude and disrespectful... but also, was the gf at the time posting provocative pics of herself? Sometimes women will do that in order to get the male (or female) attention she's craving or not receiving from her significant other

Generally, no, they weren't too provocative, and some of these jack offs would go back and comment on pictures they had commented on months or years before. Tactics like that made it very apparent what they were up to.

Anyone commenting about a girls looks on old photos is kind of creepy if you ask me.  That is like blatantly obvious that you are interested in more than friends.

Offline DebraKadabra

  • Witch Goddess of Lankershim Boulevard
  • DTF.org Member
  • *
  • Posts: 8470
  • Gender: Female
  • Can I be as my god am?
Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2776 on: October 07, 2016, 01:10:06 PM »
So, what are the signs you pick up on if a guy wants to be more than friends with a female?

Reading a guys eyes, the way he speaks, flirty motions, does he text you at night?  Are you conversing throughout the day, does he have a girlfriend?  Does he do the things I do when I like a girl?  There's lots of things that I might pick up that show a guy is interested in more than just friendship.

Hmm. What Cram has said describes a friendship I have with a younger gent. I have zero illusions and it's long distance, but he has expressed a bit of wistful "I'd love to live there!" when he found out I lived in Austin (he's a fan of Rooster Teeth and RT is based here).

Anymore though, I'm just... done putting myself out there for right now. I'm better about things but paying very close attention to the minor meltdown that caused me to take a medical leave of absence from work until next year. Long story short? I was majorly stressed out--my anxiety was through the roof to be frank, and funnily enough... Wey helped me through some of it. Not all of it, since it's my cross to bear. Now I'm more concerned with sleep issues I'm having, but I'm working on non-medical fixes for it.

TL;DR, Deb is still working her head shit out. And honestly? I'd rather do that then put someone else through something they don't need to go through.

Offline cramx3

  • Chillest of the chill
  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 34212
  • Gender: Male
Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2777 on: October 07, 2016, 01:20:31 PM »
Hey Deb, hope you are able to work things out and come out stronger than before but you are right to just focus on yourself for now.  Good luck

Offline bout to crash

  • Admiral Jackbar
  • DT.net Veteran
  • ****
  • Posts: 9052
  • Gender: Female
  • Instant Erection!
Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2778 on: October 08, 2016, 08:49:19 AM »
*hugs*

I feel ya, Deb. I took myself off OKC because I'm tired of constant disappointment, and I am getting hella close to just retreating into my little hermit hole after a lot of recent drama in my relationships. I definitely have my own shit to work on and am frankly tired of dealing with other people's. I'm waiting on a particular thing to come my way in hopes that it will help me figure out my next step.
Oh Jackie, always jumping to the most homoerotic possibility.

Offline DebraKadabra

  • Witch Goddess of Lankershim Boulevard
  • DTF.org Member
  • *
  • Posts: 8470
  • Gender: Female
  • Can I be as my god am?
Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2779 on: October 08, 2016, 04:55:25 PM »
Thanks you two :heart :heart

I don't know that I need all of the answers, but I've really been enjoying the extended "me time". As Cram said, it's not wrong for me to focus on myself for now. Not that I'm a shrink or anything, but I definitely think people don't view taking a deeper look into yourself very seriously. Sad. For them.

Jackie, I really hope that you find whatever it is you're searching for. Hell, *I* hope I find it. :lol ;)

Offline cramx3

  • Chillest of the chill
  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 34212
  • Gender: Male
Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2780 on: October 10, 2016, 08:03:14 AM »
Me time is great.  If you recall in this thread I took a couple months off of dating to reflect on myself.  Not sure I came out better or worse, but it was nice to not have anyone else to worry about but yourself and have that extra free time.

My sister's wedding was this past weekend.  I mentioned her here before because of how her relationship was so rushed and quick and seemed wrong on so many levels, but got to say, she seems very happy and her now husband does treat her very well.  I fear for them long term because they haven't even been together for a full year and they both have some rough pasts, but after all my negative feelings towards their relationship, I think I am very comfortable with them together and happy for them. 

On another note, the whole wedding weekend lead to lots of family members questioning me about my prospects and  I got to say that I feel like I am so far removed from even wanting marriage.  The wedding itself didn't turn me off or anything, I just don't feel like I am anywhere near coming close to loving someone like that to want to get married and not sure I see myself ever getting that close.  I've been dating 23yo for quite some time now and don't feel any love.  I really like her and all, but love just seems like such a far fetched thing to me.  I could totally see myself living the single life forever.

Offline NunoTenniscourt

  • President of my uncle's Anti-Nepotism Organization
  • Posts: 413
  • Gender: Male
Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2781 on: October 10, 2016, 09:01:55 AM »

There's definitely nothing wrong with taking yourself out of the game for a while. That's the time to get things back to a clean slate for the next go around.
I pity the people who hop from one relationship to another because the thought of being alone for any length of time is unbearable to them. If you can't achieve a level of genuine happiness
alone, your relationships will surely be doomed. I honestly want to puke when I hear anyone talk about a significant other making them "whole".

  I could totally see myself living the single life forever.

Same here. The thought of marriage specifically has never appealed to me and never will.

Offline ?

  • Apparently the best username
  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 11742
  • Gender: Male
  • Less=Moore, Even Less=Wilson
Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2782 on: October 11, 2016, 05:15:39 AM »
TL;DR, Deb is still working her head shit out. And honestly? I'd rather do that then put someone else through something they don't need to go through.
That's the right way to go, and I'd do the same if I were in your shoes :tup

As for myself, curiosity finally got hold of me and I downloaded Tinder last month. :lol I got 3 matches: 2 never replied to my message, and the third deleted me before I managed to say a word. A week ago I finally thought "screw this" and deleted the app. :P I'm still pretty young so I think I'll just go on and live my life normally, and if someone comes along, that's cool.

Offline cramx3

  • Chillest of the chill
  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 34212
  • Gender: Male
Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2783 on: October 11, 2016, 07:52:13 AM »
TL;DR, Deb is still working her head shit out. And honestly? I'd rather do that then put someone else through something they don't need to go through.
That's the right way to go, and I'd do the same if I were in your shoes :tup

As for myself, curiosity finally got hold of me and I downloaded Tinder last month. :lol I got 3 matches: 2 never replied to my message, and the third deleted me before I managed to say a word. A week ago I finally thought "screw this" and deleted the app. :P I'm still pretty young so I think I'll just go on and live my life normally, and if someone comes along, that's cool.

One thing with online dating, you can't be discouraged because of people deleting you or not responding.  Just got to keep at it. 

Offline ?

  • Apparently the best username
  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 11742
  • Gender: Male
  • Less=Moore, Even Less=Wilson
Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2784 on: October 11, 2016, 02:22:58 PM »
TL;DR, Deb is still working her head shit out. And honestly? I'd rather do that then put someone else through something they don't need to go through.
That's the right way to go, and I'd do the same if I were in your shoes :tup

As for myself, curiosity finally got hold of me and I downloaded Tinder last month. :lol I got 3 matches: 2 never replied to my message, and the third deleted me before I managed to say a word. A week ago I finally thought "screw this" and deleted the app. :P I'm still pretty young so I think I'll just go on and live my life normally, and if someone comes along, that's cool.

One thing with online dating, you can't be discouraged because of people deleting you or not responding.  Just got to keep at it.
Yeah, I just figured Tinder isn't the right place for me, because it's so shallow and I'm not a hottie to begin with. 3 years ago I would've been devastated by the lack of matches, but now it's more like "meh." I'll give online dating another shot in a few years when I'm done with my studies, if I'm still single and serious about finding someone.

Offline cramx3

  • Chillest of the chill
  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 34212
  • Gender: Male
Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2785 on: October 11, 2016, 02:30:18 PM »
There's a spot on tinder for non hotties as well, but I hear ya.  Tinder is not for everyone and while the matching is pretty shallow, I have found the people once you get a convo started, aren't usually shallow themselves. 

Not trying to defend or support tinder, just giving my view.  In fact, I used to have no success at all with Tinder, but have lately found it to be much better than okcupid.

I've been told to check out this other dating app called Bumble.  Apparently it's very much like tinder except the girl has 24 hours to send you a message otherwise the match is lost (the male cannot initiate).  I was told to use this app from female friends.  I am not jumping on it yet, but maybe down the line I will give it a try.

Offline Stadler

  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 43016
  • Gender: Male
  • Pointing out the "unfunny" since 2014!
Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2786 on: October 12, 2016, 07:18:06 AM »
TL;DR, Deb is still working her head shit out. And honestly? I'd rather do that then put someone else through something they don't need to go through.
That's the right way to go, and I'd do the same if I were in your shoes :tup

As for myself, curiosity finally got hold of me and I downloaded Tinder last month. :lol I got 3 matches: 2 never replied to my message, and the third deleted me before I managed to say a word. A week ago I finally thought "screw this" and deleted the app. :P I'm still pretty young so I think I'll just go on and live my life normally, and if someone comes along, that's cool.

One thing with online dating, you can't be discouraged because of people deleting you or not responding.  Just got to keep at it.
Yeah, I just figured Tinder isn't the right place for me, because it's so shallow and I'm not a hottie to begin with. 3 years ago I would've been devastated by the lack of matches, but now it's more like "meh." I'll give online dating another shot in a few years when I'm done with my studies, if I'm still single and serious about finding someone.

I can't believe the mouse ears aren't grabbing you chicks left, right, and center. 

:)  I'm just kidding with you. I wouldn't feel comfortable on something like Tinder either (I didn't even put a picture up for my Match account, which I'm told - now, in hindsight - is a huge red flag to women, meaning "Married guy looking for some strange on the side!".

Offline Chino

  • Be excellent to each other.
  • DT.net Veteran
  • ****
  • Posts: 25282
  • Gender: Male
Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2787 on: October 12, 2016, 07:20:37 AM »
I really don't see how Tinder is any different than choosing a random person at a bar or party to strike up a conversation with. How is one more shallow than the other?

Offline Stadler

  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 43016
  • Gender: Male
  • Pointing out the "unfunny" since 2014!
Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2788 on: October 12, 2016, 07:22:57 AM »


I've been told to check out this other dating app called Bumble.  Apparently it's very much like tinder except the girl has 24 hours to send you a message otherwise the match is lost (the male cannot initiate).  I was told to use this app from female friends.  I am not jumping on it yet, but maybe down the line I will give it a try.

Named after the Abominable Snowman from "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer", I hope. 

How does that work?  Your ugly mug shows up on her screen, and she has 24 hours to say "Yay" or "Nay", or the two ships have passed, ne'er to return? 

Offline cramx3

  • Chillest of the chill
  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 34212
  • Gender: Male
Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2789 on: October 12, 2016, 07:26:06 AM »


I've been told to check out this other dating app called Bumble.  Apparently it's very much like tinder except the girl has 24 hours to send you a message otherwise the match is lost (the male cannot initiate).  I was told to use this app from female friends.  I am not jumping on it yet, but maybe down the line I will give it a try.

Named after the Abominable Snowman from "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer", I hope. 

How does that work?  Your ugly mug shows up on her screen, and she has 24 hours to say "Yay" or "Nay", or the two ships have passed, ne'er to return?

I believe it is like tinder, both parties swipe to like or not, if you both like each other the female has 24 hours to send a message to open a communication path.  That's my understanding, but I havent seen or used it.

I really don't see how Tinder is any different than choosing a random person at a bar or party to strike up a conversation with. How is one more shallow than the other?

I guess one could argue approaching a girl at a bar is shallow. But that's not what I am thinking.  It's more that Tinder (and other online dating) is so easy to reject.  It's much harder to reject the guy at the bar trying to talk to you.  But both approaches are usually due to looks.  One could argue you'd know more about the girl at the bar than the girl in a tinder profile.

Offline Chino

  • Be excellent to each other.
  • DT.net Veteran
  • ****
  • Posts: 25282
  • Gender: Male
Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2790 on: October 12, 2016, 07:31:07 AM »
I really don't see how Tinder is any different than choosing a random person at a bar or party to strike up a conversation with. How is one more shallow than the other?

I guess one could argue approaching a girl at a bar is shallow. But that's not what I am thinking. It's more that Tinder (and other online dating) is so easy to reject.  It's much harder to reject the guy at the bar trying to talk to you.  But both approaches are usually due to looks.  One could argue you'd know more about the girl at the bar than the girl in a tinder profile.

I suppose, but when you look at the other side of that coin, I don't think that's so bad. I struck up more conversations in my first week on Tinder than I was ever able to in public. Also, getting rejected is a hell of a lot easier and less embarrassing :lol


Offline cramx3

  • Chillest of the chill
  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 34212
  • Gender: Male
Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2791 on: October 12, 2016, 07:33:38 AM »
Totally agreed.  Getting a non response is way better than a girl telling you to her face she is not interested.  Or even worse, taking that free drink and then saying she is not interested  :lol

Offline Stadler

  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 43016
  • Gender: Male
  • Pointing out the "unfunny" since 2014!
Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2792 on: October 12, 2016, 07:36:06 AM »
Not having used Tinder at all, I can say that "meeting a girl at a bar" CAN be shallow, but doesn't have to be.   I'm lucky (now) in that I will talk to ANYONE at ANY TIME, and I have grown a reasonably thick skin over the years.   Once I got divorced, I got used to that "microexpression" on a girl's face when I say something catchy (read: stupid) to start a conversation, but more times than I can count (not as many as I would like, though) that goes away if you have something even reasonably interesting to say and she's even remotely interested in something other than "someone who looks like Brad Pitt".    Plus, I don't know about anyone else, but the women I find myself most attracted to are not the "model hot photo" kind but rather the ones that carry themselves with a certain grace and style, which you can only really discern from meeting them in person.   

Case in point:  I met a girl on Match, reasonably cute in her pictures, and we decided to meet, and it was evident immediately that the pictures were either old, or CLEARLY the most flattering five or six out of maybe a 1,000 taken.   Not thrilled with that one, but to be polite we had a drink or two, and just talking with her, watching the way her face lit up when she laughed, and (she was much shorter than me) the way she would cock her head to look at me when I said something funny or ridiculous just won me over.  We didn't date that long (for other reasons) but that was an interesting lesson for me. 

Offline NunoTenniscourt

  • President of my uncle's Anti-Nepotism Organization
  • Posts: 413
  • Gender: Male
Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2793 on: October 12, 2016, 08:56:19 AM »

In some aspects, I can see the appeal of dating sites, but I definitely prefer approaching in the real world. There's something about the face to face cat and mouse game
that appeals to me more.

I did try a dating site for about 3 months several years ago, though, because I heard mixed opinions about them, and wanted to formulate my own. It was definitely
interesting. In the span of those 3 months, I met about 15 women, and they all looked exactly like their pictures, but the one thing they all had in common was, their profiles
were not an accurate description of who they were at all. You would think they were shining examples of virtue judging by their words, but they ended up being total wildcats.

Offline Stadler

  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 43016
  • Gender: Male
  • Pointing out the "unfunny" since 2014!
Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2794 on: October 12, 2016, 11:20:23 AM »

I did try a dating site for about 3 months several years ago, though, because I heard mixed opinions about them, and wanted to formulate my own. It was definitely
interesting. In the span of those 3 months, I met about 15 women, and they all looked exactly like their pictures, but the one thing they all had in common was, their profiles
were not an accurate description of who they were at all. You would think they were shining examples of virtue judging by their words, but they ended up being total wildcats.

I had the same observation; not so much between "virtue" and "wildcat" (though I will say, and I mean this in a proactive, pro-feminist, "you go girl!" kind of way, the age group of about 37 to 45, women who have just gotten out of that disasterous marriage to their college sweetheart, and are looking at life with two kids and a society that is not kind to women over 35, is an UNTAPPED resource, pun intended.)   I think a lot of those profiles are written fancifully, but at the end of the day, people are who they are, and many of the women I met while single would have been better off if they just wrote "Jax Teller" or "Nicki Sixx" down for "What they are looking for".  It was like deja vu back to high school in that way. 

Offline ?

  • Apparently the best username
  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 11742
  • Gender: Male
  • Less=Moore, Even Less=Wilson
Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2795 on: October 13, 2016, 02:57:18 AM »
I can't believe the mouse ears aren't grabbing you chicks left, right, and center. 
:rollin :clap:

I should create a fake Steven Wilson Tinder account and use it for a social experiment. :P
I've been told to check out this other dating app called Bumble.  Apparently it's very much like tinder except the girl has 24 hours to send you a message otherwise the match is lost (the male cannot initiate).  I was told to use this app from female friends.  I am not jumping on it yet, but maybe down the line I will give it a try.
I actually forgot to mention that I also tried Bumble. I set the search distance at maximum and went through all the users, but I didn't get a single match. The app's just not popular enough where I live, but I'd imagine it's better in 'murica.

Offline NunoTenniscourt

  • President of my uncle's Anti-Nepotism Organization
  • Posts: 413
  • Gender: Male
Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2796 on: October 13, 2016, 04:04:03 AM »

I did try a dating site for about 3 months several years ago, though, because I heard mixed opinions about them, and wanted to formulate my own. It was definitely
interesting. In the span of those 3 months, I met about 15 women, and they all looked exactly like their pictures, but the one thing they all had in common was, their profiles
were not an accurate description of who they were at all. You would think they were shining examples of virtue judging by their words, but they ended up being total wildcats.

I had the same observation; not so much between "virtue" and "wildcat" (though I will say, and I mean this in a proactive, pro-feminist, "you go girl!" kind of way, the age group of about 37 to 45, women who have just gotten out of that disasterous marriage to their college sweetheart, and are looking at life with two kids and a society that is not kind to women over 35, is an UNTAPPED resource, pun intended.)   I think a lot of those profiles are written fancifully, but at the end of the day, people are who they are, and many of the women I met while single would have been better off if they just wrote "Jax Teller" or "Nicki Sixx" down for "What they are looking for".  It was like deja vu back to high school in that way.

Yes, it was very much like revisiting high school. Hell, I'm not even complaining too much about it, really. Just pointing out the discrepancies. Nearly all of them claimed to be "social drinkers", yet racked up a huge tab by the end of the night. Many claims of "not being into the bar scene", yet almost all the meets were in bars of their choosing. "Not into one night stands/booty calls", yet I was invited to their place "to watch a movie" after the first or second meet.

Again, I'm not really complaining. I just don't understand why they can't describe themselves accurately and be completely unapologetic about who they are.

Offline Prog Snob

  • DT.net Veteran
  • ****
  • Posts: 16727
  • Gender: Male
  • In the end we're left infinitely and utterly alone
Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2797 on: October 13, 2016, 05:17:19 AM »

I can't believe the mouse ears aren't grabbing you chicks left, right, and center. 



Offline cramx3

  • Chillest of the chill
  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 34212
  • Gender: Male
Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2798 on: October 13, 2016, 08:48:45 AM »

I did try a dating site for about 3 months several years ago, though, because I heard mixed opinions about them, and wanted to formulate my own. It was definitely
interesting. In the span of those 3 months, I met about 15 women, and they all looked exactly like their pictures, but the one thing they all had in common was, their profiles
were not an accurate description of who they were at all. You would think they were shining examples of virtue judging by their words, but they ended up being total wildcats.

I had the same observation; not so much between "virtue" and "wildcat" (though I will say, and I mean this in a proactive, pro-feminist, "you go girl!" kind of way, the age group of about 37 to 45, women who have just gotten out of that disasterous marriage to their college sweetheart, and are looking at life with two kids and a society that is not kind to women over 35, is an UNTAPPED resource, pun intended.)   I think a lot of those profiles are written fancifully, but at the end of the day, people are who they are, and many of the women I met while single would have been better off if they just wrote "Jax Teller" or "Nicki Sixx" down for "What they are looking for".  It was like deja vu back to high school in that way.

Yes, it was very much like revisiting high school. Hell, I'm not even complaining too much about it, really. Just pointing out the discrepancies. Nearly all of them claimed to be "social drinkers", yet racked up a huge tab by the end of the night. Many claims of "not being into the bar scene", yet almost all the meets were in bars of their choosing. "Not into one night stands/booty calls", yet I was invited to their place "to watch a movie" after the first or second meet.

Again, I'm not really complaining. I just don't understand why they can't describe themselves accurately and be completely unapologetic about who they are.

While I totally agree with you and have experienced this myself.  I honestly can't expect someone in a profile that is trying to attract people to mention negatives like "I drink a lot" or "I put out".  Even if they wanted to be as honest about that, putting something like that in your profile is going to attract a whole lot of dudes that are going to look for sex and only sex.  I believe the "not into hook ups" line in essentially every profile is a reaction to guys who hit them up looking for sex. 

Offline Chino

  • Be excellent to each other.
  • DT.net Veteran
  • ****
  • Posts: 25282
  • Gender: Male
Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2799 on: October 13, 2016, 09:05:24 AM »
To be fair, I categorize myself as a "social drinker" and ring up hefty bar tabs. By "social", I simply mean I don't do it alone  :lol. Though, Victoria was out of town last weekend and it was just me, a 12 pack, some homemade mac & cheese, and GTA Online, and I have to admit, I really enjoyed the evening.