Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip

[JayOctavarium]

So I did something I probably shouldn't have but whatever.

So I was having a random text convo with work girl regarding some meme she sent me or whatever. I wound up not responded to something and texted her later apologizing for just cutting the convo mid conv. She told me it's ok and she's been really distracted the last few weeks and apologized for the lack of communication.

So I bit. I asked what was wrong. I got back this long message that boiled down to how she's essentially still trying to get over an ex yadda yadda basically the same shit I went through for a long time regarding the redhead from 5 years ago. She was trying to get over him and ran into him again and yadda yadda still heartbroken... and really lonely yadda yadda. So I invited her to the show I was going (Like i was literally sitting in the back seat of my buddy's car on our way to the show). 

I know. I'm an idiot.


Her response surprised me. She told me she'd love to but it's a bit of a drive (Which it really was especially since she lives a whole city more away from the town the show was in than I do) and she thanked me for the invite, and told me she'd love to hang out sometime and even go to a show. She really wants to get out and get her mind off of things. She then thanked me for thinking of her and after a few more texts, the convo trailed off into her bidding me goodnight and going to sleep.


*shrugs*

[Prog Snob]

You're not an idiot - unless you did it for the wrong reasons.

[JayOctavarium]

I just get what she's going through. I understand how it feels to be going through that emotional bullshit and to be sitting alone with the feeling that the one person in life you want to be with doesn't want anything to do with you. I extended a hand in friendship. Nothing more.

[Prog Snob]

Just do your best to read the situation and make her feel comforted. I know you're in a similar situation, but if you like this girl, then let her be the lead. If she's the type to wear her heart on her sleeve, then it should be easy for you to understand her. Everyone has a tell. Just don't push her.

[Lynxo]

So, rant incoming but whatever.

Yesterday, I did nothing special, just being at home. Then I check Facebook and I see my best friend who has put up a picture of her and her boyfriend, writing happily that they're soon going to live together. And reading that just set off this massive chain of thoughts and I started thinking about my past relationsships and how both of my serious girlfriends broke up with me just as we were about to start living together.
And I get this panic attack, realizing that I'm 29 years old and that many people that age have already settled down and has kids. And I've had two dates these past months which both ended with the girl rejecting me. And I started thinking that I've never going to find someone who can put up with how weird and anti-social I am and am okay with not ever having kids.
I slept terribly and woke up feeling like crap. But now, I've slowly started to feel okay again. I listened to a podcast while working, which is from a comedian/musician I really admired who is 37 years old, single and perfectly happy with his life. And it made me feel a bit better.

So yeah, I do have these moments where I feel really lonely and insecure, totally certain I'm never going to find someone to love again. But at least these moments are much more rare than they used to be. But it hit really hard this time and it's going to take a couple of days to recover from this.

[cramx3]

You are far from being alone in that scenario and while feeling that way I think is pretty normal, there isn't much reason to get worked up and lose sleep over it.

Got a date with 23yo tonight, going to a Mediterranean spot near her.  Finally a date not in my basement  but looks like we are going to talk about our plans for going to a planetarium this weekend too 

Been chatting with a new girl since last week from OKC and we kind of hit it off.  We have so many similarities and we mostly text all day and the convo just flows well.  I'm really interested in meeting her, we have a tentative date for Wednesday (she gave me a legit reason why she might have to cancel though). 

The girl from last week has hardly texted me which is great because I haven't really felt like texting her either.  I thought she was interested, but maybe it was a mutual disinterest.

[Stadler]

If I looked back on my life and only had two girls that rejected me, I'd throw a fuckin' party.   

Dude.  Perspective.   Do you love every girl you meet?  Are you into every bit of their baggage, are you willing to take every bit of their shit?   Of course not.  So why should every girl - whether you're "into them" or not is immaterial to this analysis - do the same for you?   

If you look around at the people that have found mates - people who like to be pissed on, people who like to piss on others, people who like to watch their partner bang other people, people who like to bang other people while their partner watches, hell, there is a story about a guy that met this girl and they both found that they wanted to watch someone DIE and ended up killing HER SISTER, I could do this until mid-afternoon - certainly you "not wanting kids" is not going to be an egregious hurdle to get over.   

Let it breath.  Let it happen.  Let it be organic.   Yeah, there's probably a lot of late nights with "youporn" until it clicks, but I think this thread is testament to the idea that FORCING it rarely works. 

[cramx3]

 

So true, I'd say Lynxo has nothing to worry about with regards to his own weirdness.  Got to just accept who you are and be confident about yourself and all your oddities that come along with you.  I'm ridiculously weird if that means anything to this conversation.

[Chino]

Let it breath.  Let it happen.  Let it be organic.  Yeah, there's probably a lot of late nights with "youporn" until it clicks, but I think this thread is testament to the idea that FORCING it rarely works.

You say that like it's a bad thing 

Seriously though, Bill's right on the money with this one. Every life and living situation is different, there are too many variables and inconsistencies with life to definitively say something like 'I need to be at least engaged by this age or my life is a sham',  and you can't determine whether you're passing or failing based on how others are doing. Besides, just because they are married doesn't mean they are in any better position than you in the grand scheme of things. I know married couples who are beyond miserable. I know three people much younger than me who already have a divorce under their belt. I know other married couples younger than Victoria and myself who make less than half of what we do and are struggling really hard at the moment. It causes turmoil in their relationship. If you asked all of us who's better off and doing life correctly, you'd get a half dozen different answers.

People live a long time these days. No reason to try and get hitched early. If it happens, cool beans. If you're 30 with no significant other yet, there's still plenty of time.

[Lynxo]

Thanks guys.  Yeah, it was a moment of weakness. Due to feeling rejected a lot lately and having a generally bad day, seeing that pic of my friend being happy with her boyfriend just triggered all kinds of emotions. I'll be fine. I'm certainly not forcing anything, if anything I've always been very picky with who I share myself with. (Maybe not my bed though but that's another story.)

[sylvan]

I got a call from my "ex" last night basically telling me we can't be friends anymore cuz it's not best for her. Essentially saying that she can't be just friends with me. It really bums me out. It's been almost 3 months since we stopped seeing each other cuz I didn't want a serious relationship, and we've hung out a few times for trivia and stuff like that, and we texted pretty often. I totally get the position she's in, cuz I've been there for sure. But it's just another reminder that Man/Woman interaction is a complicated thing at times.

[Prog Snob]

Anyone with new developments? Nothing here. I had a couple of women that I was talking to but I lost interest.

[Lynxo]

I went to a date this weekend that I feel went quite well. Still, I'm careful not to get too excited, I've been burned a lot lately.

[Adami]

Hmmmm.

The newly divorced Russian girl I've had a crush on for over 10 years is visiting in 18 days. So that'll be cool.

I also developed a small crush for a coworker that has a boyfriend. So that's awesome.

[Prog Snob]

Hmmmm.

The newly divorced Russian girl I've had a crush on for over 10 years is visiting in 18 days. So that'll be cool.

I also developed a small crush for a coworker that has a boyfriend. So that's awesome.

Your aim is as reliable as mine it seems. Why do we always want the things we can't have....or can we? 

I went to a date this weekend that I feel went quite well. Still, I'm careful not to get too excited, I've been burned a lot lately.

It's a good thing. Just go with the flow, but if the flow has you already pricing engagement rings then build a dam.

[Stadler]

Hmmmm.

The newly divorced Russian girl I've had a crush on for over 10 years is visiting in 18 days. So that'll be cool.

I also developed a small crush for a coworker that has a boyfriend. So that's awesome.

Your aim is as reliable as mine it seems. Why do we always want the things we can't have....or can we? 

I'm the first guy to say that if my girl cheats on me, it's on the girl, not the guy hitting on her.   Having said that, I have a slight situation where there is a former boyfriend who is basically a sport-fucker, and he's sort of got it in his head that it would be cool to refuck someone from his past that is now married.   I'll deal with it like an adult - I'm not one to fight someone in a parking lot, or play dumb games like calling bosses and girlfriends and stuff - but honestly, especially with kids involved, it takes a special (not in a good way) man to make that your target.  125 million women in the US over the age of 18 - plus or minus - and you have to target the "one you can't have"?  I trust her, but why contribute to a situation that can't help but erode trust, can't help but put more stress on a situation. 

[Prog Snob]

Hmmmm.

The newly divorced Russian girl I've had a crush on for over 10 years is visiting in 18 days. So that'll be cool.

I also developed a small crush for a coworker that has a boyfriend. So that's awesome.

Your aim is as reliable as mine it seems. Why do we always want the things we can't have....or can we? 

I'm the first guy to say that if my girl cheats on me, it's on the girl, not the guy hitting on her.   Having said that, I have a slight situation where there is a former boyfriend who is basically a sport-fucker, and he's sort of got it in his head that it would be cool to refuck someone from his past that is now married.   I'll deal with it like an adult - I'm not one to fight someone in a parking lot, or play dumb games like calling bosses and girlfriends and stuff - but honestly, especially with kids involved, it takes a special (not in a good way) man to make that your target.  125 million women in the US over the age of 18 - plus or minus - and you have to target the "one you can't have"?  I trust her, but why contribute to a situation that can't help but erode trust, can't help but put more stress on a situation.

She's entertaining this numnuts?

[Stadler]

Short answer is no, but it's not that simple.  It's not simply a matter of "Hey, man, no harm, no foul!"

[Prog Snob]

I agree with you. Do you want me to call Vinny? Or Tony? Or Petey Guns?

[orcus116]

He's probably better off with Tony Two-hands.

[Prog Snob]

Okay, help me figure this out.

Snow messaged me out of the blue. Well, it was more like the "I have your name and number in my phone but can't place who you are" text. Now, you would figure that once she realizes who I am, since we haven't been talking since she decided it was too weird to date her friend's ex-husband, that she would just go about her day. However, she's been messaging me all morning. Was the first text a way to see who I was or did she not want to just come out and message me after how/why we stopped talking?

[Stadler]

Okay, help me figure this out.

Snow messaged me out of the blue. Well, it was more like the "I have your name and number in my phone but can't place who you are" text. Now, you would figure that once she realizes who I am, since we haven't been talking since she decided it was too weird to date her friend's ex-husband, that she would just go about her day. However, she's been messaging me all morning. Was the first text a way to see who I was or did she not want to just come out and message me after how/why we stopped talking?

If she now knows who you are, then I think the latter.  What else could it be? 

[JayOctavarium]

Ran into work girl last week.  Had a training at her office.  Totally forgot that was the office she moved to till I parked and saw her car.. Shot her a text just to be polite and let her know I'm training in her building (in case she sees my car).  Within like 90 seconds she was down stairs to day hi.  Then after my training she came down and we chit chatted for like 15min before I went back to my office.


Then a few hours later I get a text from her telling me she didn't realize how much she misses me until we saw each other.

Fuck.  I wasnt trying to open up a can of worms. I just wanted to not be an asshole.  I have zero interest in her (whatever slight  Interest I may have had  fizzled out quickly..

Later that texted me asking if I wanted to go to some comedy show w her and her friend the next night.  I told her I was busy  working  my security gig and couldn't. 

Ugh

[Adami]

Hmmmm.

The newly divorced Russian girl I've had a crush on for over 10 years is visiting in 18 days. So that'll be cool.

I also developed a small crush for a coworker that has a boyfriend. So that's awesome.

Your aim is as reliable as mine it seems. Why do we always want the things we can't have....or can we? 

Hah, no I just do virtually nothing to meet anyone, so it's rare (very rare) for me to feel much for anyone, and at my age, most girls have boyfriends. So statistically, it's more likely for me to like an already taken girl. Difference is, I just shrug it off. I don't have huge feelings for her or anything, we just get on well enough. I'll live. Honestly between school, my job, my practicum and all of the stuff that entails, I just don't have the huge urge or need to be with anyone unless something good just happens along.

[Stadler]

^^^ How old, if you don't mind me asking?

[Adami]

^^^ How old, if you don't mind me asking?

Am I? 32 in 2 days.

[Stadler]

That's a tough age; I was 45 when I got divorced and it was the perfect age; there were a fair number of women say 35 to 50 that had gone through the routine, and were kind of in two groups:   ready for someone that wasn't a basket case, and were looking for something a little more mature*, or were simply looking to recreate their favorite Nicholas Sparks novel and were therefore living in dream land.   

I think you're still at the stage where the girl - assuming she's interested in a relationship - either hasn't gotten married and therefore hasn't bailed on their future loser ex yet, or is married and hasn't yet figured out what it means to be in a lousy relationship, and therefore hasn't gotten quite far enough to bail on the future loser ex yet. 

* Amazed and rather pleasantly surprised at the level of... let's say "liberation" in the women of this age.  I think "50 Shades", despite being the literary equivalent of Rebecca Black's "Friday", has effected meaningful change.     

[Adami]

That's a tough age; I was 45 when I got divorced and it was the perfect age; there were a fair number of women say 35 to 50 that had gone through the routine, and were kind of in two groups:   ready for someone that wasn't a basket case, and were looking for something a little more mature*, or were simply looking to recreate their favorite Nicholas Sparks novel and were therefore living in dream land.   

I think you're still at the stage where the girl - assuming she's interested in a relationship - either hasn't gotten married and therefore hasn't bailed on their future loser ex yet, or is married and hasn't yet figured out what it means to be in a lousy relationship, and therefore hasn't gotten quite far enough to bail on the future loser ex yet. 

* Amazed and rather pleasantly surprised at the level of... let's say "liberation" in the women of this age.  I think "50 Shades", despite being the literary equivalent of Rebecca Black's "Friday", has effected meaningful change.     

I'm at that age where, no matter what age I'm at, I'm really not what most girls want and am totally cool with that and am just hoping to meet someone who is my kind of weird. But without the online stuff, gave up on that a while back.

[Prog Snob]

Okay, help me figure this out.

Snow messaged me out of the blue. Well, it was more like the "I have your name and number in my phone but can't place who you are" text. Now, you would figure that once she realizes who I am, since we haven't been talking since she decided it was too weird to date her friend's ex-husband, that she would just go about her day. However, she's been messaging me all morning. Was the first text a way to see who I was or did she not want to just come out and message me after how/why we stopped talking?

If she now knows who you are, then I think the latter.  What else could it be?

We hadn't spoken in quite a while, so she forgot who John was. She probably knows more than one. However, it hasn't been so long that she should forget me. THat's why I'm confoosed.

Hmmmm.

The newly divorced Russian girl I've had a crush on for over 10 years is visiting in 18 days. So that'll be cool.

I also developed a small crush for a coworker that has a boyfriend. So that's awesome.

Your aim is as reliable as mine it seems. Why do we always want the things we can't have....or can we? 

Hah, no I just do virtually nothing to meet anyone, so it's rare (very rare) for me to feel much for anyone, and at my age, most girls have boyfriends. So statistically, it's more likely for me to like an already taken girl. Difference is, I just shrug it off. I don't have huge feelings for her or anything, we just get on well enough. I'll live. Honestly between school, my job, my practicum and all of the stuff that entails, I just don't have the huge urge or need to be with anyone unless something good just happens along.

I'm a few years older than you so I know what you mean by girls your age being taken. I'm starting to feel exactly how you feel. I have work, and might need a second job, plus I'm studying like crazy for two separate certifications. Who has time for all of this shit?

Ran into work girl last week.  Had a training at her office.  Totally forgot that was the office she moved to till I parked and saw her car.. Shot her a text just to be polite and let her know I'm training in her building (in case she sees my car).  Within like 90 seconds she was down stairs to day hi.  Then after my training she came down and we chit chatted for like 15min before I went back to my office.


Then a few hours later I get a text from her telling me she didn't realize how much she misses me until we saw each other.

Fuck.  I wasnt trying to open up a can of worms. I just wanted to not be an asshole.  I have zero interest in her (whatever slight  Interest I may have had  fizzled out quickly..

Later that texted me asking if I wanted to go to some comedy show w her and her friend the next night.  I told her I was busy  working  my security gig and couldn't. 

Ugh

Maybe I missed something. Why isn't that a good thing that she wants to see you?

[bout to crash]

Because he lost interest and she crazy

Also, hi guys. Super busy and not active here lately. No news that's too exciting but did have a date with a cop (not sure if I mentioned him) last month that went realllllly well. We haven't made plans again yet because we're both hella busy but hoping to. Other than that, still seeing Ginger and the Hubby (there has been a bit of drama, but nothing worth mentioning right now), and saw Knuckles on Friday. I don't have a whole lot of time or energy and my sex drive has been pretty low, but it's all good.

[Prog Snob]

Because he lost interest and she crazy

I didn't realize Jay was the poster boy for normalcy.     

[orcus116]

Your aim is as reliable as mine it seems. Why do we always want the things we can't have....or can we? 

Yeah I'm definitely in this group now. I'm trying to get my mind on other things but I swear I'm going to give myself an ulcer soon if I don't do something. Idle minds, etc.

[JayOctavarium]

What's normal now, anyhow?

[Lynxo]

So this girl I went to a date with...even though it went really well, I decided to take it easy with things.

...well, after a few days of doing that, I gave in. I started to feel like I was playing games with her and I fucking hate date games and people who does that kind of shit. So I decided to be honest and direct and sent her a message, telling her I had a good time and wanted to meet up again. And she responded and said she felt the same way. However, she's leaving town for a while now but she will let me know when she gets back.

Man, it's a good thing I hate games because I suck at playing them. And now, here's me, trying my best to not get too excited.

[Prog Snob]

Your aim is as reliable as mine it seems. Why do we always want the things we can't have....or can we? 

Yeah I'm definitely in this group now. I'm trying to get my mind on other things but I swear I'm going to give myself an ulcer soon if I don't do something. Idle minds, etc.

Then do something.

What's normal now, anyhow?

It's a six letter word. That's all.