Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip

[Sacul]

So you may recall I was seeing a girl like 2-3 months ago, online. Well, finally met her (again) yesterday. I travelled with my father since the city is kinda dangerous and I'm quite young anyways. We had lunch with her family at a restaurant, but our parents kept doing most of the talking so it was awkward for us both, since we're quite shy. But after it finished I gave her a little gift, one of her favorite albums (Homogenic) - in return, she gave me two little drawings of me and a small figure of the character in the cover of Burial's Untrue. She made it with her own hands - it's really awesome.

So from there we went to a shopping mall to watch a movie. In the way there, she and her brother got up on our car while their parents led the way. I managed to hold her hands and slowly hug her. Then at the cinema things slowly escalated, we were cuddled and finally kissed. Since it was our first time for both, it was a little awkward, I was really nervous and felt she was too, but everything went well in the end - we kissed like 4 times or so, several minutes each.

Then back home, dad was very tired. So, seems her parents really liked me and her brother think I'm a cool guy - so things went better than expected. I hope to visit her for a long weekend next month, hopefully the family will receive me, or at least let me stay at home for a few hours.

All in all, it was an awesome day and has drawn us together more. Jeez, I can still feel her lips. Anyways, sorry for thr rambling, just wanted to update on this in case there was anyone still wondering what happened.

tl;dr met again girl I met on internet that lives 400kms away, parents liked me and we kissed etc. amazing day

[Lynxo]

Aaaw, that's sweet.  May I ask how old you both are?

[cramx3]

Sounds nice, I guess that's good things are being done under parental supervision for now.  I think that was something of concern when you brought this up before with her being very young.

[Sacul]

Aaaw, that's sweet.  May I ask how old you both are?

19 me and 15 (soon to be 16) she. Age difference was something that seemed to worry some folks here, and me as well at first, but being very honest, it didn't feel like a barrier or something on this visit, we got along well pretty fast.

[Stadler]

I wish I wasn't the nervous wreck that I am and was able to meet people. Even if it was just for fun. Not even a relationship. Idk. I'm so bad with people.

First step to overcome this is to stop thinking this way.  Confidence is what you need.  I very much doubt you are as bad with people as you think you are.  Believe in yourself and put yourself out there.

I agree with this, but you don't even have to wait for "confidence" or "belief in oneself".  It's more basic than that:  you CAN be shitty with people, or a dork, or whatever, but it's all piss in the ocean.  If you just talk to someone at a bar at random, do you honestly think they are going to ACTIVELY scorn you? Say "hold on a second!" and log into Facebook and talk about the doofus that is trying to talk to them?  Not hardly.  The worst that will happen is they will ignore you.   The best that will happen is that they will talk back, in which case you have hard proof, evidence, that you are interesting. 

I used to be so shy that if my class at college started before I got there, I wouldn't walk in.  Now, I have no problem talking to someone I don't know.   I actually don't mind going to bars by myself because I know I can talk to someone.  And now, it's gotten to the point that it's REFRESHING to go by myself, because there is no judgment, if that makes sense. 

[Chino]

I wish I wasn't the nervous wreck that I am and was able to meet people. Even if it was just for fun. Not even a relationship. Idk. I'm so bad with people.

First step to overcome this is to stop thinking this way.  Confidence is what you need.  I very much doubt you are as bad with people as you think you are.  Believe in yourself and put yourself out there.

I agree with this, but you don't even have to wait for "confidence" or "belief in oneself".  It's more basic than that:  you CAN be shitty with people, or a dork, or whatever, but it's all piss in the ocean.  If you just talk to someone at a bar at random, do you honestly think they are going to ACTIVELY scorn you? Say "hold on a second!" and log into Facebook and talk about the doofus that is trying to talk to them?  Not hardly.  The worst that will happen is they will ignore you.   The best that will happen is that they will talk back, in which case you have hard proof, evidence, that you are interesting. 

I used to be so shy that if my class at college started before I got there, I wouldn't walk in.  Now, I have no problem talking to someone I don't know.   I actually don't mind going to bars by myself because I know I can talk to someone.  And now, it's gotten to the point that it's REFRESHING to go by myself, because there is no judgment, if that makes sense.

Piggy backing. I don't think confidence is really what you need, and if it is, it's one of the smallest components. What you need is the ability to take a rejection and not let it mess with your head. I always had that problem with girls, and the best part about online dating was that it taught me how to take no as an answer. It's not the end of the world, and when I started thinking about all the people I would reject if they asked me, it put a lot of stuff in perspective. A friend of mine used to say something like "even if only 1 out of 100 girls would sleep with me, all I have to do is say hey to 100 girls in a night and I'm definitely getting laid".

[cramx3]

I wish I wasn't the nervous wreck that I am and was able to meet people. Even if it was just for fun. Not even a relationship. Idk. I'm so bad with people.

First step to overcome this is to stop thinking this way.  Confidence is what you need.  I very much doubt you are as bad with people as you think you are.  Believe in yourself and put yourself out there.

I agree with this, but you don't even have to wait for "confidence" or "belief in oneself".  It's more basic than that:  you CAN be shitty with people, or a dork, or whatever, but it's all piss in the ocean.  If you just talk to someone at a bar at random, do you honestly think they are going to ACTIVELY scorn you? Say "hold on a second!" and log into Facebook and talk about the doofus that is trying to talk to them?  Not hardly.  The worst that will happen is they will ignore you.   The best that will happen is that they will talk back, in which case you have hard proof, evidence, that you are interesting. 

I used to be so shy that if my class at college started before I got there, I wouldn't walk in.  Now, I have no problem talking to someone I don't know.   I actually don't mind going to bars by myself because I know I can talk to someone.  And now, it's gotten to the point that it's REFRESHING to go by myself, because there is no judgment, if that makes sense.

Piggy backing. I don't think confidence is really what you need, and if it is, it's one of the smallest components. What you need is the ability to take a rejection and not let it mess with your head. I always had that problem with girls, and the best part about online dating was that it taught me how to take no as an answer. It's not the end of the world, and when I started thinking about all the people I would reject if they asked me, it put a lot of stuff in perspective. A friend of mine used to say something like "even if only 1 out of 100 girls would sleep with me, all I have to do is say hey to 100 girls in a night and I'm definitely getting laid".

But what you are describing is also confidence "the ability to take rejection and not let it mess with your head".  But this is true, in dating or attempting to date, you need to accept the fact that you will be rejected, a lot, and that it is not something you should let get to you. 

The numbers game is so true too.  When I first started the online dating thing, I realized this pretty quick.  The first couple months I would only message some girls, and get mostly rejected.  I opened up a bit, messaged many more girls and got many more responses (and rejections too) but the numbers are pretty much true.  And you won't get to any of this if you don't put yourself out there first.

Which leads me back to confidence, I think you really gain confidence through experience and you only gain experience by putting yourself out there.

As for Stadler and going to bars alone and talking to people... I went to see Slipknot this weekend, alone.  I told my mom about it at dinner yesterday and she was like "that must be weird, did you talk to anyone?" "It was really fun and YES I talked to a bunch of people including a cute security girl who I should have continued talking too" It's actually amazing the amount of people I will talk to when I am alone vs. with my friends.  The no judgment thing is true.

[Stadler]

The corollary to all of this is:  by a large majority, MOST people will not hold it against you for being there alone.

I went to Extreme, and was by myself (aside: it allows you to move up pretty easy).  I had moved down to about five rows from the stage on the side, and these two girls sat down next to me.  I made a dumb joke to the girl next to me about "don't ask me to show you mine (ticket) and I won't ask to see yours (ticket)" or something like that, and we started talking.  I covered the "I like going to shows by myself" and she said something about her boyfriend not liking her music, then to softball, then to...  Her friend upped and tried to get down on the floor of the show but the girl next to me stayed. 

At the end of the show she grabbed my hand and said "c'mon, you and I are not done with the party".   As I was an hour from home and was seeing someone I didn't, and left (it wasn't easy; she wasn't a model but she was cute, and tall, taller than me by about two or three inches, which I like) but nonetheless...

[cramx3]

Nice, and that's the type of thing that will NEVER happen if you don't put yourself out there. 

I am going to see Def Leppard alone Wednesday night.  Maybe I will have a good story 

[Dublagent66]

Anybody else in this club because the love of their life passed away?  It goes way past lonely into whole new category. 

[Chino]

Anybody else in this club because the love of their life passed away?  It goes way past lonely into whole new category. 

Nope. Can't even stomach the thought of it. If I found out that Victoria died unexpectedly, there's like a 95% chance I'd kill myself.

[Dublagent66]

Anybody else in this club because the love of their life passed away?  It goes way past lonely into whole new category. 

Nope. Can't even stomach the thought of it. If I found out that Victoria died unexpectedly, there's like a 95% chance I'd kill myself.

Hey, are you speaking for everybody or just yourself?  A reply was only necessary if the answer to my question was true as far as you're concerned.  What you said was just flat out dumb.

[cramx3]

You are the first I have seen to be here for that reason, but I don't speak for all just what I've seen.  Sorry for your loss, I also cannot imagine the pain you must feel.

[sylvan]

A reply was only necessary if the answer to my question was true as far as you're concerned.  What you said was just flat out dumb.

Then a better wording would have been: Raise your hand if you're in the club because the love of your life passed away. If not, sit down and stfu.

There's a lot of dark places a human can find themselves. I've had a hard time with my dark places. That's one dark place I can never imagine being. What Chino said might be "dumb", but the thought is "a whole new category" past loneliness that a lot of people can relate to.

A general word to everyone: Hey bro, don't kill yourself

[JayOctavarium]

I know this isn't the Depressed / Angry thread and that's most of what I do in here...  but..

I've been so fucking down lately. Like... I'm not necessarily suicidal but I feel (and it's the worse fucking feeling) completely useless. Not needed. Not wanted. No reason to even keep breathing. Most of it has to do with my whole "relationship" situation, which I really don't wanna go in to details about on in a public setting. There is just no feeling worst to me than knowing that I could die right now and the person who I care about the most wouldn't even bat an eye.



I (was) kinda tentatively asked (by) someone  out on a "date?" today at work. She's really cute. Works in the clerical department of my unit. I met her a few months ago when I was randomly shoved into her cubicle to shadow her (because they had no idea what to do with the trainees at that time). We chatted the entire time.  Today during my break I was sitting in the shade listing to music and she walked by and invited me to walk with her. So I did. The conversation turned to "what do you do on your weekends when you actually do something?" I told her about my buddy being in a couple different bands and plays various bars in the area. She asked me to let her know when and where I am seeing them next and she'll go with me.

I don't think I will do it though. I am too much of a mess right now. The last thing I wanna do is put myself out there and fuck things up with someone else.

[Adami]

I know this isn't the Depressed / Angry thread and that's most of what I do in here...  but..

I've been so fucking down lately. Like... I'm not necessarily suicidal but I feel (and it's the worse fucking feeling) completely useless. Not needed. Not wanted. No reason to even keep breathing. Most of it has to do with my whole "relationship" situation, which I really don't wanna go in to details about on in a public setting. There is just no feeling worst to me than knowing that I could die right now and the person who I care about the most wouldn't even bat an eye.



I (was) kinda tentatively asked (by) someone  out on a "date?" today at work. She's really cute. Works in the clerical department of my unit. I met her a few months ago when I was randomly shoved into her cubicle to shadow her (because they had no idea what to do with the trainees at that time). We chatted the entire time.  Today during my break I was sitting in the shade listing to music and she walked by and invited me to walk with her. So I did. The conversation turned to "what do you do on your weekends when you actually do something?" I told her about my buddy being in a couple different bands and plays various bars in the area. She asked me to let her know when and where I am seeing them next and she'll go with me.

I don't think I will do it though. I am too much of a mess right now. The last thing I wanna do is put myself out there and fuck things up with someone else.

You gotta work on yourself man. When we need other people to make us feel good about ourselves, it's only skin deep. Get into therapy if you want (Of course I say this as a therapist) and really get yourself to a healthy place without needing a relationship.

[bout to crash]

Amen.

Also, Dubl, that was uncalled for. Sucks that you lost somebody, but doesn't give you license to be rude. He was just sharing his feelings on the subject.
As for what Chino said, I don't think anybody can say for certain how they would react in such a situation if they haven't been there, but killing yourself is generally a bad idea.

[TioJorge]

Sorry to hear your down jay, and I can't imagine what you're going through Dubl...my sincere condolences.

I'll also echo that suicide isn't anything to fuck with.

Adami knows what's up.

Speaking as someone who's gone through the ringer the past near-decade, dug myself a cozy grave, crawled into a bottle and lost my mind along the way only to hang on by a thread towards what I thought was the end and am still trying to get it all back... The only time it's over is when you say it's over. My life is still pretty shitty but there's only one thing a certain mindset consisting of nothing but depreciation and depression can bring, and that's more shit. Note that this is in regards to Jay or others feeling down (or not clinically depressed), I'm not about to tell Dubl how to mourn or what is and isn't okay while in that state of mind.

Anyway, it's allllways easier said than done, but I try my damnedest to have a positive state of mind especially when things are shitty. It's the hardest time to do so but it can make all the difference in the world to turning off that shit-covered fan and cleaning things up. Once you're down for the count and are mentally gluing yourself to the floor...it gets dangerous and only makes it that much harder to pick yourself back up. It's rough...because sometimes you just need to be down. I'll get depressed sometimes about my state of life and what I've done to put myself here and revel in it. Then I realize even later I wasted my fuckin' time, made my situation worse by curling into a mental fetal position and then made it even more difficult to get away from the imbalance.

Oh, and there's also nothing more of a turn off (I use the term loosely...more like "repelling") to anyone than a person who's kicking themselves when they're already down or nursing their misery. If it's relationship issues...it's a woefully perfect way for you to create your own worst fear. Or even if you're just single and looking. I'm not saying it's not okay to be down, or go the opposite way and be a happy-go-lucky douchebag king but...y'know, "everything in moderation". Except masturbation.

[Lynxo]

I know this isn't the Depressed / Angry thread and that's most of what I do in here...  but..

I've been so fucking down lately. Like... I'm not necessarily suicidal but I feel (and it's the worse fucking feeling) completely useless. Not needed. Not wanted. No reason to even keep breathing. Most of it has to do with my whole "relationship" situation, which I really don't wanna go in to details about on in a public setting. There is just no feeling worst to me than knowing that I could die right now and the person who I care about the most wouldn't even bat an eye.



I (was) kinda tentatively asked (by) someone  out on a "date?" today at work. She's really cute. Works in the clerical department of my unit. I met her a few months ago when I was randomly shoved into her cubicle to shadow her (because they had no idea what to do with the trainees at that time). We chatted the entire time.  Today during my break I was sitting in the shade listing to music and she walked by and invited me to walk with her. So I did. The conversation turned to "what do you do on your weekends when you actually do something?" I told her about my buddy being in a couple different bands and plays various bars in the area. She asked me to let her know when and where I am seeing them next and she'll go with me.

I don't think I will do it though. I am too much of a mess right now. The last thing I wanna do is put myself out there and fuck things up with someone else.

You gotta work on yourself man. When we need other people to make us feel good about ourselves, it's only skin deep. Get into therapy if you want (Of course I say this as a therapist) and really get yourself to a healthy place without needing a relationship.

This. I would also advice to start meditating. Once I started doing it on a regular basis, I became much calmer and more relaxed. It was like a breath of fresh air, after being down for almost a year.

[Prog Snob]

I know this isn't the Depressed / Angry thread and that's most of what I do in here...  but..

I've been so fucking down lately. Like... I'm not necessarily suicidal but I feel (and it's the worse fucking feeling) completely useless. Not needed. Not wanted. No reason to even keep breathing. Most of it has to do with my whole "relationship" situation, which I really don't wanna go in to details about on in a public setting. There is just no feeling worst to me than knowing that I could die right now and the person who I care about the most wouldn't even bat an eye.



I (was) kinda tentatively asked (by) someone  out on a "date?" today at work. She's really cute. Works in the clerical department of my unit. I met her a few months ago when I was randomly shoved into her cubicle to shadow her (because they had no idea what to do with the trainees at that time). We chatted the entire time.  Today during my break I was sitting in the shade listing to music and she walked by and invited me to walk with her. So I did. The conversation turned to "what do you do on your weekends when you actually do something?" I told her about my buddy being in a couple different bands and plays various bars in the area. She asked me to let her know when and where I am seeing them next and she'll go with me.

I don't think I will do it though. I am too much of a mess right now. The last thing I wanna do is put myself out there and fuck things up with someone else.

I empathize with you completely. For the last year, since my girlfriend walked out on me, I've been in this on again/off again funk that doesn't seem to want to disappear permanently. The last thing you need to do is get involved with someone with the intentions of hoping for something serious.

At the same time, there's nothing wrong with hanging out with her. Going out on a date isn't the same as wedding bells playing. Nobody is saying it has to turn into something serious. Hang out with her and see how it makes you feel. Maybe you're just bored with things and tired of living a mundane life.

[cramx3]

I know this isn't the Depressed / Angry thread and that's most of what I do in here...  but..

I've been so fucking down lately. Like... I'm not necessarily suicidal but I feel (and it's the worse fucking feeling) completely useless. Not needed. Not wanted. No reason to even keep breathing. Most of it has to do with my whole "relationship" situation, which I really don't wanna go in to details about on in a public setting. There is just no feeling worst to me than knowing that I could die right now and the person who I care about the most wouldn't even bat an eye.



I (was) kinda tentatively asked (by) someone  out on a "date?" today at work. She's really cute. Works in the clerical department of my unit. I met her a few months ago when I was randomly shoved into her cubicle to shadow her (because they had no idea what to do with the trainees at that time). We chatted the entire time.  Today during my break I was sitting in the shade listing to music and she walked by and invited me to walk with her. So I did. The conversation turned to "what do you do on your weekends when you actually do something?" I told her about my buddy being in a couple different bands and plays various bars in the area. She asked me to let her know when and where I am seeing them next and she'll go with me.

I don't think I will do it though. I am too much of a mess right now. The last thing I wanna do is put myself out there and fuck things up with someone else.

Didn't you just get a new job, and now at this new job you got a cute girl that wants to hang out or go on a date?!  You got things GOING for you! 

IMO you got to cut lose the things tying you down.  It'll be such a liberating feelings when you walk away from whatever viral relationship you have.  I know you said you don't want to talk about it, but you are going to have to face this at some point.  I know, I lived with my ex for 2 years absolutely miserable.  It took so long for me to get the courage to end it.  Best decision of my life.   It won't be easy, but it will be worth it.   

Go spend time with the girl who WANTS to spend time with YOU.  That's an amazing thing right there, and you just said the other day:

I wish I wasn't the nervous wreck that I am and was able to meet people. Even if it was just for fun. Not even a relationship. Idk. I'm so bad with people.

And without trying you got some interest.  I get it that you may not be in the right state of mind, but you never will be unless you face this and do what you need to do.  Which I guess seeing a Therapist is a good start.  You got to talk about your issues and if you don't want to share here (my opinion is only based on the little info I have) then you should go see a therapist and talk in confidentiality and figure this out... which I fully believe you can do.

[Stadler]

The only time it's over is when you say it's over.

Trautman:  It's over Johnny. 
Rambo:   Nothing is over! Nothing!

Anyway, it's allllways easier said than done, but I try my damnedest to have a positive state of mind especially when things are shitty.

I'd love to hear what Adami says, because he IS a therapist, I just play one on TV, but this is really important. I went through a dark time just before my divorce, and part of what helped me through is I literally "planned" for happy time.  Meaning, I would work until x pm, I would go and get dinner (sometimes) and I would plan on, say, 7 to 9 pm to be "happy".  And that could be going to a bar, that could be the dinner (why the "sometimes") or whatever made sense.    But it was a focused thing, and I would make sure the music was Genesis or Yes, and not Black Sabbath or Alice in Chains, and usually I would make sure I was in the company of people.  I was in Erie, PA, so I knew what bars had trivia or pool so there was a chance to be interactive.   

But studies have shown you CAN, to a degree, "program" your mood.   It doesn't always work, but it certainly is better than sitting home wallowing in your sorrow and wishing for what could be.

To *@JayOctavarium, I don't suggest playing with that girl's emotions, or leading her on or anything like that, but what could it hurt to go see a band and have some cute company?  You're not eloping.  Just have one rule (and I'm stealing this from Uncle George):  NO DISCUSSING RELATIONSHIPS YOU ARE CURRENTLY IN.   Talk about the weather, talk about her outfit, talk about the band, talk about how watered down the drinks are, talk about Beyonce's ass if that's what it takes.  But DO NOT bring your baggage out to the club.

[cramx3]

But studies have shown you CAN, to a degree, "program" your mood.   It doesn't always work, but it certainly is better than sitting home wallowing in your sorrow and wishing for what could be.

I didn't know this, but I believe it.  If you tell yourself something enough you will start to believe it.  If you keep telling yourself how miserable you are.... well you will be miserable.  Think of the good things... new job, cute girl interested in you, the ice cream for desert tonight will be delicious... whatever it is, just got to think positively.

[bout to crash]

Yeah, we definitely have a certain amount of control over our thoughts and emotions if we pay more attention to them. I'm a much more positive person than I used to be, generally. But at the same time, some things we just can't control. Also, nothing wrong with wallowing occasionally, as long as it doesn't carry on too long. Trying to be happy all the time is unrealistic... and kind of boring.

[cramx3]

Yeah, we definitely have a certain amount of control over our thoughts and emotions if we pay more attention to them. I'm a much more positive person than I used to be, generally. But at the same time, some things we just can't control. Also, nothing wrong with wallowing occasionally, as long as it doesn't carry on too long. Trying to be happy all the time is unrealistic... and kind of boring.

Totally, you got to take the ups with the downs.  You can't just ignore the bad times.  It's fine to be sad and to reflect about why you are sad and understand that, but you can't live your life in that state.  And you can't just bury your emotions.  It's all about finding a happy medium. 

[sylvan]

When I was clinically depressed, one of the things I would tell myself is, "It could be worse." SO MANY people have actual real terrible shit lives. Just because X and Y aren't lined up in my life doesn't mean it couldn't be WAY fucking worse!

And I don't want to minimize anyone's feelings. But, I think people should minimize their OWN feelings from time to time. You see so much hate and sorrow around you, and all of these people embrace the misery, and want you to participate with them. FUCK THAT! Sometimes you have to make an effort to be happy. Whether that's going out, listening to music, smoking a J. And remember that some people have it worse.

(I realize this doesn't apply to those people that "have it worse")

[cramx3]

And I don't want to minimize anyone's feelings. But, I think people should minimize their OWN feelings from time to time. You see so much hate and sorrow around you, and all of these people embrace the misery, and want you to participate with them. FUCK THAT! Sometimes you have to make an effort to be happy. Whether that's going out, listening to music, smoking a J. And remember that some people have it worse.

Fuck yea.  Misery loves company but I refuse to join that crowd, I'd rather be smoking a J at a concert 

[sylvan]

[sylvan]

So I mentioned the chick I went out with on Friday. I've been chatting with her, and just last night mentioned maybe doing something again at the end of the week. BUT, I've got building apprehensions. First, and cram will appreciate this, she lives almost an hour away. Not the worst thing in the world, but definitely worth considering, especially if she's ever late like she was. Second, she's a bit crazy for me, personality wise. She's certainly not boring, I'm just not sure I can handle all the talking, the hard to read texts, the ridiculous tangents and incomplete thoughts. It's kinda exhausting just texting with her. Not to mention, the majority of our date was me kinda spacing out and smiling and nodding as she talked about random shit that has nothing to do with anything. Don't get me wrong, I can appreciate her being herself, and it's not always fun for the first dates to be interviews. It just didn't seem like our conversation brought us any closer. And finally, she doesn't really have any friends. She's lived down here for a year and half. She's telling me how she doesn't do ANYTHING, cuz she doesn't have any friends to do stuff with. Echoing what we've been talking about, she's got a lot of personality and is pretty damn cool, she just doesn't make an effort to get out and meet people.

So those things have me apprehensive about moving forward at all, even just for fun. I don't want her to get too attached if it's not gonna go anywhere. And I can totally tell from her words that she's really into me. Pity is not a good reason to date somebody, even casually. Not that I really pity her, I'm just familiar with where she is in life and am aware of the damage that can be done if I choose to be selfish and only worry about myself. I'm considering slowly breaching the subject, by talking about distance concerns and not wanting something serious. Maybe she'll be down with only seeing each other on occasion for fun.

[cramx3]

Yea, I mean if you two have some sexual attraction and you lay down the expectations then that's cool I'd think... but everything in that first paragraph makes me want to run from her.

[Adami]

I'd love to hear what Adami says, because he IS a therapist, I just play one on TV, but this is really important.

If you'd really like to know, feel free to shoot me a PM. Saying it in this thread feels like trying to tell someone in a crowded loud bar why excessive alcohol might not be healthy.

[bout to crash]

Yea, I mean if you two have some sexual attraction and you lay down the expectations then that's cool I'd think... but everything in that first paragraph makes me want to run from her.

Yeah, she seems overwhelming! Maybe not long term potential but could be fun?

Sooo I finally gave in and texted Russian because it was bothering me. Last night I sent "Soo, you still interested or should I lose your number?"
Today he replied "I'm sorry, I've been freaking out over a looming deadline in August. I'm not sure we're the best match romantically, but I'm being a social hermit right now anyways. When does winter start??"

Huh, okay. After talking it out with Ginger I decided I would reply and ask why he thought that. I said I thought we had been having fun but was sorry the feeling wasn't mutual, and then some stupid thing about winter since he had brought it up. After not seeing him for ages it's not like I'm incredibly upset, but I WAS feeling a lot of chemistry when we were together so I'm a bit confused. I think there's about a 12% chance he will respond in the next week, but I feel better that I put it out there regardless. I'm frankly tired of keeping my mouth shut about everything so as not to rock the boat. Also tired of shitty shitty communication and that attitude of "maybe it will go away if you ignore it." Oh well, another one bites the dust.

[King Postwhore]

He seems to be an introvert Jackie and you are not that at all.  Time to move on.

[millahh]

He seems to be an introvert Jackie and you are not that at all.  Time to move on.

My wife an I have the introvert/extrovert thing going on, and neither of us are close to the middle of the spectrum.  But...friction creates sparks!

[King Postwhore]

Yes but they can't get the rocks together to start the sparks!