Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip

[bout to crash]

Totally agreed with the last few posts about love coming when you least expect it. Just because you're 40 and you think time will make it harder to find somebody (I don't necessarily think this is true, based on the love lives of my older friends, btw) doesn't mean aggressive pursuit of romance will work. Just be you and don't try so hard.

She then told me she's a virgin and not going to have sex until marriage.

Whooooooa. Run awayyy. That sucks, dude. The fact that she waited this long is kind of messed up, IMO. That should really be something that gets put on the table very early. Like, in her profile ... but she probably withholds that info and uses massive PDA to try and reel dudes in/keep them interested. Maybe that's a cynical/bitchy thing to say, but...

[cramx3]

Maybe, but she's been pretty honest since the get go about being "inexperienced" and while we've been chatting for a log time, we only hung out a few times and yesterday was the first where we were alone. I think the timing of saying that was fine and she even said that she needed to get that out so she didn't feel like she was hiding something.

It just sucks because she is sooo nice and sweet but I know she is not for me and I also don't want to lead her on now yet I love talking to her. She told me her parents got on her hard for coming to jersey for a guy she met online. I feel like her strict parents play a large role on swaying her and that's unfortunate.

[Adami]

Don't discount virgins. They make excellent blood sacrifices to Kthulu!

[bout to crash]

Fair point.

[Lynxo]

Even though the last girl I dated turned out to be quite dishonest, it seems the whole experience has opened up whole new opportunities for me. I went for a date with a really cute girl yesterday and I'm talking to two more girls online, one of which I'm probably gonna meet at the end of this week. Not sure what has changed but bring it on, I say!

[cramx3]

Even though the last girl I dated turned out to be quite dishonest, it seems the whole experience has opened up whole new opportunities for me. I went for a date with a really cute girl yesterday and I'm talking to two more girls online, one of which I'm probably gonna meet at the end of this week. Not sure what has changed but bring it on, I say!

Experience is what changed.  Maybe some confidence as well.  I had very little confidence when I started dating, being that I had no idea what I was doing.  Once I went on a few dates and started to learn how to make things work, I started getting more confident and landing even more dates.

I started having some serious chats with a new okc girl yesterday.  Technically I reached out to her a few months ago, was ignored, she changed her profile and I came across it again and went to send her a message (and realized I had previously messaged her to no response) but figured what the hell, send another one.  That was last week.  It lead to a conversation and not much more, but yesterday I shot her another message and it turned into a full blown TM convo all evening.  We have a ton in common and I think I am actually really interested in her now. 

Still need to find an appropriate way/time to end things with Tennessee and I feel really bad if I mention that it has to do with her strict religion, because I am also a religious person (just not that extreme) and I would feel terrible saying that.  Granted, I think there are a couple other reasons why things wouldn't seriously work with her, but I just need to think about this.  She has been nothing but nice and respectful and she deserves that same respect when I end things. 

[Chino]

We had a pretty awesome afternoon, went for a walk along the bay and ate some seafood outside there as well.  Then went to the local park for a walk along the pond and to see the farm animals and back to my house where we had a nice make out sesh.  She then told me she's a virgin and not going to have sex until marriage.  I don't know, I think that kind of kills it for me sadly.  A relationship shouldn't only be about sex solely, but I do find it important.  I certainly wouldn't rush her, she had told me she wanted to take time first which is fine but then she dropped the bombshell.

That really blows. Why is she waiting until marriage? Is she super religious, or has she just been brainwashed to believing virginity is some special thing that she's 'saving' for the right person?

[Stadler]

Yes, but based on this thread, it's been a year of pretty constant searching, lots of dating and so forth. I mean, do what you want man. I'm just saying that the stronger you need to be with someone, the less likely you are to actually be happy with anyone in the long term.

Probably not my place at all, but I think Adami is on to something.   I don't know that I'm able to articulate it any better than he did, but I think some of you - and no, Prog Snob, I'm not talking about you specifically - are approaching this like you approach a video game ("If I just do x, y, and z, I'll unlock the trophy!").  I think some of this is personal honesty, and what it is that you REALLY want. I get the sense from one or two of you that it's actually the constant search that is the real thrill (and I can relate to that).   I'm not sure the problem for everyone here is FINDING love, it's recognizing it when it's there and grasping it in a way that doesn't snap it's neck and kill it.   

[bout to crash]

, nicely said.

I invited Russian out on Friday for a friend's birthday thing plus movie, and apparently he's going to Tahoe AGAIN for a "six-day weekend." I haven't seen him in over two weeks and I guess it's gonna be at least another one now, if we even hang again. He's still responding and stuff, which is obviously a good sign, but all the momentum has been lost and it's just sort of meh right now. I'm debating putting my feelings out there.

[cramx3]

I get the sense from one or two of you that it's actually the constant search that is the real thrill (and I can relate to that).   I'm not sure the problem for everyone here is FINDING love, it's recognizing it when it's there and grasping it in a way that doesn't snap it's neck and kill it.   

Not sure you were talking about me with this, but definitely for sure there is a huge thrill of searching and meeting someone for the first time, getting to know them... and their bodies  .  It's definitely something that keeps me coming back  and maybe a large roadblock to ever settling down at this point.  I think about it a lot.  However, I haven't gotten anywhere close to finding love.  Given my experience with my ex, I also have little hope of actually finding it again as well.  Hence, the idea of rather just having fun and if it forms, it forms.  Otherwise just move on essentially.

That really blows. Why is she waiting until marriage? Is she super religious, or has she just been brainwashed to believing virginity is some special thing that she's 'saving' for the right person?

Super religious.  Her family are hardcore Christians from Tennessee.  I guess you could say she had been brainwashed if that's the way you want to put it.  She was pretty honest about those ideas being very strict and her family being a bit over the top with everything, yet she still felt strongly about her religion.  The weird part of all of that, is that she acted like she wanted to have sex.  She had been the one with all of the PDA, and when we were alone in my house, it was her who took her top off, who rubbed my junk, and got ontop of me.  And then it was her who stopped saying she wasnt going to go forward and didn't want to tease.  She'd probably make a great wife for someone though, very honest and caring.  Also, very cute too.

[Stadler]

Is she open to everything BUT the final countdown?  Meaning, thinking back to some of my exes, I would take "EVERYTHING but banging" to the generic, vanilla, no-frills banging I was getting, if that makes sense. 

[cramx3]

Is she open to everything BUT the final countdown?  Meaning, thinking back to some of my exes, I would take "EVERYTHING but banging" to the generic, vanilla, no-frills banging I was getting, if that makes sense.

Didn't really get into specifics, but it's kind of a deal breaker regardless so I'm not so sure I will find out.

[Chino]

Is she open to everything BUT the final countdown?  Meaning, thinking back to some of my exes, I would take "EVERYTHING but banging" to the generic, vanilla, no-frills banging I was getting, if that makes sense.

Didn't really get into specifics, but it's kind of a deal breaker regardless so I'm not so sure I will find out.

As long as everything else was still fair game, I think I'd take my chances and go for the relationship. 1) She might be really really good at blowjobs. 2) After a few weeks/months, she'd probably say 'the hell with it' and let you in.

Back in college I knew a 'virgin' who'd only do anal. I never understood it. It's like the vagina is this magical opening that must remain pure, but you can do whatever you want to the asshole and face... made zero sense to me.

[Stadler]

Is she open to everything BUT the final countdown?  Meaning, thinking back to some of my exes, I would take "EVERYTHING but banging" to the generic, vanilla, no-frills banging I was getting, if that makes sense.

Didn't really get into specifics, but it's kind of a deal breaker regardless so I'm not so sure I will find out.

As long as everything else was still fair game, I think I'd take my chances and go for the relationship. 1) She might be really really good at blowjobs. 2) After a few weeks/months, she'd probably say 'the hell with it' and let you in.

Back in college I knew a 'virgin' who'd only do anal. I never understood it. It's like the vagina is this magical opening that must remain pure, but you can do whatever you want to the asshole and face... made zero sense to me.

I've heard of that too.  That to me just smacks of deeper issue, since it's clearly not a "purity" thing.   With that kind of build up and reverence, it better be the make of gold and lined with velvet. 

But in all seriousness, for the right relationship I too would have no problem engaging in all else in the meantime.   I think I've noted my partiality to the hand job here before.   

[Prog Snob]

Yes, but based on this thread, it's been a year of pretty constant searching, lots of dating and so forth. I mean, do what you want man. I'm just saying that the stronger you need to be with someone, the less likely you are to actually be happy with anyone in the long term.

Probably not my place at all, but I think Adami is on to something.   I don't know that I'm able to articulate it any better than he did, but I think some of you - and no, Prog Snob, I'm not talking about you specifically - are approaching this like you approach a video game ("If I just do x, y, and z, I'll unlock the trophy!").  I think some of this is personal honesty, and what it is that you REALLY want. I get the sense from one or two of you that it's actually the constant search that is the real thrill (and I can relate to that).   I'm not sure the problem for everyone here is FINDING love, it's recognizing it when it's there and grasping it in a way that doesn't snap it's neck and kill it.   

While you said it wasn't aimed at me specifically, I can then unequivocally deny that any of what you said relates to me.

[orcus116]

Is she open to everything BUT the final countdown?  Meaning, thinking back to some of my exes, I would take "EVERYTHING but banging" to the generic, vanilla, no-frills banging I was getting, if that makes sense.

Didn't really get into specifics, but it's kind of a deal breaker regardless so I'm not so sure I will find out.

As long as everything else was still fair game, I think I'd take my chances and go for the relationship. 1) She might be really really good at blowjobs. 2) After a few weeks/months, she'd probably say 'the hell with it' and let you in.

Back in college I knew a 'virgin' who'd only do anal. I never understood it. It's like the vagina is this magical opening that must remain pure, but you can do whatever you want to the asshole and face... made zero sense to me.

Not exactly the same but I had a friend in college who cheated on her boyfriend on vacation but claimed she didn't because "We just had anal sex. That's not really cheating."

[millahh]

Just commenting to say that I'm rooting for all of you.   

Also...the line between "strict religious upbringing" and "child abuse survivor" is unfortunately blurry.  Either way, there tends to be a lot of therapy involved.  I'm not saying that anyone should stay away, but be honest with yourself in your assessment of the situation, what you're signing up for, and why you're doing it.

[MetalJunkie]

I think a girl at my new job likes me? I'm not sure. Very attractive Mexican girl, just thought I'd point that out. Not that either of those, being Mexican or being attractive, are relevant.

I work a sales position where there's a lot of downtime in the store if there aren't any customers. We contract our cleaning and there are other positions that stock merchandise, so we just chit-chat if it's a slow day. Anyway, [Girl] and I have had a lot of time to talk at the store and, as it turns out, we have a lot in common. We've been getting to know each other a lot better and talking more and more.

This is where it gets a bit sketchy for me. She has a very playful, almost flirtatious, personality type, but it feels like moreso with me than with others. I've made this mistake in the past, so I'm trying not to jump to conclusions or to infer too much. When we're waiting for customers, we generally line up along the wall so whoever's first in line can open the door for the next customer, then we all move up, so on and so forth. When she's in line next to me, she'll come up and lean on me, or she'll stand right beside me and lean her bodyweight on to me in the form of a kind of "push," expecting me to just prop her up or push her back in sort of a rocking motion or what have you. Or sometimes she'll walk past me and give me a small shove. Just little things like that. Earlier today, she doodled my name on my arm with a pen.

I walked into the back and one of the other guys said "So Im thinkin' that [Girl] kinda has a thing for you."
"Yeah, I... Maybe. She's kinda playful with everyone like that, though."
"True, and you're right, but it seems like lately it's more you than anyone else."
Me: shrug

I'm not gonna take too much from it just yet. I'll wait and see how things go.

Oh, almost forgot. A few days ago, she told me in private that she is breaking up with the guy she's been seeing because basically they don't have compatible lifestyles. She wants someone more responsible and closer to her age. Some of the other guys in the store are interested in her, but she made a point to tell me where they wouldn't hear. She didn't want to talk about it in front of any of them.

Update on this. I think. I don't know. Kind of a long read

We've started to develop really good chemistry in the store. We were leaving work the other night and she said we needed to hang out or do a board game night or something. I agreed, and asked her to go the movies with me and another of my co-workers, Jason, who had planned on going in a few days with me. I forgot it was Game of Thrones night, so I had to postpone the movie plan with Jason, but he suggested we do a game night at his house. I told him it sounded good and asked when. The girl, we'll call her Sofia, got excited and said "Tonight!" Well, shit. Okay. I live about a mile from her, so she said she had to go feed her dogs and such, then asked if she could ride with me to Jason's.

So I picked her up and she told me that she "kind of felt bad" because she was supposed to go to some show that the guy she's "kind of dating" was playing at. Or something. Anyway, we got to Jason's house and he introduced us to his wife and we started to have a pretty fun night. We ordered pizza, had just a couple drinks (nothing too crazy) and played Taboo. I should backtrack a bit here, because about three days prior to this night Sofia wore a ponytail to work and I told Jason how ponytails are basically my kryptonite... Anyway, back to Taboo. For those of you unfamiliar with it, you get a word that you have to make your teammate guess by making up clues while avoiding certain other words on that card. My word was "ponytail." My clue to Jason was "I told you a few days ago this is my favorite hairstyle." He guessed it and Sofia looked at me and just said "Really?!"
"Yeah."
"Ponytails?"
"Yeah. Well, not on me. On girls."
This becomes important in a minute, so we'll come back to it. In the meantime, before I left, I got a text from Jason. It was a screenshot of a conversation between him and his wife.

Jason: So lady's opinion, is she into him?
Wife: Yes.

So we played for quite a while, went home, etc. etc. I texted Jason after I left.

Me: Who was that to? Wifey?
Jason: Yes.
Me: A sure-fire way to tell will be if she starts wearing more ponytails.
Me: I did that on purpose.
Jason: You clever fucking bastard.

Sofia was off work the following day, but came back the day after that. Wearing a ponytail.

Later that day she mentioned to me in passing that she thought I was off that day. I'm not so sure I believe her. Maybe I just don't want to. /shrug
All I can do is wait things out, really.

[TioJorge]

  That's awesome. Good luck. Also good on you for the "waiting things out". Guys seem to go all fuckin' Tazmanian Devil over the slightest indication of interest. Playing it cool is always the way to go.

 

[cramx3]

All I can do is wait things out, really.

Sounds like you can take the bull by the horns... eh I mean the girl by the ponytail if you wanted.  Other than working together and the potential disaster this can create, I think you should just make a move.

[MetalJunkie]

All I can do is wait things out, really.

Sounds like you can take the bull by the horns... eh I mean the girl by the ponytail if you wanted.  Other than working together and the potential disaster this can create, I think you should just make a move.

That's the thing. We have a good thing going. Our "relationship" has progressed nicely. I don't want to jeopardize it or make things awkward, which is why I'm trying to balance not making a move with subtly showing interest. It's a fine line I'm walking, and it sucks. 

[bout to crash]

I really think she likes you, but apparently is marginally involved with somebody else. But I say go for it. I'm seeing mostly green lights...

Guys, I forgot to tell you about my hilarious Saturday night/Sunday morning! I was out at the goth club with some friends, and after a few drinks I needed a smoke. I went out to the patio area and saw this cute nerdy guy by himself in a Millennium Falcon shirt, so I approached him. He bummed me a smoke and we got to talking. After the bar closed, I ended up parting ways with my lame friends and meeting him and his friends for late-night food, then he joined me to go get my keys at my friend's apartment (this was around 3-4am). Except this turned into a long hangout with my friend Ken, who already has no speech filter and had been drinking. Turns out this guy is a DT fan, so the three of us end up rocking out to SFAM. And at some point the two of us were out on the balcony alone and we kissed, and that was nice.

So, this is where Ken's lack of filter comes in
Every time Ken would leave the room, or we would go out for a smoke, when we were back in the same room together he would turn to this dude and say "So... did you eat her pussy yet??"
THEN he started asking the guy questions about his dick- how big is it, is it circumcised, etc. I was laughing but also like "Ken, STFU!" because the guy was obviously a bit more reserved than us and not thrilled to be asked dick questions by somebody who was basically a stranger. But he took it like a champ.
So we hung out til almost 7am, and when we parted ways the guy gave me an awkward little peck and left. I assumd at that point I'd never see him again but the next day I texted thanking him for a good night and saying I hoped Ken didn't scare him off. About a day later he actually texted back and we exchanged a few messages. He said he wants to hang out again but we haven't talked much, so who the fuck knows? But at the very least, it was a highly entertaining night

[cramx3]

That sounds like a lot of fun!  Nerds! 

[Stadler]

So, uh, ... how big WAS it?  WAS it circumcised? 



(Hahaha, I'm kidding, I really have no need or desire to know.)

[bout to crash]

I never saw it!
In my first text I said I hoped Ken didn't freak him out too much, and he said there was only one thing that weirded him out but everything else was fine. I'm dying to know which of those things was the straw that broke the camel's back. I'll have to ask him if we end up hanging again. But yeah, super fun to drunkenly belt out an entire DT album with two other fans

[cramx3]

Finally manned up and ending things with Tennessee this morning.  Basically since hanging out last Saturday and realizing this was not what I was really looking for, I kind of backed off from talking as much last week and she kept pushing to schedule a time to hang out and I said for tonight, but I really kept thinking all weekend that I thought it was a bad idea to continue knowing the way I feel.  I brought up the idea that maybe this wasn't for me both Saturday and Sunday nights and she kept just saying we will talk in person... but I woke up today knowing I really did not want to do the whole effort of meeting up after work (although she said she would take the train out to Jersey to make things easier for me) just to end things.  I feel so bad because I know she is a good person.  It went as well as an ending can go.  I'll miss chatting with her.

But I had also been seeing 23yo as well and over the last couple weeks it seemed more and more likely that I was more into 23yo as well so that was definitely another reason to just end things with Tennessee.  23yo and I went to the local fireworks last night and as usual, I just enjoy her company.  She may be coming with me to see Sublime with Rome this friday which would be awesome.

[sylvan]

I haven't done much since ending things with DT Girl a few weeks ago. In fact, I was getting a little frustrated cuz I was getting some of those classics, like mutual likes that start conversing and then disappear. Whatever .

I've been chatting with this woman for like a week. I was reminded of some of you guys, cuz she is awful at texting communication. She's there, she's just so bad at texting  . She knows and admits it, but Damn!, it's bad! But, I could also tell from texting that she is a little crazy. She's kinda frantic and all over the place. It had me kinda concerned, cuz I'm very chill, and I'm not sure I can handle, or want to handle, someome that's a handful. But, she got a cool personality and I'm digging that. So I have to drive 40 mins to where we're meeting. She was basically an hour late. Shitty! But I didn't dwell on it. We got drinks and walked around to some different bars and music. Sooo... she talks... a lot! I'm not sure if she was nervous, or if she's like that all the time. She's sweet, but there were points where I just wanted her to stop talking lol. I was parked closer, so I gave her a ride to her car. We smoked a little on the way, which was nice bonding  . I walked her to her car and said good-bye, gave her a hug. As I turned away, I had this feeling from her look. She went to get in her car and turns and says, "Hey, you wanna kiss?" Haha, sure! So we went over and hungout in the park and made out for a while. Admittedly, there were times where I was kissing her to get her to shut up lol. By far the furthest I've gone on a first date, and it honestly could have gone further. So, after everything last night, I have some mixed feelings .

[cramx3]

   funny how things end up.  I couldn't take the hour late on a first date part.  I'm a pretty timely person, all of that odd lead up would have turned me off completely, but you stuck through and at least had some fun.  I guess just enjoy what she offers and see where it goes.

Went to the Sublime with Rome concert last night with my one friend and we met up with 23yo and her friends.  Kind of funny and odd cause she was with may 10 people (all 23) and then it was me and my other 31 year old friend.  He was so miserable too that he was kind of a drag, but 23yo was a lot of fun to be around. 

[bout to crash]

Aw, that's good. I don't even know what Rome is, aside from the city.

Dan, I don't think I would have been as understanding wth all that lateness and stuff either, but glad it ended well!

Things are going well with Ginger and the hubby. I'm going down to the Springs to see Knuckles and that crew tonight, should be fun.

I think the Russian and I are probably done, and I am debating whether I should try to confirm that with him. I haven't heard from him in almost two weeks. Part of that was him going away, but he's gotta be back by now. Part of me thinks it's not worth it, but part thinks we had established too much of a "thing" to just leave it alone. Not that it was serious,  obviously,  but still. Meh.

[JayOctavarium]

Aw, that's good. I don't even know what Rome is, aside from the city.

Dan, I don't think I would have been as understanding wth all that lateness and stuff either, but glad it ended well!

Things are going well with Ginger and the hubby. I'm going down to the Springs to see Knuckles and that crew tonight, should be fun.

I think the Russian and I are probably done, and I am debating whether I should try to confirm that with him. I haven't heard from him in almost two weeks. Part of that was him going away, but he's gotta be back by now. Part of me thinks it's not worth it, but part thinks we had established too much of a "thing" to just leave it alone. Not that it was serious,  obviously,  but still. Meh.

Rome is the dude who is fronting Sublime now

[cramx3]

Aw, that's good. I don't even know what Rome is, aside from the city.

Dan, I don't think I would have been as understanding wth all that lateness and stuff either, but glad it ended well!

Things are going well with Ginger and the hubby. I'm going down to the Springs to see Knuckles and that crew tonight, should be fun.

I think the Russian and I are probably done, and I am debating whether I should try to confirm that with him. I haven't heard from him in almost two weeks. Part of that was him going away, but he's gotta be back by now. Part of me thinks it's not worth it, but part thinks we had established too much of a "thing" to just leave it alone. Not that it was serious,  obviously,  but still. Meh.

Rome is the dude who is fronting Sublime now

Yup, I believe Brad's family sued them when they came back with Rome and just called themselvs Sublime so now the band name is "Sublime with Rome" which is odd.  Saw them at the same venue last summer and had fun so why not again and it was free (from a previous live nation class action suite.... this one actually had awesome concert options). 

Also, Jackie, you've been saying for a long time about how Russian doesn't talk and how you should just move on.  I guess you can leave it open and maybe if he reaches out then whatever, but mentally I'd say to just forget about him.

[JayOctavarium]

I wish I wasn't the nervous wreck that I am and was able to meet people. Even if it was just for fun. Not even a relationship. Idk. I'm so bad with people.

[cramx3]

I wish I wasn't the nervous wreck that I am and was able to meet people. Even if it was just for fun. Not even a relationship. Idk. I'm so bad with people.

First step to overcome this is to stop thinking this way.  Confidence is what you need.  I very much doubt you are as bad with people as you think you are.  Believe in yourself and put yourself out there.

[Prog Snob]

The key to meeting someone new is to truly put yourself out there and let people know everything awesome about you, and of course dressing appropriately.

[orcus116]

That shirt works especially well for job interviews, I've found.