Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip

[bout to crash]

Eh, I hear that but don't feel bad about timing. No such thing as good timing for that sort of thing. It happens when it happens.

So did she not respond to any of the specific stuff you said? That would peeve me a bit.

[cramx3]

Eh, I hear that but don't feel bad about timing. No such thing as good timing for that sort of thing. It happens when it happens.

So did she not respond to any of the specific stuff you said? That would peeve me a bit.

She just said she was sorry and felt really bad and that she still wants to work it out, but she understands now why I am backing off a bit.  She also mentioned that we never really talked about our future or what we were looking for, which is true so maybe because we didnt get there that this is why it came up.  Honestly, after today and going most of the weekend without talking, I think I am fine to just move on.  She is great to talk to, but I'm not feeling like I want to hang out with her this week.  She mentioned we should continue the talk in person, which I understand but I also think that may never happen now.  I definitely feel like I am being a bit harsh here.  I think she likes me way more than I like her.  She actually said all the right things after I said what I needed too, but I just don't feel that desire to make a trip to the city to work this out.  Like she asked, "is it worth it?" and sadly I am thinking more and more that the answer is "no".  She would make a great friend though because she really is a cool person.

[Adami]

So I'm posting in this thread. Hmm.


I broke up with my girlfriend of a year and a half back in late January. I really loved her, but we were in two different places and it just wasn't going to work. Luckily we ended things on very friendly terms.

Fast forward to now, I have an OKC account but stopped messaging girls after an experiment I did showed me just how horribly creepy men could be. So I had a cute Jewish girl message me, and we were e-mailing back and forth for about a week while she visited her folks in Toronto. We talked on the phone for the first time tonight. Got along really well, she's a very nice and cool girl. A lot of similar personality stuff in that short hour. We're trying to find a way to meet up, but she lives about an hour away and only I drive. However, she's also a conservative Jew. So no electricity Friday nights till Saturday night etc. Being Agnostic (and Jewish) and not in the slightest bit religious, I wonder if we could still find ways to connect on that level.

However, on April 16th I might end up marrying the girl (possibly guy) of my dreams in Vegas, so we'll see!

[bout to crash]

 

[JayOctavarium]

However, on April 16th I might end up marrying the girl (possibly guy) of my dreams in Vegas, so we'll see!

It took me way too long to realize you were referring to Jackie

[Adami]

However, on April 16th I might end up marrying the girl (possibly guy) of my dreams in Vegas, so we'll see!

It took me way too long to realize you were referring to Jackie

Me too.

[Sacul]

I might be falling in love with someone 400 km away who I've only met once, and it's 4 years younger than me but with who I (we) connect a lot. Trying my best not to lose my head.

I guess I should have better posted this here...

Now looks like the feeling is mutual... Man, this is driving me crazy.

[Prog Snob]

So I'm posting in this thread. Hmm.


I broke up with my girlfriend of a year and a half back in late January. I really loved her, but we were in two different places and it just wasn't going to work. Luckily we ended things on very friendly terms.

Fast forward to now, I have an OKC account but stopped messaging girls after an experiment I did showed me just how horribly creepy men could be. So I had a cute Jewish girl message me, and we were e-mailing back and forth for about a week while she visited her folks in Toronto. We talked on the phone for the first time tonight. Got along really well, she's a very nice and cool girl. A lot of similar personality stuff in that short hour. We're trying to find a way to meet up, but she lives about an hour away and only I drive. However, she's also a conservative Jew. So no electricity Friday nights till Saturday night etc. Being Agnostic (and Jewish) and not in the slightest bit religious, I wonder if we could still find ways to connect on that level.

However, on April 16th I might end up marrying the girl (possibly guy) of my dreams in Vegas, so we'll see!

Did you create an account as a woman?

[cramx3]

So I'm posting in this thread. Hmm.


I broke up with my girlfriend of a year and a half back in late January. I really loved her, but we were in two different places and it just wasn't going to work. Luckily we ended things on very friendly terms.

Fast forward to now, I have an OKC account but stopped messaging girls after an experiment I did showed me just how horribly creepy men could be. So I had a cute Jewish girl message me, and we were e-mailing back and forth for about a week while she visited her folks in Toronto. We talked on the phone for the first time tonight. Got along really well, she's a very nice and cool girl. A lot of similar personality stuff in that short hour. We're trying to find a way to meet up, but she lives about an hour away and only I drive. However, she's also a conservative Jew. So no electricity Friday nights till Saturday night etc. Being Agnostic (and Jewish) and not in the slightest bit religious, I wonder if we could still find ways to connect on that level.

However, on April 16th I might end up marrying the girl (possibly guy) of my dreams in Vegas, so we'll see!

Did you create an account as a woman?

I was wondering the same thing 

I might be falling in love with someone 400 km away who I've only met once, and it's 4 years younger than me but with who I (we) connect a lot. Trying my best not to lose my head.

I guess I should have better posted this here...

Now looks like the feeling is mutual... Man, this is driving me crazy.

The age doesn't matter much, but that distance is killer.  I am struggling with 45 miles.

[Prog Snob]

I've done it before.  It wasn't for anything creepy. I was just curious about it from a psychological standpoint. Men really are pieces of shit. Some of the things that were said were horrible. Though, it didn't help me much, because if those are the types of men I am competing with, I shouldn't have a problem finding someone. The experiment backfired.

[cramx3]

I've done it before.  It wasn't for anything creepy. I was just curious about it from a psychological standpoint. Men really are pieces of shit. Some of the things that were said were horrible. Though, it didn't help me much, because if those are the types of men I am competing with, I shouldn't have a problem finding someone. The experiment backfired.

Yea, I didn't need to go that far to confirm that.  I usually ask girls I meet (often on the first date) as to what their experience is like online dating and then you get all the "good" stories.  It's crazy and I don't know how the females put up with it.

[sylvan]

Just read a few pages of the OKCreepster tumblr. It will save you the time of starting a fake profile and still get you all the classic disgust that guys have to offer .

I like to ask women about the experience with it all too. On one hand, I'm genuinely curious about what it's like for them specifically, and on the other hand, it kinda highlights the fact that our thing is different. But yeah, absolutely crazy what some people will say.

[Chino]

As my first date with Victoria was winding down, we compared Tinder matches. I had something like 65 and she stopped counting at 300. She showed me a lot of the messages dudes sent her... unreal. It's more sad than it is disgusting.

[Adami]

So I'm posting in this thread. Hmm.


I broke up with my girlfriend of a year and a half back in late January. I really loved her, but we were in two different places and it just wasn't going to work. Luckily we ended things on very friendly terms.

Fast forward to now, I have an OKC account but stopped messaging girls after an experiment I did showed me just how horribly creepy men could be. So I had a cute Jewish girl message me, and we were e-mailing back and forth for about a week while she visited her folks in Toronto. We talked on the phone for the first time tonight. Got along really well, she's a very nice and cool girl. A lot of similar personality stuff in that short hour. We're trying to find a way to meet up, but she lives about an hour away and only I drive. However, she's also a conservative Jew. So no electricity Friday nights till Saturday night etc. Being Agnostic (and Jewish) and not in the slightest bit religious, I wonder if we could still find ways to connect on that level.

However, on April 16th I might end up marrying the girl (possibly guy) of my dreams in Vegas, so we'll see!

Did you create an account as a woman?

No, but I put up a very innocent craigslist ad as a woman as an experiment. Within a 2 hour window I received almost 200 replies before my ad was taken down. Some of them were fine, but most were about weird sex propositions, including a guy who said he wants to bang me the way he used to bang his daughter.

Then I put up an equally innocent ad as a guy in the male for female department. Got 3 normal nice responses from girls, and like 5 responses from guys offering me money to go down on me.

I lost all respect for men.

[cramx3]

While your experiment shows some truth to the online dating world, is craigslist a way to really try to meet a potential date?  I always thought that was more for prostitution. 

[Adami]

While your experiment shows some truth to the online dating world, is craigslist a way to really try to meet a potential date?  I always thought that was more for prostitution.

For sure, but I made sure to post the ad in the non-prostitution part. I also just didn't feel like making a fake account on a dating site. However, when I spoke to female friends about their experiences on OKC or Tinder, the results were extremely similar.

[Stadler]

I'm not sure the medium matters, the point is larger than "is Craig's list good for hitting up a hooker?".   People hide behind the notion of anonymity.   I've heard all KINDS of stories, and in no small way, part of why my now wife and I hit it off so well was because I DIDN'T send her a picture of my cock with my intro email (I'm only half-kidding).   And even in the months after we first met up and started to get to know each other, one of the things that really impacted her positively was that I didn't say ANYTHING to her in texts and emails that I wouldn't say to her in person to her face.   It's a matter of integrity, I think. 

I'm sorry to over-think this - but it's what I do - but it's just indicative of something that has already come up here a couple times:   you have to balance what YOU feel with what THEY feel.  One thing that I think most people forget (and it gets easier to forget when you're online) is that because YOU think one way, doesn't mean that others think the same way.   

[cramx3]

Well, it's all the same medium (online dating) but different venues.  Craigslist is quite different than match.  Since you have to pay for match I wonder if you are less likely to get a ridiculous first message since paying upfront implies some sort of seriousness.

[Sacul]

I might be falling in love with someone 400 km away who I've only met once, and it's 4 years younger than me but with who I (we) connect a lot. Trying my best not to lose my head.

I guess I should have better posted this here...

Now looks like the feeling is mutual... Man, this is driving me crazy.

The age doesn't matter much, but that distance is killer.  I am struggling with 45 miles.

Distance is definitely something that frustrates us both...

I've also found myself not focusing on stuff, my mind going back through some of our conversations, or thinking what to do about this... I guess there's a first time for everything...

[cramx3]

So I officially ended things with TinderSuccess last night (I will still refer to her by that name because I still managed to meet a nice girl on Tinder).  I have been thinking about it a lot and was honestly a little on the edge about making it official, but my gut was telling me to do so.  Even though it was only a week ago that I left my toothbrush at her place and I thought things were going well, but it really hit me over the weekend when she kept pushing to make plans and practically wasn't taking no for an answer.  Well, after sending her a really nice message explaining why I was ending it  (distance and her "aggressiveness" to always want to hang out) and her response just made me feel like I made the right choice.  She turned into someone completely different.  Tried to get into an argument with me about how I was the aggressive one (WHAT?!) and then saying how she didn't even want to be my friend  (blocked me on facebook right away).  I get it that she was clearly upset and probably just reacting harshly, but I turned around from being unsure to actually having a slight smile on my face knowing I just dodged that one.  After her nastiness and me just no longer responding she sent a little nicer one just saying that she thought things would work out and that she was actually planning to move to Hoboken to be closer (and I am the aggressive one?!  The fact she considered moving is ridiculous!).  She also called it for what it really was deep down inside, she liked me more than I liked her.  I think that is exactly what happened.  I wanted to take things slow and hang out once maybe twice a week, she wanted to hang out during the week and all weekend and move closer.  I feel bad, but I feel relieved that my gut was right here.  I definitely would have liked to stay friendly with her, but oh well, I'm not going to lose sleep over that.

[Chino]

Can I have her toothbrush?

[cramx3]

Can I have her toothbrush?

 

If you really want it, I should have thrown it out, but I have not yet.

[Chino]

Can I have her toothbrush?

 

If you really want it, I should have thrown it out, but I have not yet.

You should take it on adventures and send her pics. That won't be creepy or anything.

[cramx3]

Should have brought it with me to the Iron Maiden concert tonight and then to Colorado next week.... no not weird at all.

[sylvan]

Holy shit that's a great idea. Start a Twitter account basically explaining how her toothbrush became your new buddy and post pics and updates about your adventures together. Give it a name and talk about like it's a real person. And then post links on your Facebook so her and all her friends will see and follow. Don't make it seem malicious, more like documenting a new pure friendship .

[cramx3]

Holy shit that's a great idea. Start a Twitter account basically explaining how her toothbrush became your new buddy and post pics and updates about your adventures together. Give it a name and talk about like it's a real person. And then post links on your Facebook so her and all her friends will see and follow. Don't make it seem malicious, more like documenting a new pure friendship .

She blocked me on facebook and instagram so she will never know what happened to her tooth brush.

[Chino]

Holy shit that's a great idea. Start a Twitter account basically explaining how her toothbrush became your new buddy and post pics and updates about your adventures together. Give it a name and talk about like it's a real person. And then post links on your Facebook so her and all her friends will see and follow. Don't make it seem malicious, more like documenting a new pure friendship .

She blocked me on facebook and instagram so she will never know what happened to her tooth brush.

She blocked YOUR Facebook and Instagram, not the accounts you're about to create for her hygiene products. I've gotten over 100 followers for a Hot Wheels Mars Rover on Instagram (@pocket_curiosty) with virtually no effort of any kind.

[sylvan]

Exactly. People will flock to your exploits if you put it out there. It's the internet. An ongoing Twitter documentary about the adventures of you and your new buddy will be right at home.

[Stadler]

Holy shit that's a great idea. Start a Twitter account basically explaining how her toothbrush became your new buddy and post pics and updates about your adventures together. Give it a name and talk about like it's a real person. And then post links on your Facebook so her and all her friends will see and follow. Don't make it seem malicious, more like documenting a new pure friendship .

She blocked me on facebook and instagram so she will never know what happened to her tooth brush.

That would be hilarious; selfies with you, the toothbrush and Mike Portnoy.    Selfies with you holding the toothbrush over your head at an Anthrax concert.   One of those selfies with you, the toothbrush, and a T-shirt (you know those, where the idea is "whatever it is on the t-shirt made it to [insert obscure place]"?). 

I make me laugh.

[cramx3]

As funny as this idea is, I will not be doing any of it.  I may just get the fire pit going on Friday night and toss it in.  For fun since I've never done that before with any of my ex's stuff...

[Prog Snob]

So I messaged this woman yesterday morning. She responded rather quickly, answering one of the questions I asked her. However, she also said that she would love to talk but we have someone in common and it would be too awkward for her. She wished me luck with my search and I figured I'd just drop it. My curiosity was awoken though, so I asked her who the person is that we have in common. It turns out she's friends with my ex-wife. A few ploying questions later and now we've been talking back and forth on OKCupid since yesterday. She's my age, so that's a first.    She works in the system from which my daughter is currently getting assistance. She is mature and intelligent and really curious about truth and spirituality, so I'm intrigued, and apparently so is she. I'm not going to push the issue because she might be talking to me as a friend with no intentions of meeting, but I feel like she would have just stopped talking to me yesterday to avoid any awkwardness with her friend. I'm going to play this very carefully and not make any capricious decisions.

[cramx3]

Yea, that is odd if she stopped because of the awkwardness but then continued.  Do you also think it's awkward she is friends with your ex-wife? Would that prevent you from pursuing her further?

[Adami]

So I messaged this woman yesterday morning. She responded rather quickly, answering one of the questions I asked her. However, she also said that she would love to talk but we have someone in common and it would be too awkward for her. She wished me luck with my search and I figured I'd just drop it. My curiosity was awoken though, so I asked her who the person is that we have in common. It turns out she's friends with my ex-wife. A few ploying questions later and now we've been talking back and forth on OKCupid since yesterday. She's my age, so that's a first.    She works in the system from which my daughter is currently getting assistance. She is mature and intelligent and really curious about truth and spirituality, so I'm intrigued, and apparently so is she. I'm not going to push the issue because she might be talking to me as a friend with no intentions of meeting, but I feel like she would have just stopped talking to me yesterday to avoid any awkwardness with her friend. I'm going to play this very carefully and not make any capricious decisions.

Just curious, and I'm sorry to be blunt, but as someone who has expressed that you have made some poor decisions in this field, do you not see any troubling signs here?

[Prog Snob]

Yea, that is odd if she stopped because of the awkwardness but then continued.  Do you also think it's awkward she is friends with your ex-wife? Would that prevent you from pursuing her further?

It wouldn't be awkward for me. I am going to ask her what changed her mind. Maybe she messaged Nicole about it. I know they're friends on Facebook.

So I messaged this woman yesterday morning. She responded rather quickly, answering one of the questions I asked her. However, she also said that she would love to talk but we have someone in common and it would be too awkward for her. She wished me luck with my search and I figured I'd just drop it. My curiosity was awoken though, so I asked her who the person is that we have in common. It turns out she's friends with my ex-wife. A few ploying questions later and now we've been talking back and forth on OKCupid since yesterday. She's my age, so that's a first.    She works in the system from which my daughter is currently getting assistance. She is mature and intelligent and really curious about truth and spirituality, so I'm intrigued, and apparently so is she. I'm not going to push the issue because she might be talking to me as a friend with no intentions of meeting, but I feel like she would have just stopped talking to me yesterday to avoid any awkwardness with her friend. I'm going to play this very carefully and not make any capricious decisions.

Just curious, and I'm sorry to be blunt, but as someone who has expressed that you have made some poor decisions in this field, do you not see any troubling signs here?

The only thing that might cause friction is the mutual friend. My poor decisions were not made because I was unaware of them. My gut told me not to make those decisions but I did anyway for my own reasons. Right now, my gut is telling me to take it slow and see what comes of it. What do you think though?

[bout to crash]

As funny as this idea is, I will not be doing any of it.  I may just get the fire pit going on Friday night and toss it in.  For fun since I've never done that before with any of my ex's stuff...

Bring the toothbrush to Colorado. I'll.... take care of it.

Also, you definitely made the right move based on her reaction. And move to Hoboken, really?!? That's crazy on its own.

I've heard nothing from Vermont since Sunday. He said maybe we could hang this week, I told him to let me know his availability, and he never did. I've pretty much given up at this point. I don't have the time or energy to chase after anybody. I don't think that what he's aiming for, I think he's hella busy. But I don't care how fucking busy you are, you can return a damn text! I'm debating sending him a message asking if I should leave him alone. I don't expect to be a high priority in his life, he's certainly not for me, but its obvious that I'm more willing (or able) to make room for him in my schedule etc. I'm not hugely invested in him, but I'm feeling confused because I thought we had a good thing. *shrug*