Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip

[Prog Snob]

Can Stadler and I come as third and fourth wheels? It shouldn't be hard to explain to your lady friend.... "Yeah, uh, these are two dudes I also met on the internet. Is it okay if they come eat pizza with us?"

Oooh pizza. Count me in. 

[Stadler]

Can Stadler and I come as third and fourth wheels? It shouldn't be hard to explain to your lady friend.... "Yeah, uh, these are two dudes I also met on the internet. Is it okay if they come eat pizza with us?"

Hahaha, I'm in on that.   

[bout to crash]

, that would be amazing if you guys just stood/sat awkwardly close to them the whole time.

Guys, Adami is on a date RIGHT NOW. Do you think there has been penetration yet?

[cramx3]

 

[Prog Snob]

Wow, my first semi-success with Tinder. She actually asked me if I wanted to go out this weekend, but I have my daughter so I told her Sunday night.

[bout to crash]

Wooo!

I have a date tomorrow with the guy who I had the unexpectedly good date with but started to question the good vibes (let's call him Vermont). I warned him that it would likely be PG-rated because I have this gross cold sore and was bleeding  (not so much anymore) and he still wanted to hang out, so I guess that's a good sign .... we are supposed to get dinner and wine and watch a movie (possibly Secretary ) at my place.

[Prog Snob]

And a second Tinder response. Hmmm, what the fuck is going on here.

I saw Secretary a few years ago. Good movie. Maggie Gyllenhaal is cute, so it's much more intriguing seeing her in the movie as opposed to, say, someone like Madonna who practically wears that lifestyle on her sleeve.

[Adami]

, that would be amazing if you guys just stood/sat awkwardly close to them the whole time.

Guys, Adami is on a date RIGHT NOW. Do you think there has been penetration yet?

Spiritual penetration.

[King Postwhore]

The best way to get to the physical. ...

[Prog Snob]

No means yes...?

[King Postwhore]

Now we know your secret to punanni John.

[Prog Snob]

My secret is that there is no secret.   

[Stadler]

, that would be amazing if you guys just stood/sat awkwardly close to them the whole time.

And not say a word.   

Or better yet, Chino can be Waldorf to my Statler (yes, that's where the name comes from, I just spelled it wrong) and we can comment on the date while it's happening. 

No offense, Cram, because I want you to have the best date ever and meet your soulmate, but I would enjoy the crap out of that like no one's business. 

[Stadler]

I saw Secretary a few years ago. Good movie. Maggie Gyllenhaal is cute, so it's much more intriguing seeing her in the movie as opposed to, say, someone like Madonna who practically wears that lifestyle on her sleeve.

I haven't seen the movie, but I know what it's about... hope I don't offend anyone here but I think that is SOOOO sexy when the image and the reality don't exactly jibe in that way.  When there's more under the hood, so to speak.   Nothing hotter than a cute girl-next-door, plain-Jane, librarian, and yet... Olympic-level GGG.   And it's exceptionally frustrating the other way - you meet a girl with red hair, shaved on the side, a chain connecting her nose ring to her ear ring, a full sleeve of tattoos... and only into missionary sex in bed with the lights off.  Wha??

[cramx3]

No offense, Cram, because I want you to have the best date ever and meet your soulmate, but I would enjoy the crap out of that like no one's business.

No offense taken 

Made it from Colorado to Connecticut and she is in New Hampshire now.  We will be meeting at noon in New Haven for pizza ( I'm not saying where  ) and then going to go to the aquarium.  Assuming we both aren't too hungover that is.  So pumped for Nightwish and Delain tonight, only thing better would be if she were here with me now and spent the night in the lovely Holiday Inn 

[bout to crash]

Yay, have fun!

I saw Secretary a few years ago. Good movie. Maggie Gyllenhaal is cute, so it's much more intriguing seeing her in the movie as opposed to, say, someone like Madonna who practically wears that lifestyle on her sleeve.

I haven't seen the movie, but I know what it's about... hope I don't offend anyone here but I think that is SOOOO sexy when the image and the reality don't exactly jibe in that way.  When there's more under the hood, so to speak.   Nothing hotter than a cute girl-next-door, plain-Jane, librarian, and yet... Olympic-level GGG.   And it's exceptionally frustrating the other way - you meet a girl with red hair, shaved on the side, a chain connecting her nose ring to her ear ring, a full sleeve of tattoos... and only into missionary sex in bed with the lights off.  Wha??

Preach! People being super vanilla is always a disappointment for me.
Inspired by this, I took the "How GGG are you?" Test on OKC because I've been called that before, and my result was "You're not GGG, you're pure unadulterated kinkness! There might be one or two things you wouldn't do, but only because they don't fit your own kinks. Here's hoping you find a truly GGG person or a fellow kinkmeister to help you with the thrills you enjoy!"

[Scorpion]

"Kinkmeister" is an amazing word.

[cramx3]

"Kinkmeister" is an amazing word.

  coming from a German, seems fitting you'd like it.  I think that's a fine word as well.

[Prog Snob]

I haven't seen the movie, but I know what it's about... hope I don't offend anyone here but I think that is SOOOO sexy when the image and the reality don't exactly jibe in that way.  When there's more under the hood, so to speak.   Nothing hotter than a cute girl-next-door, plain-Jane, librarian, and yet... Olympic-level GGG.   And it's exceptionally frustrating the other way - you meet a girl with red hair, shaved on the side, a chain connecting her nose ring to her ear ring, a full sleeve of tattoos... and only into missionary sex in bed with the lights off.  Wha??

No offense taken at all. I totally agree with you. That's why I have a librarian fetish. Don't get me wrong, I also love a tattooed and pierced woman, but when the inside doesn't match the outside, there's an innocently-coated treat just waiting to sink my teeth into.

Preach! People being super vanilla is always a disappointment for me.
Inspired by this, I took the "How GGG are you?" Test on OKC because I've been called that before, and my result was "You're not GGG, you're pure unadulterated kinkness! There might be one or two things you wouldn't do, but only because they don't fit your own kinks. Here's hoping you find a truly GGG person or a fellow kinkmeister to help you with the thrills you enjoy!"

Vanilla is not a term I like. When I joined FL, I knew I wasn't a vanilla but I also wasn't someone who was overly interested in hardcore BDSM and such. I was hoping to find the term I most associate with myself, dissolute.  But alas, it was not there, so I chose the next best word, hedonist. Life really is all about pleasure, and indulging in things that pleases oneself. After all, if  you're not enjoying something or getting off (literally and metaphorically) by doing it, what's the fucking point, right? Altruism can only take you so far before you realize something is missing. This is why the book I've been forever working on is temporarily entitled Dissolute: Indulgence and Ecstasy For The Impassioned Mind.

[bout to crash]

Nice... Although I think pleasure is great, I wouldn't say I identify quite as a hedonist. Because I think it goes both ways- if that's all you're after, you'll also eventually realize something is missing.

Sooo, I had my date with Vermont tonight and it went really well. Good dinner, good conversation, good... other stuff. Of course I am being cautious and trying not to throw myself too much into it, but my gut is still telling me good things. We seem to mostly be on the same wavelength sexually, which is nice. He lives far away, which is both a blessing and a curse at this point- sucks for travel but makes it easier to ease my way into things when I can't see him all the time. I do want to see him again soon, and am hoping he is free next Friday cause that's pretty much all I've got for two weeks.

[Prog Snob]

Nice... Although I think pleasure is great, I wouldn't say I identify quite as a hedonist. Because I think it goes both ways- if that's all you're after, you'll also eventually realize something is missing.

You misunderstand me. When I say it's important to enjoy something, I don't necessarily mean I'm always on the receiving end.  Yes, I seek pleasure for myself. However, it brings me great pleasure going down on a woman, so win-win, no?   

Sooo, I had my date with Vermont tonight and it went really well. Good dinner, good conversation, good... other stuff. Of course I am being cautious and trying not to throw myself too much into it, but my gut is still telling me good things. We seem to mostly be on the same wavelength sexually, which is nice. He lives far away, which is both a blessing and a curse at this point- sucks for travel but makes it easier to ease my way into things when I can't see him all the time. I do want to see him again soon, and am hoping he is free next Friday cause that's pretty much all I've got for two weeks.

I'm glad to hear it went well. Just pace yourself like you said. Distance can be a killer if you start to develop stronger feelings for someone than you originally intended.

[bout to crash]

Well, it's not a terrible distance, I'd say 40-45 without traffic but there is often some traffic going up there. Again, right now I'm kinda glad for that. And neither of us have a ton of time (he works and is in school) so I doubt we could see each other more than weekly regardless of how into each other we are. If we switch off, even driving an hour every two weeks would be totally doable.

So metal yoga guy and I had that weird date where I was finding him hard to read, and I haven't heard much from him in the last two weeks or so. I finally texted him today (after over a week without a reply from him) to inquire about a show he told me his band was playing tonight. Turns out his band is not playing tonight, but that's all I got from him. I said something like "so how are you? Haven't heard from you in a while" and never got a response. That was about eight hours ago, so I'm not putting any more effort into this shit. If he wants to initiate a conversation/hangout, fine, but I'm kinda done with the pulling teeth that is texting this dude. He took down his OKC profile, so I'm guessing he's just too busy to be dating right now.

[Prog Snob]

You did what you could. It's on him now and it seems like he's not even interested so it's his loss. Maybe he'll come around eventually, but don't hold your breath.

[cramx3]

Sorry about Metal Yoga, but look on the bright side, Vermont seems to be a cool dude!

My date in New Haven went really well.  Went to Frank Pepe's for some pizza.  We were both a bit hung over from our previous night's activities, but we were able to have some good conversation and enjoy the pizza.  We then drove down to Norwalk and went to the aquarium for a couple hours and then we went our separate ways back home.  Couldn't of asked for a better weekend. I'm really feeling like I am falling for this girl.  She seems to have all of the qualities that I look for.

[Prog Snob]

What will you do then, especially regarding the distance?

[cramx3]

What will you do then, especially regarding the distance?

No idea.  She told me she is willing to come out to NJ, which was really nice to hear since I feel it's hard to get city dwellers without cars to come out (she rented one for the weekend).  We both said we want to hang out again, but have not made any plans yet.  This week is going to be busy with work and I have to work the weekend for my project so who knows when we find the time to meet up again, but I know I am really looking forward to it.

[Prog Snob]

That's great. I think, for now, you should just have fun with it.

[bout to crash]

Definitely. Glad you had a good time! Distance sucks but you'll make it work if you both are willing to put some effort in.

Soo longer story but I texted metal yoga guy asking what the deal was and he basically told me he had been busy but also felt like we weren't necessarily romantically compatible. I told him I agreed and also didn't have much to invest but we both agreed we would still like to hang out occasionally. So that's that. Glad I put it out there and basically got the answer I expected..  ALTHOUGH the one word he used to describe me in his text was "nice" and I thought that was really lame

I have a lady date tomorrow and then MAY see Vermont again Friday but he hasn't gotten back to me yet.

[cramx3]

"nice" is better than "not nice"  it is what it is, you seem to have known that was coming so now you know and you can move on and enjoy your lady date and maybe now have more time to focus on Vermont since you seem to really be interested in him.

NYC gal and I have a date set for Thursday night, she will take the train out to near where I work and we will just do a dinner in the area so she can get back home easily as can I.  Got too much going on this weekend otherwise I'd invite her over for the evening which she seems interested in doing, just got to find more time to make it work.

[bout to crash]

Fuckin' time. There's never enough.

And yeah, I'm not upset over this dude but I do feel like we initially had compatibility. Then he sort of backed away IMO. Maybe I did something to turn him off or he didn't like my vagina.

So many times, especially at work with the old folks, I have seen or heard people say that when one spouse died, the other either died soon after or was ready to go right away because that other person was basically their universe. Am I fucking crazy for finding that not at all appealing?? That your existence is so tied up with somebody else you don't want to live without them? I know, it's sweet and romantic... but meh.

[Hyperplex]

I'm of the belief that love/relationships/romance/whatever is such an intensely personal thing that it really shouldn't matter what others think or feel, because the only thing that matters is how you feel. Many people want that forever and a day relationship, others simply don't. Romance is often put on a pedestal as an ideal but it's only an ideal for those who want it. You might find yourself happy without that kind of intensity, and there is nothing at all wrong with that.

The circumstances through which we live I think play directly into how we perceive relationships, too. The way my life played out, I am happy I've found the one person who makes me feel whole. Would I have been happier having casual relationships with many different people? I don't know, because it didn't play out that way, and what I have now is so special to me I don't really wonder about it. If I had different experiences when I was younger, maybe it would be different now.

All that rambling is to say no, you are not crazy for not thinking what you hear about spouses unappealing. It isn't necessarily for you, and I think there is no better judge for what is right for you, than you.

Or something....

[sylvan]

I think you should keep in mind that these are older folks and the ones saying that may have been together for 40+ years. Life with this person is all the know? It might be terribly unappealing if it were a young individual, but I'm sure some feel that way when they lose a spouse young.

But NO, you're not crazy at all. I do have a question though. I know you love your independence, you don't want anything serious, and you don't want to be exclusive with anyone (sorry if I got any of that wrong). But what happens if you meet someone you really like. And then he/she turns out to not be a flaky deuche and really enjoys being with you and doesn't fuck that up. Is there a possibility at all that you could find yourself so happy with this person that you could be happy in a long term exclusive relationship?  I guess I'm wondering if the right person could change your perception of that idea?

[Stadler]

Fuckin' time. There's never enough.

And yeah, I'm not upset over this dude but I do feel like we initially had compatibility. Then he sort of backed away IMO. Maybe I did something to turn him off or he didn't like my vagina.

Not specifically about YOUR vagine, because I, well, have no fucking idea, but as a general proposition, I can't possibly fathom backing away from a girl because of her entertainment center.  Bad kisser, sure.  Hygiene as a general proposition, sure.   But that? 

So many times, especially at work with the old folks, I have seen or heard people say that when one spouse died, the other either died soon after or was ready to go right away because that other person was basically their universe. Am I fucking crazy for finding that not at all appealing?? That your existence is so tied up with somebody else you don't want to live without them? I know, it's sweet and romantic... but meh.

I don't think you pick it.  I don't think it's something that is "appealing" or not in that sense, but rather it's something that... you wake up and you've been with that person for 50+ years, and that's that.  I know that is my parents.  They just celebrated 51 married years, and they spend EVERY GODDAMN MINUTE OF EVERY FUCKING DAY together.   They haven't slept in different beds even for one night, in I can't tell you how long, but DECADES.   But I can tell you they didn't set out to have that happen, it just did. 

[bout to crash]

Right, but it seems like that's the ideal most people are looking for, at least a lot of people I know and everybody in the movies
I know everybody is different and yeah, I am sure it just happens... it just kind of blows my mind.

And I was kind of joking about the vagina thing ... but I am wondering if something specific turned him off since we seemed to have a good start. Maybe we just blew our collective wad quickly.

I know you love your independence, you don't want anything serious, and you don't want to be exclusive with anyone (sorry if I got any of that wrong). But what happens if you meet someone you really like. And then he/she turns out to not be a flaky deuche and really enjoys being with you and doesn't fuck that up. Is there a possibility at all that you could find yourself so happy with this person that you could be happy in a long term exclusive relationship?  I guess I'm wondering if the right person could change your perception of that idea?

Not really. I wish the answer could be yes, on some level, because that would make my life a lot simpler. But I simply do not think I'm wired to be monogamous. It's what I always thought I wanted in my younger days, and it has worked for brief periods, but it never lasts.
To be honest, I had that person in my life and I basically pushed him away because I knew I couldn't give him what he wanted. He is still in my life and we still see each other a couple times a year (he's in TX), but we have not been a "couple" in the traditional sense in 4+ years. When I finally admitted to myself I couldn't force myself into the monogamy box, I knew I was just going to hurt him if I kept things going the way they were, so I told him that.
He is the only person I've ever been able to envision myself married to or having a family with, but the only way that could happen is if it was not a closed marriage. And if we were in the same state. But I stopped him from moving to Colorado years ago and probably fucked up the chance of that ever happening. *sigh*

[Lynxo]

Right, but it seems like that's the ideal most people are looking for, at least a lot of people I know and everybody in the movies
I know everybody is different and yeah, I am sure it just happens... it just kind of blows my mind.

In movies, yeah! But in real life...not so much. Maybe it's different in different countries and cultures but here in Sweden, we are getting a lot more tolerant and open to many different kind of sexualitites and relationsship types. For example, I'm a member of a Facebook group for singles to interact and perhaps find "the one". But what the one is for one person is a BIG difference to another, all the proof you need for that is to look at the ads that people put up. Some wants polygamous relationsships, others calls themselves pansexual, and so on. It makes me happy to see people embracing who they are and what they want.

But that being said, I'm the most stereotypical guy you could ever meet. I'm a white, heterosexual dude who wants a monogamous relationsship. I may be open to something casual but I know myself - at the end of the day, I need the full attention of the one I'm together with.

And I've been single for a year now and I finally feel like it's time to go out there and meet someone. Just not sure yet how I will go about doing that.