Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip

[Stadler]

Totally. I wish more people would just be in the moment with this sort of stuff and not analyze to death what the future might be. Most relationships don't last forever, so why not just focus on enjoying right now while you have it?

Perhaps I didn't articulate it well enough, but this is closer to what I was talking about than the "inability" to break up with someone.  I'm not suggesting anyone endure years of a relationship that doesn't work, but I do think it's wise to let things mature on their own, at least at the start.   

It's like the difference between a vine-ripe tomato, and the red tomatoes you get in the store (which are picked green and "turned" red using ethylene gas).   Or wine.   Sometimes these things have to take their natural course, and while this makes me look "old" I have to think that "OKC" isn't the optimal tool for the patient maturation of a relationship. 

[bout to crash]

True that.

Totally. I wish more people would just be in the moment with this sort of stuff and not analyze to death what the future might be. Most relationships don't last forever, so why not just focus on enjoying right now while you have it?

I have so little spare time, but I've been enjoying browsing around OKC and even sent out a couple messages. Also found a friend on there and sent her a fake creepy message

My ex-wife did that to me. She created this profile that seemed like the perfect girl for me, so when I messaged this person all excited and elated and she told me it was her, I was so fucking pissed. 

No, that's not the same thing at all, that's psycho
I mean I just sent her a message from my regular profile like "Hey baby..."

[Prog Snob]

True that.

Totally. I wish more people would just be in the moment with this sort of stuff and not analyze to death what the future might be. Most relationships don't last forever, so why not just focus on enjoying right now while you have it?

I have so little spare time, but I've been enjoying browsing around OKC and even sent out a couple messages. Also found a friend on there and sent her a fake creepy message

My ex-wife did that to me. She created this profile that seemed like the perfect girl for me, so when I messaged this person all excited and elated and she told me it was her, I was so fucking pissed. 

No, that's not the same thing at all, that's psycho
I mean I just sent her a message from my regular profile like "Hey baby..."

It was a bit harsh of her, you're right.

[bout to crash]

It's fucking psycho, sorry. To go out of your way to create a profile just to mess with somebody's head. Uncool as fuck.

Anyway, I haven't talked to plant guy in like four days and at this point I'm just assuming I won't be hearing from him again. It's kind of lame that I tell him how I feel once and he goes all dick on me, but I guess he couldn't handle anything less than a "perfect" relationship where neither of us ever complains and he puts forth minimal effort. It seems pretty shitty and abrupt after talking to him every single day for almost three months, but such is life. There are things I want to say, but probably won't.

I have been reflecting back on our time together and realizing that meh, maybe it wasn't so great. I mean, we have a lot of common interests, he's fun to talk to, he's really cute, etc. However the more I think about it the more things about him there were that annoyed me, but because I didn't see him a ton and it wasn't super serious  (honestly, this is one of the things I love about not being monogamous) I mostly overlooked them. I'm remembering more selfish shit he said /did... like when I was sick, he didn't offer to help or anything, but then when he was sick I was there the next day with fucking soup and gelato.
Last week he asked me out of the blue when I was going to Chicago in March and was trying to get exact dates out of me (I hadn't bought my ticket yet). Turns out he was feigning interest in my trip just to find out if he could get a ride to the airport when he goes to Cali that same week! And at something like 5am on a work day! I told him probably not.

Also: he never once went down on me, or offered to do so. In three months. I'm not much into cunnilingus so it wasn't like I felt cheated out of it and didn't think it was worth questioning, but it was the principle. Like, are you grossed out by my (clean and well-manicured) junk, bro?

As I mentioned before, the sex was nothing special but I feel like pheromones still made me super horny when I was around him. Now he's out of my system, I guess.
And I'm pissed that I allowed some of the above bullshit, to be honest

[sylvan]

Anyway, I haven't talked to plant guy in like four days and at this point I'm just assuming I won't be hearing from him again. It's kind of lame that I tell him how I feel once and he goes all dick on me, but I guess he couldn't handle anything less than a "perfect" relationship where neither of us ever complains and he puts forth minimal effort. It seems pretty shitty and abrupt after talking to him every single day for almost three months, but such is life. There are things I want to say, but probably won't.

I think all of us have seen a couple and thought, "How did that guy/girl get that girl/guy?" But that's almost always based on looks. But this kinda pissed me off because there's context. We know that the guy is not of the highest quality boyfriend material, and we know the girl is cool as fuck. Not only does he not come through, time and again, but he gets a genuine chance to be better. And he brushes it off!

Why not say something? I guess I'm just one of those people who can't NOT say something that's on my mind.

[bout to crash]

Man, I wish I was that way. I envy that quality in people most of the time, though it sometimes gets them in trouble.
I'm just not sure it's worth it at this point, and I honestly wouldn't even know where to begin. It's not off the table, I'll think about it. Maybe I should just ask why he's afraid of putting his face in my junk and see where that goes 

[TioJorge]

Shit gurl, the not-goin-down shtick is reason alone to kick 'im to the curb.

I know to most people that probably sounds super joke-ish and sarcastic but I'm totally fucking serious. 

Yes. I am that shallow. It's kept me happy. Any time I hear a girl say something like "ew" about blowjobs or anything of the sort, she's immediately off-limits in my mind cause I will eat those lower lips the entire fucking night and while 9 out of 10 times I expect nothing in return at all...yeah, sue me, sometimes I want you to gag on me. True love is taking the gentiles of your partner all over your face. IT'S TRUE.

Such is the life of selfish happiness. 

SO. On one hand, sorry to hear it ended sour; on the other, you dodged a bullet cause every lady needs a good lapping without the play of "if you do me, I'll do you", let alone no reciprocation at all, fuck that noise. That? That's cray cray. On behalf of the Lady Licking Society, I apologize for those three months. That's horrifying. (almost as horrifying as that name now that I thought on it for a minute but I'm gonna leave it cause sometimes it needs to get weird in here)

[sylvan]

Man, I wish I was that way. I envy that quality in people most of the time, though it sometimes gets them in trouble.

Yet, you can tell us how the dude wouldn't put his face in your clean and well manicured lower quadrant  . But yes, it can get me in trouble sometimes. I don't think I could have said what Tio so eloquently said without being the creepy stranger talking about some guy "lapping" (nice verb use) up Jackie's "lower lips" (nice adjective/noun combo)  .

This has me kinda curious and will show my inexperience. Is this something women expect? Is this something all women are into, generally speaking? It wouldn't be a lie if someone said Guys love blowies!

[cramx3]

Jackie, it's best you move on from plantman.  I think it is plain to see that he did not really care much.  The airport thing would have REALLY pissed me off.  That type of shit would make me feel used.

As for going down... not worth it now obviously, but if you wanted it, you should have just said so.  When you have enough sex with someone I think you get to a comfort level where you should be able to talk about that. 

The girl I dated over the fall must have hinted that a thousand times that she wanted me to go down on her.  I knew it, but she never said anything (typical of her, always giving hints but never ever actually telling me what she wanted) so I used that as a reason internally not to go down on her, at least not until she went down on me.  Well she finally went down on me and then told me she had never done that on any guy that was not her BF (yet she expected me to do that to her from the getgo?)  Well I went down on her shortly after that and then again another time.  I really just didn't like that she couldn't say it.  I told her flat out, I LOVE BJS probably after our first time banging.  Which is true, I'd rather get head than have sex.

The new girl, phonesexy, already told me she likes being chomped on.  Obviously this girl is much more open about her sexuality than most, but I honestly feel that having that phone sex and intimate conversation has lead both of us to just be very open.  It's odd, but part of what made our date the other night so awesome was that openness.  The things we talked about, I even told her so too, were not things I had talked about with girls I had dated for months or weeks, yet we are talking about it on a first date and joking about it!  It was so refreshing to be honest and open and have no fear of "that's weird".  We have our next date set for Sunday night, she is bringing over a bottle of wine and maybe there will be some chomping 

[bout to crash]

That sounds awesome! Yeah, it's nice to be open about stuff with somebody. I have had those conversations with new people and it's always refreshing.

And yes, while I agree that you should ask for something if you want it (again, it's not my favorite thing unless done by select people and I much prefer being fingered), it's also something that often just happens organically. He never asked me to go down on him, I just did because to me it's a given. Unless a guy tells me he hates it or tries to stop me, I'm going for it.

And yes sylvan, adult women generally dig that shit (I feel like a minority in my ambivalence), and most of my recent partners have gone for it, though not all.

Jorge:

Again, I wasn't feeling super deprived but it was more of a principle thing. The lady I'm seeing and the guy I see occasionally are both quite good at it, so even though those lickings are few and far between, they are more than enough

[cramx3]

 

I get what you mean by not asking for it, but you would think after seeing someone for 3 months it wouldn't be a big deal to say "hey, would you be interested in returning the favor?" At least to find out what his reasonings are.

For me, I honestly do not feel like I am good at it.  I think I've only made two girls orgasm from it.  A few have flat out told me they don't like it at all and do not even try and some I have tried and just got no real results.  It has made my gun shy, plus I won't do it on someone I just met because I would like to know its clean down there first.    

[Chino]

I'd rather get head than have sex.

So much this. Especially if the girl can deepthroat without flinching.

[bout to crash]

 

I hear that. Sometimes I like just being fingered (or with the right person, oral) better than sex, because it's less work

I get what you mean by not asking for it, but you would think after seeing someone for 3 months it wouldn't be a big deal to say "hey, would you be interested in returning the favor?" At least to find out what his reasonings are.

For me, I honestly do not feel like I am good at it.  I think I've only made two girls orgasm from it.  A few have flat out told me they don't like it at all and do not even try and some I have tried and just got no real results.  It has made my gun shy, plus I won't do it on someone I just met because I would like to know its clean down there first.   

Yeah, I see what you're saying. I'm also a bit gun shy with oral on girls because I'm not super experienced, but I still go for it anyway. Practice makes... well, better!

And you're right, I thought about asking him before but chickened out. I'm really a chicken with confrontation, as I've clearly demonstrated. If it's something I can live with/without, I generally keep quiet. For better or for worse, I guess.

[Chino]

I hear that. Sometimes I like just being fingered (or with the right person, oral) better than sex, because it's less work

No doubt. Same for me on the giving end  I feel like my fingers are way more versatile. There are only so many things I can do with a penis in a vagina, but the fingers allow for all different sizes, angles, rhythmic sensations, etc.. Plus, the only thing limiting the aggressiveness and the duration of my fingers is how long my arm muscles take to get fatigued. The same can't be said about my penis. Some days I just don't have the, e'hem, stamina. I find the time of day also makes a difference. I'm always down for sex in the morning. Always. Very really am I in the mood after working and sitting in traffic for two hours. Nothing against my girlfriend, I'm just mentally drained and no amount of lingerie is going to change that. But I'll let my fingers do their thing while I just kind of hang back and relax.

[Prog Snob]

I seem to differ on this. Don't get me wrong. A quick blow job, hand job, finger bang, shocker, or whatever is always fine with me. But I would much rather have sex with a woman. I think those other things are good when you just have a few minutes to spare or I'm driving and she's looking to get off or get me off, then that's cool. But if we have an evening inside with no one to bother us, we're fuckin for a couple of hours at least. I'll do quickies but sometimes it's just nice to let it last.

[cramx3]

I hear that. Sometimes I like just being fingered (or with the right person, oral) better than sex, because it's less work

No doubt. Same for me on the giving end  I feel like my fingers are way more versatile. There are only so many things I can do with a penis in a vagina, but the fingers allow for all different sizes, angles, rhythmic sensations, etc.. Plus, the only thing limiting the aggressiveness and the duration of my fingers is how long my arm muscles take to get fatigued. The same can't be said about my penis. Some days I just don't have the, e'hem, stamina. I find the time of day also makes a difference. I'm always down for sex in the morning. Always. Very really am I in the mood after working and sitting in traffic for two hours. Nothing against my girlfriend, I'm just mentally drained and no amount of lingerie is going to change that. But I'll let my fingers do their thing while I just kind of hang back and relax.

You worded that better than I could.  I actually had something typed and refrained, essentially saying my fingers are probably my best tool for getting the deed done.

On the other note, I am way more hornier after work than in the morning.  I think many like the morning time better.  I'd rather get up and have some coffee  (although I don't think I've ever turned a woman down in the morning, just my preference).  I would rather take out my work/traffic frustrations in the bed room by giving a good pounding when I get home, and hopefully while the girl is still dressed up in her work clothes.

[bout to crash]

Yeah I mostly agree with that. I'm sometimes horny in the morning but it's damn near impossible for me to get off.  I like the stress relief it can bring at night.

Also, maybe a bit "off topic" but how do you guys feel about using toys on a girl? I find it very sexy, but could see why it might make a guy feel weird.

[cramx3]

My ex once bought a toy for us to use.  My initial response was negative, like as you said, "What? I'm not good enough?" but I tried it, and it was fun.  It was essentially a cock ring with a vibrator on top for clit stimulation.  That was easily the most erotic thing my x had ever done (that was in our first year of dating).  She also got warming/strawberry tasting lube for BJs, which she never used (at least not with me  , she refused to give BJs besides on my birthday).  So disappointing.  I am quite open to using toys though.  I'm all about whatever is fun and works, I'm long over my phase of "What? I'm not good enough?".  Woman are different than men in many ways, one of them is that a toy can be better than a real penis.  If that works and we are both comfortable with each other, why not? Have fun. 

[Stadler]

I must be weird, yo.

If I'll kiss a girl on the mouth, I'll kiss a girl anywhere else. 

There is no "quid pro quo", even though I agree with Chino about the order of precedence.  I don't go down on her in order to generate more head for me.  My experience is that more women than not are less than enthusiastic about giving it, and of those that are enthusiastic, more women than not don't have a clue how to do it really well.    Though that's not the case now; without revealing too much, let's just say that it doesn't happen much in my relationship and for very good reason (think of touching a hot stove once when you were a kid, and then being gun shy around stoves later in life when you're an adult). 

As for my delivering the goods that way, I actually dig it.  I'm with Tio; put on some tunes, get me comfortable and I'll spend whatever time we need down there.  (Side bar question:  any preferences?  If you've seen one, have you really seen them all?)

Toys?  Sure.  Short of a 16" hydraulic dildo with the circumference of a coffee can, that I need a Craftsman air compressor to run, I'm pretty open to anything in that realm.  My logic?  If it doesn't matter if I'm using my cock, finger or tongue, what does it matter if I'm using a plastic vibrating rod or latex ring?  As long as I'm doing it, and she ends up screaming (pleasure, not agony), it's all good with me.  After all, I still have to find the hotspots, figures 1 through 9, and put my finger on the button.   (Hee, hee).

[sylvan]

And yes sylvan, adult women generally dig that shit (I feel like a minority in my ambivalence), and most of my recent partners have gone for it, though not all.

On first read, this made me feel so out of the loop . I just had to ask because it seems like going down on chicks is one of those things that doesn't get talked about much. Then again, I don't really hangout with women and I never watched sex and the city. But apparently I wasn't wrong about some women's ambivalence or whatever, and not all that surprised that some guys aren't down for it. That's a lot of pressure, and apparently we're not all skilled at that  .

The toys thing is all good. Like cram said, all women are different and what gets them there can vary widely. I know I'll be good on my end and if she needs a little extra help, why should I have a problem with her using a little extra help.

Stadler ninja'd me and nailed it, per usual.

This discussion took a turn... 

[bout to crash]

 , for real.

I have asked a guy to used a dildo on me before. It's fun. And usually if he's gotten off and can't keep going but I'm not done yet. Also, it feels different because of the angle and what he's able to do with something in his hand vs. between his legs, as I think Chino mentioned before.

I've also used a dildo on a guy before but that's another story 

[TioJorge]

I like using toys on my ladyfriends but they're few and far between. The friend I've been with recently loves it so yay to that. Except she really likes butt-stuff so it's usually during sex and I plug the other hole with something, depending on which way we're going at the time.  Fun times!

Oh man, I want that story told some day. I've had a girl try to stuff my butt once with a...pretty sizable dildo. She didn't even ask. Just like "HERE WE GO, NO PRE-STRETCHING FOR THIS RACE". I pretty much jumped ten feet in the air and other than that one time where my sister walked in on me and my girlfriend during our second time ever having sex, was THE FASTEST loss off wood I've ever had. Immediate.

I don't mind some play back there and lawd knows I'm just about the most uncaring individual when it comes to preconceptions about what men do with their butt fun, but god damn gurl, give a man some warning. Just cause I'm a depraved, ravaging, dirty lion in the sack doesn't mean I wanna stretch my backside. A finger? Sure, go ahead, thanks for asking. OH? A Lex Steele replica? Uhhhhh fuck you.

I'm seriously starting to feel like Jim Norton.

[King Postwhore]

Time to bug my lady love after reading this page.

[cramx3]

I like using toys on my ladyfriends but they're few and far between. The friend I've been with recently loves it so yay to that. Except she really likes butt-stuff so it's usually during sex and I plug the other hole with something, depending on which way we're going at the time.  Fun times!

Oh man, I want that story told some day. I've had a girl try to stuff my butt once with a...pretty sizable dildo. She didn't even ask. Just like "HERE WE GO, NO PRE-STRETCHING FOR THIS RACE". I pretty much jumped ten feet in the air and other than that one time where my sister walked in on me and my girlfriend during our second time ever having sex, was THE FASTEST loss off wood I've ever had. Immediate.

I don't mind some play back there and lawd knows I'm just about the most uncaring individual when it comes to preconceptions about what men do with their butt fun, but god damn gurl, give a man some warning. Just cause I'm a depraved, ravaging, dirty lion in the sack doesn't mean I wanna stretch my backside. A finger? Sure, go ahead, thanks for asking. OH? A Lex Steele replica? Uhhhhh fuck you.

I'm seriously starting to feel like Jim Norton.

Wow  I couldn't even take a finger, just ask my proctologist "relax" he kept saying

[DebraKadabra]

After all, I still have to find the hotspots, figures 1 through 9, and put my finger on the button.   (Hee, hee).

Erogenous zones I loooooove you
Without you what would a poor boy (or girl ) do

Wow, Dramatic Turn of Sexual Events off in here.

[King Postwhore]

I'm just happy to curl toes and to make eyes roll to the back of their heads.

[DebraKadabra]

You magnificent bastard.

[Sacul]

So I've been trying to find nice ladies via different apps like Tinder, MeetMe, OkCupid, Happn and others I don't use anymore. And haven't had much luck so far - or maybe I've had and don't realise it

Tinder... Found this nice girl who plays cello and it's a big reader (yes and YES for me), and is studying literature, so I thought telling her I disliked 1984 would spark some interesting conversation. Hasn't replied yet. Oh! And this one today - she actually messaged me first (!), but in French, fuck. Thought she was a tourist, and tried a bit of English, only to reveal me later that she spoke Spanish and was born in France but has been living here since a child

I quite liked her, but I've gotta admit I struggled to keep the conversation moving, and I'm afraid I also looked a bit arrogant/selfish. Noticed how she started losing interest since I was driving mostof tthe conversation, and now she hasntt replied my last message, even though it's basically bait - she told me she loved coffe, I said I hated it

OkCupid is an awesome site that'd be better if it had more people from my city or state to start with - I've only found a nice pansexual genderqueer girl (...ok), who likes reading and series (yay), we have a good match, around 70% (YAY), but she actually identifies as a he (well, FUCK). And this other strange girl with no pic that sent me a message, but hasn't connected since then wtf.

MeetMe... Strange app. I only made like 3-4 matches on tinder, but with this one, around 25 what the hell Sadly, 2/3 of them are from other states, so I just ignore them (I don't believe in distant relationships), and have found some interesting ones... But I have yet to contact them. It's just that my conversation skills suck, and I tend to overthink what I write - it doesn't help either that some of them have barely any info about themselves posted.

So these have been my little adventures, nothing too special tbh - I just had to express it somewhere. I still have hopes of finding interesting girls and going on a date in the not-so-distant future.

[bout to crash]

Never heard of that last one.

Jorge:
What a crazy person! You don't just do that to anybody without warning!

[Prog Snob]

Yeah I mostly agree with that. I'm sometimes horny in the morning but it's damn near impossible for me to get off.  I like the stress relief it can bring at night.

Also, maybe a bit "off topic" but how do you guys feel about using toys on a girl? I find it very sexy, but could see why it might make a guy feel weird.

Speaking of "toys", what haven't I used on a girl is a more appropriate question.      I don't have sex toys on hand so sometimes it's whatever is handy (no pun intended). There are always empty beer bottles around, so there's that.

, for real.

I have asked a guy to used a dildo on me before. It's fun. And usually if he's gotten off and can't keep going but I'm not done yet. Also, it feels different because of the angle and what he's able to do with something in his hand vs. between his legs, as I think Chino mentioned before.

I've also used a dildo on a guy before but that's another story 

My ex-girlfriend Wendy was big into that. She was probably the best I ever had. We would go for hours on end. I miss that woman. I think we kept Blackstone wine in business during the time we were dating. 

[Chino]

Also, maybe a bit "off topic" but how do you guys feel about using toys on a girl? I find it very sexy, but could see why it might make a guy feel weird.

We use toys in the bedroom all the time. Handcuffs are one of my favorites, except for the time our dog ran away with the keys and I thought he swallowed them. We've got two vibrators and a 13" behemoth  The vibrators are cool I guess, they give me a break when I need one, and they are good for getting things started. But I freaking LOVE getting to go nuts on her with the big one, especially if we're in a position where I'm getting head at the same time.

[Chino]

So I've been trying to find nice ladies via different apps like Tinder, MeetMe, OkCupid, Happn and others I don't use anymore. And haven't had much luck so far - or maybe I've had and don't realise it

I found my GF on Tinder some 2.5 years ago. We have a house together now. Swiping right was the best decision of my life.

[cramx3]

Sacul, my advice to you would be to not start (or end) a conversation a negative. 

so I thought telling her I disliked 1984 would spark some interesting conversation. Hasn't replied yet.

now she hasntt replied my last message, even though it's basically bait - she told me she loved coffe, I said I hated it

Instead, ask about a book you or she likes, spark a conversation that you know would be interesting for the other person to engage in.  You even admit it is bait.  People who don't know you are less likely to bite.  I know I can throw some bait to someone I know if I want them to respond to me, but someone I never met or talked to is much more likely to brush that away and not be interested.

Regardless, this is new to you so you'll go through the learning experience of what works and not.  Try not to think too hard and over analyze what you say.  Just let it flow and be yourself and try to be positive, no one wants to talk to a negative nancy.

[Stadler]

After all, I still have to find the hotspots, figures 1 through 9, and put my finger on the button.   (Hee, hee).

Erogenous zones I loooooove you
Without you what would a poor boy (or girl ) do

Thank you for noticing that.   

[Stadler]

Tinder... Found this nice girl who plays cello and it's a big reader (yes and YES for me), and is studying literature, so I thought telling her I disliked 1984 would spark some interesting conversation. Hasn't replied yet. Oh! And this one today - she actually messaged me first (!), but in French, fuck. Thought she was a tourist, and tried a bit of English, only to reveal me later that she spoke Spanish and was born in France but has been living here since a child

I quite liked her, but I've gotta admit I struggled to keep the conversation moving, and I'm afraid I also looked a bit arrogant/selfish. Noticed how she started losing interest since I was driving mostof tthe conversation, and now she hasntt replied my last message, even though it's basically bait - she told me she loved coffe, I said I hated it

I get it, you have to be you, and put yourself out there and yadda yadda, but I offer this because you did say you "overthought" things, so perhaps you do put some effort in to what you write...

There is a huge difference - made even huger over the relatively impersonal medium of texting/email - between saying "I prefer tea, but I'm open to reinvestigating coffee; what I've tried so far hasn't really moved the needle" and "Coffee?  I hate it."   Or "What do you think about 1984; I was just having a conversation with someone that liked it a lot more than me" and "1984?  I hated it."

I don't know; I'm a pretty open guy, I'll date anyone once, maybe even twice just to make sure, I'll talk to anyone anytime for the most part... but it cools pretty quickly when someone is always replying with the opposite of what I say.  It sends a message, for better or worse. 

EDIT:  Cram beat me to the punch, and in half the words!

...a nice pansexual genderqueer girl ...

Fuck apps to meet people; I can do that.   I need an app just to keep all the self-identification lingo straight.   Whether I would date someone who was unsure of their sexuality (either emotionally or physically) is immaterial (yes and maybe, depending where they were on their journey, respectively); that label?  I wouldn't even know where to begin with that.