Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip

[Prog Snob]

[cramx3]

Lol, now the lingerie, that I definitely can get into

[TioJorge]

What a pleasant turn this thread took!

[Prog Snob]

Yes, well when you're dealing with a depraved libertine, this is what's going to happen.

[cramx3]

So the cancelling girl just cancelled on me  so pissed off right now.  She texted me saying "I know you think I'm probably the biggest flake, but I had something for lunch that really made me sick blah blah blah" I responded with "Not going to lie, that is how I feel and was expecting the cancellation text"  Luckily I literally was expecting that text and had back up plans so my friday night isn't ruined, but I turned down two other girls tonight because I thought after our date Tuesday we were past the cancelling.  Just really annoyed and frustrated.  She immediately tried to make plans for Sunday, I said I could do Sunday but Im not hopeful on it actually happening.  She hasn't responded now.  Whatever.

[Prog Snob]

I wouldn't give her anymore chances.  You have other hopefuls, so don't waste your time anymore. Just my two cents.

[DebraKadabra]

I've been keeping up, just haven't felt compelled to post until now. I'll post elsewhere, but I was thinking that I may be out of the Club but nope... really sad about it too. Anyway...

I wouldn't give her anymore chances.  You have other hopefuls, so don't waste your time anymore. Just my two cents.

*ding!*

You've given this special snowflake MORE than enough chances. Now, as someone with IBS... a lot of things can trigger a bad flare, but I'll be up front and honest and say "This isn't the best day for me because of _____ " and either not plan anything or call/text with more than enough notice to hopefully not piss people off. In this case however, it rings false given her prior behavior. Honestly, cram, I think you gave her more chances than she deserved but that's my personal opinion.

 

[Stadler]

Me, I would play it in between.  If she goes the extra mile, take her up on it, but don't do all the heavy lifting.


Probably inappropriate, but since we're on the subject...  I'm traveling this week (I travel a lot, though not in the last four months or so).    I know the "Penthouse Letters" thing is essentially the guy version of Twilight fan fiction, but... there's something hot about the sudden, unexpected nature of a lot of those stories.  Like having the cute cleaning lady come in and clean your pipes instead of the bathroom.  Or having the girl behind the front desk come up after her shift to "see if everything is all right with your room" (wink wink).  Or, slightly less improbably, be at the hotel bar and have the woman next to you (preferably married) say "listen, you're traveling, I'm traveling, let's just go upstairs and in the morning we'll pretend this never happened". 

I know me well enough and now that I am married I know I don't have the constitution to go through with it, but it's an attractive concept, to me. 

[Prog Snob]

Well, I've had the woman at the bar hit on me. While we didn't have sex, we did fool around in my car for a bit.

I have a librarian fetish which I would like realized one day.

[bout to crash]

Me, I would play it in between.  If she goes the extra mile, take her up on it, but don't do all the heavy lifting.


Probably inappropriate, but since we're on the subject...  I'm traveling this week (I travel a lot, though not in the last four months or so).    I know the "Penthouse Letters" thing is essentially the guy version of Twilight fan fiction, but... there's something hot about the sudden, unexpected nature of a lot of those stories.  Like having the cute cleaning lady come in and clean your pipes instead of the bathroom.  Or having the girl behind the front desk come up after her shift to "see if everything is all right with your room" (wink wink).  Or, slightly less improbably, be at the hotel bar and have the woman next to you (preferably married) say "listen, you're traveling, I'm traveling, let's just go upstairs and in the morning we'll pretend this never happened". 

I know me well enough and now that I am married I know I don't have the constitution to go through with it, but it's an attractive concept, to me.

Totally agree. It's hot (so is that nun pic, John!)
And yeah, I also agree with your thoughts on flaky girl. If she's willing to put forth exceptional effort, give her another chance. And by exceptional I mean a really long blow job, probably.

So my wasn't-sure-if-it-was-a-date with the metal yoga guy most definitely was a date, and went very well indeed

[Prog Snob]

Me, I would play it in between.  If she goes the extra mile, take her up on it, but don't do all the heavy lifting.


Probably inappropriate, but since we're on the subject...  I'm traveling this week (I travel a lot, though not in the last four months or so).    I know the "Penthouse Letters" thing is essentially the guy version of Twilight fan fiction, but... there's something hot about the sudden, unexpected nature of a lot of those stories.  Like having the cute cleaning lady come in and clean your pipes instead of the bathroom.  Or having the girl behind the front desk come up after her shift to "see if everything is all right with your room" (wink wink).  Or, slightly less improbably, be at the hotel bar and have the woman next to you (preferably married) say "listen, you're traveling, I'm traveling, let's just go upstairs and in the morning we'll pretend this never happened". 

I know me well enough and now that I am married I know I don't have the constitution to go through with it, but it's an attractive concept, to me.

Totally agree. It's hot (so is that nun pic, John!)
And yeah, I also agree with your thoughts on flaky girl. If she's willing to put forth exceptional effort, give her another chance. And by exceptional I mean a really long blow job, probably.

So my wasn't-sure-if-it-was-a-date with the metal yoga guy most definitely was a date, and went very well indeed

Glad to hear it. Is there a second date in the works?

Cram, I hope you're getting your moneys worth with this next date. I swear if she cancels on you again, I'm personally coming out there to drag her from her house to yours.

[cramx3]

So my wasn't-sure-if-it-was-a-date with the metal yoga guy most definitely was a date, and went very well indeed

 

So she followed up with some seemingly trying messages and I would say she put some effort there, but I don't know if it's a little too late.  If Tuesday night hadn't gone so well this would be a no brainer, but Tuesday night was one of the best first dates/meetings I had ever had. I typed up the goodbye text and it's just sitting there, but I haven't hit send because of how well that date did go.   

[bout to crash]

The truth is, even if you have a second date that's amazing she's going to continue being a flake. That's just some people. If you're willing to forgive and put up with it because you like her that's a totally valid choice, but you just need to be prepared for the same shit and know what your limits are.

And no John, no second date planned yet but it was late when we parted ways. I'll probably send him a text later today reiterating what a good time I had and see what happens.

[Prog Snob]

Keep us updated.

I think, as far as my experience on OKCupid, I've messaged everyone there is to message in my area. It's kind of sad really.

[cramx3]

The truth is, even if you have a second date that's amazing she's going to continue being a flake. That's just some people. If you're willing to forgive and put up with it because you like her that's a totally valid choice, but you just need to be prepared for the same shit and know what your limits are.

You think this girl would always be like this? Like if she liked me, even as much as she said she did from the first date, she would consistently cancel plans?  How does such a person have friends then? 

I think, as far as my experience on OKCupid, I've messaged everyone there is to message in my area. It's kind of sad really.

I feel like I've browsed all the girls in my area as well, I just lay off it for a bit and then some of the ladies refresh. 

So I just ended up going out at a club near the shore with my friend last night.  This move surprisingly worked, we both sat at the bar, two girls sat at the bar next to us, girls way out of my league.  However, my friend is really good looking (I mentioned him before with the girls) so they were his kind of girls.  We've gone to this place a lot so I know it pretty well, but I ask the girl where the bathroom is to break the ice  then my friend moves in and gets her friends instagram (not number  apparantly that's the way to do it these days?) and now he tells me he will get her in the sack within 2 weeks.  Sucked to not go on that date, but at least last night was a blast.  Probably go out again tonight if Brooklyn girl isn't around.

[Prog Snob]

At least something good came out of the night, right? 

[cramx3]

Oh yea, I had a lot of fun regardless. 

And it's funny how things now work out.  I make plans to go to AC tonight with my friend and maybe 30 minutes later I get a message on okcupid, a girl I messaged Thursday night but didn't hear from.  Turns out she is in Harrahs going to the pool party, same thing I am doing.  She is from the next town over from me, 90 minutes away from AC.  She wants to meet up.  Talk about coincidence. 

[bout to crash]

Oh weird, that's cool! And yeah, I think some people are just flaky. I've got friends who are sorta that way, and you just kinda get used to it and don't see them much. I've dated people not quite like that but people who were unreliable, and it kinda drove me crazy.
She's not just going to change old habits because she likes you, IMO.

[cramx3]

Well the flaky girl has a resolution, got this text just before I left AC

"Hey I hope you had fun in AC. I want to be completely honest with you. I saw my ex last night and we started talking and I dont know whats going to happen from here but I dont want to drag you into my drama. Im sorry that I wasted your time."

My response "yikes" 

Well glad that's over with.  AC girl last night was fun and completely random, but she was definitely fun 

[bout to crash]

Yay for random fun! And yikes indeed. Sounds like you dodged a bullet with the flake.

[Prog Snob]

Better off this way. She was probably bouncing back and forth with her ex this whole time, which was why there were so many eleventh hour plan changes.

[cramx3]

You called it with the flake.

I gave myself a rule awhile ago that if she cancels the first date, then I'm done, to avoid this situation.  I thought that girl was honestly the most attractive and she seemed legit, had a job, close to her family, a sense of humor, seemingly a lot of friends (one of her friends even knew my friend and he vouched for her friend as a good girl). and her excuses seemed legit, then we met and she was as awesome as I thought, but the truth finally comes out, only 24 hours after saying "I promise you I am not wasting your time" I need to follow my rules more often here on out.

[Prog Snob]

It wasn't so bad. You didn't compromise yourself for her. You did what you thought was right by giving her another chance because you sensed hope there. It's her loss and now you can focus on finding something more fruitful.

[bout to crash]

True that.

So I spent last night-half of today with the dude who I wasn't sure about anymore, and it was realllllly nice. We got dinner, drank some beer, watched movies, cuddled, and had a bunch of sex. Soo things are good for now, I think. I did not bring up the awkward party moment. He was kind of having a bad day (complicated situation with his roommates) so my primary goal was to distract him and lift his mood by draining his precious bodily fluids. I think it worked.

I have plans to go see The Revenant with a guy from OKC Tuesday. We've sent each other a ton of messages for the last several months but have both been super busy and he travels a lot for work, so we never met up before. He seems cool but I have no idea if there will be any actual chemistry. We shall see.

[Prog Snob]

True that.

So I spent last night-half of today with the dude who I wasn't sure about anymore, and it was realllllly nice. We got dinner, drank some beer, watched movies, cuddled, and had a bunch of sex. Soo things are good for now, I think. I did not bring up the awkward party moment. He was kind of having a bad day (complicated situation with his roommates) so my primary goal was to distract him and lift his mood by draining his precious bodily fluids. I think it worked.

I have plans to go see The Revenant with a guy from OKC Tuesday. We've sent each other a ton of messages for the last several months but have both been super busy and he travels a lot for work, so we never met up before. He seems cool but I have no idea if there will be any actual chemistry. We shall see.

I love how you worded that, "draining his precious bodily fluids."  I'm glad that you had a nice time with him. My opinion, don't bring up the party moment again. See if things continue to go well and if it's enough to push the party to the back of your mind, then enjoy what you have. If he's really that discombobulated, then it won't be something he can hide easily and it'll show itself again. Time will tell.

[bout to crash]

Yeah, I agree. He was fine this time (other than being upset/stressed about roommate stuff) so I don't think it's an issue anymore. I think he was really happy to have me there as a distraction and support and I was glad to be there.

[cramx3]

Sweet, draining of the body fluids is a necesary thing, not much different than needing an oil change in the car 

Glad you guys moved past that party moment and are just having fun again. 

AC girl was rather annoying yesterday.  Wouldn't stop texting me, telling me she wants to be laying in bed with me (many times)... which is nice and all but I had to tell her twice that I wasn't available to hang out last night (I mean I technically was, but needed my Sunday night of rest for the week).  She didn't get my hints so I flat out said she is being too aggressive.  She backed off after that.  She wants to see a movie Tuesday night.  I'm debating it. 

Here is what really makes sad though, I matched on Tinder with a girl when I was in AC.  I gave her the "really like" or whatever it is called.  Girl looks beautiful, went to PSU, and her little profile matched A LOT of things that I enjoy as well (like shockingly similar).  Last night we chatted for awhile, had a great convo, but she is from Philly  we left it at next time I go to Philly I have a friend and likewas for her when she comes to Jersey/NYC. 

[Stadler]

The truth is, even if you have a second date that's amazing she's going to continue being a flake. That's just some people. If you're willing to forgive and put up with it because you like her that's a totally valid choice, but you just need to be prepared for the same shit and know what your limits are.

You think this girl would always be like this? Like if she liked me, even as much as she said she did from the first date, she would consistently cancel plans?  How does such a person have friends then? 

'cause she's cool enough that people put up with it.  I don't mean that to be snarky, but t's like any other trait that a person has.  For some people it's a deal breaker, for others' it's not.    For me, being a little flaky is tolerable up to a point.   Cancelling dinner and drinks isn't the worst thing in the world; if I spring for Roger Waters "The Wall" tickets and a hotel room (we're looking at $750 invested at that point) and she calls to say "she has to get up early tomorrow" that's a different story. 

[Stadler]

Here is what really makes sad though, I matched on Tinder with a girl when I was in AC.  I gave her the "really like" or whatever it is called.  Girl looks beautiful, went to PSU, and her little profile matched A LOT of things that I enjoy as well (like shockingly similar).  Last night we chatted for awhile, had a great convo, but she is from Philly  we left it at next time I go to Philly I have a friend and likewas for her when she comes to Jersey/NYC.

City Philly, Mainline Philly, or North Philly?   Center City is an AWESOME place for meeting a girl.   If it happens let me know; I can have a list of 10 places in about 18 seconds, depending on your mood, your wallet and your ideas for the evening. 

[cramx3]

The truth is, even if you have a second date that's amazing she's going to continue being a flake. That's just some people. If you're willing to forgive and put up with it because you like her that's a totally valid choice, but you just need to be prepared for the same shit and know what your limits are.

You think this girl would always be like this? Like if she liked me, even as much as she said she did from the first date, she would consistently cancel plans?  How does such a person have friends then? 

'cause she's cool enough that people put up with it.  I don't mean that to be snarky, but t's like any other trait that a person has.  For some people it's a deal breaker, for others' it's not.    For me, being a little flaky is tolerable up to a point.   Cancelling dinner and drinks isn't the worst thing in the world; if I spring for Roger Waters "The Wall" tickets and a hotel room (we're looking at $750 invested at that point) and she calls to say "she has to get up early tomorrow" that's a different story.

Yea, I mean some flakiness is normal and we have all experienced it and have been flaky our selves.  It's not like I never cancelled something last minute.  I can deal with that and be understanding, but if it was constant, I couldn't deal with that.  Not from a potential GF.  Rubs me off as being disrespectful.  And honestly, the ex BF being in the scene seems like the likely reason for her flakiness and I totally agree with the thought that he wasn't just around this weekend.  My guess is they have been on/off or something, I caught her during the off time.  Im glad that it's just over now and I don't have to think about it.  She sucks as far as I am concerned now    Oh and her flakiness totally lead to me having an awesome weekend, so maybe I should just thank her.

As for philly, she is on the west side near St. Joes.  I have no plans on ever actually driving the hour and a half to meet her for a date.  That is a bit extreme for me, but thank you for the offer. 

[cramx3]

AC girl is done.  She was being very pushy, which I had already told her to stop, but I had a nice home cooked meal that I was working on and figured I'd be nice and invite her over for dinner.  She spent most of the time on the phone, text messages and phone ringing which she answered a few times.  She was clearly only looking for sex, which would have been OK if I had enjoyed her company, but I just felt annoyed the entire time and was really turned off.  I told her I was tired and ready for bed, she left.  I texted her after saying I was not digging this, she wasn't happy, but boy am I glad to get rid of her 

So I am down to the Brooklyn girl.  We still talk, she said she misses me since we haven't hung out in two weeks, but we made plans for Friday night, I will make the trip out to her.  See where that goes, probably some bad kissing, but I've always enjoyed our time together.

[Prog Snob]

See what happens with her. You never know. Maybe something will ignite this time.

[bout to crash]

Oh man, sounds like AC girl was another bullet dodged. That would drive me crazy if she was on her phone that much. I hope the date with Brooklyn goes well!

I met an OKC guy last night who was very cool but not sure if I felt much of a spark. I think I would enjoy hanging with him again, though. We shall see.

Long story but again I'm a little annoyed with the one guy for the continual message that he feels I should come to his place all the time. A friend of mine asked about substance use and basically said he sounds like all of his pothead friends who want to get laid but don't have the drive to get off their asses and want girls to come to them. He does smoke a good amount but I never thought of him as the stereotypical stoner... but maybe that has something to do with it.

Also, related but separate question: have you guys ever been in a relationship where when you're WITH the person you're totally infatuated but when you're apart you don't feel super strongly and they maybe even get on your nerves? That's kind of how this feels- when I'm with him all is right, but then when we're just texting and I'm thinking about stuff I'm not as crazy about him. Shold I blame pheromones, physical chemistry? I'm not sure...

[Prog Snob]

Also, related but separate question: have you guys ever been in a relationship where when you're WITH the person you're totally infatuated but when you're apart you don't feel super strongly and they maybe even get on your nerves? That's kind of how this feels- when I'm with him all is right, but then when we're just texting and I'm thinking about stuff I'm not as crazy about him. Shold I blame pheromones, physical chemistry? I'm not sure...

Absolutely. I feel like it becomes that way when you're not sure what to do with someone. I'm going to go out on a limb here and take a different approach. Since he has been flaky and inconsistent with his actions, I think that when he's good it seems like it's amazing, but your subconscious is comparing it to his mistakes so it's really not as good as it seems. A good analogy would be the weather. You can get a few days in a row of 0 degree weather and then one day there's a "heat wave" and it's 40 degrees. Now it's still pretty cold, but it feels good compared to how the weather has been.

So, the question is, are you really enjoying the time with him often enough for it to be a good sign? And is it really truly strong chemistry or are you just happy that he's not flaking out on you?

[cramx3]

Also, related but separate question: have you guys ever been in a relationship where when you're WITH the person you're totally infatuated but when you're apart you don't feel super strongly and they maybe even get on your nerves? That's kind of how this feels- when I'm with him all is right, but then when we're just texting and I'm thinking about stuff I'm not as crazy about him. Shold I blame pheromones, physical chemistry? I'm not sure...

Well is it because when you are with him you are also enjoying the green goods? 

Got to be honest, sounds like a lazy stoner based on what you wrote.  I know these types pretty well.... my brother and all his friends.  Except they are too lazy to even try to find a girl.  I enjoy the goods as well, but I can never live my life like that, just sitting on the couch all day and have no drive to do anything.  When you brought up how he has the plants and is too busy sometimes that is immediately what I thought, "he might be too high to talk, not busy" but I didn't want to judge someone like that (well now I am given that little bit of info you shared).  I can't imagine working from home and not being able to pick up a phone, like who is telling you that you can't have a convo while tending the plants?  I've seen enough stoners in my life who just stare away straight and have no idea what's going on around them.  Including a ringing phone.  I know I am being harsh on stoners here, but it bothers me because it puts a bad rep on responsible users like myself.

Have I ever liked someone when with them but not felt the same away? Of course, I think that is a sign of a physical attraction and not much else.  Clearly you've got some issues with him and you've talked about it before.  Maybe it's time to just walk away from this.  I'd imagine it's not worth the frustration, unless the sex is that good.