One of my AA friends put it in a really obscure yet oh so appropriate way that I've seen so many of my past friends exhibit (and some women...but mostly men who
love to be down on themselves): "That girl and relationship is not your higher power, don't treat it or her as such." It seemed a blown out of proportion comment to me at first but when I really thought about it...some guys totally do that. Like Jackie said, if a person has low enough self-esteem, that whole BS of "you make me feel so much better about myself" isn't actually about the other person in the relationship, it's about Mr. I'm-So-Down-On-Me and the fact that he (again, or she) feels better because he thinks that he's now somehow better because of the relationship itself (or going further for some friends I used to have, because they feel more manly/confident/egotistical simply because of the fact that a girl is into them...not because of the girl herself...because of the existence of a relationship at all).
Just my own personal experiences so no one take this to heart, please. But I can definitely see how that'd be problematic, and from what I've seen, it almost always is. As they say, you gotta do it for yourself (whatever it is...getting better from health issues, self-esteem issues, any issue at all, really) and not for what the other person wants from or for you and certainly not because the relationship makes you feel like you have a purpose. As a teen I never got this concept and thought "Well, if the relationship makes me feel better about myself, so what"? Well...the so what is that...it's hollow and meaningless. If a relationship is your sustenence for your own self worth...something is fucking wrong. Some deeper issue that should be resolved through personal introspection and not inside of her pussy.
Sorry...totally went off on a tangent there. I've been dealing with some seriously skewed people recently on top of making some big changes in my life. Now that I'm doing shit for me, it's tough for me to not get holier-than-thou sometimes and I need to remind myself that I was once there. It's just tough when you're talking to a guy that's 10 years older than myself and he's dealing with issues I dealt with when I was in highschool... Eh. To each their own. Life experiences happen at a different point for us all but it's extra annoying when said life experiences usually happen around the formative years, not a mid-life-crisis.
I'm absolutely ecstatic to be single right now and to be able to concentrate solely on myself and my own issues, which are as vast as the god damn universe, and that is infinitely more difficult to deal with when a relationship gets between all of that (rather for me, it's impossible, in every sense of the word). It's nice to read people's experiences with others and that some of the guys I'm sponsoring are having very similar issues. I've always told anyone that is having any kind of crisis and they're casually dating...focus on yourself before you even attempt an actual relationship because it's going to be like juggling a thousand things with one arm; again, for myself it'd be like having no arms. No one needs that kind of stress or to put themselves in that situation.
Again, apologies on the random long thoughts.
Men have a hard time grasping that some fucking solitude doesn't always equate to loneliness. You don't always have to be knee deep in pussy or gallivanting around like you're 20 when you're nearing 40. Dating? Okay, if you don't have a plethora of personal issues and/or if you feel like it won't hinder personal growth. Acting like the super cool dudes on Jersey Shore? It's time for a wake up call.