Author Topic: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip  (Read 279380 times)

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Offline bout to crash

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #630 on: August 28, 2015, 06:08:41 PM »
Yep  :|

So I think I may send my friend a message about this dude. I don't want to put her in a shitty position so I plan to preface it by saying that and telling her it's totally okay to plead the fifth if she wants to. I just don't know how to proceed if the guy refuses to talk and blocks me. I honestly am not too concerned about having much of a relationship with him since it's clear he's a fucking man-child, but I don't want things to get fucked up with me and her since they are super close, and he and I will still be at a lot of the same social events together. Blegh.
Oh Jackie, always jumping to the most homoerotic possibility.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #631 on: August 28, 2015, 06:16:51 PM »
We're all man child's when we can.   :lol
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Offline Dr. DTVT

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #632 on: August 28, 2015, 08:49:55 PM »
Fuck it, I'm here forever.  I'm not even going to try anymore, it's not worth my time or effort.  Bitches be cray cray.
     

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #633 on: August 29, 2015, 01:18:29 AM »
Fuck it, I'm here forever.  I'm not even going to try anymore, it's not worth my time or effort.  Bitches be cray cray.

Sorry to hear that, but don't give up hope.  Someone out there is worth your time and effort and that will be appreciated.  Regardless bitches be cray cray  :biggrin:

Offline sylvan

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #634 on: August 29, 2015, 06:30:35 AM »
Bitches be cray cray.

bitches be cray cray  :biggrin:

Agreed. But....

"If we hang out I'll give your orgasms all night."
Yes, every girl I've met online has told me they get countless messages like that.  :facepalm:

 :facepalm: :facepalm: :facepalm:

Offline KevShmev

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #635 on: August 29, 2015, 06:54:19 AM »



There were two things that kind of threw me off. One, we kissed goodbye but he went right in for an open-mouthed kiss without easing into it. I thought that was weird- you don't just go in with tongue extended! Not a big deal, but it just weirded me out a bit.


BIG turn-off for me, for what it's worth (exactly, NOTHING). 

With regards to this, what's everyone's opinions on kissing on first dates?  I normally don't, especially if I really like the girl.  And even if I do, I agree, you work your way into the tongue, just don't throw it out there immediately.

Pretty normal for there to be a kiss of some kind at the end, assuming things went well. 

As for the tongue thing, yeah, I agree with you guys.  I briefly dated a girl a while back, who had great full lips, but her kissing consisted of all tongue.  I was like, what a waste of a great pair of lips.  :lol :lol

Offline bout to crash

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #636 on: August 29, 2015, 03:30:03 PM »
Aww, that's the worst. I'm sort of a "less is more" person when it comes to tongue, but of course your kissing style is different with everybody.

Guys, I heard back from the dude who flipped out and thought I uninvited him to my party. Apparently it was a Facebook-related misunderstanding (like, I don't think he realized he removed himself from the event, then got insulted thinking I did). We're okay now, but of course I'm still a bit turned off due to the fact that he actually deactivated his account over the whole thing (turns out I wasn't blocked) rather than just fucking talking to me about it sooner. He asked me basically what I wanted and I told him nothing serious and I didn't have a lot of time to invest. He thought I was sending a "fuck off" message by not replying much to him, but I told him that I was busy and that it's more of a "back off a little." He was cool with that. I have no idea when I'll see him next because he lives an hour away, but obviously not in a hurry to do so.
Oh Jackie, always jumping to the most homoerotic possibility.

Offline Dr. DTVT

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #637 on: August 29, 2015, 11:20:54 PM »
It's not happening.  I'm not just on a different wavelength than most women, I'm also phase shifted.  At least the feelings tend to be mutual non-interest.  I'm not interested in single mothers, the emotionally damaged, the uneducated, and the largely defective dating pool that remains at my age; and women don't seem to be interested in me because I'm extremely intelligent, overweight, don't drive a truck or other penis compensating vehicle, I'm not edgy enough because I don't have any tats, and live a life free of drugs and police raids - you know, boring.
     

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #638 on: August 30, 2015, 01:12:40 AM »
 :-\ :heart

There's a boring, intelligent woman out there somewhere for you! But hey, we're all a bit emotionally damaged.
Oh Jackie, always jumping to the most homoerotic possibility.

Offline Dr. DTVT

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #639 on: August 30, 2015, 07:19:50 AM »
I was more or less lamenting that in at least 1/3 of the profiles I come across, they explicitly state they want a guy who has a job, a car, doesn't live with parents, and doesn't do drugs...the opposite of the "bad boy" that all of them seemingly secretly want. 
     

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #640 on: August 30, 2015, 07:23:08 AM »
My wife says you're too good not to find someone Mason.  Keep putting yourself out there. It will happen.
I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.” - Bob Newhart
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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #641 on: August 30, 2015, 07:45:57 AM »
The only thing left at this point seem to be table scraps, women who don't have their act together or are immature, the super religious (mutual lack of interest), the redneck variety (again, mutual disinterest), or in the case of the coolest woman I met down here - gay.  The one single woman who gets my sense of humor, enjoys the same activities I do, loves football & dogs, has the same thirst for knowledge, and enjoys my company... is only attracted to other women.  Great joke universe.  Bravo :clap:

Being good has gotten me nowhere in dating or life.  Maybe that's why DTF is largely a sausage fest - we're all by and large "just good guys".
     

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #642 on: August 30, 2015, 08:23:53 AM »
Differences is good in a relationship.   Sure there are a few common likes but we all need a little individuality.   To keep a relationship healthy, both have to keep their individuality.

There's someone there Mason.  There is.
I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.” - Bob Newhart
So wait, we're spelling it wrong and king is spelling it right? What is going on here? :lol -- BlobVanDam
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Offline TioJorge

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #643 on: August 30, 2015, 08:38:39 AM »
I'll tell ya what brodood, attitude and confidence makes an omniverse of difference. In every way imaginable. Just because you're an awesomely intelligent drug-free mad scientist doesn't mean you're boring. However, I can absolutely guarantee that an attitude like that and the self-depreciating vibe that one gives off when in that state of mind is like the biggest, best cock block to yourself you could ever have. Think about all the dirty sluts out there. For every dirty slut, there's also a geeky do-gooder genius like yourself.

I live with my father (granted, out of choice) and my sister and my niece, I work at a restaurant and never, ever have weekends (my 'weekends are Mondays), and most would say that at my best, I'm a crazy bastard. But recently, after my little sabbatical, I decided to stop being down on myself because it's useless. Utterly useless, to myself and especially to people around me and/or ten fold for those that I'm interested in romantically or even just casual flings. My point is that with that kind of thought process, you can forget about any relationship unless the woman is just as self-depreciating. But forget about bases, you won't even get on the field unless you realize and know how awesome you are and project that outwards. But, y'know...not too much. There's definitely a line where confidence meets douchebag and it's a pretty thin line.  :lol

Anyway, I just wanted to throw that out there. This world only needs one Kotow ( :P :heart). At one point I probably made Kotow look like a fucking ball of sunshine and hope, and wouldn't you know it, I was miserable and any potential romantic interest I had fell flat. I've tried my damndest to change my state of mind and not be down on myself and surprise surprise, I've been on dates I wouldn't have thought I'd go on, met people I didn't think would be interested in me, even rekindled an old flame, and am no longer depressed about being depressed about not being a perfect being and blah fucking blah. No one needs it or wants it. I just wanted to say that you're awesome and fuck anyone's preconceived notions about what dating is or should be or who should be dating who, etc. x infinity. Getting worked up over stuff like that is not just useless, it's backtracking. Get your head straight, get right with yourself personally, physically, mentally...and then put yourself out there; I'll bet you dollars to doughnuts you'll see a difference. If she's not into you, then onto the next. You'll find someone. Unless you stop looking and break down. That's the only way you'll guarantee your own destiny in what you just wrote on this page. That's it.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #644 on: August 30, 2015, 10:00:12 AM »
Confidence is definitely important.  I can see why Dr. is annoyed though, I notice the same thing with woman online.  Keep your chin up and keep looking for what you want in a girl, but you are going to have to accept that as you get older, everyone is going to have some sort of baggage. 

Offline MoraWintersoul

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #645 on: August 30, 2015, 12:47:48 PM »
It's not happening.  I'm not just on a different wavelength than most women, I'm also phase shifted.  At least the feelings tend to be mutual non-interest.  I'm not interested in single mothers, the emotionally damaged, the uneducated, and the largely defective dating pool that remains at my age; and women don't seem to be interested in me because I'm extremely intelligent, overweight, don't drive a truck or other penis compensating vehicle, I'm not edgy enough because I don't have any tats, and live a life free of drugs and police raids - you know, boring.
If I'm going to be brutally honest, that sort of attitude towards dating and yourself isn't very attractive. I don't believe in the power of thoughts or magical attraction or whatever, but I would know this attitude when I see it.

At your age, there just aren't any "groups" of bad guys and good guys. Like maybe that sorta thing figures in one's very early 20's or something. Afterwards there are people who have interesting lives you'd like to be a part of, and people who just don't do anything of interest to you, whether they have 0 or 20 tattoos. If you wouldn't give a woman shit for drinking one too many glasses of wine at a party or something, you absolutely aren't too goodie-goodie for any woman, no matter what anyone says. If you're a boring person, you're a boring person, but you can be a cool person (AND, considered to be cool) without doing drugs and getting tattoos. Like, you seem to be stuck in this jocks vs geeks stereotype, and maybe you make it seem true to you, but to everyone else it's not the truth.

You seem to elevate yourself from the rest of your dating pool and at the same time you're kind of self-deprecating. But, you know, man, you're an ordinary person. Sure, you are very intelligent, have a cool academic career, but so do thousands of other people! You're overweight, but hundreds of thousands of other men are, and hundreds of thousands of women date them!

And you seem to put people into neat little categories. You know, I met a guy I liked who was just the right thing for me, and he turned out to be not so rosy. I was going after viking-looking guys with tats and great hair and I wasn't finding any decent fellas, but I didn't just say they're not interested in good girls who don't do drugs and don't fuck on the first date. I met my boyfriend who's a software dev, has played more video games than I've seen in my life, who's twice my weight, hates prog :biggrin: and based on your view of the world, I should have coldly rejected him, right? But I chased after him for a month, because I find him attractive, fun, full of life, and he makes me feel secure and wonderful. Even though I have to go to some other people to discuss sociology and music and if he has to ask someone else for advice on his job, we belong together. Because I've also made an effort to cheer for him when he plays a game and he made an effort to have an opinion about women's clothes.

No, you don't have to settle for someone who doesn't make you happy. But at the same time, you need to start looking out of the box, and seeing what really attracts the type of women that you're attracted to, and then getting that quality and start demonstrating it to the world. There are downsides to every quality. When I wasn't too attractive, I attracted the sort of guy who thought they were doing me a favor by being interested in me. Now when I'm more attractive, I've run into guys who only want a hot bod since the only other person they're interested in is themselves. But you can't get to both label large segments of your dating pool as "defective" and then not do anything to widen it (become more attractive, more outgoing, more interesting, more loving).
« Last Edit: August 30, 2015, 12:54:30 PM by MoraWintersoul »

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #646 on: August 30, 2015, 01:32:51 PM »
Yep.

I'll tell ya what brodood, attitude and confidence makes an omniverse of difference. In every way imaginable. Just because you're an awesomely intelligent drug-free mad scientist doesn't mean you're boring. However, I can absolutely guarantee that an attitude like that and the self-depreciating vibe that one gives off when in that state of mind is like the biggest, best cock block to yourself you could ever have.

:clap:

I know it's all disheartening as fuck, but having that attitude really does hurt you.
Oh Jackie, always jumping to the most homoerotic possibility.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #647 on: August 30, 2015, 03:24:51 PM »
I'm going to flat-out admit something here - I totally get the good Doc's attitude, but at the same time I'm becoming more and more comfortable with who and how I am. I'm also more accepting of the fact that I was settling for people who have similar qualities/personality of my mother because I felt I didn't deserve anyone who has similar qualities/personality of my father. I figured that shit out in the shower. At 45 years old. Finally. :lol

In all seriousness though, I agree with stepping out of the box/your "comfort zone". That's... just way too limiting. Plus, even as a slightly overweight female (I'm still working on that too)... I've noticed that when the girls and I go out for our monthly excursions, we have SUCH a good time that we definitely attract a fair bit of attention to ourselves.

And isn't that what life is all about? Being comfortable with all of your faults, but having a great time regardless?

Offline Stadler

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #648 on: August 30, 2015, 05:16:00 PM »
Sorry, but I am extremely intelligent (MENSA), overweight (5'8", 230), don't drive a truck or other penis compensating vehicle (though I don't have to, if you get what I'm saying), not edgy because I don't have any tats (not a one), and live a life free of drugs and police raids, and I just married a girl who is - literally, I shit you not - a beauty pageant winner.

Your predicament has NOTHING to do with the "dating pool" and everything to do with YOU.   (And by the way, bad move self-limiting on the "single moms", but that is just me talking). 

Man up and take responsibility for where you are in life.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #649 on: August 30, 2015, 09:03:37 PM »
:clap:

pics plz
Oh Jackie, always jumping to the most homoerotic possibility.

Offline Dr. DTVT

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #650 on: August 30, 2015, 10:33:54 PM »
I'm sorry for wanting things a certain way.  I probably put more effort to get where I am career wise than 99% of the population, so I don't think it is unfair to ask that I get some say in who I am interested in.

A ton of ladies want someone religious - that's not me.  I want to raise my own family, not someone else's aborted one - I'm not interested in single moms.  Good for you if you are, but it's not too late for me yet.  Someone who lives a country life and is interested in muddin' and shootin' and every other country activity isn't going to relate to someone who reads science research for fun and thinks a fun time with friends is a board game night.  I have a somewhat warped sense of humor that some people find off putting.  I have a taste in music that most people don't appreciate (don't we all here  :biggrin:).

I don't see the problem as being me.  Just because I complain about the dating pool doesn't mean I'm unhappy in life or have some other issue you want to paint me with.  I like pretty much everything about me, except for my blown out knees, but they aren't the issue.  I see it this way - I'm selling gourmet food, but my potential customers can't afford it (those I'm not interested in), aren't willing to try what I'm offering and want to stick with their comfort food (the small handful that I'm interested in, but they aren't interested), or have a food allergy to what I'm selling (I fit one of their dealbreakers).
     

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #651 on: August 30, 2015, 11:37:49 PM »
I see what you're saying, but to stick with the food analogy: you can't know whether you'll like something until you try it. That goes for you and them. Of course if you disagree on fundamental stuff like religion it might not be negotiable, but what if you met a really awesome lady with a really awesome kid and you had chemistry?
Also: A family is whatever you want to define it as, and I know many people (including my mother, who was basically a single mom for most of my childhood), who would find your statement about "someone else's aborted family" a bit ignorant and offensive.
Oh Jackie, always jumping to the most homoerotic possibility.

Offline MoraWintersoul

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #652 on: August 31, 2015, 05:45:15 AM »
Also: A family is whatever you want to define it as, and I know many people (including my mother, who was basically a single mom for most of my childhood), who would find your statement about "someone else's aborted family" a bit ignorant and offensive.
My mom is also a single mom. She's great and attractive and had a great career in law. It's a bit baffling coming from someone otherwise as laid-back as DTVT tbh.

You seem to live in a bit backwards area, but dammit, in Serbia 80% of people are religious, some are functionally illiterate, most folks in my parents' generation agree you're a fucking idiot for even going to college, let alone pursuing something greater, nerds are about as ostracized in high school as in any Hollywood movie... and yet, none of my geek atheist friends have no difficulties finding geek atheist girlfriends or girlfriends who don't share their interests but are laid back and tolerant. My chronically ill, formerly suicidal, geekier than everyone-friend is happily married. We're not saying something's wrong with you. We're saying all gourmet restaurants have loyal customers, unless you wanna name them "Don't Bother Coming In".

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #653 on: August 31, 2015, 06:45:35 AM »
Great responses here. :tup

I've been single for about six months now and I still struggle with it and have days when everything feels hopeless and that I'll never find someone else again. So I can really relate to those feelings.
And that's why it's so great reading you guys responses here. Thank you, DTF.  :heart
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Offline sylvan

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #654 on: August 31, 2015, 07:03:18 AM »
I'm sorry for wanting things a certain way... so I don't think it is unfair to ask that I get some say in who I am interested in.

You might just hear these exact same words from a woman. Turns out they're just as picky as men  ???.  I get it, especially about the single mom thing. I simply wanted to have the option of starting a family from scratch. Nothing wrong with that. Unfortunately, that will single out a lot of great people. I've become more open to the idea of at least dating a woman with a child. If she's awesome,and thinks I'm awesome, then that's a win. Figure out the rest later. I just think you might be drawing TOO many lines.

I got moderator status on okcupid. It's not as interesting as okcreepsters,  but I'm sure one of those messages will pop up eventually.

So I had like 10 days left on my  match.com membership. I figured I'd add another pic as a groomsmen for my buddy as a profile pic. So all of a sudden I'm getting a bunch of views from a lot of local profiles I've never even come across. Or people I've messaged and got no reply are checking back. Weird. I got three winks and messages from three different women. I'm more used to no replies than I am with getting initial interest from them.

I'm starting to understand the female perspective when it comes to messaging. I've been messaging with someone that seems cool. Not a whole lot of effort required to carry on conversation... easy. I started talking to another woman who doesn't really seem like my type, but I'm being open. I have all sort of stuff in my profile to talk about, but this convo isn't moving so well. And I find that I'm not really attracted to her physically. I might need to give that default "Not my type" message. Lastly, after seeing all the cool things I have on profile to talk about, I got a PUA "Serious question: Pancakes or waffles?" I see all the ladies on okcreepster lampooning guys for using these lines, but I know why she would. So I'm not inclined to give her shit for it, but come on!


Offline Stadler

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #655 on: August 31, 2015, 07:24:16 AM »
I'm sorry for wanting things a certain way.  I probably put more effort to get where I am career wise than 99% of the population, so I don't think it is unfair to ask that I get some say in who I am interested in.

A ton of ladies want someone religious - that's not me.  I want to raise my own family, not someone else's aborted one - I'm not interested in single moms.  Good for you if you are, but it's not too late for me yet.  Someone who lives a country life and is interested in muddin' and shootin' and every other country activity isn't going to relate to someone who reads science research for fun and thinks a fun time with friends is a board game night.  I have a somewhat warped sense of humor that some people find off putting.  I have a taste in music that most people don't appreciate (don't we all here  :biggrin:).

I don't see the problem as being me.  Just because I complain about the dating pool doesn't mean I'm unhappy in life or have some other issue you want to paint me with.  I like pretty much everything about me, except for my blown out knees, but they aren't the issue.  I see it this way - I'm selling gourmet food, but my potential customers can't afford it (those I'm not interested in), aren't willing to try what I'm offering and want to stick with their comfort food (the small handful that I'm interested in, but they aren't interested), or have a food allergy to what I'm selling (I fit one of their dealbreakers).

Look, I admit I was a little harsh, but I guess I'm saying that you have all these rules, and what are rules but made to be broken?   I've been lucky enough to meet someone who was my checklist from top to bottom: smarts, looks, money, geography, music, sports... and we lasted about 72 hours.   I couldn't wait to be done with that.   I don't know that I would have given my wife the time o'day if we were talking about "rules" and "checklists" and "what I want", but I did.  And I realized that the more time I spent with her, the more I looked forward to seeing her again.  I have a JD and an MBA, she finished high school and did a tech school for two years; so what?  She can hold a conversation, and is actually rather well read.  I would have preferred one child (because I have one) but she has three, and one is, let's say, behaviorally challenged.  Okay, who wants to get involved in that, right?   But it has been as rewarding as it is challenging, and the kid is a good kid at heart who just needs some direction.   I could continue to go down the list, but at the end of the day, we treat each other with respect and dignity, and we both just enjoy each others' company.  Maybe that's not for you, I get that.   I find it hard to believe you are dating her degrees or her CD collection, though.   If you click, it doesn't matter what you both listen to, you compromise and you respect what she likes and more importantly, WHY she likes it. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is, instead of looking at all the ways that the entire population is conspired against you, and how every woman is a bad fit for some reason or another, why not try to look at all the ways these women MIGHT be a good fit?   You don't think there's at least ONE city girl out there who is ready willing and able to tackle the country life, but has no idea what it is or what it offers until she meets a compassionate, caring teacher like yourself?   


As for the "single mom" thing, to each their own, but speaking as someone who understands your point of view (and perhaps said as much a couple years ago) I can tell you that we as humans are a product of our experiences.  And when I got divorced, it got to the point that I finally changed my tune to the one above.   This might seem harsher and more calculating than I mean it, but there are a LOT of women out there who married the high school sweetheart, and found out that people don't always grow and mature and age at the same pace or in the same direction, and while they have a child, they know exactly what is important (read:  not usually the six pack, the vehicular penile simulator, or dumb muscles) and understand that they are lucky to be able to have a second chance at finding someone who cares for them.   It's like the "hot stove" analogy I use a lot; you can tell someone to not touch the stove 1,000 times, but they WILL touch the stove, they WILL realize that it is hot and it hurts, and they WILL NOT touch it again.   My wife knows full well that if the worst thing she has to put up with in her life now is a husband who likes to crank out 15-minute prog metal opuses on occasion, or will sometimes bang out "Love Gun" while driving, then, so be it.   She knows I'm coming home to her every night, and she knows I will be sober when I do.  She knows I'm thinking of her as much as myself when I make familial decisions, and she knows I consider her kids as my own.  The rest... doesn't mean shit at the end of the day. 

But, if you have a different standard, so be it.  Just own it; don't blame 1,000,000 women for your decision, that's all I'm saying.  It's not their fault.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #656 on: August 31, 2015, 10:46:43 AM »
It's perfectly fine to set some sort of standard for what you look for in a girl, and dating in general helps you find this standard for what you want.  BUT to hold that standard as the end all be all and you will likely miss out on someone who COULD be amazing.  If single mother's arent your thing, fine, but in all seriousness, if you met a single mother who fit all your criteria and you really enjoyed spending time with and then found out she was a mom, would you end it? 

I list in my profile I am not interested in single moms (through the okcupid questions) but in reality, in the above scenario, I would give it a try if the woman was that awesome in every other way.  Being a mom doesn't make you a bad person, but I understand there is a different aspect to a relationship that has a kid involved. 

My point is, being so closed minded won't help in finding a partner for life. 

I should also add, that you remind me a bit of myself with the basics you described... I have an engineering degree (nerd), I like metal music (metalhead), I play video games (dork), no tats and can't grow a beard (not a badass), and I am overweight (fatass).   I still manage to find really awesome girls who can dig my style although I will admit, I have not had Stadler's luck of getting that 10 model, but then again I don't put too much stock into looks, just as long as I find the girl attractive.  Beauty fades so it's not the most important trait for me.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #657 on: August 31, 2015, 11:43:11 AM »
I should also add, that you remind me a bit of myself with the basics you described... I have an engineering degree (nerd), I like metal music (metalhead), I play video games (dork), no tats and can't grow a beard (not a badass), and I am overweight (fatass).   I still manage to find really awesome girls who can dig my style although I will admit, I have not had Stadler's luck of getting that 10 model, but then again I don't put too much stock into looks, just as long as I find the girl attractive.  Beauty fades so it's not the most important trait for me.

And don't get me wrong; I know I hit the lottery.  But I'd be with her even if that wasn't the case, because we click on almost all levels (and those we don't, we compromise and respect the difference).

My point isn't "hold out for a supermodel"; my point is, don't box your self in then whine about the box you're in.   

I've said this before, but when I was going through my divorce and soon after, I would go to the local bar around the corner from me, bring my crossword puzzles, and sit there and talk to people.  ANYONE.   And I met 20-something college girls, and 60-something grandmothers, and everything in between.  And the one thing I learned is:  almost every one of them had something - SOMETHING - interesting about them, and almost all of them had something - SOMETHING - that was an issue.   I think the one trick is, I would talk to anyone, and I was genuinely interested in what they had to say (to a point).  I'm not saying I would date all - or even most - of them.  But I got to meet a lot of interesting people, I coulda had a decent amount of sex, and a decent amount of companionship, if I wanted.  THEN I can use my rules to rule out those that aren't my thing.  That's very different than saying "I'm picky!" then complaining that girls don't like this or that.   They are out there, it just takes effort to find them.  There is no magic pill or website to do it for you.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #658 on: August 31, 2015, 11:53:57 AM »
If you've never sat at a bar and done crossword puzzles, we are not a match.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #659 on: August 31, 2015, 12:58:01 PM »
If you've never sat at a bar and done crossword puzzles, we are not a match.

Haha, laugh all you want, it is the best icebreaker on the planet that doesn't use gasoline or allow you to meet the band.  Bear in mind, it is a bar that is half locals and half UConn law students, so there is that, but I can't tell you how many finished crosswords I had with a phone number scribbled on the top.   

Think about the message it sends:  either pathetic nerd, or (more likely) intelligent, confident, not "on the prowl", and therefore relatively harmless.   I figured, any woman that engaged in a conversation probably wasn't thinking the first one, and even if they were, they were talking to me, so at least I had a passing shot to dissuade her of that notion. Win win.   

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #660 on: August 31, 2015, 01:01:33 PM »
I hear you. I used to sit and do sudoku because I'd show up an hour before my friends :lol

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #661 on: August 31, 2015, 02:52:57 PM »
Next time I travel alone I am going to have to give the crossword puzzle at a bar a try.

Think about the message it sends:  either pathetic nerd, or (more likely) intelligent, confident, not "on the prowl", and therefore relatively harmless.   I figured, any woman that engaged in a conversation probably wasn't thinking the first one, and even if they were, they were talking to me, so at least I had a passing shot to dissuade her of that notion. Win win.   

Ya know, now that you say that.  When I have traveled alone in the past and made it out to a bar, every single woman I met in those bars all noted I had "balls" to go out alone.  I always thought it was depressing to do so and only did it because what else am I going to do on a 2 week trip alone thousands of miles away from anyone I know?  But when you think about it, I guess it does send some sort of message that is more positive than "depressing".  Really got to do the crosswords next time lol

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #662 on: September 06, 2015, 08:46:32 PM »
Hey cram, are you still holding on while out of town?

I went on a first date tonight. I thought it went well. We're both online dating for the same reasons, she's athletic, and we both are picky eaters ( I always thought I was picky, she wins). Her bro is blind and so is my dad. That was a cool thing to have in common. She laughed a lot, mentioned a couple times about doing something during the week. I'm optimistic and excited.

I was messaging with another woman, seemingly completely different from the other, and she gave me her number. I've texted with her a little, but she's busy with the holiday weekend, and I kinda don't wanna rush into trying to date multiple women at the same time. If it happens, I'll do my best. Otherwise, I slowed down so as to not call someone by another's name, again :facepalm:.

On another site, I saw a bombshell with a 92% match. Clicked on her profile, she plays cello in rock based bands, claims Archer is her spirit animal, loves bourbon, super smart/educated/successful. All of that adds up to several levels out of my league. I messaged her about her music and how Archer is awesome. We messaged a few times, and I just decided to ask if she wants to go find some live music and grab a scotch. "That sounds great!" Wait, what? I still am trying to lock something down. Fingers crossed...

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #663 on: September 07, 2015, 05:47:18 AM »
My business trips are almost all work and no play so the reality of meeting anyone is really slim, but if I were to be able to go out with a girl I would.  Assuming I am not in anything serious or felt like I was going to be in something serious with someone back at home.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #664 on: September 12, 2015, 08:42:39 PM »
sylvan, sounds promising!  :tup

I had a date last night... with a lady :eyebrows:
We've hung out in the past and we kissed once before but last night we actually got to make out. At the drive-in. That was nice. She's a bit older (42) and a total MILF. Super cool and we have a lot in common. I'm not quite as into girls as guys, but I always feel like the conversation part of things is much easier on girl dates. It's the initiating of kissing, etc. that's harder. With dudes I can almost always count on them to make the move. Last night I leaned in for the kiss, which was weird for me. She said that she usually feels like a woman in charge but with me felt like a teenage boy  :lol
Not sure when we will hang again but hopefully soon.

I also had my third date with that OkCupid guy I think I mentioned on Wednesday. He is also 42 (it's the answer!) and super cool. We had a very steamy makeout session on the top level of a parking garage after seeing a movie, which was awesome. I'm waiting to hear back from him on his availability next week so we can hopefully hang out.
Oh Jackie, always jumping to the most homoerotic possibility.