Author Topic: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip  (Read 279417 times)

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Online Stadler

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #595 on: August 21, 2015, 07:58:26 AM »
I don't do anything on first dates besides grab a drink whether that be at a coffee shop or bar, depending on what the female is more comfortable with.  First dates from online are more of a formal meeting and face to face chat to get a better feel for each other, after that if things go well then I'd venture into something different or maybe not.

This.   Let's be realistic here:  I know we're all Brad Pitt good looking with Mark Cuban money, and the suave personality of Leo DiCaprio, but you have to give both parties a chance to address the one thing you can't fake:  physical chemistry.  If you are stuck at a ball game or movie, and it isn't working, you need an out.   Having a nice drink and seeing where it goes is the perfect solution.

(On my first date with my now-wife, we went to a local restaurant to have a drink, sat down, and the waitress brought water; we literally sat there for almost four hours and never ordered a single thing.  NOT EVEN THE DRINK!  It was just nice to talk.   As we were leaving, the owner came running out and asked "what was wrong?"   Not being a complete idiot, I turned to him and said, "this was our first date, and I just got wrapped up talking to this wonderful girl and lost track of time".   We've been basically together ever since.)

Offline MoraWintersoul

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #596 on: August 22, 2015, 01:28:52 PM »
Not being a complete idiot, I turned to him and said, "this was our first date, and I just got wrapped up talking to this wonderful girl and lost track of time".   We've been basically together ever since.
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Offline bout to crash

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #597 on: August 22, 2015, 03:00:23 PM »
Awww, that's adorable.

sylvan, as for what constitutes a creep, I'm talking about the guys whose first message is "If we hang out I'll give your orgasms all night."
Those don't get a response. And honestly, neither do the very brief "Hey I like your profile, let's chat" ones. Because for all I know that means he said "Oh hey, she looks cute" and sent a half-assed message. Because I'm getting so much communication, I'm really just replying to people who sent me a thoughtful message. Even if I'm not attracted to the guy from his picture or whatever, I still appreciate the effort and he may still be cool peoples.
I am seeing now that lots of people want to meet up, and I don't have a lot of free time. One guy asked to Skype, but I'm not into that. I gave my number to two guys but nothing scheduled yet. One I think I will definitely end up hanging with.

As for "ghosting," I mostly agree with what Stadler said. I really don't want to send an "it's not you it's me" message so I have done that with online people. In person I wouldn't do that, like drop off the face of the earth if we've gone out on several dates. That's lame.


On a side note, what is it with dick pics? Are they supposed to be arousing? Because I don't even know where to start bashing those :lol if you have a fling and she stated she liked that, send them; if not, what are the odds that a pic of your genitals will make a random woman's day better? :lol

For real  :lol
Even if we're having regular sex, I do not want to see a picture of your penis. I know what it looks like.
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Offline sylvan

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #598 on: August 23, 2015, 06:15:48 AM »
So I'm like 25 pages into okcreepster. Fucking eye opening :o. I can't help but laugh at a lot of what is there. It appears as though some of these women have experienced it so much that they have to laugh at some of it too. But I'm mostly disappointed. It's become very evident that this experience is different for men and for women. I might be waiting for a reply from one of the few people I've sent thoughtful messages to. Only I didn't know that they might not get to it because they sign on and find 100+ messages, mostly consisting of Hey!, Casual sex?, or some sequence of words describing what sexual act they want to perform, like pickle sliding.

Not continuing on with a virtual conversation with someone you've never met shouldn't be considered ghosting. But yeah, if you've met in person, unless the other individual is just that bad, it's basic human courtesy to include some words, even if it's as simple as "No Thank You" to further interaction. That doesn't mean that women owe that, or men for that matter (goes both ways, I know), but that they could be considered a poor excuse for a human being if they choose to act that way. Regardless of what was meant by the words (text) that were said to me, specific words were used. Then, ghost. And you all were right. There's no need for me to be hung up on someone like that. Ghosting leaves one person searching for answers, wondering why. The ONLY realization to be had, and the sooner the better, is that the ghost is no longer a worthwhile thought.

I can say first hand that I'm slightly apprehensive being as open as we were, with another person. It's a wierd feeling. With the little experience I have with dating, and as comfortable as I have been in general with opening up about myself (not too open, like volunteering too much info), its odd to feel apprehension about it.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #599 on: August 23, 2015, 07:23:43 AM »
Being open should be a face to face, intimate thing.  Saying those things on the Internet never come off right when meeting someone new.  From what I've seen so much lately is that people who know me very well can take what I say on the Internet a totally different way than what I meant.

That's why if you want to open up to a person, do it face to face.  It becomes more genuine.
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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #600 on: August 23, 2015, 04:36:41 PM »
Well, I agreed to hang out with the guy I said I would end up meeting, beer garden on Tuesday. We shall see. He seems to be pretty busy and involved with a lot of people (he told me the other day that he had several dates) so that takes some of the pressure off. I do not have the time or energy to be somebody's one-and-only right now, and I don't really want that anyway.
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Online cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #601 on: August 24, 2015, 10:18:54 AM »
Well, I agreed to hang out with the guy I said I would end up meeting, beer garden on Tuesday. We shall see. He seems to be pretty busy and involved with a lot of people (he told me the other day that he had several dates) so that takes some of the pressure off. I do not have the time or energy to be somebody's one-and-only right now, and I don't really want that anyway.

Interesting way to see it.  I don't think I would tell a girl that I have multiple dates even if I did.  I also do not think I would want to know if the girl I am dating is doing that.  I just don't ask or talk about it since it's none of my business in the early stage, or essentially until you become serious.

My date on Friday went well, had a nice dinner and beers followed by arcade gaming.  She came over afterwards to chill for a bit as well.  Going to see her tomorrow night and then I travel again for work next week so hopefully she doesn't lose interest, but that's only a 1 week trip so I think I will be ok, only my 2 week trips seem to be when I lose the girl.

Offline bout to crash

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #602 on: August 24, 2015, 11:38:12 PM »
Sounds promising!

As for my situation, this guy is openly polyamorous so I wouldn't expect any different. He didn't just say it out of the blue, but I had asked him if he had anything fun planned for the week or whatever.
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Online Stadler

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #603 on: August 25, 2015, 07:00:41 AM »
What are your (the group) thoughts on polyamorism?

On one hand, it can be said to be the honest acknowledgement of one's predilections, and as long as one is honest with their partner (and their partner is accepting), then c'est la vie.

On the other hand, it sounds a lot like "Lookin' for my cake, and lookin' to eat it too!", taking the easy way out.  No commitment, no personal sacrifice, no discipline...

I think for me, philosophically, I lean to the first one, strongly, but perhaps as I get older, I have more instances of people and their human nature being... disappointing, shall we say, and so realistically I feel that the second is more likely the reality.

Thoughts? 

Offline Chino

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #604 on: August 25, 2015, 07:22:26 AM »
I don't have a problem with it. People are wired to want and enjoy sex, and I can totally understand why after twenty years with the same person it could get a little stale. Plenty of marriages probably fail due to problems with intimacy later in life. I know a couple that does this, kind of. They have sex with people other than their partner, but the partner always has to be present. Sometimes they'll have a night with another couple (or four), or FFM/MMF threesome as long as the other one approves. Protection is always used and both people in the relationship are okay with it. Actually, they are more than okay with it, they want it. They've been together more than four years and are one of the happiest couples I know.

We all have different sexual tastes (I'm going to say this from a guy's perspective). Some men like skinny toned girls and others like bbws. Some guys are turned on by lesbian porn, some aren't. For reasons I don't fully understand, some guys are obsessed with feet. Some guys like looking at a girl tied up with chains while others find a girl laying on a feather bed way sexier. So if a guy is turned on by watching his g/f get nailed while she performs something on him in the meantime, I can't really knock that. We all have our quirks as fetishes, and none are any crazier than the others as long as both people involved are fully on board with it and not hurting anyone else.


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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #605 on: August 25, 2015, 08:03:48 AM »
Yeah, obviously people can do whatever they want as long as they're happy. And I can understand and appreciate poly for what it is. However, it's really no something for me, I am way to invested and commited to the person I'm currently in a relationsship with, I could never be with someone else at the same time. :)

Obviously, one night stands are a completely different story.
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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #606 on: August 25, 2015, 09:43:19 AM »
I'm perhaps over-thinking this (ha, never did that before!) but the way Chino writes it, I have 100% agreement.  Totally on board with "whatever works in your relationship". 

I just feel there are no absolutes, and perhaps it's because I have a 16-year-old stepdaughter and a 14-year-old daughter, but I think at the stage of being married for years and exploring sexuality together its different than perhaps just wanting to bang babes at leisure without facing the consequences.  I don't know; I'm throwing the idea out there, not saying I'm right or that this is my final answer.  I'm not polyamorous myself, so it's a new-ish concept (though I know a couple like Chino's friend as well, and they probably have what looks to be the best marriage of any of my close friends).

Offline MoraWintersoul

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #607 on: August 25, 2015, 11:28:33 AM »
I think for me, philosophically, I lean to the first one, strongly, but perhaps as I get older, I have more instances of people and their human nature being... disappointing, shall we say, and so realistically I feel that the second is more likely the reality.
I agree with this. Things tend to get complicated if two people have even a slightly differing view of their relationship, throw in more people into the mix and it just gets confusing. If people can handle that for 40+ years of their lives and never get heartbroken or disappointed, props to them. They have all the people skills I'll never have.

I have a polyamorous friend, and she says it's a matter of getting love where you find it and not worrying about stale conventions. Which sounds great. But she finds dating fun. I don't see dating as "oh I'm gonna meet super fun people and have fun times and get laid so many times", more like "if I'm lucky I'm gonna find someone who's actively not horrible and who's going to be respectful and fun and cool for a really long time". I don't like people enough in general to date more than one per three years :lol

I think more people are like me than my friend - it's great when you're able to drop out of the dating game and find someone you can watch cartoons with naked and eat chips and have a super great connection with. I can't have that with someone casual I don't know so well.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #608 on: August 25, 2015, 11:51:50 AM »
I think for me, philosophically, I lean to the first one, strongly, but perhaps as I get older, I have more instances of people and their human nature being... disappointing, shall we say, and so realistically I feel that the second is more likely the reality.
I agree with this. Things tend to get complicated if two people have even a slightly differing view of their relationship, throw in more people into the mix and it just gets confusing. If people can handle that for 40+ years of their lives and never get heartbroken or disappointed, props to them. They have all the people skills I'll never have.

I have a polyamorous friend, and she says it's a matter of getting love where you find it and not worrying about stale conventions. Which sounds great. But she finds dating fun. I don't see dating as "oh I'm gonna meet super fun people and have fun times and get laid so many times", more like "if I'm lucky I'm gonna find someone who's actively not horrible and who's going to be respectful and fun and cool for a really long time". I don't like people enough in general to date more than one per three years :lol

I think more people are like me than my friend - it's great when you're able to drop out of the dating game and find someone you can watch cartoons with naked and eat chips and have a super great connection with. I can't have that with someone casual I don't know so well.

I'm with you on that; I think you have to be a really trusting soul (which I'm not) to be that way.  I will literally (well, almost literally) try anything with someone I know and trust, but while there is excitement with a new experience (meaning, a new person) there is stress as well, and I know for me, I'm not usually breaking out the jumper cables or the rope swing first time out the chute.   

EDIT:  Sorry for the over-share.  ;) 

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #609 on: August 25, 2015, 12:32:29 PM »
On one hand, it can be said to be the honest acknowledgement of one's predilections, and as long as one is honest with their partner (and their partner is accepting), then c'est la vie.

On the other hand, it sounds a lot like "Lookin' for my cake, and lookin' to eat it too!", taking the easy way out.  No commitment, no personal sacrifice, no discipline...


I mean this respectfully, but I think you don't understand at all what polyamory is. I'm on lunch break at the moment and not able to fully explain it, but I would suggest doing some research (try this page: https://www.lovemore.com/home/what-is-polyamory/). All of those things you mentioned are required for successful poly relationships. It is extremely difficult to maintain multiple relationships. It takes lots of discipline and respect for all involved. Communication is a huge part of it, being very open and honest with everybody involved, and LOTS of commitment. Commitment doesn't have to mean "I spend all of my time with one person." You can be committed to multiple people, and it's very difficult to juggle all of that. It is not at all easy.

I don't have a problem with it. People are wired to want and enjoy sex, and I can totally understand why after twenty years with the same person it could get a little stale. Plenty of marriages probably fail due to problems with intimacy later in life. I know a couple that does this, kind of. They have sex with people other than their partner, but the partner always has to be present. Sometimes they'll have a night with another couple (or four), or FFM/MMF threesome as long as the other one approves. Protection is always used and both people in the relationship are okay with it. Actually, they are more than okay with it, they want it. They've been together more than four years and are one of the happiest couples I know.

This is also not polyamory, it's swinging. Different thing altogether (and many of the poly people I know do NOT like being mistaken for swingers  :lol). Poly is not just about sex.
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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #610 on: August 26, 2015, 07:29:30 AM »
On one hand, it can be said to be the honest acknowledgement of one's predilections, and as long as one is honest with their partner (and their partner is accepting), then c'est la vie.

On the other hand, it sounds a lot like "Lookin' for my cake, and lookin' to eat it too!", taking the easy way out.  No commitment, no personal sacrifice, no discipline...


I mean this respectfully, but I think you don't understand at all what polyamory is. I'm on lunch break at the moment and not able to fully explain it, but I would suggest doing some research (try this page: https://www.lovemore.com/home/what-is-polyamory/). All of those things you mentioned are required for successful poly relationships. It is extremely difficult to maintain multiple relationships. It takes lots of discipline and respect for all involved. Communication is a huge part of it, being very open and honest with everybody involved, and LOTS of commitment. Commitment doesn't have to mean "I spend all of my time with one person." You can be committed to multiple people, and it's very difficult to juggle all of that. It is not at all easy.

I take it with nothing but respect.  I don't profess to be an expert, but I know enough to be dangerous.  I know it isn't just being "a swinger", and I understand that polyamorous relationships don't necessarily have to involve sex at all (or marriage).   Where I was going is not in the definition of polyamory, but in the use of the term.  I'm not saying that those that observe "polyamory" in it's true state are making an excuse, but that people might use that term wrongly to avoid things like commitment and discipline.   Put a different way, I don't think "dating four people at once, and banging all of them, but I told them up front and they're okay with it!" necessarily qualifies as "polyamory".  It takes full acknowledgement and understanding on both sides.   Does this make sense?   


Offline bout to crash

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #611 on: August 26, 2015, 07:36:49 AM »
Yes, that makes total sense! Thanks for clarifying  :). There are definitely those people out there, but fuck 'em.

Soo my date went well. We sat there at the beer garden talking for about 2.5 hours and he was really cool and cute. We seem to have a lot in common personality-wise. I went into nervous logorrhea mode and he didn't seem to mind- he is a counselor  :lol

There were two things that kind of threw me off. One, we kissed goodbye but he went right in for an open-mouthed kiss without easing into it. I thought that was weird- you don't just go in with tongue extended! Not a big deal, but it just weirded me out a bit.

Second, most of you know I'm not the type who expects chivalry from a dude or anything like that, but when it comes to manners I sort of have the same expectations for everyone. And I was a bit surprised that he did not offer to drive me home, knowing that it was kind of late, I had walked to the bar and that I lived just down the street. I would've done that for anybody, date or not. My friend said maybe he was embarrassed of his car, which is a possibility if it was a mess or something (like mine).

Anyway, I texted later thanking him for a nice time and never heard back, but he also said he had to get up super early. *shrug*
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Offline Chino

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #612 on: August 26, 2015, 07:52:53 AM »
Second, most of you know I'm not the type who expects chivalry from a dude or anything like that, but when it comes to manners I sort of have the same expectations for everyone. And I was a bit surprised that he did not offer to drive me home, knowing that it was kind of late, I had walked to the bar and that I lived just down the street. I would've done that for anybody, date or not. My friend said maybe he was embarrassed of his car, which is a possibility if it was a mess or something (like mine).

He may have also been worried that had he offered you a ride to your house, you would have interpreted that as him trying to coerce you into sleeping with him. I've been worried about that on first dates in the past. 

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #613 on: August 26, 2015, 08:53:05 AM »
There could be reasons to not offer a ride, but I personally find it odd.  If he went for the tongue on a first date but didnt offer a ride home, seems weird to me.  Maybe his car is embarrassing like you said.

Anyway, I texted later thanking him for a nice time and never heard back, but he also said he had to get up super early. *shrug*

That's upsetting.  Hopefully he responded to you by now as he should be up, but I know I'd be upset if I felt like the date went well and then you send the "hey had a great time tonight" message and didn't get a response.

I kind of had something come up last night on my 3rd date with this girl.  Things went well, went out for sushi, came back to my place and watched TV together.  Our convos have gotten better and its clear to me that we are both opening up our personalities a bit more and therefore we are joking together a lot more and just being ourselves, kind of letting your guard down a bit I guess.  So we were making out pretty good and it was getting late and she said "I need to stop before I start riding you" which i took as a compliment.  But I am not a pushy person or anything, she doesn't want to ride me then she can when she is more comfortable lol but that's not what my issue is.  There were I will say 3 things that threw me off.  First she showed something on her phone to me that we were talking about and thats fine and all but she clearly had an OKcupid message, I know what the icon looks like on the top bar of an android.  I saw her clear her other messages, but didnt clear that one and then showed me her phone where I can clearly see there was a message.  I get it, we just met and arent in a relationship, but to so blatantly show that and I don't know if it was on purpose or just stupidity, but I noticed.  Second issue is I walked her to her car when she was leaving and we had another long good bye kissing and she stopped and said "this is bad" and I asked what was bad and she kind of just shrugged it off.  I told her I wanted to see her again and preferably before I leave for Europe on Sunday (earlier in the evening we both mentioned we don't have plans for the weekend) and she said she would let me know, not giving me an actual answer.  I didn't expect to settle the date at that moment, but knowing she doesn't have plans I would have liked her to agree with me at least.  I have a few ideas for why she acted like this, but I am really having a hard time reading her.  I told her that before as well which she kind of just shrugged off. 

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #614 on: August 26, 2015, 09:15:11 AM »
There could be reasons to not offer a ride, but I personally find it odd.  If he went for the tongue on a first date but didnt offer a ride home, seems weird to me.  Maybe his car is embarrassing like you said.

Anyway, I texted later thanking him for a nice time and never heard back, but he also said he had to get up super early. *shrug*

That's upsetting.  Hopefully he responded to you by now as he should be up, but I know I'd be upset if I felt like the date went well and then you send the "hey had a great time tonight" message and didn't get a response.

I kind of had something come up last night on my 3rd date with this girl.  Things went well, went out for sushi, came back to my place and watched TV together.  Our convos have gotten better and its clear to me that we are both opening up our personalities a bit more and therefore we are joking together a lot more and just being ourselves, kind of letting your guard down a bit I guess.  So we were making out pretty good and it was getting late and she said "I need to stop before I start riding you" which i took as a compliment.  But I am not a pushy person or anything, she doesn't want to ride me then she can when she is more comfortable lol but that's not what my issue is.  There were I will say 3 things that threw me off.  First she showed something on her phone to me that we were talking about and thats fine and all but she clearly had an OKcupid message, I know what the icon looks like on the top bar of an android.  I saw her clear her other messages, but didnt clear that one and then showed me her phone where I can clearly see there was a message.  I get it, we just met and arent in a relationship, but to so blatantly show that and I don't know if it was on purpose or just stupidity, but I noticed.  Second issue is I walked her to her car when she was leaving and we had another long good bye kissing and she stopped and said "this is bad" and I asked what was bad and she kind of just shrugged it off.  I told her I wanted to see her again and preferably before I leave for Europe on Sunday (earlier in the evening we both mentioned we don't have plans for the weekend) and she said she would let me know, not giving me an actual answer.  I didn't expect to settle the date at that moment, but knowing she doesn't have plans I would have liked her to agree with me at least.  I have a few ideas for why she acted like this, but I am really having a hard time reading her.  I told her that before as well which she kind of just shrugged off.

Just a thought from someone who was on the Finnish Over-Thinking Olympic team that took silver in the '92 Games, but perhaps you might be giving this a little too much thought?    I don't see one red flag in that entire paragraph, including the OKCupid thing (though I was never on that, so I don't really know what that is).   There are 1000 reasons for all of those, and only 500 or less are "not good for you".  Perhaps let it breathe a little? 

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #615 on: August 26, 2015, 09:17:20 AM »

There were two things that kind of threw me off. One, we kissed goodbye but he went right in for an open-mouthed kiss without easing into it. I thought that was weird- you don't just go in with tongue extended! Not a big deal, but it just weirded me out a bit.


BIG turn-off for me, for what it's worth (exactly, NOTHING). 

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #616 on: August 26, 2015, 09:26:35 AM »
There could be reasons to not offer a ride, but I personally find it odd.  If he went for the tongue on a first date but didnt offer a ride home, seems weird to me.  Maybe his car is embarrassing like you said.

Anyway, I texted later thanking him for a nice time and never heard back, but he also said he had to get up super early. *shrug*

That's upsetting.  Hopefully he responded to you by now as he should be up, but I know I'd be upset if I felt like the date went well and then you send the "hey had a great time tonight" message and didn't get a response.

I kind of had something come up last night on my 3rd date with this girl.  Things went well, went out for sushi, came back to my place and watched TV together.  Our convos have gotten better and its clear to me that we are both opening up our personalities a bit more and therefore we are joking together a lot more and just being ourselves, kind of letting your guard down a bit I guess.  So we were making out pretty good and it was getting late and she said "I need to stop before I start riding you" which i took as a compliment.  But I am not a pushy person or anything, she doesn't want to ride me then she can when she is more comfortable lol but that's not what my issue is.  There were I will say 3 things that threw me off.  First she showed something on her phone to me that we were talking about and thats fine and all but she clearly had an OKcupid message, I know what the icon looks like on the top bar of an android.  I saw her clear her other messages, but didnt clear that one and then showed me her phone where I can clearly see there was a message.  I get it, we just met and arent in a relationship, but to so blatantly show that and I don't know if it was on purpose or just stupidity, but I noticed.  Second issue is I walked her to her car when she was leaving and we had another long good bye kissing and she stopped and said "this is bad" and I asked what was bad and she kind of just shrugged it off.  I told her I wanted to see her again and preferably before I leave for Europe on Sunday (earlier in the evening we both mentioned we don't have plans for the weekend) and she said she would let me know, not giving me an actual answer.  I didn't expect to settle the date at that moment, but knowing she doesn't have plans I would have liked her to agree with me at least.  I have a few ideas for why she acted like this, but I am really having a hard time reading her.  I told her that before as well which she kind of just shrugged off.

Just a thought from someone who was on the Finnish Over-Thinking Olympic team that took silver in the '92 Games, but perhaps you might be giving this a little too much thought?    I don't see one red flag in that entire paragraph, including the OKCupid thing (though I was never on that, so I don't really know what that is).   There are 1000 reasons for all of those, and only 500 or less are "not good for you".  Perhaps let it breathe a little?

Definitely over thinking it, but like I said, I can't read this girl at all and hence my over thinking.  Usually I am pretty good at reading the body language, the little hints, or the girl flat out tells me what's on her mind.  I have none of that other than the "this is bad" comment that I can't figure out.


There were two things that kind of threw me off. One, we kissed goodbye but he went right in for an open-mouthed kiss without easing into it. I thought that was weird- you don't just go in with tongue extended! Not a big deal, but it just weirded me out a bit.


BIG turn-off for me, for what it's worth (exactly, NOTHING). 

With regards to this, what's everyone's opinions on kissing on first dates?  I normally don't, especially if I really like the girl.  And even if I do, I agree, you work your way into the tongue, just don't throw it out there immediately.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #617 on: August 26, 2015, 02:31:32 PM »

Definitely over thinking it, but like I said, I can't read this girl at all and hence my over thinking.  Usually I am pretty good at reading the body language, the little hints, or the girl flat out tells me what's on her mind.  I have none of that other than the "this is bad" comment that I can't figure out.

What was the context of her "riding you" comment?   Was it at all sexy, or was it more that ironic hipster "let's confront the elephant in the room so that it seems as if the elephant isn't there anymore" thing that the kids do these days?   Because to me, if a girl gives that vibe of "I'm not a slut, but I'm ready willing and able to approximate one for my beloved", that's a good sign all around.  If she was just making an awkward joke, then I can't help you. :)


Quote
With regards to this, what's everyone's opinions on kissing on first dates?  I normally don't, especially if I really like the girl.  And even if I do, I agree, you work your way into the tongue, just don't throw it out there immediately.

Kissing is like the intro to Shine On You Crazy Diamond; it goes on for what seems like forever, but every last note is essential and crucial.   You can't rush a great kiss.   I play the "kiss" by ear; I've had shitty dates that ended in a kiss, and I've had awesome dates that ended with a hand squeeze (and all points in between).   But even in a long term relationship, you don't pull out the tongue right away.  It's like starting a meal with the steak. It's like starting a song with the guitar solo.  It's like starting a fireworks exhibition with the grand finale... you get the picture.  The tongue is supposed to take a good kiss to the next level.   Push your partner over the edge, so to speak.

Kissing is as non-negotiable to me as any trait can be.  I have absolutely moved on from pretty, smart women because they were horrible kissers.  Shallow?  Perhaps, but it is important and I enjoy what the kids used to call "making out" as much as anything else in the physical arena. 

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #618 on: August 26, 2015, 03:08:55 PM »
I just came out and brought up my concerns regarding the "this is bad" comment and not giving any answer to hanging out again this afternoon.  Im glad I did that.  She said she didnt remember the this is bad comment but if she did say it (which I know she did, she has an admittingly bad memory) it was in a good way as in our kissing was so good that it was bad, if that makes sense.  She also then made plans for Friday night with me and then was happy I brought it up to clear the air.  So all is good, clearly I was just over thinking things this morning/afternoon, but I feel so much better getting it off my chest.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #619 on: August 26, 2015, 05:29:45 PM »
Yay, that's good news! My initial thought on that comment when I read your post was her meaning that it was bad she was so into kissing you, but in a good way. If that makes sense.
As for the OK Cupid message thing, it sounds like it was not intentional. She's probably talking to other dudes on there and obviously it's not serious between you two, so not an issue right now IMO.


He may have also been worried that had he offered you a ride to your house, you would have interpreted that as him trying to coerce you into sleeping with him. I've been worried about that on first dates in the past.

That's a good point, too.

That's upsetting.  Hopefully he responded to you by now as he should be up, but I know I'd be upset if I felt like the date went well and then you send the "hey had a great time tonight" message and didn't get a response.

He ended up responding RIGHT after I wrote this post  :lol.. he also thanked me for a lovely night and whatnot. I invited him to a party I'm having Friday. He has plans but says we should hang again soon, so yay.

And yeah I know, you'd think after going in with the tongue he wouldn't be shy about the ride  :lol


There were two things that kind of threw me off. One, we kissed goodbye but he went right in for an open-mouthed kiss without easing into it. I thought that was weird- you don't just go in with tongue extended! Not a big deal, but it just weirded me out a bit.


BIG turn-off for me, for what it's worth (exactly, NOTHING). 

Haha, but good to know I'm not alone in finding it weird.


With regards to this, what's everyone's opinions on kissing on first dates?  I normally don't, especially if I really like the girl.  And even if I do, I agree, you work your way into the tongue, just don't throw it out there immediately.

I'm a fan of kissing on the first date. generally. It doesn't have to happen but to me it's sort of a "sealing the deal" and confirmation that the date went well. I second-guess myself a lot and wonder if I'm misreading somebody's signals, so if he goes in for the kiss I know that I was right and I am happy  ;D

Oh Jackie, always jumping to the most homoerotic possibility.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #620 on: August 27, 2015, 05:14:35 AM »
How's everyone doing in Lonely Hearts Land?

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #621 on: August 27, 2015, 06:04:00 AM »
Good stuff Bout to Crash... which brings me to another question.  You offered to bring the guy to a party where I assume you have lots of friends.  How early do you introduce a new guy/gal to your friends?  I dated something like 10 girls this past year and never introduced any to my friends.  Reason, not a single one of those girls became serious and none lasted more than a month or so.  I also only met one friend of those 10 girls so it's not like they were introducing me to friends either. 

I personally am not really interested in meeting my dates friends until I am comfortable with my date, essentially I want to get to know them before I get to know their friends.  But I also get social anxiety when I am surrounded by people I do not know.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #622 on: August 27, 2015, 06:46:51 PM »
Well, it kind of depends. Normally I wouldn't do this with somebody I had only gone out with once, but since I happened to be hosting a shindig I figured I'd at least extend the invite (knowing also that he most likely already had plans since it was two days away and he obviously is involved with multiple women). I figured a gathering like this particular one would be cool and low pressure because there will only be a few people there (10ish?) and we'll be watching movies. So he wouldn't be in the hot seat or anything having to talk to my friends all night  :lol

In the past... well, several of my boyfriends I met through mutual friends, so it wasn't an issue. The last guy I seriously dated, he met a couple of my friends within the first couple weeks of our getting together because we all went to see Nymphomaniac... which of course brought us closer together  :P

I have been introduced to a guy's friends fairly early on, and was fine with it. I like meeting new people and I also learn more about the person I'm dating by meeting the people they hang out with. Going to a party with tons of people is pretty overwhelming when it's all new, but a few is fine.
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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #623 on: August 28, 2015, 05:53:39 AM »
Yea, everyone is different and you come off as a very outgoing person so I would imagine being around new people is much easier for you than it is for me so I kind of stay away from meeting friends until I am fully comfortable and know the girl well enough to be able to extend our relationship through our friends. 

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #624 on: August 28, 2015, 08:51:32 AM »
That makes total sense.

Omg you guys, let me share with you my weird little drama story.

A week ago, my friend had a birthday party that got a little crazy, like they usually do. Long story short, I ended up hooking up with my friend's ex-husband (they're still very close and he appears to be staying with her). He's a super cool dude but I've never really been into him and it just sort of happened. It was awkward but fun. So we messaged on FB a bit over the next few days but not very much- he was coming on a bit strong so I sorta backed off a little. I did invite him to a little shindig I'm having tonight, and he enthusiastically accepted. Then on Wednesday he sent me a random FB message just saying "*smooch* ;)"
I was in the middle of a work day and also felt a bit awkward so I never replied. A few hours later he had changed his RSVP on my event page from a yes to a maybe. Yesterday I checked the page to see who was coming, and he was off the list altogether. Since he didn't give any explanation and I knew he didn't have plans, I assumed it was because I didn't return his message. I'm not going to play that "Awww please come to my party" game, so I didn't say anything. Well, at about 1:30 this morning he messaged me saying "So I'm uninvited? Goodbye".. and he blocked me on FB.

What in the actual fuck?? Normally I'd be worried about somebody disliking me for no reason because I'm such a "nice" person that is afraid of upsetting others, but I'm more just disturbed by this kind of behavior, especially coming from a guy in his forties. We both know I didn't uninvite him, so he either forgot he removed himself from the event or he's playing a big headgame, trying to get me to apologize or something. I didn't apologize, but I did send him an email telling him I had no idea what he was talking about. Mostly I don't want to make things awkward with my friend, because he's there almost every time I hang with her. Seriously though, what a psycho  :|

Oh Jackie, always jumping to the most homoerotic possibility.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #625 on: August 28, 2015, 09:20:25 AM »
40 year olds playing games seems very uninteresting to me and then add in the whole your friends x husband and that just seems like a weird situation

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #626 on: August 28, 2015, 10:20:10 AM »
Does your friend know that you two "hooked-up"? If so, she's cool with it even though they're still close enough for them to be staying together? I find that part of this to be the most interesting. And I mean nothing by this, I just find it curious and maybe not what I'd expect.

I've read multiple times, just recently mind you, that you've said you found something to be awkward, or wierd, or made you uncomfortable. And you seem to extend yourself past where most females will, in that you don't shy away from the situation and make some effort to not let it be a trivial issue. Just like your email to this guy. He's acting like a child, and you're still giving him a chance to not be a douche. If he doesn't take advantage of moving past his stupid/weak/childish moment, then maybe he is psycho. Immature at the least. We all do and say dumb things sometimes. Good on you for seeing past that. But, ya know... crazy people gonna be cray cray!

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #627 on: August 28, 2015, 11:57:34 AM »
 :lol, true that.

My friend and this guy are long divorced and both polyamorous, so it's not weird at all. I'm not sure if she knows all the details of what happened but she does know we hooked up and did not seem bothered by it. Fairly normal at these types of parties with this group of friends. I'm more concerned that he will tell her I did some shit I didn't and she will get pissed.. but she's not the immature type who's just going to stop being my friend or something because of him. I was thinking about reaching out to her to try and prevent further drama, but don't want to make her uncomfortable.

And yeah, I am pretty forgiving when it comes to this shit. Maybe too much!
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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #628 on: August 28, 2015, 04:33:04 PM »
"If we hang out I'll give your orgasms all night."

Sorry, I just had to give this one a little attention, because this literally got me laughing :rollin

Do people seriously do this? :lol
Hey dude slow the fuck down so we can finish together at the same time.  :biggrin:
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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #629 on: August 28, 2015, 04:40:34 PM »
Yes, every girl I've met online has told me they get countless messages like that.  :facepalm: