Okay, I need to vent. This is going to be super long so I don't expect anybody to read it, but I just needed to get it out because I have nobody to talk to at the moment.
So I broke things off with that guy back in early June. We had one talk after that where it became clear to me that he had the wrong idea about the situation (he was talking about "fighting" for me and all this other stuff, but things had fizzled out long before I ended it)... then we saw each other at my birthday party (it was awkward) and he wrote me that letter (which was awkward to read). I decided rather than replying to him in print (it felt more like he was just trying to get closure than expecting a letter in response), I would just send him a text thanking him for sharing his feelings in it. He thanked me for reaching out and said we should have a sit-down when I was ready. Then he said "I know I said when you're ready, but it would help me if it was sooner rather than later."
I asked him why (because we'd already had two sit-downs and he wrote me a fucking closure letter) and he said because he still had a few questions and we also still had books that belonged to each other. So I agreed to meet with him for a short period, even though I didn't really want to or think it was necessary and felt like I was being guilted into it. Turns out he was feeling insecure because of some shit I posted on Facebook that had literally ZERO to do with him. He also shared that he was still clinging onto the hope that I just needed some time and would come back (which sounded like he was trying to bait me), but I shot that down. We left that talk on good terms saying that we wanted to still be friends but it would be a while and we both needed space. A week or so later he texted saying he thought I still had a book of his (I had looked for it but couldn't find it initially), and it turns out I did, so that was that. We never set up a time for an exchange to take place, but I had figured I could bring it to the video store sometime (that's where he works/where we met).
So, fast-forward to this past Friday night. Out of the blue he texts me "Just a heads up, I'm working ____'s usual shift tomorrow."
Me: "Okay?"
Him: "I just figured you might want to know in case you were thinking of stopping by. Didn't want you to be unpleasantly surprised."
This rubbed me the wrong way for multiple reasons. First of all, we're fucking adults, dude. You don't need to text me your fucking work schedule. We're broken up. I've only been to the store a few times in the last couple months because I've been busy and I moved farther away from it, but I will admit that I have considered his schedule and avoided making things awkward. However, I thought we had laid shit to rest and were good. If I show up when he's working, the world isn't going to explode. Plus I have his book, and we're not hanging out anytime soon.
Also, this text felt very much like he was projecting his own shit onto me and saying he didn't want me there when he was working. I was busy (and a bit tipsy) when I got the message Friday and had a crazy busy weekend so I didn't really have time to think about it, but this morning when I had time to reflect on things, I was pissed- for the aforementioned reasons, and also because I don't want him fucking texting me every time his schedule changes. That's just absurd. So I decided not to let it go and texted him this morning. I told him I thought it was a weird text to send, that it made me uncomfortable and that it seemed like he just didn't want me at the store. He said "You've obviously avoided coming in when I'm there. Yeah, seeing you at work isn't good for me right now, but it was said out of genuine concern of not wanting you to have an undue surprise at my presence."
Bull-fucking-shit, "genuine concern"- maybe for himself.
I went off on him a bit and told him not to tell me what I've "obviously" done, that I didn't want him to notify me when his schedule changes, that I haven't been going to the store nearly as much since I moved (I also threw something snippy in here about how he knows that because he's apparently keeping track of when I come into the store) and have been thinking about canceling my subscription anyway, so he didn't have to worry about me coming in. (I admit that there was a nugget of truth in there and that was partially what set me off, but I mostly just felt like he was full of shit and being melodramatic. Also I was a bit weirded out by him acting like he knew when I was in the store, because in the past if I came in when he wasn't working he would pull up my rental history and know what I rented before I told him, shit like that.)
He then clearly misunderstood some of what I said and wrote some self-pitying crap about him grieving, and me making him feel guilty and putting a lot of blame on him that he doesn't deserve.
I tried to clarify the thing he misunderstood and said I was responding to him saying I was "obviously" avoiding him (which wasn't
really the case, not at this point) and couldn't he understand why it might hit a nerve to be told by somebody else that you're "obviously" doing something without them ever asking or trying to clarify?
He said "Do you really want me out of your life?"
I said "I think we're having two different conversations," because his last two texts didn't make sense in the context.
He then tried to clarify what he meant, still not understanding what I had meant (this is why texting is stupid). He said I was being hostile, that he felt attacked and hurt by what I said. I told him he needed to go back and re-read what I had written, because he was missing what I had been trying to say (I used the word "done" in a totally different context, and he thought
I thought he said we were "done"- I have honestly no idea where he got it from, maybe he wasn't fully awake yet but if I typed out all of the texts you guys would see what I mean).
I said I wasn't being hostile, I was being direct, and I told him I thought it was silly for him to text me his schedule change, and that I didn't want him to do that.
Then I got the ultimate victim response: "Man, you jumped on me with this before I had my first cigarette. If you wanted to be direct, you had two days to do it before you decided to bring it up right when I'd just be waking up. This is a horrible start to a day. I feel ambushed."
Really? Ambushed? How the FUCK am I supposed to know when he wakes up, and when he's had his first cigarette? What in the actual fuck? How fucking self-centered and deluded does a person have to be? I mean, I knew he was kind of a man-child in some ways, but really? Like this was some plot against him, for me to tell him how I felt about something and RUIN HIS DAY. I basically said the above in my response, and told him I didn't have time to respond to him over the weekend, also that sometimes things take longer to process and there's no time limit to be able to reply to somebody. I had time to think about it this morning, I was feeing a certain way, so I put it out there. I told him he could choose to feel ambushed and act like a victim or be an adult and own up to the fact that he said something that rubbed me the wrong way, and that I have the right to respond to it. I told him it doesn't have to be a big melodrama, and it's not all about him.
I know that some of the things I said were abrasive, but IMO none of it warranted the melodramatic whining spectacle that followed. Really all I wanted was an "Okay, I can see how you might find that weird. I was trying to avoid an uncomfortable situation, but I won't text you my work schedule again." It was the "obviously" thing that set me off- why did it have to go there? If I believed he had "genuine" concern for my feelings in the matter it might be different, but I honestly don't think he does, based on many of his actions and his inability to see things outside of his own little bubble. The fact that he brought his cigarette and sleep schedule into this says a lot, I think. It's all about him.
He never really apologized (he rarely does) but said he didn't mean to upset me, I thanked him and we left it at that.
Blah, I dunno, I just needed to get that out.
tl:dr: I argued with my ex about stupid shit and maybe we won't be friends after all.