Author Topic: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip  (Read 279316 times)

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Offline Dr. DTVT

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #350 on: April 17, 2015, 08:33:33 AM »
So the new girl I started dating two weeks ago seems to be the best one I've met.  We connect on so many levels and I feel like she can actually relate to me and my experiences since she has a very similar background.  Anyway, In the two weeks since we first met, we have hung out another 4 times and the other night we were discussing spending Saturday in PA and I mentioned that I went to Penn State and they have their big spring football game this weekend and she practically begged me to go and so now we are spending the entire weekend together and doing a road trip.  We also both confessed to each other that there is more here than just a hook up so I'm really happy with how this is going.

You going to give her the philly in Philly?

At least let her sample your cream cheese.
     

Offline FlyingBIZKIT

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #351 on: April 28, 2015, 03:58:48 PM »
I went to go see my ex girlfriend last night. Even after what she did, I guess I'm too nice. I said horrible and deserving things to her just last week, but I guess I can't hate someone , no matter who it is. I thought the time we spent together was great and I saw a lot of potential in us. I don't really want to throw it away. But last night went well. We drove to the dam and just walked around for a while. I told her let's take it slow and just hang out, then we will see where it goes. I told her we are only going to be together if we stay 100% committed. I don't want to bother with her if she's going to go off and do something again. She agreed and showed deep regret from last time, so maybe there's a chance.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #352 on: April 28, 2015, 04:57:30 PM »
You're too young to deal with a relationship that's not built on trust.  Once a person breaks the trust, they'll break it again.  I'd move on so you can get rid of these lingering feelings.  Not worth it.
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Offline FlyingBIZKIT

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #353 on: April 28, 2015, 06:22:32 PM »
Yeah, I completely understand.

However, at the same time, I'd like to at least give it another shot. At the very worst, she'll do it again, but at least I wouldn't be very surprised, then I can move on.

It would be different if she was my primary focus. Hell, I'm excited about school already, and I just finished the semester. So working on the path to my career excites me. If things don't work out with her, whatever, I have great things to look forward to. If they do work out, well hey, that's an awesome bonus.  :tup

Offline Prog Snob

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #354 on: April 28, 2015, 07:47:49 PM »
Things are so complicated. My wife has moved on with her new man so there is no hope of putting my family back together. The girl I left her for, and who I felt was my soul mate, isn't sure what she wants anymore...even though she is supposedly carrying my child. She hasn't answered my texts for days now. She has me blocked on Facebook. Nobody likes her though, for obvious reasons. So even if things were to work between she and I, she would never been accepted. My mother has already referred to her as the putana. So if I give up on her, i'll have two kids out there, each from a different mother, none of which who live with me. So how does that make me a dating prospect for someone else.

I started talking to these two amazing women last night. One of them having taken a strong liking of me. So, the chances of she and I meeting are pretty strong. I can't see anything stopping us from hitting it off...except me.  This seems to happen a lot in the past month.  I start talking to someone and just as we start getting a bit closer, I close up and back off. I don't know if it's a defense mechanism or something telling me I'm not ready or something telling me I should try harder for the other girl because it is with her that I belong and that I just need to have more patience. I'm tired of waiting though. I have put up with a lot from her.  If I began to tell you some of the things she has done, you would fervently question as to why I'm still pining for her.  It's obvious to me why or maybe I'm delusional. 

Anyway, this is my predicament. 

Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #355 on: April 29, 2015, 07:49:15 AM »
Well add me to the list of guys getting burned

The girl I had been seeing for the past few weeks seems to not be working out now.  I really liked her, she was the first girl I've met since I broke up with my x that I felt I connected with.  We had so much in common, it was actually scarey how much we had in common.  We had sooo much fun when we were together and we even did a weekend road trip together.  All was really fun and we both confessed that we "liked" each other and thought there was something here.  Well Monday night we hung out, I thought we had a lot of fun and a normal night togehter, but something was off with our sex (or lack of sex that evening) and she siad something was weird.  She brought up my x who she admitted she found on facebook and said my x was better looking than she is (which is true, but really had no meaning to me... I didn't like this girl for her looks, but for everything else she was) and she said it was bothering her.  I tried to say the right things and I thought it was going to be ok, but yesterday we had our first real road block.  We both actually seemingly came out of it good and felt like we settled on the idea that we both liked each other, wanted to continue, thought this could lead to a legit relationship, and that we would both take things slow because the road block was that it seemed like things were going too fast, like we went from never meeting to hanging out every other day in the matter of 3 weeks.  We had also started having unprotected sex and both said we would not see other people.  Well, she ended up canceling plans for Tuesday night which I said was fine cause I had a headache, plus I was really tired.  So last ngiht I get a picture of a steak dinner and a message "look at what I am doing when Im not with you" which I was like, ok cool enjoy your evening.  But then she never responded to me the rest of the night.  I got a text at 1am "sorry, my phone died.  My sister and I went out for a few drinks after dinner and then went to the gym".  I find that excuse unbelievable, who goes out for a steak dinner, drinks, then to the gym until 1am?  And she also said she stopped home to charge her phone, she didnt think once the phone was on the charger to turn it on and text me back?  I called her out on it this morning and am waiting for a response, I didn't call her a lier, just said something felt off from my point of view and asked if there was a reason why I would feel that way.  I totally could be going crazy here and letting my emotions get in my way, Im just really upset about how I felt so good and how so quickly I can feel like complete shit.  Maybe she was telling the truth, who knows?

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #356 on: April 29, 2015, 09:27:51 AM »
Sucks man. Girl is crazy. Run away now.

Offline FlyingBIZKIT

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #357 on: April 29, 2015, 10:00:18 AM »
Prog Snob, I'm really sorry man. I don't know what any of that feels like. I wish I had something to say, honestly. Just keep your head up the best you can, good things will come eventually.

cramx3, that sounds a bit weird to me. Maybe she's telling the truth, maybe she's not.


I feel like everyone could use this advice though, and it may not be much, but:  When it comes to relationships, just go with your gut. If something feels off about something, don't go for it. The only reason I'm talking to my ex again is because I feel like there could still be something there.

Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #358 on: April 29, 2015, 10:12:06 AM »
Yea so her response is she was telling the truth and now Im the bad guy.  I think I need to take that advice though, my gut all night last night and this morning was saying something is wrong here.  Maybe its in my head and I think theres a good chance it is in my head, but the problem is that I really like this girl.  She has so much to offer and I really don't want to lose her because I happen to find her truthful story unbelievable.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #359 on: April 29, 2015, 10:23:19 AM »
Well, would it hurt just to keep it going and see what happens? Just don't let your guard down for a bit until you know you can trust her.

And yes, the constant battle between your heart and brain. It's a tough one.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #360 on: April 29, 2015, 10:32:19 AM »
Early on in a relationship it's an easy call.  Call it off.  Not worth the struggle.  When you don't trust someone in a long relationship, that's the tough one to call.
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Offline jonnybaxy

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #361 on: April 30, 2015, 06:19:18 AM »
The only reason I'm talking to my ex again is because I feel like there could still be something there.

Yep, I'm doing the exact same, after my recent girl, I've nothing to lose. plus I feel I missed this ex whilst I was with the last girl.

I recently started speaking to her and a week or 2 later she split up with her boyfriend, so perhaps she feels the same way.

By the way this is the girl that messed my head up 1.5 years ago I wrote about in a previous post.

Offline Prog Snob

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #362 on: April 30, 2015, 07:27:29 AM »
Prog Snob, I'm really sorry man. I don't know what any of that feels like. I wish I had something to say, honestly. Just keep your head up the best you can, good things will come eventually.

Every day is an adventure. I should be writing stories about this.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #363 on: April 30, 2015, 01:22:13 PM »
Yea so her response is she was telling the truth and now Im the bad guy.  I think I need to take that advice though, my gut all night last night and this morning was saying something is wrong here.  Maybe its in my head and I think theres a good chance it is in my head, but the problem is that I really like this girl.  She has so much to offer and I really don't want to lose her because I happen to find her truthful story unbelievable.

Yeah, but there's "gut" and there's "gut".   You have to be honest with yourself; if you're a jealous person or paranoid person and you feel like she's cheating on you, that's not your gut.  That's your insecurities. It's sometimes hard to tell (and I know for me, I try not to use one data point, unless we're talking something egregious). 

Honestly, and please take this in the spirit intended, there is nothing in your story that screams "ISSUE!" except that she didn't respond in your timeframe.   I've actually been on the other side of your situation, and even if you say "looks don't matter" and she says "I'm good with that", insecurities - especially deep ones - don't disappear with one "Cool, bro!".  And actually, if you want to read things into it, I say you might want to cool your jets and let it go with the flow.  We KNOW she's insecure with her looks, we KNOW she indicated she wants to pursue things with you, we KNOW she texted you a steak dinner...   her then feeling guilty or insecure and going to the gym is by far NOT the nuttiest thing I've ever heard (I had an ex that was really concerned about her weight, and when hammered would do crunches in her bed before passing out).

What's the worst that happens if you give her the benefit of the doubt? Are you going to be any more hurt or pissed off if it happens again?   And at least you'll know it is "gut" and not you. 

Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #364 on: April 30, 2015, 02:03:33 PM »
Stadler, you are correct on many levels.  We actually had a really long and deep conversation about the situation.  There were other reasons why I thought she had been lying based on previous things she ahd said and whatnot that all added up to a moment where I thought she was messing with me.  There are definitely insecurities involved from both ends, I normally am a bit more trustworthy, but wihtout going into too much details (cause I could write way too much for anyone to care about), I totally felt in the moment that she was lying.  After our discussion, I truly believe she was telling the truth.  We actually opened up and let out a lot of personal information that lead us to come to the conclusion that in the end, essentially we don't yet know each other that well and now that we know a lot more about each other, things make a lot more sense.  My initial outrage was wrong, I apologized to her.  I think given the same scenario I would act the same again, and its just due to two people who only just recently met have had some miscommunication and things got out of hand with emotions.  Bottom line is we both seem to really like each other and we both agreed we would like to continue seeing each other.

In a way, I feel like going through that was very good for us.  It was like the first big confrontation between us and we worked our way through it.  We both agreed to take it slow though from here, things went really fast in this and that leads to my insecurities.  Im very insecure in myself on holding a relationship mostly because of the way my 9 year relationship and engagement ended, it kind of makes me feel like damaged goods in that part of me feels destined to not be in another serious relationship. Hopefully that changed.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #365 on: May 01, 2015, 08:16:47 AM »
In a way, I feel like going through that was very good for us.  It was like the first big confrontation between us and we worked our way through it.  We both agreed to take it slow though from here, things went really fast in this and that leads to my insecurities.  Im very insecure in myself on holding a relationship mostly because of the way my 9 year relationship and engagement ended, it kind of makes me feel like damaged goods in that part of me feels destined to not be in another serious relationship. Hopefully that changed.

Well the important thing isn't that you had an issue, but how you handled it.  And it seems like you might have crossed a big hurdle by both of you handling it reasonably well. 

Good luck.  I know for me I can be very insecure in relationships too, and it is a constant battle to not bring all my demons into a relationship.  It's important to remember what is sort of the opposite of Chino's post above: no one wants to date my problems. 

Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #366 on: May 01, 2015, 09:06:30 AM »
In a way, I feel like going through that was very good for us.  It was like the first big confrontation between us and we worked our way through it.  We both agreed to take it slow though from here, things went really fast in this and that leads to my insecurities.  Im very insecure in myself on holding a relationship mostly because of the way my 9 year relationship and engagement ended, it kind of makes me feel like damaged goods in that part of me feels destined to not be in another serious relationship. Hopefully that changed.

Well the important thing isn't that you had an issue, but how you handled it.  And it seems like you might have crossed a big hurdle by both of you handling it reasonably well. 

Good luck.  I know for me I can be very insecure in relationships too, and it is a constant battle to not bring all my demons into a relationship.  It's important to remember what is sort of the opposite of Chino's post above: no one wants to date my problems.

Yup, thats true and goes along with Prog Snob's issue as well.  No one wants to deal with baggage.  In the end, if a relationship is going to work then both parties need to accept each other and whatever baggage they bring with them.  You are right about getting over that hurdle too, it almost felt like a big accomplishment to get out of that still wanting to see each other.  We hung out last night and things were great.  We made plans for Saturday afternoon through the evening so I'm excited. 

Offline Prog Snob

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #367 on: May 01, 2015, 09:30:48 AM »
So those two "great girls" I was telling you about.  Well, it's down to one now.  One of them came over a couple of nights ago and I guess neither of us felt anything.  There was a weak kiss on the lips as she left and that was all she wrote. Once again proving that no matter how good someone looks, a bad kiss just kills everything.  She was a nice looking Italian girl and I was hoping it would work out.  So now I'm down to the Russian girl whose first name is the same as my daughter's middle name so I'm hoping that's a good sign. 

Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #368 on: May 01, 2015, 10:02:14 AM »
Dating can sometimes be like survivor... one was just eliminated  :lol

Offline Prog Snob

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #369 on: May 01, 2015, 10:14:32 AM »
 :lol

Except this case, the only left is me.   :\

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #370 on: May 04, 2015, 11:48:58 AM »
  So now I'm down to the Russian girl whose first name is the same as my daughter's middle name so I'm hoping that's a good sign.

Or creepy as hell.   HAHAHA.   I'm kidding.

I know a guy in college that slept with a girl who had the same name as his mom.   To this day I don't know if he did it because of that, or in spite of that.   

Offline Prog Snob

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #371 on: May 04, 2015, 11:52:06 AM »
And she's out but three new prospects have arisen.  One girl from Staten Island named Laura, a girl from Brooklyn named Georgia who is actually quite intelligent and appeals the the sapiosexual in me, and a girl from New Jersey named Lauren.  I'm hoping for Georgia above all of them because she has a curious mind but the added bonus is that she has a great smile. Always a sucker for one of those.

Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #372 on: May 04, 2015, 12:48:42 PM »
I say the Jersey girl cause well NJ > NY  :biggrin:

Spent the day Saturday with my girl in New Hope PA, did a short road trip to visit the old town, have a nice dinner, and then she spent the night at my place where we watched Game of Thrones, had drinks, and then laid in my hammock watching the stars followed by some great one on one time lol.  Had such an amazing time with her again and really glad we got over our miscommunication earlier in the week.  Also stopped at a fireworks store to grab some mortars after crossing the border.  She told me she talked about me with her parents already, I kind of gave her a weird look (I had not talked about her to my parents) and she called me out on whether or not that was weird.  It isnt in reality, but I have not yet met a potential girlfriends parents since I met my x's many many years ago. 

Offline jonnybaxy

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #373 on: May 04, 2015, 04:35:01 PM »
I find myself closer and closer and closer to contacting my ex, I know it can only go bad but I can't handle this at all.

Not even just for her but for the sheer loneliness, I don't feel whole at all without a girl  :(

Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #374 on: May 04, 2015, 05:27:18 PM »
I find myself closer and closer and closer to contacting my ex, I know it can only go bad but I can't handle this at all.

Not even just for her but for the sheer loneliness, I don't feel whole at all without a girl  :(

Are you trying to find a girl?  I feel that way when I am alone, but it's motivation to do something about it.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #375 on: May 04, 2015, 05:28:52 PM »
I find myself closer and closer and closer to contacting my ex, I know it can only go bad but I can't handle this at all.

Not even just for her but for the sheer loneliness, I don't feel whole at all without a girl  :(

Are you trying to find a girl?  I feel that way when I am alone, but it's motivation to do something about it.

Yeah, But I simply don't know how to do it at all

Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #376 on: May 04, 2015, 05:40:27 PM »
Not sure how they do things in England, but I've found online dating sites help with meeting women.  Im not very good at approaching a woman at a bar or any other occasion really so chatting with someone online is much easier.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #377 on: May 04, 2015, 05:43:08 PM »
Not sure how they do things in England, but I've found online dating sites help with meeting women.  Im not very good at approaching a woman at a bar or any other occasion really so chatting with someone online is much easier.

Problem being, I'm 19, I highly doubt anyone will be near my age, but I may give it a shot, I find it a bit awkward though

Offline Prog Snob

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #378 on: May 05, 2015, 05:17:43 AM »
I say the Jersey girl cause well NJ > NY  :biggrin:



The Jersey girl is really cool. She's into a lot of the same things as me. Such as exploring, abandoned places, haunted places, old movies, etc.  The Staten Island girl is a sweetheart and also an admitted sapiophile which definitely appeals to me.  The Brooklyn girl is a curious mind with a killer smile.  We'll see what happens by the end of this week.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #379 on: May 05, 2015, 10:37:19 AM »
I say the Jersey girl cause well NJ > NY  :biggrin:



The Jersey girl is really cool. She's into a lot of the same things as me. Such as exploring, abandoned places, haunted places, old movies, etc.  The Staten Island girl is a sweetheart and also an admitted sapiophile which definitely appeals to me.  The Brooklyn girl is a curious mind with a killer smile.  We'll see what happens by the end of this week.

I was at a conference last week, and one of the speakers was a woman who was moderately attractive, albeit rather plain, until she started to speak.   Her intelligence positively radiated from her during her talk and it was like watching a flower bloom (I don't know how else to put it).   By the end of her talk she seemed like ten times hotter than when she started.  I don't think that's ever happened to me before (usually it is the other way around). 

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #380 on: May 05, 2015, 11:24:08 AM »
Not sure how they do things in England, but I've found online dating sites help with meeting women.  Im not very good at approaching a woman at a bar or any other occasion really so chatting with someone online is much easier.

Problem being, I'm 19, I highly doubt anyone will be near my age, but I may give it a shot, I find it a bit awkward though

Hey, you and I are the same age. What is your biggest goal in life right now?

Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #381 on: May 05, 2015, 11:55:52 AM »
Not sure how they do things in England, but I've found online dating sites help with meeting women.  Im not very good at approaching a woman at a bar or any other occasion really so chatting with someone online is much easier.

Problem being, I'm 19, I highly doubt anyone will be near my age, but I may give it a shot, I find it a bit awkward though

Hey, you and I are the same age. What is your biggest goal in life right now?

You guys trying to date each other?  Thats the type of question to spark a conversation with a potential online match.

I say the Jersey girl cause well NJ > NY  :biggrin:



The Jersey girl is really cool. She's into a lot of the same things as me. Such as exploring, abandoned places, haunted places, old movies, etc.  The Staten Island girl is a sweetheart and also an admitted sapiophile which definitely appeals to me.  The Brooklyn girl is a curious mind with a killer smile.  We'll see what happens by the end of this week.

I was at a conference last week, and one of the speakers was a woman who was moderately attractive, albeit rather plain, until she started to speak.   Her intelligence positively radiated from her during her talk and it was like watching a flower bloom (I don't know how else to put it).   By the end of her talk she seemed like ten times hotter than when she started.  I don't think that's ever happened to me before (usually it is the other way around). 

I can totally be like that, smarts are a total turn on for me.  But I have no figured out if its the smartness itself or the fact that the person isn't dumb because stupidity is a big turn off.  One of the big reasons why I like the girl I am currently seeing, she is smart and has achieved a lot career wise and personally which I find very attractive especially for her age.

Offline FlyingBIZKIT

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #382 on: May 05, 2015, 11:57:28 AM »
 :lol

I'm just trying to see his side of things. Maybe I can help out since we are both at the same stages in life

Offline Prog Snob

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #383 on: May 05, 2015, 07:46:51 PM »

The Jersey girl is really cool. She's into a lot of the same things as me. Such as exploring, abandoned places, haunted places, old movies, etc.  The Staten Island girl is a sweetheart and also an admitted sapiophile which definitely appeals to me.  The Brooklyn girl is a curious mind with a killer smile.  We'll see what happens by the end of this week.

I was at a conference last week, and one of the speakers was a woman who was moderately attractive, albeit rather plain, until she started to speak.   Her intelligence positively radiated from her during her talk and it was like watching a flower bloom (I don't know how else to put it).   By the end of her talk she seemed like ten times hotter than when she started.  I don't think that's ever happened to me before (usually it is the other way around). 
[/quote]

I can totally be like that, smarts are a total turn on for me.  But I have no figured out if its the smartness itself or the fact that the person isn't dumb because stupidity is a big turn off.  One of the big reasons why I like the girl I am currently seeing, she is smart and has achieved a lot career wise and personally which I find very attractive especially for her age.
[/quote]


I think it's a bit of both.  You're excited that she isn't some ditz but even more excited that she can convincingly carry herself in a conversation.

Offline Phoenix87x

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #384 on: May 05, 2015, 08:24:24 PM »
Smart's definitely a turn on, but not too smart. A strait up ditz is an immediate deal breaker as I don't really like explaining myself as I'm having a conversation. I prefer it to be a back and forth, not me saying something, looking a deer in the headlights and then having to explain everything I just said.

At the same time. I would rather die then have a girl that was 5 steps ahead of me. Or a girl that would try and talk down to me. That would end in an instant.

I got lucky though and got a girl who is a nice balance. She gets better grades than me on tests, runs circles around me in lab, picks up new tasks way faster than I do, but on the flip side she can't make life decisions to save her life. (which can be extremely annoying, since she makes messes for herself and the complains about the very mess that she made), but That's my strength and usually I'm able to logically come up with a simple solution to her "major problems", so ultimately its a nice balance.

But on a side note, after being completely alone and pretty miserable for 25 years and now being on the other side, standing on that "greener" grass that I always dreamed about, I will say that a relationship can be a wild slip and slide. There's both ups and downs and untimely I'm much happier, but these things take a lot of work to be successful.