Author Topic: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip  (Read 279290 times)

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Offline Prog Snob

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #210 on: February 19, 2015, 02:51:12 PM »


It's a result of my terrible anxiety.  I have this inability to express myself when face-to-face with someone, especially if it's something negative. I communicate over text and such instead. It's bad.  It's getting worse as I get older.

Man, I have that same type of issue. With my x, I always struggled to say the words I felt when having a really serious relationship conversation, especially negative.  I am way better at typing out my feelings than saying them so I totally understand.  I am also way better at speaking my mind and feelings when I smoke weed too, I think it like unlocks something in my brain that enables me to speak my feelings.


That's exactly it.  I can  type all day and express myself so easily. 

Offline MetalMike06

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #211 on: February 25, 2015, 03:17:38 PM »
Not sure if I've been doing the right thing.

I had been hanging out with an old co-worker for a few months. Nothing ever happened beyond hugs. We would just go on hikes together, go out to eat, stuff like that. "Friend" stuff, you could say. We always seemed to have a good time; she's extremely easy for me to talk to (unlike 90% of women  :P), and always seemed to enjoy my company. She's very down to earth and we just get along real well. I never got any signals that she wasn't interested or was trying to avoid me or something. I wouldn't say I was "clingy." We hung out about once every weekend for a good couple months. However, I was always, to my recollection, the one that asked her to hang out, and never vice versa.

So I decided to stop texting her, and instead see if she tries to contact me for a change. It's been a couple weeks now, and haven't heard from her.

 :sadpanda:

Maybe she's just busy with her job and moving into a new place, I dunno. She also deleted her facebook. That's not abnormal (I've ceratinly contemplated it myself sometimes  :lol), but I have a slight, slight suspicion she might have started seeing another guy and didn't want me to see that publicized on there.

Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #212 on: February 25, 2015, 03:19:19 PM »
Why don't you text her and ask her what's up?  Seems like you guys at least had a good friendship and that shouldn't be an odd thing to ask?

Offline Prog Snob

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #213 on: February 25, 2015, 10:02:52 PM »
Geez, I've been messaging a few different women on OKCupid and so far I'm not impressed with the response.  I always hated this part of dating. 

Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #214 on: February 26, 2015, 05:20:43 AM »
Geez, I've been messaging a few different women on OKCupid and so far I'm not impressed with the response.  I always hated this part of dating.

Their responses or lack of response?  I say I get ignored something like 9 out of 10 times. The worst is they look at your profile after you message them and get no response, that's some rejection  :lol

Offline Prog Snob

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #215 on: February 26, 2015, 05:53:30 AM »
Geez, I've been messaging a few different women on OKCupid and so far I'm not impressed with the response.  I always hated this part of dating.

Their responses or lack of response?  I say I get ignored something like 9 out of 10 times. The worst is they look at your profile after you message them and get no response, that's some rejection  :lol

It's discouraging sometimes.  If they're looking for a real relationship then I'm not sure what scares them from my profile.

Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #216 on: February 26, 2015, 06:43:22 AM »
Geez, I've been messaging a few different women on OKCupid and so far I'm not impressed with the response.  I always hated this part of dating.

Their responses or lack of response?  I say I get ignored something like 9 out of 10 times. The worst is they look at your profile after you message them and get no response, that's some rejection  :lol

It's discouraging sometimes.  If they're looking for a real relationship then I'm not sure what scares them from my profile.

I'm not sold that all or most women are looking for relationships on that site, even when they explicitly say they are.  I've never used any other site besides Tinder and OKcupid, but I really get the feeling that there is only a small subset of people actually looking for real relationships on those sites/apps.  I wonder if some of the other paid sites like match.com are better for that since if you pay then you are a bit more committed to finding someone? 

Offline Stadler

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #217 on: February 26, 2015, 07:42:21 AM »
Geez, I've been messaging a few different women on OKCupid and so far I'm not impressed with the response.  I always hated this part of dating.

Their responses or lack of response?  I say I get ignored something like 9 out of 10 times. The worst is they look at your profile after you message them and get no response, that's some rejection  :lol

It's discouraging sometimes.  If they're looking for a real relationship then I'm not sure what scares them from my profile.

I'm not sold that all or most women are looking for relationships on that site, even when they explicitly say they are.  I've never used any other site besides Tinder and OKcupid, but I really get the feeling that there is only a small subset of people actually looking for real relationships on those sites/apps.  I wonder if some of the other paid sites like match.com are better for that since if you pay then you are a bit more committed to finding someone?

As someone who used Match successfully (going on a year and a half now), I can unequivocally say "there are some weird people out there".   I think the problem is that the expectations are different and the means of communication is as well.   

I will talk to anyone at any time.  So if I'm in a bar (and I often go to my local by myself, just to have a bite to eat or chat with the bartenders, who are all cute and about half my age) I have no issue with striking up a random conversation with someone, because for me, it isn't about "meeting the one".  It's about having a brief random conversation with someone.   And usually you can tell within about ten minutes or so if there is any desire for the conversation to turn more meaningful.    You don't have that option on an OKCupid or a Match.  People don't write like they talk (and when they do - brb, LOL, OMG I am so hppy 4 2! - they sound like total a-holes) and so it is hard to be discriminating.

I did meet someone on Match that I have remained friends with, even though there is no romantic spark, and at one point we were talking about this, and she pointed something out to me:  I had the same lofty opinion of my profile, and she had me search for men, my age, and see what I came up with.   I was stunned to get... about 25 profiles almost exactly like mine.  EVERY guy is smart, fun, loves music, yadda yadda yadda.   So your "9 out of 10 rejection" isn't likely a direct rejection of YOU, it's that for whatever reason, there was ten of you, identical like Stormtroopers, and she picked one - perhaps even at random - that wasn't you.   

I think the one thing I learned from internet dating that I had not been terribly successful at doing before that (and CERTAINLY not when I was younger) is embracing the Gene Simmons method of dating:   ONLY THE "YES"'s COUNT.  Whether you ask one girl or ten or a hundred, if only one says "YES", it doesn't matter, because, ONE SAID YES. 

Offline Prog Snob

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #218 on: February 26, 2015, 08:03:51 AM »
Maybe I should fashion my profile more to be like a better representation of myself.  I really hate filling those things out so I wind up doing something quick and it comes out as you see it there. If I didn't get so anxious and rush through it, I would probably come up with something really unique. It's just a matter of taking the time (shut up) and putting into it what I want out of it.

Offline Chino

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #219 on: February 26, 2015, 08:25:30 AM »
Be careful not to come off as too eager though. I've come across many female profiles (before I met Victoria) where I just think they are trying way too hard. Almost desperate to an extent. That creates negative vibes (for me anyway) right off the bat. I'm very likely to pass on those.

Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #220 on: February 26, 2015, 08:44:58 AM »
I think there is something to be said about the initial message you send out too.  I usually find something in the woman's profile that I can use to spark a conversation, but I get the most responses by saying something very unique.  Many woman flat out write in their profiles "dont just say hi or i will ignore" which is definitely true.  It's hard to always have something unique to say, but a few examples from people who I've been able to spark conversations with and some have met:

"Your hero is Arya Stark? She is pretty bad ass. Im a Jon Snow fan, but Arya is my next favorite Stark."

"Devils fan? Boo, Rangers baby!"

"Padua is obviously Cupid's favorite place, you can see the look of love on everyone's face" My one time being in the school play and they had to make up a line for me in The Taming of the Shrew and somehow I still remember it. That was in 5th grade hahaha"

"Oh a fellow engineer 😊 I have a degree in computer engineering. I don't recall seeing any women as stunning as you in engineering."

"Good at gif/emoji texting? They need to implement that into the shitty chat on here. lol"  yea im an idiot, it does work, but hey got a response and met

"How do I know if your profile is not just you acting?"

Offline Lynxo

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #221 on: February 26, 2015, 08:50:21 AM »
That's some good advice.  :tup Find something interesting in their profile worth commenting on. Make the effort and she will notice it too.
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Offline Stadler

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #222 on: February 26, 2015, 09:06:17 AM »
There's no magic answer, but the closest I can come up with is BE FUNNY.  Maybe it's because I don't look anything like Ben Barnes or Leo DiCaprio, but almost every single "connection" I've made (I would say "EVERY", but being safe) has been through something funny.  Not "dick joke" funny, but clever funny.

Offline Chino

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #223 on: February 26, 2015, 10:29:08 AM »
I think there is something to be said about the initial message you send out too.  I usually find something in the woman's profile that I can use to spark a conversation, but I get the most responses by saying something very unique.

This, this, and this.

When I first messaged Victoria on Tinder, I opened with something like "Your bio quote reminds me of a lot the one I used in my yearbook - "*instert quote about life here*". I like it". Tinder can be tricky because the profile detail is so limited, but the more elaborate sites give you plenty of ammunition.
« Last Edit: February 26, 2015, 01:41:02 PM by Chino »

Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #224 on: February 26, 2015, 10:33:22 AM »
Yup agreed about Tinder and hence why you see the websites with the cheesey tinder pick up lines. 

And I also agree about the funny part.  Women like to laugh (well dont we all?) and getting a woman to laugh really works wonders in getting her to want to talk to you.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #225 on: February 26, 2015, 01:36:01 PM »
Usually with the first message I will find a couple of things from their profile to focus on just to show them I'm interested in them and not just there for a quickie.  Though it always seems easier to find someone for that.

Offline FlyingBIZKIT

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #226 on: March 08, 2015, 11:52:49 PM »
So this wonderful girl I knew for about half a year and dated for about 3 months broke up with me just a few days ago, I felt that things were going perfect to be honest.

Get this: She breaks up with me via Facebook Messenger and the reason for breaking is up is she needs to be "closer to God".

Wat.


On to the next. :metal

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #227 on: March 08, 2015, 11:58:00 PM »
Sorry to hear that.  I'm still waiting for the next one and I'm fucking miserable over the whole situation, the divorce, not seeing my daughter all of the time, living in an apartment on my own.  It sucks and I'm just hoping that something good will happen soon.  *vent over*

Offline FlyingBIZKIT

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #228 on: March 09, 2015, 12:03:01 AM »
I'm sorry to hear of your situation. I've always felt like when there's a barrage of bad things that happen, something good soon follows, and it's usually when you least expect it.

Like as far as my relationships have gone, they've all started when I wasn't necessarily looking but was on stand-by. I feel like when I'm constantly searching for someone it turns into a chore and nothing good comes out of it.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #229 on: March 09, 2015, 12:06:34 AM »
I'm sorry to hear of your situation. I've always felt like when there's a barrage of bad things that happen, something good soon follows, and it's usually when you least expect it.

Like as far as my relationships have gone, they've all started when I wasn't necessarily looking but was on stand-by. I feel like when I'm constantly searching for someone it turns into a chore and nothing good comes out of it.

Thanks for your concern.  You're right about looking too hard. It seems like things really do happen when we least expect it.

Offline FlyingBIZKIT

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #230 on: March 09, 2015, 12:07:17 AM »
I'm sorry to hear of your situation. I've always felt like when there's a barrage of bad things that happen, something good soon follows, and it's usually when you least expect it.

Like as far as my relationships have gone, they've all started when I wasn't necessarily looking but was on stand-by. I feel like when I'm constantly searching for someone it turns into a chore and nothing good comes out of it.

Thanks for your concern.  You're right about looking too hard. It seems like things really do happen when we least expect it.

No problem! I think things will swing your way soon.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #231 on: March 09, 2015, 12:15:02 AM »
Indeed they will. Same for you.

It's Only A Matter Of Time.   ;)

Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #232 on: March 09, 2015, 07:01:09 AM »
So this wonderful girl I knew for about half a year and dated for about 3 months broke up with me just a few days ago, I felt that things were going perfect to be honest.

Get this: She breaks up with me via Facebook Messenger and the reason for breaking is up is she needs to be "closer to God".

Wat.


On to the next. :metal

Sorry to hear, no idea what that excuse really means, but on the surface it sounds like a poor excuse unless you have been demonizing this lady. 

Sorry to hear that.  I'm still waiting for the next one and I'm fucking miserable over the whole situation, the divorce, not seeing my daughter all of the time, living in an apartment on my own.  It sucks and I'm just hoping that something good will happen soon.  *vent over*

Sorry to hear that as well, but like bizkit said, things will sway back into your favor over time.  Id imagine the adjustment you are going through is really tough but once you get through that then things should start to look better.

Offline FlyingBIZKIT

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #233 on: March 09, 2015, 03:45:10 PM »
So this wonderful girl I knew for about half a year and dated for about 3 months broke up with me just a few days ago, I felt that things were going perfect to be honest.

Get this: She breaks up with me via Facebook Messenger and the reason for breaking is up is she needs to be "closer to God".

Wat.


On to the next. :metal
Sorry to hear, no idea what that excuse really means, but on the surface it sounds like a poor excuse unless you have been demonizing this lady. 

Haha, no demonizing over here! It was pretty much going wonderful. I knew she was a religious person, but I think kicking someone out of your life because of it when that person has been nothing but good to you is ironic and questionable.

Offline Stadler

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #234 on: March 09, 2015, 05:05:31 PM »
Sorry to hear that.  I'm still waiting for the next one and I'm fucking miserable over the whole situation, the divorce, not seeing my daughter all of the time, living in an apartment on my own.  It sucks and I'm just hoping that something good will happen soon.  *vent over*

Bro, having just gone through all of that, IT WILL BE BETTER.  You just can't be desperate to get through the tough times.  It's part of the process.  BUT IT WILL GET BETTER.

Offline Prog Snob

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #235 on: March 10, 2015, 10:57:08 AM »
Sorry to hear that as well, but like bizkit said, things will sway back into your favor over time.  Id imagine the adjustment you are going through is really tough but once you get through that then things should start to look better.

Bro, having just gone through all of that, IT WILL BE BETTER.  You just can't be desperate to get through the tough times.  It's part of the process.  BUT IT WILL GET BETTER.

Thanks guys, I appreciate the advice.  I'm doing a little better the last couple of days.  I think the weather improving is actually helping too. My mood is extremely influenced by the weather. I'm an extreme empath so unfortunately not just human interaction affects me, but other forces of nature as well.

Today is a good so far.   :D

Offline Lynxo

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #236 on: March 13, 2015, 04:33:23 AM »
First date since I became single tonight. "Fika" as we call it in swedish with a girl I've known for a few years. Nothing serious about it so I think it's a good move. :)
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Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #237 on: March 13, 2015, 05:55:26 AM »
First date since I became single tonight. "Fika" as we call it in swedish with a girl I've known for a few years. Nothing serious about it so I think it's a good move. :)

Good luck and have fun!  Supposed to take the girl I met on okcupid a few weeks ago out tonight to my favorite Mexican restaurant.  She has already cooked me two amazing meals on our last two dates so time to take her out to a nice meal.

Offline Lynxo

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #238 on: March 13, 2015, 06:04:51 AM »
Nice! I hope you have fun as well.
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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #239 on: March 13, 2015, 06:06:22 AM »
Have a great time, you two!



Separately, that is.
Zydar is my new hero.  I just laughed so hard I nearly shat.

Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #240 on: March 13, 2015, 06:08:02 AM »
As much as Id love to visit Sweden, I wont be able to make it tonight.

Offline Lynxo

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #241 on: March 13, 2015, 06:10:11 AM »
:(
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Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #242 on: March 13, 2015, 09:56:52 AM »
Well you can scratch my date off, apparently I am not allowed to call her "buddy".  I said good morning buddy and that seemed to have set her off.  According to her, once my dick and her make contact, using the word buddy is off limits.  Which I get in a literal sense, but I was just being friendly not serious which I told her but she just seemed to want to argue about it so I cancelled.  I don't have the time nor patience to deal with arguments about something so stupid with someone I've only met a few times.  I do believe she was/is seeing someone else though, I have my suspicions based on what goes on her instagram, but Im fine with that since we werent serious and I had seen another girl once after we had first met so I am guilty of that myself. 

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #243 on: March 13, 2015, 10:04:08 AM »
Sorry to hear that buddy.

I just don't understand what they were trying to achieve with any part of the song, either individually or as a whole. You know what? It's the Platypus of Dream Theater songs. That bill doesn't go with that tail, or that strange little furry body, or those webbed feet, and oh god why does it have venomous spurs!? And then you find out it lays eggs too. The difference is that the Platypus is somehow functional despite being a crazy mishmash or leftover animal pieces

-BlobVanDam on "Scarred"

Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #244 on: March 13, 2015, 10:11:57 AM »
No sorries necessary, Im totally cool with it.  I dont need women who are going to be drama in my life.  I sent her a nice "goodbye" message thanking her for the awesome meals she cooked for me and good luck to her future which I got no response and blocked on instagram within minutes of sending that.  Kind of shows shes not the girl I want to invest my time into anyway.