Yeah, but you've only gone on one date. Maybe it's grating for you to date different women for a while and see nothing come out of it, especially if you liked one of them, but essentially if you feel you're an unimportant person in someone's life or maybe just a comparison point, you are, and you don't have to be a protagonist in a story every time you want to (learned that the hard way). When I feel a little used, I usually muse on how many times I've done that to other people in different occasions and my takeaway is that we all kinda suck sometimes. But no one has time for background noise, even if it means that it bites me in the face and that next time around I'm someone's background noise. That's cool, because not everyone has to like me or keep me in their life.
If it makes you feel any better, it doesn't even have to mean that she is comparing between the two of you, just that the very convention of dating reminds her of her husband.
I am a fairly recently (almost two years) divorced man, after a fifteen year marriage. One of the things I was grateful for after the divorce was just meeting people. Talking to people (men and women) at bars. Going on dates with no expectation or desire of anything beyond that date. Not easy (especially for me) but necessary. The reason I quoted you, MoraWintersoul, is because while you didn't say it outright, I think you are heading down this path, and that is, every date is a necessary part of the NEXT date, even if they are different people. I have become incredibly lenient with people in this way. If we go on a date and I fall in love and you don't, that's NOT YOUR FAULT, and you have no obligation - perhaps except for just some human decency - to reciprocate in any way that isn't comfortable for you. Dating is like playing a football game: even though you may or may not have ideas on how it SHOULD turn out, you actually play the game precisely because you DON'T know how it's going to turn out until it happens.
While I was waiting for my divorce to be finalized, I met up with this girl. Bright, attractive, creative... and we talked via text for a while, talked on the phone, and even went on one date that went very well. We had experienced similar things, though we lived a little far apart (maybe an hour?). We went on a second date, and near the end, while kissing she stopped to look at me and I honest to god thought I saw - if not love then at least really strong "I think I found what I am looking for". We had to get home to our respective sitters, and I left on cloud nine thinking perhaps this was the light at the end of the tunnel. We talked maybe twice or three times after and that was it. She didn't really give any detailed explanation, just that it didn't feel right. And I thought about all the emotions I could have and it dawned on me; she owed me nothing, and at least I could take from this that there was life after divorce and there were bright, attractive, creative people out there, and I had gotten my "post-divorce dating jitters" out of the way!
I did text her on her birthday and she said she was in a relationship and happy, and to this day I don't know if she was dating multiple people, or if she got back with someone from her past or met someone new, but it didn't matter. If she's not 100% invested in me, and 100% sure I'm the right guy for her, why would I even want to date her? And why should I expect her to figure all that out on my time table?
Postcript: A couple months from when I met the first girl, I met another girl (interestingly, same first name) and we have been together now for over a year, and it DOES feel right. I think back now and there is almost no comparison. I don't miss the first girl, don't regret the first girl, and am grateful that I experienced that, so that I could be open and appreciative of what I have now.