Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip

[Chino]

By the way, a question to everybody who's ever been dumped: did you ever get completely over your exes?

I've only had three relationships that would warrant the girl to have the label "ex". The other relationships were quick flings where we were both mutually testing the waters.

When shit hit the fan with the first girl I ever truly cared about, life went to shit really fast. I was 17 and found out because I got bumped to the #2 spot on her Myspace Top 8. I still remember seeing it like it was yesterday. Pretty sure my heart skipped a few beats in the following seconds. That put me into a good two year funk. I spent the first six months trying to get her back, and the rest of the time self loathing. In time things improved. Her and I are on fine terms today. I like bumping into her around town and catching up.

Dated Girl #2 for almost a year. I knew in the months leading up to it that breaking up was inevitable. Breaking it off was hard, but I got over that one relatively quickly. There was a girl prior to her at my work that I used to have a crush on, and once relationship #2 ended, we quickly became fuck buddies. I don't want to encourage that type of behavior, but it made my situation a million times easier. After about a month of fucking around, I told this girl that I wanted more. She basically said she had no desire to date, but for me to feel free to keep using her vagina. That actually was harder to deal with than breaking up with girl #2.

If my current girlfriend (#3) and I were to split, pending on the circumstances, I can't even begin to think about how that's going to make me feel. I like to think I'm a strong person and have decent control over my emotions, but if I went home tonight and she ended the relationship, life would get dark really quickly. I don't know how I would function or even be able to get out of bed. First thing I'd do would probably quit my job. There's nothing anyone could say that would help or make me feel better.   

[cramx3]

I've actually never been on that side of a relationship.  All of my serious ones (one 9 year, one 2 year) I ended and the shorter relationships I mostly ended or the ones that she ended on me were not any situation where we were in love so even though I was upset, I dont think those qualify for your scenario for me to be able to answer, however, the two women I broke up with clearly had/have a hard time with it.  Both of them I think would take me back in their lives (maybe that is my ego speaking since one is married with a child, but she has been stalking my facebook like crazy lately and she confessed the last time we did see each other that she always thinks about me and sex with anyone else is not the same).

I think at the end of the day, if you love someone, it isn't just going to disappear just because the other person no longer feels the same.

[TioJorge]

That moment when you  come home to find that the person youve been striving to fix things with is out with another guy and you're left alone to your own depression and alcohol


lots of alocohl

Brother, I know exactly how you feel as I just came through the other end of a hellish rabbit hole that involved me attempting to mend things with my ex and a bout of relapse from my sobriety and...it wasn't worth it. But almost the same situation... Thing is, she has two kids and their father is not around...when we first met, I essentially became their dad because we immediately connected and I immediately felt an immense amount of love for them and that love only grew. Then...I started drinking heavily, which led to our current position of her saying things like "I love you more than anything, as do my kids, but..." and the but leads to worries about me relapsing and how much pain my drinking has caused them. After seeing her date other guys, the pain is quite indescribable. But I know I did it. It's all on me. It's something I'm still accepting even though I'm now at a point where I'm so over alcohol I'm not even worried about relapsing; it's a point that is a 'if I drink, I die'.

Of course, I'm not saying you're an alcoholic. But what others said is something I'll echo ten million fold. Don't turn to the drink to ease your pain because it's not going to work. It just won't. You may think it is, you may even feel better when you're drinking and KNOW it is, but eventually it will hit you that it's just hurting yourself (and perhaps others). Please don't become someone you hate like I did. Perhaps you can control it, but perhaps not... All I'm saying is that the slope you're on now isn't just slippery...it's covered in vaseline and gasoline and that alcohol is a lit match. Some people can drink heavy one night and then be totally fine and go back to their normal routine...but it's when a person drink emotionally and turns to it in times of pain/stress/anger/sorrow that something more sinister lies beneath.

Anyway, I don't mean to preach, I really don't. But I've been there, and I know the pain is more severe than any kind of physical one. So just...know that it's alright to feel that way, but it would behoove you, mentally, physically and emotionally, to at least attempt to mend yourself without alcohol during those times. I can truly say from an immense amount of experience, it will (eventually) only compound those feelings and will fracture your state of mind; then it will only be that much harder to accept whenever you do sober up. Stay strong and know that you're an awesome dude and that while the situation is horrible and it's painful...it will pass. It will. Then you'll be on your way to finding someone new and you'll be glad that you rose above the pain to make a shitty situation good and you'll be stronger, smarter, and better for it. It took me a long time and SO MANY fucked up situations to realize all this and I still don't know jack shit about anything. But I do know one thing unequivocally...alcohol makes it all worse. Perhaps you're the kind of person that can drink and control it...if so that's awesome and I am truly jealous ( ); but even if you are, drinking at times when you're an emotional wreck is not a good idea even if you're in control. I personally can't do any of it anymore...but even when I was drinking, in the back of my mind I knew all this and denied it..

Seems I'm back to writing my big ass posts. Apologies if it's annoying. I suppose I need to let it out at times as well. Stay strong, Jay. It'll get better, even if it feels like walking on cinders right now, you can pass this up and come out the other end a better man.

[JayOctavarium]

Making it worse is the fact she  was like texting when she got home. And got annoyed because I didn't wanna talk to her.

Honestly drinking scares the fuck out me. I've got a family history full of addiction. My mom is an alcoholic. Last night scared me. My thoughts. My feelings. Scared the fuck outta me.

[Chino]

Being completely serious here...

Switch to cannabis. If you're going to bring substances in to try and keep your feelings in check, that will do way less damage to you than booze.

[TioJorge]

Making it worse is the fact she  was like texting when she got home. And got annoyed because I didn't wanna talk to her.

Honestly drinking scares the fuck out me. I've got a family history full of addiction. My mom is an alcoholic. Last night scared me. My thoughts. My feelings. Scared the fuck outta me.

Same...my mother is still a raging psychopathic alcoholic. Still, I ignored that and kept drinking till 2 DWI's, a few wrecks, a bunch of friends throwing me by the wayside and a near fatal catastrophe hit me and I finally woke the fuck up. You should be scared...it's good to be scared. If you're worried, it means you at least know something bad is boiling, and once that boiling point is reached, it could mean anything, but it's always going to be bad; it's just a matter of 'how bad'. Please feel free to PM me anytime and if you're really in the throes of worry about your drinking, I'll give you my cell number and you can call/text anytime. Maybe you haven't reached that point, and I hope you don't, but if you can't get it under control just know it's there if you need a helping hand.

I personally wouldn't recommend any type of drug at all, be it alcohol or weed, during times of emotional stress because it will skew your thoughts on the matter. Granted, I agree about weed being the much lesser evil than alcohol, to be sure, but when times of emotional stress and personal introspection come about...it is absolutely best to be clear headed. It's an unarguable fact that any drug, any drug at all, will belie your feelings and your thought process on said subject (girlfriend, death of a loved one, job stress etc. x infinity). If you have to, sure; but for me, anything foreign will screw up my train of thought and I'll be in even worse shape when I eventually have to get sober and attempt to think straight and look at things in light of day, clear-headed. It'll just make it that much worse once that time comes. (plus for an addictive personality like me, when I was high I wanted to drink, and when I drank I wanted to get high; but I realize not everyone is like this, but that's how it is for me, so I cannot recommend said procedure)

[JayOctavarium]

Anything that numbs me like that scares me shitless.

[Stadler]

By the way, a question to everybody who's ever been dumped: did you ever get completely over your exes?

What I mean is - if you're the one to break off a relationsship, you've probably already stopped loving your partner but if your partner breaks up unexpectely with you, it seems so much harder. And for me, even close to impossible.

Both my exes broke up with me because their feelings just went away. And as pathetic as it may sound, I still love both of them and would go back to any of them in a heartbeat were any of them to take me back. And I can't see me ever getting completely over any of them.

With my first ex, I just sort of...stopped thinking about her. But I never stopped loving her, if that makes any sense. It didn't stop me from being able to have a second super happy relationsship with another person and I would certainly never have left her for my first ex. But yeah...I cant see me ever just stop loving someone.

This isn't a yes or no question.  I've been broken up with once, I've had a relationship that sort of flirted with being real but didn't (though I DEFINITELY wanted it to) and my wife filed for divorce from me.  Of those three, the first, over.  Wouldn't go back.  Second, always wonder what if.  Third, over.  Wouldn't go back.  I don't know; the first really broke my heart at the time, and it was rough, but I met new people, and each person I've met has shown me something I didn't know before, and that first relationship has revealed itself to be what it was: two kids figuring out what "love" is.  I definitely told her I loved her, and meant it at the time.  But I don't know that I could look you in the eye and say "that was the one".  As for the second, well, if I'm honest, the "love" part is the same; I said it, I meant it, but I don't know that I knew the full parameters of what I was saying.  But I've rationalized it that I didn't miss out on her, I just didn't find out the limits of being with her.  They are two different things.  There is no guarantee it would have turned out like "The Notebook", or whatever.   

I'm open to the fact that my experience is not like others, but I don't understand the idea of meeting someone at 18 or 20 or 22 and fixating on that person for the rest of my life.  I'm not - and haven't been - 22 for a long time.  So how could I have known then what I'd need today?  I know my current wife accepts me as I am, which is the cumulative experience of all those years, including age 22.  So I don't know how that is not better than pining away for the memory of someone.

It's not to say I've ditched them - the words to the end verse of "Evidence of Autumn" by Genesis are relevant here - but they are what they are, a nice memory of the past, but of no bearing in my present. 

[cramx3]

Making it worse is the fact she  was like texting when she got home. And got annoyed because I didn't wanna talk to her.

Honestly drinking scares the fuck out me. I've got a family history full of addiction. My mom is an alcoholic. Last night scared me. My thoughts. My feelings. Scared the fuck outta me.

Sorry man, that must be tough to deal with, but knowing your family history you need to be extra careful.  Almost everyone I have met in an AA meeting was there because their parents were alcoholics.  You are predisposed to becoming one.  Just be careful, you seem like a good guy and I wouldn't wish anyone to go down that road.

Being completely serious here...

Switch to cannabis. If you're going to bring substances in to try and keep your feelings in check, that will do way less damage to you than booze.

I am way more of a smoker than a drinker.  In a way I do agree with this because alcohol is a depressant and marijuana is not, but like Jorge, I don't think I can recommend any drug when dealing with your emotions.  You need to feel them and bounce back naturally which you WILL do.

[jonnybaxy]

By the way, a question to everybody who's ever been dumped: did you ever get completely over your exes?

What I mean is - if you're the one to break off a relationsship, you've probably already stopped loving your partner but if your partner breaks up unexpectely with you, it seems so much harder. And for me, even close to impossible.

Both my exes broke up with me because their feelings just went away. And as pathetic as it may sound, I still love both of them and would go back to any of them in a heartbeat were any of them to take me back. And I can't see me ever getting completely over any of them.

With my first ex, I just sort of...stopped thinking about her. But I never stopped loving her, if that makes any sense. It didn't stop me from being able to have a second super happy relationsship with another person and I would certainly never have left her for my first ex. But yeah...I cant see me ever just stop loving someone.

This sounds like me... Almost, Too much like me...

[Sub Luna Vitrea]

i don't really call anyone an "ex", but i have been passionately involved with a number of people on both an emotional and sexual level at the same time, and i still talk to the vast majority of them. earlier in life it seemed much harder to believe that i could ever just be ok with the absence of such people. i'm 30 now and it's just like, when i'm connecting with someone and then it ends, i make the decision to withdraw for a while before achieving a renewed sense of total independence from them, at which point i look them up again, because if i connected with someone then there is really no use in losing them as a friend... unless they have previously committed some form of violence against me, in which case i do my very best to avoid them at all costs.

[Lynxo]

By the way, a question to everybody who's ever been dumped: did you ever get completely over your exes?

What I mean is - if you're the one to break off a relationsship, you've probably already stopped loving your partner but if your partner breaks up unexpectely with you, it seems so much harder. And for me, even close to impossible.

Both my exes broke up with me because their feelings just went away. And as pathetic as it may sound, I still love both of them and would go back to any of them in a heartbeat were any of them to take me back. And I can't see me ever getting completely over any of them.

With my first ex, I just sort of...stopped thinking about her. But I never stopped loving her, if that makes any sense. It didn't stop me from being able to have a second super happy relationsship with another person and I would certainly never have left her for my first ex. But yeah...I cant see me ever just stop loving someone.

This sounds like me... Almost, Too much like me...

Well, good to hear I'm not the only one. I was starting to think so. 

[jonnybaxy]

Speaking of which I'm trying to do the (apparently) worst move...

Getting back with the ex...

2 years ago I was in what can only be described as the perfect couple. I was head over heels in love and she was all I needed, we were great together personality wise and everything you can think of (at least to me)

Then out of what appeared from nowhere she left me and it tore me apart, as I see justified by the above.

We've talked off and on since on friendly terms around  6 months after.

I never really stopped loving her, she was the ying to my yang so to speak.

So I've decided I'm going for it all in.


I've just realised how creepy this sounds but it's supposed to be romantic I guess 

[JayOctavarium]

Don't do it. That is a dangerous dance.

[jonnybaxy]

Don't do it. That is a dangerous dance.

I'm aware, however she's the only person I really want to be with and I've no other prospects really,

The worst that can happen is that it doesn't happen or I end up in the same place I am now

[JayOctavarium]

Physically in the same place... but mentally? Do you know for sure where you will stand mentally?

[TioJorge]

Don't do it. That is a dangerous dance.

I'm aware, however she's the only person I really want to be with and I've no other prospects really,

The worst that can happen is that it doesn't happen or I end up in the same place I am now

No it isn't. There's a worse place. But I'm not so ignorant to think you can be talked out of it by some people on a forum; hell, you probably couldn't be talked out of it by your real life friends who know you and the situation. That's the way our emotions work, it makes us stupid. (And I am absolutely not calling you stupid; I'm going through similar trials except I'm fighting wanting to get back and I won't, but that doesn't mean I don't want to or that the feelings aren't there, so I know...as I'm sure every other swinging dick in this world does)

But this right here says it all: "and I've no other prospects really". That...ignoring the blindness of love or anything close to the sort, should've stopped you in your tracks. That lone thought, even if it was in passing, is a really bad sign that it's gone to shit before it's even started. Loneliness does that to a person. However, even if you aren't lonely, the thought of having no other prospects (which more than likely isn't true to begin with...there's always someone out there even if you haven't seen them or met them...there are ALWAYS prospects...but you've gotta look first...hard) can drive a man to go with the best bet, and having a past makes it really hard to see things clearly...perhaps impossible. Memories can really fuck with you. It also doesn't bode well that the relationship ended 'out of nowhere'. Everything ends, and there is always a reason. Always. Whatever the problem was, chances are it'll still be there even if the honeymoon phase cloaks it completely for a period of time. I've always been of the mind that exes are exes for a reason and we're meant to learn from our mistakes and move on. But again...I'm one that always has to learn the hard way; every fuckin' time. So with that...

I hope it turns out okay but if I were a betting man.... (I have no idea what is up with all these gambling metaphors...I don't even gamble)

Let us know how it goes. Perhaps you'll prove the age-old rule wrong. But it's an age-old rule for a reason...

[DebraKadabra]

Seems I'm back to writing my big ass posts. Apologies if it's annoying.

No, it's not. We're wading on different ends of the same pool, but I TOTALLY get where you're coming from. With you, it was/is an addiction to substances legal and not so legal to dull the pain. With me, I was stuck emotionally. I felt I didn't deserve to be with anyone with qualities similar to my father because of being drawn to people with similar qualities to my emotionally abusive mother. Regardless... I wouldn't wish either of our pain on anyone. It's been a hard road to walk, but I don't regret it because it puts me in better touch with myself and keeps me believing that I'm not as bad a person as I was told when I was growing up after my folks split. Kids that young (I was 6 when their divorce was finalized) are still sponges and I believed the hype so to speak. It took me until I was 19 to fully and completely believe and KNOW that my folks splitting up wasn't because of me in any way. I'd been living with my father for three years at that point, but those things you're told as a child... they really stick with you. Hell... I'm still wading through it even now. The difference now as opposed to then is that I know that I am worthy of investing time in myself, and my baggage gets lighter with every realization.
 
I do still have my bad days. Everyone does. But Jay-O... my friend, I have to agree with Jorge here. I know it's hard. But I tell you... you learn SO much about yourself when you have to fight for who you are. It's painful, it sucks, you feel like you just want to give in and give up... NO. NO NO NO. Fight. Fight with all you have, because you don't deserve this pain. No one does. But shit happens and we wade through it as best we can. I'm going to make a similar offer here - if you need ANYTHING.... virtual hugs, a shoulder to cry on, a sounding board... I've been in a similar place. You're a good man, Jay... don't let this shit pull you down to its level.
 
So... as far as Lynxo's question--I've usually been the dump-ee, not the dump-er. Being dumped really does hurt, but once some time passes I usually realize that the person in question really wasn't worth the time and effort I put into the relationship. Some people are only meant to be in your life to teach you things about yourself, whether it's for a short time or for a long time. If people decide to leave for whatever reason... LET THEM GO.
 
On the other hand... I went through a break up of an 8-year relationship late last June. I've only just now gotten to the point where I feel comfortable having him as a FB friend again. I did tell him that I needed time to refriend him, which I recently did. A lot of his friends and my friends question the both of us about why we still keep in touch with each other. Well... 8 years is a long time, and... he and I started out as friends. I probably wouldn't do things differently given a redo either because even though I was the one who asked for the breakup, I learned so much about myself during and after it. We both agree that we're much better as friends anyway, and he's the only ex that I can say that about. Usually when a past relationship has fallen apart.... it's done. Not this time. We did build some good memories together, and we had good times in the 8 years we were together. It just didn't work out after that. No harm, no foul, no bad feelings. He also taught me that I can do that with my friends as well, that some people are worth a second chance.
 
I don't know... sometimes I feel like I'm making this shit up as I go along.

[cramx3]

Funny how you bring up ex's and facebook.  I never unfriended or was unfriended by my x.  I personally don't care, I feel I'm a nice enough of a guy and she is a nice enough girl (even if we werent nice enough for each other or whatever) that we can be respectful to each other on social media.  We have had no issues with that and don't talk or communicate so it's not big deal from my point of view.  I am also friends with almost every girl I have dated since my x on facebook.  Well a few of the girls I met thought it was really weird to still be friends with my x, one even said she was uncomfortable with it.  So I am wondering is it normal to stay friends with x's on facebook?  I want to say yes it is, but I guess it also depends on how things ended.  Now that I think about it, I am still friends with my x's from before my 9 year relationship x.

[FlyingBIZKIT]

I don't think getting back with an ex is a great idea, but then again, I've never done it. They are an ex for a reason, I just move on. So what if you don't find anyone for a while? Make yourself happy first, that's the most important thing. Before anyone can make you happy you have to do it on your own, or else it's unhealthy. Looking back at my ex's, they were both lovely people, but obviously not for me. Use that as experience moving forward, trying to go back and dwell on the past usually turns out to be a shitty choice. Just my 2 cents.

But, our minds love to play tricks on us and make us think that we HAVE to be with that ONE girl because she's the only one I can ever love. Which is false. But hey, we all need a dose of reality at some point.

[bout to crash]

I would not necessarily say drinking to take the pain away is always a bad thing, but when you have a parent who is an alcoholic it's dangerous territroy. But I disagree that pot is any better. They both suck in large quantities.

As for the ex thing, I guess I have mostly been the dumper in my adult life. I was dumped several times in my teens, one of them a guy I felt I loved. But I was 15 and am long over that shit. It might be different now. But definitely can't think of one ex I'd get back together with... unless it was an ex fuck buddy, maybe.

[FlyingBIZKIT]

I was dumped twice, both for reasons not even in my control. One fell out of love, the other used a lame ass excuse to get with another guy. So that right there just tells me there's no way in hell I'd ever get back with them. The past is the past, and it should stay the past.

[Lynxo]

I admire you people for being able to let go and move on with your lifes. I always found that super hard. I mean, I can still think about friends I had several years ago that I lost contact with, and wonder where they are now and if we could be friends again.

So maybe this whole thing for me personally isn't so much about love, but rather about focusing too much on the past.

[cramx3]

And speaking of this the girl I first slept with after my x just texted me after not talking for almost 9 months saying she's been thinking about me. 

[Sub Luna Vitrea]

I've been reading a lot about grief lately, because a friend of mine committed suicide (as mentioned in the Depressed/Angry Thread). According to what I have been reading, grief-like states are experienced not only after a death, but also after a breakup, loss of a job, traumatic experience or in any number of similar situations. Also according to these same sources, the best way of ensuring that you get over grief as quickly as possible and don't cause any long-term damage to your psyche is to allow yourself to feel it. So even if you're not an addict/alcoholic/whatever, hold off on the booze or pot until you've moved on, and then go nuts. (P.S. If temporarily abstaining from a substance sounds hard to do, you might want to talk to someone about that.)

I don't know how reliable such sources are, but it seems like in the past I have always done the exact opposite of what they say, so this time I'm trying to do it the way they ask me to, and it's too early to know if it will work any better.

[jonnybaxy]

Why's it all so complicated,

Why Cant I just say "hey, I like you, want to try this out?" 

But instead you have to play stupid chasing games and relationship politics 

[FlyingBIZKIT]

I admire you people for being able to let go and move on with your lifes. I always found that super hard. I mean, I can still think about friends I had several years ago that I lost contact with, and wonder where they are now and if we could be friends again.

So maybe this whole thing for me personally isn't so much about love, but rather about focusing too much on the past.

Even though I can let go, I still don't necessarily find it easy. But I find the older I get, the more convenient it gets. After my first bad breakup, I never wanted it to end, and that was just a few years ago. But I just look at everything as an experience, and unfortunately, a lot of them don't last as long as you want. I think that kind of molds you into the person you are today though. As a result of these two breakups, I've discovered what I've wanted to pursue in school, I've learned a ton about my emotions and what I really need, and I think I'm just a better person than I was before.

I try not to look at losing contact with people as a bad thing. Yeah, you've lost contact, but that just means it wasn't meant to be. I guess I'm a firm believer in that everything happens for a reason.

[Stadler]

Don't do it. That is a dangerous dance.

I'm aware, however she's the only person I really want to be with and I've no other prospects really,

The worst that can happen is that it doesn't happen or I end up in the same place I am now

So why is any of that her problem?  She voted.  You're off the island.   Absent anything else, why would you want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with YOU? 

Sorry if that is harsh, but I'm dealing with this with a family member now.   And here is the rationale I gave her:  you're 16.   You're in high school, so you are, effectively, listening to 5 CDs and only those songs.   Say, 75 songs (meaning there are 75 guys in your "world", more or less.  Slim pickings).   Then you go off to college or get a job, and you now have 20 CDs, and only those songs.  Say 300.  (More guys, but still slim pickings).   Then you go off to the real world, and you have... Spotify.  An unlimited resource of guys to choose from, and your only limitations are how strong is your search engine.

Personally, knowing what I know now, I would force myself to travel in different circles.  Go to a different bar.  Hang with a different group socially.   You know how some people say "I make my luck"?  Like that douche from Titanic?   Make your own prospects.  None of this is easy, or even fun, but it sure beats a broken heart.   

[Stadler]

I don't know... sometimes I feel like I'm making this shit up as I go along.

I'm being dead serious here:  if you DON'T feel that way, you're doing it wrong.  We're ALL making it up, as our experiences and open-mindedness allow.  There are SO few experiences that are TRULY unique in this world.  They all feel unique, because they are new to us, and so we have to feel our way, but... we're ALL feeling our way.

[Stadler]

I admire you people for being able to let go and move on with your lifes. I always found that super hard. I mean, I can still think about friends I had several years ago that I lost contact with, and wonder where they are now and if we could be friends again.

So maybe this whole thing for me personally isn't so much about love, but rather about focusing too much on the past.

Well, here's a point that gets missed: I never said it wasn't hard, and I never said that I don't wonder, too.  It's what you do with it, and I don't let it overwhelm.   Is Michael Jordan the only great basketball player? Nope.  Petrucci the only great guitar player?  Nope.  So what makes you think that girl is the ONLY one that can give you what you want/need (especially since she has, apparently, told you she doesn't want to give it to you)?   I do tend to be a person that looks to the future positively, and I am a curious person, so there is always something that can take my mind off things.  I'm like a dog that way; "Hey, look!  Shiny things!"   But I still have to go to sleep at night, and that moment when all the lights are off, the TV is off, and I'm in bed but I haven't actually fallen asleep is usually the hardest, because that's when the mind wanders. 

[Stadler]

Why's it all so complicated,

Why Cant I just say "hey, I like you, want to try this out?" 

But instead you have to play stupid chasing games and relationship politics 

Um, do you believe in "signs"?   Maybe you should...

[jonnybaxy]

Don't do it. That is a dangerous dance.

I'm aware, however she's the only person I really want to be with and I've no other prospects really,

The worst that can happen is that it doesn't happen or I end up in the same place I am now

So why is any of that her problem?  She voted.  You're off the island.   Absent anything else, why would you want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with YOU? 

It's not her problem, hence why I said "worst that can happen is that it doesn't happen"

And if she doesn't want to be with me she'll say no...

[jonnybaxy]

Why's it all so complicated,

Why Cant I just say "hey, I like you, want to try this out?" 

But instead you have to play stupid chasing games and relationship politics 

Um, do you believe in "signs"?   Maybe you should...

Yeah obviously, but signs can be easily misread, which can make a very awkward and bad situation

[Sub Luna Vitrea]

I don't know... sometimes I feel like I'm making this shit up as I go along.

I'm being dead serious here:  if you DON'T feel that way, you're doing it wrong.  We're ALL making it up, as our experiences and open-mindedness allow.  There are SO few experiences that are TRULY unique in this world.  They all feel unique, because they are new to us, and so we have to feel our way, but... we're ALL feeling our way.

[DebraKadabra]

I don't know... sometimes I feel like I'm making this shit up as I go along.

I'm being dead serious here:  if you DON'T feel that way, you're doing it wrong.  We're ALL making it up, as our experiences and open-mindedness allow.  There are SO few experiences that are TRULY unique in this world.  They all feel unique, because they are new to us, and so we have to feel our way, but... we're ALL feeling our way.

Aw. I really needed to read that, thank you.
 
Lynxo--it's not that the letting go happened overnight. It took some wading through, being depressed, feeling down, and like Sub Luna said - allowing yourself to grieve.