Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip

[The Walrus]

Waiting for the right moment.

[H2]

Waiting for the right moment.

When's that, if you don't mind my asking?

[Sacul]

Once the pandemic is over and I can go back to town . Just waiting to ask her out then.

[Anguyen92]

I don't know even know how to get my foot out the door and don't even know if I want to.  My life has too many uncertainty, especially when it comes to the finance side of it, to even want to consider getting out there and settling down with a relationship and family life.  I tell myself I'm nowhere near ready for it.  From a financial standpoint and from a mental standpoint.

[Stadler]

I get that, objectively, but there's something to be said for the idea that "man plans and God laughs".  Or as John Lennon put it, "Life is what happens when you're making other plans".   I  think there are some things in life you're never really "ready" for, and in fact, I think there are some things in life that you probably SHOULDN'T be ready for (put another way, there are some things in life you might actually NEED to BE ready).   

Assuming you want/need the companionship, why not put yourself out there and see where it takes you?  I know I was a financial mess after my divorce - my new wife wasn't much better - but we made that a part of our bonding, and while there are moments I wish I played "James Bond" a little more before I remarried, I also know it's not really in my nature to BE James Bond, so it's fanciful thinking.   But I'm probably in the second best financial position of my life, now, and it was in part by growing together with my wife. 

[The Walrus]

I get that, objectively, but there's something to be said for the idea that "man plan's and God laughs".  Or as John Lennon put it, "Life is what happens when you're making other plans".   I  think there are some things in life you're never really "ready" for, and in fact, I think there are some things in life that you probably SHOULDN'T be ready for (put another way, there are some things in life you might actually NEED to BE ready).   

Assuming you want/need the companionship, why not put yourself out there and see where it takes you?  I know I was a financial mess after my divorce - my new wife wasn't much better - but we made that a part of our bonding, and while there are moments I wish I played "James Bond" a little more before I remarried, I also know it's not really in my nature to BE James Bond, so it's fanciful thinking.   But I'm probably in the second best financial position of my life, now, and it was in part by growing together with my wife.

Bingo. BINGO. And it took me years to get this.

Guess what? I get paid today, but right now I have almost nothing in my bank account. I'm fortunate to make enough that (although I'm still getting my shit together) I can bounce back, but I've stopped letting that get in my way. Do I have enough to go out and get a fancy new outfit? Nah, not really. Do I have enough to go get lunch? Yeah. Do I have enough confidence in my personality to hold a conversation and learn about them? Absolutely. Ditching the negative self-defeating thoughts is the very first step. I *want* this, so I'm going for it, despite being in less than ideal financial circumstances. Confidence is attractive, I just keep telling myself that... because it's true.

[The Walrus]

Man, this damn pandemic. No indoor dining at all here in Champaign. Which would be fine, if this wasn't the one weekend of the year with like 39mph winds. Really hoping the place we were planning to go to has a tent or canopy or something out front that we can use. pls let there be something. I'm going to make this day a good day god damn it 

[H2]

Have any of you ever dated someone for a long time who you just kinda felt meh about? If so, what was it like, and do you regret it?

[The Walrus]

Have any of you ever dated someone for a long time who you just kinda felt meh about? If so, what was it like, and do you regret it?

Not for a long time, but there's only been one girl who I initially really felt something for and then the longer I went on being with her I realized I just wasn't feeling it. Actually she cared more for me, and was extremely upset when I broke it off. Oof. Bad times.

---

Yesterday the girl I'm into and I chose to reschedule our lunch to next Sunday, because of 40+mph winds and no indoor dining anywhere. So today I sat on it and twiddled my thumbs and just sent her a message. Coming over Friday to watch Game of Thrones. Yay.

[cramx3]

Have any of you ever dated someone for a long time who you just kinda felt meh about? If so, what was it like, and do you regret it?

Not sure what counts for a long time, but you can see my post from "Reply #3538 on: September 11, 2020, 07:46:11 PM" for breaking up with a girl after 9 months because I felt meh about it.  I don't regret it, we had fun, but I do feel bad for letting it go to a point for making me feel bad about it.  I certainly felt bad for her, but in the end, since it was "meh" it really is the best for both of us.

[Stadler]

Have any of you ever dated someone for a long time who you just kinda felt meh about? If so, what was it like, and do you regret it?

Not for a long time, but there's only been one girl who I initially really felt something for and then the longer I went on being with her I realized I just wasn't feeling it. Actually she cared more for me, and was extremely upset when I broke it off. Oof. Bad times.

---

Yesterday the girl I'm into and I chose to reschedule our lunch to next Sunday, because of 40+mph winds and no indoor dining anywhere. So today I sat on it and twiddled my thumbs and just sent her a message. Coming over Friday to watch Game of Thrones. Yay.

Make sure you watch the episode with the incest, or the one where Melisandre gives birth to the demon smoke.    If that doesn't cut the ice, nothing will!   

[Stadler]

Have any of you ever dated someone for a long time who you just kinda felt meh about? If so, what was it like, and do you regret it?

Not sure what counts for a long time, but you can see my post from "Reply #3538 on: September 11, 2020, 07:46:11 PM" for breaking up with a girl after 9 months because I felt meh about it.  I don't regret it, we had fun, but I do feel bad for letting it go to a point for making me feel bad about it.  I certainly felt bad for her, but in the end, since it was "meh" it really is the best for both of us.

I got to the doorstep of an engagement, then broke it off.   I didn't know it at the time, but I think looking back that qualifies for your question.  I don't think it's as easy as saying "I was meh and let it go"; it's not how it works. There was restlessness, there was yearning, but I was also 26, just finishing law school, wondering what my job would be and where it would take me...  it's only in hindsight that I realized if I really loved her, if it was way more than "meh" I'd've found a way to stick it out.   She wasn't happy then, but other than being civil and respectful in letting her down, I'm not sure what else I could have done.   

[cramx3]

Have any of you ever dated someone for a long time who you just kinda felt meh about? If so, what was it like, and do you regret it?

Not sure what counts for a long time, but you can see my post from "Reply #3538 on: September 11, 2020, 07:46:11 PM" for breaking up with a girl after 9 months because I felt meh about it.  I don't regret it, we had fun, but I do feel bad for letting it go to a point for making me feel bad about it.  I certainly felt bad for her, but in the end, since it was "meh" it really is the best for both of us.

I got to the doorstep of an engagement, then broke it off.   I didn't know it at the time, but I think looking back that qualifies for your question.  I don't think it's as easy as saying "I was meh and let it go"; it's not how it works. There was restlessness, there was yearning, but I was also 26, just finishing law school, wondering what my job would be and where it would take me...  it's only in hindsight that I realized if I really loved her, if it was way more than "meh" I'd've found a way to stick it out.   She wasn't happy then, but other than being civil and respectful in letting her down, I'm not sure what else I could have done.

I would say, what I referenced was legit "meh" but I also was with a girl for 9 years and was engaged and ended it.  The love definitely faded away there, but it was never "meh".  Just something that over time, we grew apart and had less and less in common to the point where it broke.  Sadly, I do regret that because I knew much sooner that it wasn't going to work and yet kept at it thinking there was a chance it could work.  If I listened to my instinct I could have saved a couple years of grief and misery.

[The Walrus]

Have any of you ever dated someone for a long time who you just kinda felt meh about? If so, what was it like, and do you regret it?

Not for a long time, but there's only been one girl who I initially really felt something for and then the longer I went on being with her I realized I just wasn't feeling it. Actually she cared more for me, and was extremely upset when I broke it off. Oof. Bad times.

---

Yesterday the girl I'm into and I chose to reschedule our lunch to next Sunday, because of 40+mph winds and no indoor dining anywhere. So today I sat on it and twiddled my thumbs and just sent her a message. Coming over Friday to watch Game of Thrones. Yay.

Make sure you watch the episode with the incest, or the one where Melisandre gives birth to the demon smoke.    If that doesn't cut the ice, nothing will!   

 !! She's somewhere in season 3 right now, so with any luck, maybe The Red Wedding will be the one we see. I'm just glad it's not the sex with Littlefinger's dialogue from season 1. Thank god 

Me after work for the rest of the week:

[lordxizor]

 

Have any of you ever dated someone for a long time who you just kinda felt meh about? If so, what was it like, and do you regret it?

I dated a girl for 2.5 years in high school and college and by the end I was still with her because it was comfortable and trying to find someone new seemed scary. I eventually ended it when I knew I had the next girlfriend lined up.  In retrospect I should have ended it much sooner, but I was 19 at the time and knew nothing, so I cut myself a little slack on that one.

Dated another girl for most of my senior year of college. I knew from day 1 she wasn't "the one" or anything, but we enjoyed each other's company and had a great time. I felt bad breaking it off with her at the end of the year because she was much more into me than I was into her. Sorta regret not either being more clear that I wasn't serious about her or ending it sooner.

Sounds like it's time to break it off. You shouldn't feel meh about someone you're in a long term relationship with if there's nothing (like marriage or kids) tying you together. And if there is marriage or kids, work hard to fire things up again.

[H2]

Good to hear everyone's experiences. I've had maybe three relationships I felt meh about, utterly unchallenged and bored. But I went for it because it was easy. But then...inevitably, the frustration and resentment kicked in. Not a good idea.

On a lighter note--I had coffee with a new girl, and I think we like each other a lot. I met her at the coffee place a few days before after randomly striking up a conversation, but I had things to do, so I decided to ask her out cold and up front. Turns out that cold and up front is effective. So we got coffee. Aaaand we'll see each other again.

She's a young 'un, compared to me. Maybe 21 but probably 22. I'm 29. Gotta do some math but I think that's OK. I kinda prefer it, actually, truth be told. My previous relationship was with a girl 3 years older, and she was in a hurry to start a family ASAP. So, any pitfalls to be aware of with dating somewhat younger? I don't want to be a manipulator, and I've heard that saying things like "You're mature for your age" are highly manipulative.

[Stadler]

Good to hear everyone's experiences. I've had maybe three relationships I felt meh about, utterly unchallenged and bored. But I went for it because it was easy. But then...inevitably, the frustration and resentment kicked in. Not a good idea.

On a lighter note--I had coffee with a new girl, and I think we like each other a lot. I met her at the coffee place a few days before after randomly striking up a conversation, but I had things to do, so I decided to ask her out cold and up front. Turns out that cold and up front is effective. So we got coffee. Aaaand we'll see each other again.

She's a young 'un, compared to me. Maybe 21 but probably 22. I'm 29. Gotta do some math but I think that's OK. I kinda prefer it, actually, truth be told. My previous relationship was with a girl 3 years older, and she was in a hurry to start a family ASAP. So, any pitfalls to be aware of with dating somewhat younger? I don't want to be a manipulator, and I've heard that saying things like "You're mature for your age" are highly manipulative.

I got divorced when I was 45, and pretty quickly I drew the line at 30, and it wasn't about maturity, it was just about compatability.  You're probably fine with 29 and 22, but at a certain point your experiences and exposures color your world view.   You can only have the conversation so many times:  "Wow, you look like Susanna Hoffs!"  "Who?"   "Susanna Hoffs!"   "Who?"   "Lead singer for The Bangles."    "Who?"   "The Bangles.  Manic Monday.  Walk Like An Egyptian."   "Who?"     Okay, so what music do you like?   "Oh, Lady Gaga.  She is so original, there has never been anyone like her ever".   "Madonna."  "Who?"

I shit you not, the Susanna Hoffs conversation happened to me (it was a bartender, not a potential date, but still).   To each their own, but for me, while I like hearing new things, and experiencing new points of view, there has to be SOME touch point, some commonality.   Age, especially with the advent of social media and technology, is a factor in that. Also for me, I have a kid, so that factored in too.  If I was going to remarry, the person I was with would have to be a stepmom.   

Then again, one of my ex-wife's friends married a guy 25 years older than her and for the most part they had a successful loving relationship.  She stepped out once or twice, but he was pragmatic about it (oddly, she pre-deceased him, go figure.)

[MoraWintersoul]

Mmmmmfff, I knew I was gonna break things off with my first boyfriend about a year and a half in, we tried to "fix our issues" until three years in, and then it took us six more months to break up because we haven't broken up with anyone before and we didn't know what was the appropriate time to give up. So we were like, ok, there has to be some verbal act of breakup, and he said, and I quote, "ok from now on we are broken up"

Since we have the same group of friends, we remained friends, though really for the first six months of "remaining friends" all we did was pick fights with each other in front of everybody over dumb shit, and make everyone feel really awkward. Then we chilled out (at the end of 2012, wow that was a loooong ass time ago) and now I would call him one of my best friends.

[King Puppies and the Acid Guppies]

Mmmmmfff, I knew I was gonna break things off with my first boyfriend about a year and a half in, we tried to "fix our issues" until three years in, and then it took us six more months to break up because we haven't broken up with anyone before and we didn't know what was the appropriate time to give up. So we were like, ok, there has to be some verbal act of breakup, and he said, and I quote, "ok from now on we are broken up"

Since we have the same group of friends, we remained friends, though really for the first six months of "remaining friends" all we did was pick fights with each other in front of everybody over dumb shit, and make everyone feel really awkward. Then we chilled out (at the end of 2012, wow that was a loooong ass time ago) and now I would call him one of my best friends.

I will say this, some people just work better as just friends.

[Stadler]

I've been able to be civil and friendly with most of my exes; I think there's only really one that would mofo me to any great degree.  That's not to say I'm close with any of them; I haven't had to, except for my ex-wife (because we have a kid) and I'm proud to say that we've been adults about that (at one point, we were together at my daughter's college introduction, and we had people come up to us and say "wow, really impressed at how you two have conducted yourselves" or something similar).   While I have a strong streak of "I like people to like me", I have a sort of strong streak of "I don't want to be constantly reminded of my mistakes and failures" and sometimes it's better for me to just let our lives take our course.  My high school girlfriend - for whom I carried a torch for YEARS after - is married with kids.  I have no idea if she's happy or not, I have no idea if she ever thinks of me or not, and it's probably best for all - including the kids - if we just remain in each others' memories.  I have ZERO doubt that if we ran into each other in the supermarket it would be cordial, and there would be the obligatory exchange of numbers/emails/Facechat info, but I just don't see the benefit in that. 

[cramx3]

Yea, I don't keep up with any of my x's but I've always made it a point to at least be friendly just in case that we do run into each other, it's not awkward but more of like two friends who can say hi and have a brief catch up before moving on with our lives as usual. 

[The Walrus]

Girl's coming over to my place tonight. This is so weird for a few reasons. Haven't seen each other since high school, so first time seeing each other is at my freaking apartment  Taking it so casually, though. Game of Thrones and pizza. Last night I made a cheesecake - luckily she's into cheesecake, and other than the unfortunate crack in the middle, it turned out awesome, it's delicious af. Got this all locked up. My place is cozier now than it's ever been before, and the lights are all over the place. Wave light projector behind the TV scatters its lights and lasers across the ceiling and walls, blending with the TV backlight which I set to match the candle light around the room.

Just hope the new coffee table and rug I ordered get here before 6 PM. That's literally the only piece of the puzzle missing. And we're starting at Season 4 episode 8 - The Mountain and the Viper. F yes. Gonna be a good night fellas, wish me luck

[King Postwhore]

She's into GOT?

[Zydar]

Awesome, good luck!

[Adami]

Girl's coming over to my place tonight. This is so weird for a few reasons. Haven't seen each other since high school, so first time seeing each other is at my freaking apartment  Taking it so casually, though. Game of Thrones and pizza. Last night I made a cheesecake - luckily she's into cheesecake, and other than the unfortunate crack in the middle, it turned out awesome, it's delicious af. Got this all locked up. My place is cozier now than it's ever been before, and the lights are all over the place. Wave light projector behind the TV scatters its lights and lasers across the ceiling and walls, blending with the TV backlight which I set to match the candle light around the room.

Just hope the new coffee table and rug I ordered get here before 6 PM. That's literally the only piece of the puzzle missing. And we're starting at Season 4 episode 8 - The Mountain and the Viper. F yes. Gonna be a good night fellas, wish me luck

[The Walrus]

Awesome, good luck!

Thanks dude!

@king - she started watching a couple weeks ago and is flying through it, I think she just started season 4 Tuesday. She's hooked, and she picked one of my FAVORITE episodes of the series to kick the night off. Perfect starting point for tonight.

@Adami - 

[King Postwhore]

That's great!  Good luck my friend!

[Stadler]

I just googled it, and that is a GREAT episode to start with.  Not a lot of icky moral issues (the incest, the bastards) but a lot of intrigue and a lot to discuss - Petyr's motivations, Sansa's motivations, the implications of the Martell/Clegane fight, the relationship? between Tywin and Tyreon, and most of all, the interaction between Jorah and Daenerys.    You can have some deep conversations about the nature of love, if you're up for it.

Just don't ogle Missandei.   

[Adami]

I just googled it, and that is a GREAT episode to start with.  Not a lot of icky moral issues (the incest, the bastards) but a lot of intrigue and a lot to discuss - Petyr's motivations, Sansa's motivations, the implications of the Martell/Clegane fight, the relationship? between Tywin and Tyreon, and most of all, the interaction between Jorah and Daenerys.    You can have some deep conversations about the nature of love, if you're up for it.

Just don't ogle Missandei.   

Hopefully the site of the Mandalorian's head being crushed will get her all hot and bothered.

[The Walrus]

I just googled it, and that is a GREAT episode to start with.  Not a lot of icky moral issues (the incest, the bastards) but a lot of intrigue and a lot to discuss - Petyr's motivations, Sansa's motivations, the implications of the Martell/Clegane fight, the relationship? between Tywin and Tyreon, and most of all, the interaction between Jorah and Daenerys.    You can have some deep conversations about the nature of love, if you're up for it.

Just don't ogle Missandei.   

Hopefully the site of the Mandalorian's head being crushed will get her all hot and bothered.

HAHAHA. I can't wait for her to see Ellaria's screaming. I was actually watching the episode last night while doing some things around the home and it is just an incredible episode for all the reasons Stadler said. Plus, that awesome scene with Jaime and Tyrion and Tyrion's fantastic story. EDIT: Trying not to give spoilers for a several years old season, but it's hard this late in the game. Your fault if you haven't watched yet, person reading this

[jingle.boy]

[H2]

Random questions for y'all...

If you have great chemistry with someone, but you are both on different paths for a little while (e.g., moving away for school), is it worth starting something new?

What do the men here think of dating a woman taller than you? I like it, but I've heard some people don't like it so much. Also seems most girls don't really like it.

What do you think of a swift dating-engagement-marriage process, like within the span of a year? I hear a whole range of advice for this one, and a whole range of success stories.

[cramx3]

Random questions for y'all...

If you have great chemistry with someone, but you are both on different paths for a little while (e.g., moving away for school), is it worth starting something new?

What do the men here think of dating a woman taller than you? I like it, but I've heard some people don't like it so much. Also seems most girls don't really like it.

What do you think of a swift dating-engagement-marriage process, like within the span of a year? I hear a whole range of advice for this one, and a whole range of success stories.

You got to do what works best for you.  My opinions on these may not matter at all for your situation. 

Personally, I'm getting too old for long distance relationships.  If the chemistry was really great and we were already in a relationship but someone had to move, that may be worth considering but I wouldn't get my feet wet with someone if this was knowingly going to happen.

Personally, I don't think I'd really be attracted to a woman taller than me, however, if we had great chemistry, I'm sure I could overcome it and make it work. 

Everyone is different, some people have that spark right away and make it it quick and are happy the rest of their lives together.  I think one year from meeting to married is a bit quick, but that's just me.  I've known plenty of people who made that work.  It depends on your relationship.

[Stadler]

Random questions for y'all...

If you have great chemistry with someone, but you are both on different paths for a little while (e.g., moving away for school), is it worth starting something new?

What do the men here think of dating a woman taller than you? I like it, but I've heard some people don't like it so much. Also seems most girls don't really like it.

What do you think of a swift dating-engagement-marriage process, like within the span of a year? I hear a whole range of advice for this one, and a whole range of success stories.

I'm a fan of tall women.   I'm 5'8" on a special day, and I dated a volleyball player in college who was 5'10", 5'11".   But you nailed it:  when I got divorced and stuck my toe back in the dating scene, the SINGLE biggest cutoff I encountered was height.   Can't tell you how many dating profiles read:  "Looking for sane, secure man who has grown out of the college scene, and knows how to treat a woman.  Oh, and 6'0" or better."   

As for the swiftness, depends on you and your age.  You have to be honest with yourself.  The loud chewing and uncapped toothpaste tube are no problem when you're still enamored with her boobies, but are you going to be that patient five years from now?  Only you can tell that.   

[The Walrus]

Mood: