Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip

[cramx3]

The single life aint the worst thing in the world, if I don't find my match, I think I'd be OK, but that doesn't mean I won't keep trying (although I'm not currently). 

Honestly, I really enjoy living alone though.  I never thought I would and it was a rough adjustment for me last year, but once the dust settled, I'm pretty happy overall being single and alone.  But, I do miss companionship and whatnot.  It's a fine line for me and that's why it requires the right person to be by my side and not to settle. 

[Stadler]

I've always had a problem walking that line.  I like - maybe even LOVE - being by myself.   But I like companionship within that.  The problem is, I'm not the kind of guy that demands my relationships be on my terms, and I'm not that great navigating the "casual" once it crosses into the physical.   I've not yet pulled off the whole "friends with benefits" thing successfully for any length of time.  So it's sort of a ping-pong match.   My wife is fairly good at understanding, but it's still not perfect in that regard. 

[Adami]

Huh, realizing I haven't posted here in a while.


So, I'm one of those people that met someone during COVID. I was living in Long Island and went on a picnic with some coworkers in May or so in Queens. My phone had an app called Jswipe on it, which is exactly what it sounds like for Jewish peeps. It's largely location based. So when I'm in Long Island, only people who have that on their radius will see me, but when I was in Queens, I would show up on people's apps in the city. Which means when I went to visit Manhattan, I'd have a lot more likes than in Long Island. So one like was from this cute girl that I chatted up. We eventually face timed and ended up talking a whole lot. She lived in Brooklyn, which was almost 90 min from me, but we eventually scheduled an in person date. Had masks and so forth but felt safe eventually taking them off.

Cut to now, we've been very happy since then. She's a Rabbi, which is odd for me, since I'm agnostic, but she's amazing and fantastic.

[Stadler]

Good for you!   

Don't tell her about us, though.   

[cramx3]

90 minutes is pretty far apart, but if you are happy then I'm happy for you.  That's pretty cool you've been able to find someone during the pandemic.

[Adami]

Good for you!   

Don't tell her about us, though.   

She already knows to disagree with you. 

I'd actually pay money to see you two debate. She's super far left and VERY passionate/opinionated/intelligent. It'd be an epic throw down.

[Adami]

90 minutes is pretty far apart, but if you are happy then I'm happy for you.  That's pretty cool you've been able to find someone during the pandemic.

Oh that was for a while. In August I moved to Brooklyn. I'm currently either an hour or so walk away or a 20 minute drive.

[cramx3]

90 minutes is pretty far apart, but if you are happy then I'm happy for you.  That's pretty cool you've been able to find someone during the pandemic.

Oh that was for a while. In August I moved to Brooklyn. I'm currently either an hour or so walk away or a 20 minute drive.

Oh cool, was the move to be closer with her or it just worked out that way? 

[Adami]

90 minutes is pretty far apart, but if you are happy then I'm happy for you.  That's pretty cool you've been able to find someone during the pandemic.

Oh that was for a while. In August I moved to Brooklyn. I'm currently either an hour or so walk away or a 20 minute drive.

Oh cool, was the move to be closer with her or it just worked out that way?

I got a job in Queens. And while I currently work from home, at some point I'll be commuting so I wanted to live in the city. Brooklyn, however, was largely inspired by her. Though I'm quite satisfied with it either way.

[cramx3]

That's awesome, good for you

[Stadler]

Brooklyn is the bomb.  I spent the day there before the Iron Maiden show a couple years back, and had a blast.  Seems like a nice little community (reminded me of where I lived in Phill, TBH).

[cramx3]

Brooklyn is the bomb.  I spent the day there before the Iron Maiden show a couple years back, and had a blast.  Seems like a nice little community (reminded me of where I lived in Phill, TBH).

My Dad is from Brooklyn, but I can't say I've ever personally really connected with the city.  However, it's gotten much nicer there and I did enjoy the weekend there for the Maiden shows.  I'm not a city person though, I couldn't live there, nor Philly. 

[Stadler]

Brooklyn is the bomb.  I spent the day there before the Iron Maiden show a couple years back, and had a blast.  Seems like a nice little community (reminded me of where I lived in Phill, TBH).

My Dad is from Brooklyn, but I can't say I've ever personally really connected with the city.  However, it's gotten much nicer there and I did enjoy the weekend there for the Maiden shows.  I'm not a city person though, I couldn't live there, nor Philly.

I'll give you that: it IS different, no matter how you slice it.  I happen to like both, but I get that some people don't, and If I'm being honest, some of the "allure" of the city is because I'm NOT there.  It's easier to live in the country, because you can have the best of all worlds easier.   

[Evermind]

90 minutes is pretty far apart, but if you are happy then I'm happy for you.  That's pretty cool you've been able to find someone during the pandemic.

I mean my commute to work is 90 minutes. My commute to my best friend's house is 90 minutes. It's definitely not too far apart in my opinion.

[cramx3]

90 minutes is pretty far apart, but if you are happy then I'm happy for you.  That's pretty cool you've been able to find someone during the pandemic.

I mean my commute to work is 90 minutes. My commute to my best friend's house is 90 minutes. It's definitely not too far apart in my opinion.

wow, that's a lot though IMO.  Like, when I was on tinder, I wouldn't bother searching outside of 30 miles away.  Best friends are a bit different though, like my college roommate after college lived about 90 minutes away from me so we'd still make a point to hang out every now and then because 90 minutes is doable every once in awhile.  But if I' dating someone, 90 minutes is pretty far to constantly do.  To each their own provolone. 

[Stadler]

After my divorce and before meeting my wife, I met this cute girl from Fairfield County and we went out a couple times.   I don't think it was the ONLY thing, but the fact we were about an hour apart didn't help and we went our separate ways after a couple dates.

[cramx3]

After my divorce and before meeting my wife, I met this cute girl from Fairfield County and we went out a couple times.   I don't think it was the ONLY thing, but the fact we were about an hour apart didn't help and we went our separate ways after a couple dates.

Similar to Adami's story of the intitial meeting through an app.  I work near NYC, and I used Tinder and matched with a girl in NYC which typically is a no no for me, it's just way too costly to go in/out of the city and time consuming to attempt to meet people.  We were just loosely chatting and I said, FYI, you live in NYC and me in NJ and I have no desire to date... but I'll totally meet up tonight only.  She agreed and we had a few drinks and I spent the night at her place.  She then wanted to make it a normal thing and start dating.  I gave it a try, and after a few weeks of telling her I can only hang once a week and her not liking that answer, I decided I couldn't do it. 

[jingle.boy]

So, she figured after a one-night stand, she could 'turn' you? 

[cramx3]

So, she figured after a one-night stand, she could 'turn' you?

Pretty much but I gave it a shot and the distance thing just isn't for me.

[Adami]

So, she figured after a one-night stand, she could 'turn' you?

Pretty much but I gave it a shot and the distance thing just isn't for me.

Yea. Before COVID I went on a few dates in the city (and one girl in New Haven near our boy Stads) and I think I knew the whole time that wasn't gonna work with the distance. I'm glad I live in Brooklyn now, since I don't think she and I would have been sustainable if I stayed in Long Island. Especially since she doesn't have a car and I was doing all the driving.

[The Walrus]

Same girl I thought wasn't interested hit me up last night with "how's your week going?" Not sure how to interpret this. Friend says, "if she's talking, she's interested." Bruh I'm confused

[cramx3]

Definitely odd, maybe she thought about it some more.  I'm so not into games, but being this was kind of a new thing for you, maybe for her too, maybe worth it to keep a friendly convo going, keep the door open and see what happens. 

[The Walrus]

Yeah I think you're right. Just gonna keep it nice and casual. Maaaybe invite her out for a drink next time I'm at the bar if things keep up. I bragged about something I shouldn't really be talking about so maybe she thinks I'm slightly cooler now LOL

[Chino]

I agree with Cram, though I'm not sure I'd use the word 'odd'. I've changed my mind on people in the past. For whatever reason, I'll talk myself out of pursuing someone in the moment or early on. I've come around after some contemplation. Humans are complicated and complex. Sometimes it takes a while for us to get our heads on straight. 

[cramx3]

I agree with Cram, though I'm not sure I'd use the word 'odd'.

Yea, maybe not really odd, I'd have to know the exact circumstances but after a rejection, it is a little interesting to just send a random how ya doing.  A lot of the times, from my experience, its a girl toying with you.  Looking for attention essentially but doesnt really have the desire to date or be serious. However, I still think in this case, I'd keep the convo going based on the circumstances I do know.

[Adami]

Yeah I think you're right. Just gonna keep it nice and casual. Maaaybe invite her out for a drink next time I'm at the bar if things keep up. I bragged about something I shouldn't really be talking about so maybe she thinks I'm slightly cooler now LOL

God dammit man, stop being pussy....buy her dad a goat and put a baby in her immediately!

[The Walrus]

Yeah I think you're right. Just gonna keep it nice and casual. Maaaybe invite her out for a drink next time I'm at the bar if things keep up. I bragged about something I shouldn't really be talking about so maybe she thinks I'm slightly cooler now LOL

God dammit man, stop being pussy....buy her dad a goat and put a baby in her immediately!

I don't think I can put a baby in a goat, but you're the doctor, so...

I should say I don't think she rejected me per se - I was reading the signs and kind of gave up before experiencing potential humiliation hahaha. So maybe it was ME all along 

[Adami]

Yeah I think you're right. Just gonna keep it nice and casual. Maaaybe invite her out for a drink next time I'm at the bar if things keep up. I bragged about something I shouldn't really be talking about so maybe she thinks I'm slightly cooler now LOL

God dammit man, stop being pussy....buy her dad a goat and put a baby in her immediately!

I don't think I can put a baby in a goat, but you're the doctor, so...

This is a perfect example of why you're single. You don't even TRY to put a baby in a goat?

[The Walrus]

Yeah I think you're right. Just gonna keep it nice and casual. Maaaybe invite her out for a drink next time I'm at the bar if things keep up. I bragged about something I shouldn't really be talking about so maybe she thinks I'm slightly cooler now LOL

God dammit man, stop being pussy....buy her dad a goat and put a baby in her immediately!

I don't think I can put a baby in a goat, but you're the doctor, so...

This is a perfect example of why you're single. You don't even TRY to put a baby in a goat?

I mean, I just can't think of any way that doesn't violate at least three different laws. Also goats can't swim.

[Stadler]

Same girl I thought wasn't interested hit me up last night with "how's your week going?" Not sure how to interpret this. Friend says, "if she's talking, she's interested." Bruh I'm confused

Wait... did she TELL you she wasn't interested, or did you THINK she wasn't interested?   We need deets.   

EDIT:  I just read your last post; hmmm.  I'm not saying "set yourself up for a fail", but...   I'm not sure I'd put all my eggs in my "spider sense" basket at this point.  You can do both:  protect your heart AND keep the lines of communication open.  Not suggesting she still can't be screwing with you, but I'd trust your instincts AND not make any final decisions.  It's still WAY early on to be closing doors for things that aren't tangible. 

[Stadler]

Yeah I think you're right. Just gonna keep it nice and casual. Maaaybe invite her out for a drink next time I'm at the bar if things keep up. I bragged about something I shouldn't really be talking about so maybe she thinks I'm slightly cooler now LOL

PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE tell me you didn't send her a d--- pick already ever? 

[Sacul]

is that why girls don't text me back, thought they all liked duck picks, look at this cutie

[Stadler]

HAHA

[The Walrus]

Same girl I thought wasn't interested hit me up last night with "how's your week going?" Not sure how to interpret this. Friend says, "if she's talking, she's interested." Bruh I'm confused

Wait... did she TELL you she wasn't interested, or did you THINK she wasn't interested?   We need deets.   

EDIT:  I just read your last post; hmmm.  I'm not saying "set yourself up for a fail", but...   I'm not sure I'd put all my eggs in my "spider sense" basket at this point.  You can do both:  protect your heart AND keep the lines of communication open.  Not suggesting she still can't be screwing with you, but I'd trust your instincts AND not make any final decisions.  It's still WAY early on to be closing doors for things that aren't tangible.

Oh yeah. I don't think she's screwing with me, and I'm definitely not closing any doors - or putting my eggs in one basket so to speak, there are other DMs going on, but she's the big fish in the pond so to speak.

And yeah I THOUGHT she wasn't interested. I didn't wait for the rejection before I gave up hahaha

[Phoenix87x]

She may have put you in the friend zone. At which point, she'll still talk to you and maybe hang out, but Its not gonna go farther than that.