Author Topic: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip  (Read 138627 times)

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Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3465 on: October 04, 2019, 09:24:49 AM »
I question anyone that sleeps with me on the first date  :lol and wonder if it's indicative that a lot of guys have been where I am.

This runs through my head as well when a girl sleeps with me on first date.  The girl I slept with at Warped Tour said she never does that, but it honestly didn't take any real effort to get in bed with her.  I really had a hard time believing her, but I only could base it on the fact we banged on essentially a one night stand.
Would it help you both if I told you most women I know do one night stands as a "bucket list item" a few times and then don't do it so much ever again because generally it's not very good?  :corn sex with men who don't know you isn't as satisfying as relationship sex, unless the chemistry is AMAZING. And if it's amazing, she'll make sure you get her number and address  :zydar:

Oh she wanted to be my gf after that night  :lol got so clingy and turned me off big time and I had to tell her I wasn't interested.  What's funny about that night, is before the "fun" I had totally opened up about a lot of personal stuff and I think that created some connection which looking back is not what I should have done, but being she was a a psych person she was really good to open up about with things (also being a stranger it made it easier) and she gave a lot of feedback that was helpful.

Offline The Walrus

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3466 on: October 04, 2019, 11:27:48 AM »
I question anyone that sleeps with me on the first date  :lol and wonder if it's indicative that a lot of guys have been where I am.

This runs through my head as well when a girl sleeps with me on first date.  The girl I slept with at Warped Tour said she never does that, but it honestly didn't take any real effort to get in bed with her.  I really had a hard time believing her, but I only could base it on the fact we banged on essentially a one night stand.
Would it help you both if I told you most women I know do one night stands as a "bucket list item" a few times and then don't do it so much ever again because generally it's not very good?  :corn sex with men who don't know you isn't as satisfying as relationship sex, unless the chemistry is AMAZING. And if it's amazing, she'll make sure you get her number and address  :zydar:

I think this has more to do with the women you know rather than women in general. Come hang out in my local music scene and try to find women who have had only "a few" one night stands in their lives. Some will flat out admit they have them fairly regularly while others will have them, but try to keep a tight lid on it to maintain their paragon of purity facade.

Or, more likely, because if they didn't society would call them sluts/whores, whereas dudes can get away with such things without so much as a side eye

Not true. Men are criticized just as much for being promiscuous, and it's more often from women. The difference is, we don't care.

I disagree that men are criticized 'just as much.' No way. The stigma is way harsher and more common towards women sleeping around than men, but you're definitely right that men just don't care.

Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3467 on: October 04, 2019, 11:30:11 AM »
I think as equality is slowly getting better, men are criticized more, but it's not even at all at this point.  Girls are sluts and men are men is still very much a thing today.

Offline Stadler

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3468 on: October 04, 2019, 12:07:34 PM »
Well, the criticism is different isn't it?

Men won't criticize another man for banging anything that moves, but I think a woman would critcize another woman for the same thing.   

But I think opposite to opposite, there's enough judgment to go around. 

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3469 on: October 04, 2019, 12:12:48 PM »
Well, the criticism is different isn't it?

Men won't criticize another man for banging anything that moves, but I think a woman would critcize another woman for the same thing.   

But I think opposite to opposite, there's enough judgment to go around.


But both men and women will criticize the woman who sleeps with a lot of men.
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Offline NunoTenniscourt

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3470 on: October 04, 2019, 01:22:46 PM »
I question anyone that sleeps with me on the first date  :lol and wonder if it's indicative that a lot of guys have been where I am.

This runs through my head as well when a girl sleeps with me on first date.  The girl I slept with at Warped Tour said she never does that, but it honestly didn't take any real effort to get in bed with her.  I really had a hard time believing her, but I only could base it on the fact we banged on essentially a one night stand.
Would it help you both if I told you most women I know do one night stands as a "bucket list item" a few times and then don't do it so much ever again because generally it's not very good?  :corn sex with men who don't know you isn't as satisfying as relationship sex, unless the chemistry is AMAZING. And if it's amazing, she'll make sure you get her number and address  :zydar:

I think this has more to do with the women you know rather than women in general. Come hang out in my local music scene and try to find women who have had only "a few" one night stands in their lives. Some will flat out admit they have them fairly regularly while others will have them, but try to keep a tight lid on it to maintain their paragon of purity facade.

Or, more likely, because if they didn't society would call them sluts/whores, whereas dudes can get away with such things without so much as a side eye

Not true. Men are criticized just as much for being promiscuous, and it's more often from women. The difference is, we don't care.

I disagree that men are criticized 'just as much.' No way. The stigma is way harsher and more common towards women sleeping around than men, but you're definitely right that men just don't care.

Really? The next time you're around a group of women, bring up the subject of promiscuous men and let me know how it goes.

Offline The Walrus

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3471 on: October 04, 2019, 03:16:30 PM »
Really? The next time you're around a group of women, bring up the subject of promiscuous men and let me know how it goes.

You're changing the argument, though. I said society at large. There is absolutely a prevalent double standard for men and women. Yes, if I confine myself to a small group of women and bring up the subject, they will talk differently. But a small group of women is not the general social trend. I have several female friends who basically act and talk like guys and don't mind sleeping around, but they're the exception, and even they talk about it differently than men do, because men don't have to worry whatsoever about social judgment from sleeping around. Goes back to that old crass idiom about good locks vs. good keys, right?

EDIT: Sorry, didn't see the other replies. Adami beat me to it.

Well, the criticism is different isn't it?

Men won't criticize another man for banging anything that moves, but I think a woman would critcize another woman for the same thing.   

But I think opposite to opposite, there's enough judgment to go around.


But both men and women will criticize the woman who sleeps with a lot of men.

Offline Lynxo

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3472 on: October 07, 2019, 07:42:40 AM »
Oh, women are absolutely more critized if they're sleeping around. That shouldn't even be a discussion.
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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3473 on: October 07, 2019, 08:49:03 AM »
I think this has more to do with the women you know rather than women in general. Come hang out in my local music scene and try to find women who have had only "a few" one night stands in their lives. Some will flat out admit they have them fairly regularly while others will have them, but try to keep a tight lid on it to maintain their paragon of purity facade.
I could explain girl talk to you and what gets revealed within like 5 seconds of meeting a Fellow Woman in the club bathroom, but trust me that no one is hiding things from me :lol yes, there's many women who engage in one night stands over a period of years, but also a lot who try it a few times and realize it sucks. It's like Sex and the City: Charlotte has a problem with one night stands and doesn't engage in them most of the time, Samantha loves engaging in one night stands and doesn't stay with one person for long, and then Carrie and Miranda are like most women: won't rule it out, but will prefer sleeping with a guy they actually want to call back afterwards, even if it doesn't turn into a long-term relationship.

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Offline NunoTenniscourt

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3474 on: October 07, 2019, 09:44:37 AM »
I think this has more to do with the women you know rather than women in general. Come hang out in my local music scene and try to find women who have had only "a few" one night stands in their lives. Some will flat out admit they have them fairly regularly while others will have them, but try to keep a tight lid on it to maintain their paragon of purity facade.
I could explain girl talk to you and what gets revealed within like 5 seconds of meeting a Fellow Woman in the club bathroom, but trust me that no one is hiding things from me :lol yes, there's many women who engage in one night stands over a period of years, but also a lot who try it a few times and realize it sucks. It's like Sex and the City: Charlotte has a problem with one night stands and doesn't engage in them most of the time, Samantha loves engaging in one night stands and doesn't stay with one person for long, and then Carrie and Miranda are like most women: won't rule it out, but will prefer sleeping with a guy they actually want to call back afterwards, even if it doesn't turn into a long-term relationship.

I hear a lot of it just by going to the bathrooms in the bars and clubs where I am (they're unisex) and talking to women I know/been involved with. In fact, I know many women in my age bracket who have gotten out of lousy long term marriages, the kids are off to college, still have a libido, and couldn't give two shits about being tied down in a relationship again.

Promiscuity itself has always been criticized by certain segments of society regardless of who is engaging in it. I'm not about to think of women as having it worse just because it happens to hurt their feelings more.

Offline The Walrus

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3475 on: October 07, 2019, 09:48:01 AM »
I think this has more to do with the women you know rather than women in general. Come hang out in my local music scene and try to find women who have had only "a few" one night stands in their lives. Some will flat out admit they have them fairly regularly while others will have them, but try to keep a tight lid on it to maintain their paragon of purity facade.
I could explain girl talk to you and what gets revealed within like 5 seconds of meeting a Fellow Woman in the club bathroom, but trust me that no one is hiding things from me :lol yes, there's many women who engage in one night stands over a period of years, but also a lot who try it a few times and realize it sucks. It's like Sex and the City: Charlotte has a problem with one night stands and doesn't engage in them most of the time, Samantha loves engaging in one night stands and doesn't stay with one person for long, and then Carrie and Miranda are like most women: won't rule it out, but will prefer sleeping with a guy they actually want to call back afterwards, even if it doesn't turn into a long-term relationship.

I hear a lot of it just by going to the bathrooms in the bars and clubs where I am (they're unisex) and talking to women I know/been involved with. In fact, I know many women in my age bracket who have gotten out of lousy long term marriages, the kids are off to college, still have a libido, and couldn't give two shits about being tied down in a relationship again.

Promiscuity itself has always been criticized by certain segments of society regardless of who is engaging in it. I'm not about to think of women as having it worse just because it happens to hurt their feelings more.

Well, that's not what anybody's arguing. The argument is that there is still a hefty double standard for the sexes as far as this particular subject is concerned. There are plenty of exceptions to the norm but by and large there is still a huge stigma placed on women who sleep around the way guys do. Nobody's saying it doesn't happen, I know plenty of women who get around, but there is that pervasive double standard that if a guy does it nobody thinks twice about it, but if a woman does it she's suddenly a whore.

Offline NunoTenniscourt

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3476 on: October 07, 2019, 01:40:20 PM »
I think this has more to do with the women you know rather than women in general. Come hang out in my local music scene and try to find women who have had only "a few" one night stands in their lives. Some will flat out admit they have them fairly regularly while others will have them, but try to keep a tight lid on it to maintain their paragon of purity facade.
I could explain girl talk to you and what gets revealed within like 5 seconds of meeting a Fellow Woman in the club bathroom, but trust me that no one is hiding things from me :lol yes, there's many women who engage in one night stands over a period of years, but also a lot who try it a few times and realize it sucks. It's like Sex and the City: Charlotte has a problem with one night stands and doesn't engage in them most of the time, Samantha loves engaging in one night stands and doesn't stay with one person for long, and then Carrie and Miranda are like most women: won't rule it out, but will prefer sleeping with a guy they actually want to call back afterwards, even if it doesn't turn into a long-term relationship.

I hear a lot of it just by going to the bathrooms in the bars and clubs where I am (they're unisex) and talking to women I know/been involved with. In fact, I know many women in my age bracket who have gotten out of lousy long term marriages, the kids are off to college, still have a libido, and couldn't give two shits about being tied down in a relationship again.

Promiscuity itself has always been criticized by certain segments of society regardless of who is engaging in it. I'm not about to think of women as having it worse just because it happens to hurt their feelings more.

Well, that's not what anybody's arguing. The argument is that there is still a hefty double standard for the sexes as far as this particular subject is concerned. There are plenty of exceptions to the norm but by and large there is still a huge stigma placed on women who sleep around the way guys do. Nobody's saying it doesn't happen, I know plenty of women who get around, but there is that pervasive double standard that if a guy does it nobody thinks twice about it, but if a woman does it she's suddenly a whore.

That has never been true for me. I've had an incalculable number of women in my life refer to me as a ''manwhore" and men who haven't touched a woman since the Bush administration wish diseases on me. Is it unreasonable for me to expect women to be as "strong" as they claim and not give a shit, just as I don't?

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3477 on: October 07, 2019, 02:15:28 PM »
How much of the criticism do you think is projection of a sort?   I canít/wonít do it myself for whatever reason so have to denigrate it to justify my circumstances? I ask this because we seem to tolerate it when it otherwise doesnít offend Our sensibilities (rock stars, movie stars, athletes).

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3478 on: October 07, 2019, 02:46:36 PM »
So many anecdotes  :lol I mean that's all we really have aside from the internet or talk shows (or whatever other societal medium you chose), it's just funny; regarding my own reaction as well. My knee-jerk reaction was that men are criticized more because for the past year of my relationship, I've been hearing nothing but "men are pigs/men lie/men fuck anything with a hole", but then again my girlfriend has also been cheated on multiple times, has friends that have had the same experiences, etc. Totally anecdotal. Then after thinking on it for a minute, it was kind of a ridiculous thought because while many groups of women may say that (and many groups of men say the opposite, except...) the overarching societal stigma is definitely leaning towards women because while women may talk among one another, the prevailing criticism is against women due to the popularity of slut-shaming, the popularity of the male opinion in relevance to the female (sadly, even now) and the fact that, as has been stated, women sleeping around with multiple men = untrustworthy nasty slut; men sleeping around with multiple women = PLAYER 'GON PLAY, YOLO, WHAT YO NUMBER AT!?

It's pretty ridiculous. But if I end up interjecting in any conversations that my girlfriend has (I often DO NOT, NO THANKS), I'll end up saying that both men and women can be sluts, and you know what? Who the fuck cares if you're a slut? Fuck as many people as you want. But let them know you're fucking other people, and obviously cheating is a blanket no-no and is shitty to do. Which is the main point, but the fact that people still just shame others only for having many sexual partners is ridiculous. Get your fucking priorities straight, if you care about that.  :lol End of the day, everyone talks shit about everyone regardless of your genitalia and it's all bullshit and we all just want happiness so go get fucked. Literally, not in a mean way.

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Offline NunoTenniscourt

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3479 on: October 07, 2019, 06:45:14 PM »

It's pretty ridiculous. But if I end up interjecting in any conversations that my girlfriend has (I often DO NOT, NO THANKS), I'll end up saying that both men and women can be sluts, and you know what? Who the fuck cares if you're a slut? Fuck as many people as you want. But let them know you're fucking other people, and obviously cheating is a blanket no-no and is shitty to do. Which is the main point, but the fact that people still just shame others only for having many sexual partners is ridiculous. Get your fucking priorities straight, if you care about that.  :lol End of the day, everyone talks shit about everyone regardless of your genitalia and it's all bullshit and we all just want happiness so go get fucked. Literally, not in a mean way.

All of this I agree with. I really don't care who does what. It's merely people defying social programming and acting on their natural urges. However, I do have a problem with the ones who engage in it secretly, yet criticize everyone else publicly. I find them despicable, but even still, I won't out them.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3480 on: October 07, 2019, 09:19:44 PM »
Quote
However, I do have a problem with the ones who engage in it secretly, yet criticize everyone else publicly. I find them despicable, but even still, I won't out them.

Some of the worst examples of misogyny I've witnessed come from women. Usually from the "good girls who have done everything right" and acted (at least outwardly) as sweet, innocent and pure paragons of virtue for most of their adult lives, and so expect to be rewarded for said virtue. Very often being virtuous is their main accomplishment in life because they've invested into performing Victorian femininity to the exclusion of other options. When they see someone defying that standard (intentionally or not), they get resentful as hell because "the slut's getting away with it, while I had to suffer." 

This is not limited to sex - the "good girls" pretty much hate seeing another woman succeed outside their assumed gender boundaries because it calls their own choices into question. Multiply the resentment by a thousand if it dawns upon them in the process that acting angelic is not something they were made to do, but a choice they have been making, consistently, day-to-day. The result is not pretty - after all, their perceived advantage has just evaporated. The immediate next step is to guard their privileged place in the societal food chain by making sure the offenders are kept down and stay down. You know the rest.

That said, there's absolutely a double standard when it comes to disparaging women who choose to engage in one-night stands. The only difference is the type of crap they hear - they're disparaged differently depending on what group (men or women) chooses to shame them.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3481 on: October 08, 2019, 07:41:14 AM »
"men are pigs/men lie/men fuck anything with a hole", but then again my girlfriend has also been cheated on multiple times, has friends that have had the same experiences, etc.

But that's kind of what I meant when I said the criticisms are different, though.   From my experience, I think there's a greater number of women that will accuse men of being "whores", simply because of their personal situation and the stereotype of the "man" as "breeder" or whatever.  I'm not suggesting that women are stupid or incapable of seeing the big picture - not at all - but like I said, the criticism is different.  It's about the image not the actual reality in many cases.  "Fuck anything with a hole" meaning "not staying faithful" as opposed to "racking up big numbers".   You see it the other way around as well, but I don't think as often, again, in my experience. 

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3482 on: October 09, 2019, 06:42:23 AM »
"men are pigs/men lie/men fuck anything with a hole", but then again my girlfriend has also been cheated on multiple times, has friends that have had the same experiences, etc.

But that's kind of what I meant when I said the criticisms are different, though.   From my experience, I think there's a greater number of women that will accuse men of being "whores", simply because of their personal situation and the stereotype of the "man" as "breeder" or whatever.  I'm not suggesting that women are stupid or incapable of seeing the big picture - not at all - but like I said, the criticism is different.  It's about the image not the actual reality in many cases.  "Fuck anything with a hole" meaning "not staying faithful" as opposed to "racking up big numbers".   You see it the other way around as well, but I don't think as often, again, in my experience.
Agree with Stadler. Ask most men and women what they think of a woman who has a one night stand with a stranger every weekend, and what they think of a man who has done the same. Most replies for both would be very negative (some replies for the man would definitely be positive), but for entirely different reasons. In fact, women frequently get completely disgusted and dehumanizing reactions even from just engaging in some regular dating - rack up ten three-month relationships in your early twenties (which isn't all that uncommon if you live in a big city and you're a social person) and suddenly you are a gross slut.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3483 on: November 03, 2019, 02:45:34 PM »
Went on a first date with smoking hot lady last night. 49 year-old recently divorced psychiatrist/medical director.

Keep in mind I'm a 35 year old post-doc, so I was wayyy out of my league.

Had a.........very nice time, to keep it brief. Much appreciation to Stadler for his recommendations since it was near his neck of the woods.


A bit intimidating at times though. During dinner she was casually wearing a 15,000 dollar ring (not a wedding ring) and 8,000 dollar earrings.

I'm just going to enjoy being part of someone's midlife crisis until she wises up and realizes how out my league she actually is.
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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3484 on: November 03, 2019, 04:42:31 PM »
hey ya never know, maybe your exactly what she wants either way, enjoy the ride.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3485 on: December 08, 2019, 02:12:34 PM »
Went on my first date last night in the 6 or so months since being dumped.  I was a bit nervous and unsure of myself, but overall I think it went really well.  I did go in for a kiss at the end and got the cheek which kind of questioned how well it really went, but she kept texting a lot afterwards so I think maybe she's just a bit more old school.  I'm cool with that.  We will see what happens, but overall felt good about the date and putting myself out there for the first time in so long.  We have a lot of similarities and thought it was a bit weird to talk about our failed relationships on first date but being open and honest and seeing someone in the same spot definitely made me feel better about my own situation.  I'm looking forward to a potential follow up date and hopeful first kiss.  Just hope she doesn't lose interest when I travel this week. 

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3486 on: December 10, 2019, 01:30:08 PM »
@ cramx 3 -- Grats, bruh. She's texting you == she probably still likes you :)

@ Adami -- post-doc == respect and props to you. Academia is not easy. What is your subject if I might ask?

I went on a first date for the first time since....five years ago? As in, it was a real first date, where I intentionally went up to her and asked her for a date. So everything was well defined. I guess I had a 'real first date' about 2.5 years ago, but I was beside myself at the time and was rebounding hard, so I don't want to count that...Anyway this was the first date I have had in a long time where I was really excited about the girl. As far as I could tell, it was a good connection but I guess she didn't feel that way b/c she gave me the 'I don't know if I have time right now' speech--to be fair, she's in med school and is super busy--, so I told her that if she changed her mind then I would love to go out again. All in all, I count it a success, though. Three years ago, I would have challenged her rejection of me and gotten super mad at her. The NiceGuyTM approach. This time, I tried to be understanding and kind, to not challenge her, but to just leave the door open. I reckon this is some form of moral improvement on my part. Although, if I'm honest, I am a little salty, frustrated, sad, etc., but not at her, just at the universe LOL. I guess that is a natural response to rejection.

Actually, not to get too philosophical ITT, but I'd be interested to hear what y'all think. It seems that there are two extreme responses to rejection:

(i) There's something wrong with me and I need to figure out what it is and fix it.
(ii) There's something wrong with her because she doesn't recognize the awesome guy that's in front of her.

I've reacted in both ways over the course of life. I do understand the Jordan Peterson advice that if all the women are rejecting you, then it's you and you need to work to improve yourself. But then I also feel that a healthy sense of pride is called for, and women sometimes do reject me for the wrong reasons. Anyway, what do you think?

Offline Phoenix87x

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3487 on: December 10, 2019, 02:27:03 PM »
Going to the gym, getting into good shape, dressing decent with some style, having confidence and pursuing your own purpose are key elements for attracting a girl, but that being said, sometimes one particular girl is just not into you. It sucks, but it happens. Personally, I only pursue girls that show indications of interest, but that's me.

"I don't have time" means "i'm not interested".  And trust me, if they are interested, they will make time. Don't take it personal, just learn from it.

That's why its helpful to pursue multiple girls at once. One isn't interested. Ok, so what. Move on to the next one. It lessons the hurt and frustration of rejection. And eventually you find one that wants to be in a committed relationship. Be weary of One-itis aka fixating on one girl, this just leads to immense pain and frustration when there's rejection.

Jordan Peterson is good and all, but he doesn't go far enough in my opinion. He only scratches the surface. I would recommend the Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi, who also has a youtube channel that is worth checking out.

Its not easy, that's for sure. Hope this helps.

Offline Chino

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3488 on: December 10, 2019, 02:31:55 PM »


"I don't have time" means "i'm not interested".  And trust me, if they are interested, they will make time. Don't take it personal, just learn from it.



For some reason this took me an embarrassingly long time to learn. With today's means of connectivity, I pretty much give a girl 36 hours or so to make/accept a post-first date plan before I bail. 

Online Adami

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3489 on: December 10, 2019, 02:36:08 PM »
Oh damn I forgot to update this.

So the milf psychiatrist and I went on two dates all in all, the 2nd of which had a good amount of adult fun and a nice sleep over.

Haven't seen her since, but we talk every day. Things got weird for her. Our schedules didn't line up for a few weeks to meet up, which makes sense since we live 2.5 hours away and she has kids.

But then.....then last week her son who lives in another country for the past few months had a psychotic break. So now she's there with him and he's either having an intense manic episode or is showing initial signs of schizophrenia. So.....guess that's an interesting thing.



Oh, and to H2, I'm a psychologist (not yet licensed). Thanks!

And people aren't always into other people. Just be yourself. Don't try to look or be a certain way to attract women, because then either you let it go over time and things get meh or you have to keep it up and then end up doing decent psychological damage to yourself by living such an non-genuine life for so long.

You'll find someone into you. Or you won't. I dunno. We have a few happily married dudes on here and they're all weird losers.
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Offline H2

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3490 on: December 10, 2019, 02:46:14 PM »
"I don't have time" means "i'm not interested".  And trust me, if they are interested, they will make time. Don't take it personal, just learn from it.
Yeah, I generally believe that. Of course, "I'm not interested" could change to "I'm interested", you never know. I'm ever the optimist and like to leave doors open, but I don't push anything.

Quote
I would recommend the Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi, who also has a youtube channel that is worth checking out.
To be fair, I have never read this book, so I can't criticize it directly, but I know it is widely circulated and referred to in "The Red Pill" community, which I sincerely dislike. About three years ago, I "swallowed the red pill" and turned a keen eye toward manipulating women I wasn't even that interested in. This was the period I referred to in my previous post where I said I was beside myself. I just did not have any integrity. Now, I'm all for being honest, no games, and respecting people and their boundaries. I can't be bothered to date multiple people at once, especially people I know it isn't going to work out with. So, I decided I'm really only going to pursue girls I am really genuinely excited about. And they are few and far between. There are plenty of great women, to be sure, but very few I'd really be compatible with.


@ Adami -- Thanks man!!

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3491 on: December 10, 2019, 03:18:16 PM »
H2 that's some growth if you accepted the rejection and didn't confront it.  You did the right thing.  Sometimes I wish I knew exactly why I got rejected so I can fix it, but often it's not one specific thing on you to fix, but you just aren't a match.  Although I'm sure there are things we all can work on within ourselves. I am trying to see that in my failed relationships so I can learn and be better for the next one. 

Offline Stadler

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3492 on: December 10, 2019, 08:01:36 PM »
As one of those weird losers (he's not wrong)...   I learned a lot during the period after my divorce and before remarrying.

I met this neat girl.  Cute face (that's the extent of my physical shallowness), really cool, really smart, into sports, politics, St. Patrick's Day parades (not a literal requirement, but gets the idea of events and traditions), and casual drinking.   All in all a pretty good match on paper.  I mean, for me, a really good match on paper.   Our first date was good, drinks at a local restaurant, and we ended up hanging through the happy hour into the late night crowd, and it was fun.  Even did a little kiss at the end.

Zero spark.  None.  But we kept in touch, she was a blast to text with, and I gave it a couple shots.  Mixed it up with breakfast, lunch, late night drinks...

Zero spark.  None.   

Sometimes it just doesn't happen.  I suppose if you want to go through a sort of "Married At First Sight" thing where you force it, you can, but you have to have some mutual commitment between the two.  Absent that, sometimes it doesn't happen.   I've sort of come to the realization that there's no benefit to getting angry, or forcing the issue.  You do a quick autopsy of sorts, try to be as honest with yourself as you can (if you like music and she doesn't, not your fault; if you talked about your ex the entire time, probably your fault) and move on.  You don't need every girl to like you, you just need one girl to like you. 

Offline Harmony

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3493 on: December 13, 2019, 06:11:19 PM »
About three years ago, I "swallowed the red pill" and turned a keen eye toward manipulating women I wasn't even that interested in. This was the period I referred to in my previous post where I said I was beside myself. I just did not have any integrity. Now, I'm all for being honest, no games, and respecting people and their boundaries. I can't be bothered to date multiple people at once, especially people I know it isn't going to work out with. So, I decided I'm really only going to pursue girls I am really genuinely excited about. And they are few and far between. There are plenty of great women, to be sure, but very few I'd really be compatible with.

Good on you.  I'm watching my kids do the dating thing.  It is absolutely jaw-dropping to me how much game playing and manipulative BS occurs.  I'm always wondering how that works out for people (and yes both men and women are guilty of this behavior)?  I mean, if all you want is to get laid, sure it makes sense.  But if you are truly wanting to find 'the one' then why on Earth would you a) want to manipulate someone you could love or b) want to be with someone who is so easily manipulated by assholes?  I dunno.  Seems like being a decent human and a fair, respectful, and honest partner is the way to get the best relationship that has the most potential to last.  :-\
« Last Edit: December 13, 2019, 06:35:52 PM by Harmony »
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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3494 on: December 15, 2019, 03:31:37 PM »
Thanks, Harmony. And thanks for sharing about your kids. Maybe it's just a phase for some people.

But if you are truly wanting to find 'the one' then why on Earth would you a) want to manipulate someone you could love or b) want to be with someone who is so easily manipulated by assholes?

That is just wonderfully put. You can't really be united in love with someone you are not real with.

Offline Chino

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3495 on: December 16, 2019, 08:48:46 AM »
I had sex with my ex before work this morning. That might not have been the best idea. We've been hanging out here and there more often as of late, but this was the first time we shagged since April. I hope I didn't just open a can of worms.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3496 on: December 16, 2019, 12:52:06 PM »
Looking at my most recent posts, it almost seems like I'm trying to become the Common Sense of DTF :lol
You'd have an easier time trying to bring the internet to the Amish.
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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3497 on: December 16, 2019, 01:09:35 PM »
^^  Hahaha.

For me, it's just too... too many variables.  I mean, if you were both sober and talked about it and it was clearly a mutual agreement, then can sealed.   Freshness date preserved. 

If you fought about your future, then one/both of you got hammered, then woke up handcuffed to each other, then... Supper's Ready. 

This didn't involve a cutting board, did it?    :)

Offline Chino

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3498 on: December 16, 2019, 01:16:07 PM »
No, but I found it!! I don't know how or why it did, but it ended up in my office closet on the opposite side of the house as the kitchen.

As for the deed, we were both sober, and her actions made me an hour late for work this morning.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3499 on: December 16, 2019, 01:20:05 PM »
As long as your actions donít make her late.
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