Author Topic: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip  (Read 125011 times)

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Offline Stadler

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3150 on: February 20, 2018, 06:23:41 AM »
Well,

I was getting too close to this 44 year old RED head mother of 2 at work, and I didn't even realize I was doing it until my buddy pulled me aside and smartened me up. Its so amazing how attraction works. Its started just as joking around, then slipped into teasing and then basically was full on flirting. So my buddy was like "yo, tone that shit down. Remember you're at work, not at the club" and i did. I swear to god I don't know what it is about me that attracts cougars with kids... Last time I was 25. Now at 30, I'm not doing it again, and since its at work, I'm DEFINITELY not doing it.

So I'm banging this hot red head at work, and this smart ass 30-year old starts honing in on my territory.  I told that f*** straight away, 'yo, tone that shit down.  You're at work, not the club!", so hopefully he gets the message and stops trying to mow my lawn.   

:) :) :)   (Just kidding boss!)

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3151 on: March 20, 2018, 01:24:36 PM »
I deleted my profile on OkCupid after it steadily started to turn to shit with all the changes, so I caved and tried Tinder again. Shockingly enough, I've got like 10 matches so far, as opposed to the handful or so last time around - evidently I look sexier with glasses :zydar: ...or my profile simply looks more representative now :lol I haven't heard back from most, but I've had some nice chats with this one girl and I'm going out with her tomorrow, so that'll be my first Tinder date. :coolio

Offline Chino

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3152 on: March 20, 2018, 01:42:12 PM »
I deleted my profile on OkCupid after it steadily started to turn to shit with all the changes, so I caved and tried Tinder again. Shockingly enough, I've got like 10 matches so far, as opposed to the handful or so last time around - evidently I look sexier with glasses :zydar: ...or my profile simply looks more representative now :lol I haven't heard back from most, but I've had some nice chats with this one girl and I'm going out with her tomorrow, so that'll be my first Tinder date. :coolio

I'm 4.5 years into my Tinder relationship.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3153 on: March 20, 2018, 02:09:58 PM »
I deleted my profile on OkCupid after it steadily started to turn to shit with all the changes, so I caved and tried Tinder again. Shockingly enough, I've got like 10 matches so far, as opposed to the handful or so last time around - evidently I look sexier with glasses :zydar: ...or my profile simply looks more representative now :lol I haven't heard back from most, but I've had some nice chats with this one girl and I'm going out with her tomorrow, so that'll be my first Tinder date. :coolio

I'm 4.5 years into my Tinder relationship.
Congrats, happy to hear it worked out for somebody! :tup

Offline Adami

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3154 on: March 20, 2018, 02:12:13 PM »
I've never used tinder, but a friend of mine married his tinder date last year and they seem VERY happy.
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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3155 on: March 21, 2018, 08:16:21 AM »
I deleted my profile on OkCupid after it steadily started to turn to shit with all the changes, so I caved and tried Tinder again. Shockingly enough, I've got like 10 matches so far, as opposed to the handful or so last time around - evidently I look sexier with glasses :zydar: ...or my profile simply looks more representative now :lol I haven't heard back from most, but I've had some nice chats with this one girl and I'm going out with her tomorrow, so that'll be my first Tinder date. :coolio

I'm 4.5 years into my Tinder relationship.

My tinder relationship celebrated one year of being "official" two weekends ago.  We are very happy together.

Offline ReaperKK

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3156 on: March 24, 2018, 10:01:46 AM »
I deleted my profile on OkCupid after it steadily started to turn to shit with all the changes, so I caved and tried Tinder again. Shockingly enough, I've got like 10 matches so far, as opposed to the handful or so last time around - evidently I look sexier with glasses :zydar: ...or my profile simply looks more representative now :lol I haven't heard back from most, but I've had some nice chats with this one girl and I'm going out with her tomorrow, so that'll be my first Tinder date. :coolio

I'm 4.5 years into my Tinder relationship.

My last relationship was a 7 month tinder relationship that only ended because it was getting more serious and she wanted kids, and I didn't. If it wasn't for that we'd probably be married. I know two other couples married from Tinder matches, you get what you put into it :lol

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3157 on: March 24, 2018, 11:18:48 AM »
Reaper, I am surprised you don't want kids. Is that just for now or just in general?

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3158 on: April 12, 2018, 08:29:15 PM »
In general. Honestly I didn't give it much thought until that relationship I had. We had a serious conversation about our future and I just thought about having kids and seemed to really put me off. We broke up.

I'm now with someone who doesn't want kids too. I don't know what it is. I guess I'm just selfish but I don't really have the time to be a great dad. I enjoy the company of children, when my niece or nephew is in town I have a lot of fun they are around but I'm ultimately happy they leave at the end of the night :lol

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3159 on: April 13, 2018, 04:47:18 AM »
I can definitely respect that.

The desire to be a father was pretty much a driving force for most of my life. Never having a father myself, there was this gaping hole in my heart that I wanted to heal by being the best father that I could be to a child of my own. I swore that my child would never feel the pain that I did. So I met that girl who I "thought" was my soulmate, best friend and ally in this life. We dated, she accepted my proposal. We were set to be married and she said should she couldn't wait to be the mother of my child, and everything felt right in the world.

I broke down my wall for her. Told her things I never told anyone and for the first time ever, made myself 100% vulnerable to another human being. She had my full trust.

And then she cheated on me and broke my heart. That moment and the subsequent dying of that relationship is the worst pain that I have felt over my entire life.


This picture sums up what I was feeling as that relationship ended





My head was in the clouds during the relationship and I thought it would last forever. Alas, this aint no fairy tale world, and not everything always turns out the way you think. And that experience taught me a lot about how real life works.

So now a days, I'm not so fast to rush in to things, and I am going to be more realistic about the person that I am dating. Sure it would have been great to have the child that I always wanted, but me and my ex would have broken up and then the cycle would have continued. So If a person comes along that I feel I can genuinely maintain a healthy relationship with and provide somewhat of a normal homelife to a child, then I will have one. If not, then I'm not going to stress over it.
« Last Edit: April 13, 2018, 04:37:28 PM by Phoenix87x »

Offline Stadler

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3160 on: April 13, 2018, 08:34:28 AM »
I'm sorry to hear that.   I'm 50 now, and married (for the second time) and I'm really starting to rethink my stance on fidelity.   I'm increasingly coming to think that we aren't wired for that.  I don't know how that fits into a healthy relationship - because I am not really a "sharer" in that regard - but certainly, I have a new... not really "appreciation", but at least understanding for people like Hillary Clinton and Melania Trump and Beyoncé (I only went with them because we know them; they may not be the best examples because of the power dynamic - they're all married to powerful men, and two of them to LITERALLY the most powerful man in the world at that time).

I'm not suggesting you should have stayed or not - that's my appreciation; only you can make that call - but I think the dynamic is far more complex than "she cheated, I'm crushed, buh-bye!".   

Offline Chino

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3161 on: April 13, 2018, 09:05:06 AM »
I'm sorry to hear that.   I'm 50 now, and married (for the second time) and I'm really starting to rethink my stance on fidelity.   I'm increasingly coming to think that we aren't wired for that.  I don't know how that fits into a healthy relationship - because I am not really a "sharer" in that regard - but certainly, I have a new... not really "appreciation", but at least understanding for people like Hillary Clinton and Melania Trump and Beyoncé (I only went with them because we know them; they may not be the best examples because of the power dynamic - they're all married to powerful men, and two of them to LITERALLY the most powerful man in the world at that time).

I love my girlfriend to death and intend on spending the rest of my life with her, but I'll admit that at the age of 29, it honestly bums me out that she could be the last person I have sexual encounters with (excluding threesomes if that ever happens). Our sex life is great, but there is a rush of excitement, fun, joy, and emotion when you end up hooking up with someone for the first time.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3162 on: April 13, 2018, 09:36:17 AM »
I'm sorry to hear that.   I'm 50 now, and married (for the second time) and I'm really starting to rethink my stance on fidelity.   I'm increasingly coming to think that we aren't wired for that.  I don't know how that fits into a healthy relationship - because I am not really a "sharer" in that regard - but certainly, I have a new... not really "appreciation", but at least understanding for people like Hillary Clinton and Melania Trump and Beyoncé (I only went with them because we know them; they may not be the best examples because of the power dynamic - they're all married to powerful men, and two of them to LITERALLY the most powerful man in the world at that time).

I love my girlfriend to death and intend on spending the rest of my life with her, but I'll admit that at the age of 29, it honestly bums me out that she could be the last person I have sexual encounters with (excluding threesomes if that ever happens). Our sex life is great, but there is a rush of excitement, fun, joy, and emotion when you end up hooking up with someone for the first time.

There is, but even that gets old.  I've always felt the way you do with my x, that it sucked she would be the last one I'd bang.  Then we broke up and I banged many other girls and now kind of realize that the rush and excitement fades either way.  It's better to just be happy with someone you love IMO.  If I never bang anyone else but stay with my current gf and if we are happy, then I think that's fine for me.

Offline sylvan

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3163 on: April 13, 2018, 10:44:48 AM »
Those are some interesting perspectives. I've never been in a long term relationship, and a lot of things about it freak me the fuck out! Maybe one of them is the "last sexual partner" thing. And Stads makes a good point, whether it works for you or not, about what is, let's say, redeemable. But on the sexual partner thing... I don't exactly have a long list. Not all, but most, are more hookups, and less connections with people I click with. That being said, I've never had sex with someone I had REAL feelings for, or felt this amazing connection, or was in LOVE. As we all can probably agree on, just about any sex is a good time  :hat, and not something I'm usually gonna balk at. But some of you might also be familiar with being totally into what's happening, and then when all the fun is had, I literally CAN'T WAIT to be somewhere else. Any thought of the other person is gone. It sounds crude, and it kinda is. It feels shallow, and I've been on the side of feeling "used", or like "a piece of meat." So I guess I'm kinda wondering what the other side is like. Perhaps it's one of those "grass is always greener" scenarios.

Offline Stadler

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3164 on: April 13, 2018, 01:18:31 PM »
Well, I won't lie; there are times after that I just want to go downstairs and make a sandwich, or put on PlayStation.   It is what it is.  I get the notion of wanting to feel that rush, and I do miss it, but they are all sort of swirling around in the bigger pot of life.    I don't know how else to say it.   As I get older individual things get less and less "stark" or determinative, and that goes for "wanting to go get a sandwich" or wanting "strange partners".   Does that make sense?

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3165 on: April 21, 2018, 01:21:58 AM »
So I had a very interesting Thursday night to say the least. A lot of alcohol was involved, and it led to me making out with my ex. It honestly felt weird and was a final confirmation that I’m over her. But the really interesting thing was a conversation I had with one of my friends. I mentioned in a previous post that my friend and her boyfriend broke up and that there might be something there. Well her ex was this “friend” that I was talking to on Thursday, and he asked me if I had ever considered dating the aforementioned girl and that he thinks that we would make a great couple. It was a very surreal moment that got me rethinking my opinion on the possibility of a relationship with this girl.

EDIT: I’m starting to get really freaked out. We keep sharing and liking very similar things on social media in regards to what we want in a relationship. Everything keeps pointing to us being compatible and it’s reallt starting to scare me.
« Last Edit: May 15, 2018, 11:36:48 PM by TheCountOfNYC »
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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3166 on: February 26, 2019, 02:37:52 AM »
I'm sorry to hear that.   I'm 50 now, and married (for the second time) and I'm really starting to rethink my stance on fidelity.   I'm increasingly coming to think that we aren't wired for that. 

We're not, and the problem is, not many people want to actually admit it. I don't care how hot one's wife or girlfriend is, how great her personality is, or he deeply he may "love" her, the desire to hook up with or get turned on by the next mega-hottie he sees will never die. Ever. No, he may not act on it, but he's damn sure thinking about it.  The fact Hollywood is constantly force feeding hokey concepts like "soulmates" to everyone doesn't help with seeing and understanding the truth, either.  I also hate to burst any bubbles, but it's the same for women, too. No amount of "love" and attraction to a man will ever cast a tunnel vision spell on her, no matter what she says.

I've often wondered what the world would be like if we weren't subjected to so much social programming and began to relinquish the ego a bit more, because it's the primary culprit in our getting emotionally wrecked by the mere thought of being "cheated" on.


Offline Stadler

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3167 on: February 26, 2019, 08:25:01 AM »
I'm sorry to hear that.   I'm 50 now, and married (for the second time) and I'm really starting to rethink my stance on fidelity.   I'm increasingly coming to think that we aren't wired for that. 

We're not, and the problem is, not many people want to actually admit it. I don't care how hot one's wife or girlfriend is, how great her personality is, or he deeply he may "love" her, the desire to hook up with or get turned on by the next mega-hottie he sees will never die. Ever. No, he may not act on it, but he's damn sure thinking about it.  The fact Hollywood is constantly force feeding hokey concepts like "soulmates" to everyone doesn't help with seeing and understanding the truth, either.  I also hate to burst any bubbles, but it's the same for women, too. No amount of "love" and attraction to a man will ever cast a tunnel vision spell on her, no matter what she says.

I've often wondered what the world would be like if we weren't subjected to so much social programming and began to relinquish the ego a bit more, because it's the primary culprit in our getting emotionally wrecked by the mere thought of being "cheated" on.

It's fascinating to me (and if I wrote this before I apologize, I don't feel like going back) but in my therapy, I've been working on the idea that I was cheated on for most of the last two+ years of my first marriage, and if I'm being honest, it WASN'T the cheating that really bugged me; it was the idea that she thought she was being so clever and getting one over on me.   Looking back, I might not have liked it, and I don't know that I have the personality to fully exercise my rights under the arrangement, but if she didn't take me for a fool, I could've probably lived under that arrangement indefinitely.   This is grossly simplified, but the point remains that it's not as simple as "You cheated? You GONE!".

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3168 on: February 26, 2019, 10:05:47 AM »
To each their own, but if my partner cheated on me, then that is the end of the relationship.

There's a lot of nasty STDs out there and I don't know who they're sleepin with. I'm not playing that game.

Offline Stadler

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3169 on: February 26, 2019, 10:09:45 AM »
To each their own, but if my partner cheated on me, then that is the end of the relationship.

There's a lot of nasty STDs out there and I don't know who they're sleepin with. I'm not playing that game.

But that goes to the honesty of it.   Plus, at that point, I wasn't going to be catching anything from her, if you get my drift.

Offline Adami

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3170 on: February 26, 2019, 10:56:02 AM »
I've only been cheated on (to my knowledge) by one girlfriend, and I didn't learn that until after I dumped her.

So honestly? I have no idea how I'd react. I can say that 'you cheat you gone' but the dynamics dictate that. Hopefully I'll never have to find out.
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Offline Chino

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3171 on: February 26, 2019, 10:58:05 AM »
Just chiming in to say 3Fun is a really great app for couples who acknowledge monogamy might not be for everyone.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3172 on: February 26, 2019, 11:00:12 AM »
Just chiming in to say 3Fun is a really great app for couples who acknowledge monogamy might not be for everyone.

I know I speak for Bout to Crash when i say that monogamy IS for everyone. No exceptions.
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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3173 on: February 26, 2019, 01:52:50 PM »
I've only been cheated on (to my knowledge) by one girlfriend, and I didn't learn that until after I dumped her.

So honestly? I have no idea how I'd react. I can say that 'you cheat you gone' but the dynamics dictate that. Hopefully I'll never have to find out.

I kind of feel the same.  Easy to say you cheat your done and internally I do kind of believe that, but the reality is not always that simple such as Stadler's example. 

Also, as far as I know, I was cheated on by one gf but also didn't find out until much after the relationship was over so I've never really experienced this myself.

Offline NunoTenniscourt

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3174 on: February 27, 2019, 05:21:49 AM »
I'm sorry to hear that.   I'm 50 now, and married (for the second time) and I'm really starting to rethink my stance on fidelity.   I'm increasingly coming to think that we aren't wired for that. 

We're not, and the problem is, not many people want to actually admit it. I don't care how hot one's wife or girlfriend is, how great her personality is, or he deeply he may "love" her, the desire to hook up with or get turned on by the next mega-hottie he sees will never die. Ever. No, he may not act on it, but he's damn sure thinking about it.  The fact Hollywood is constantly force feeding hokey concepts like "soulmates" to everyone doesn't help with seeing and understanding the truth, either.  I also hate to burst any bubbles, but it's the same for women, too. No amount of "love" and attraction to a man will ever cast a tunnel vision spell on her, no matter what she says.

I've often wondered what the world would be like if we weren't subjected to so much social programming and began to relinquish the ego a bit more, because it's the primary culprit in our getting emotionally wrecked by the mere thought of being "cheated" on.

It's fascinating to me (and if I wrote this before I apologize, I don't feel like going back) but in my therapy, I've been working on the idea that I was cheated on for most of the last two+ years of my first marriage, and if I'm being honest, it WASN'T the cheating that really bugged me; it was the idea that she thought she was being so clever and getting one over on me.   Looking back, I might not have liked it, and I don't know that I have the personality to fully exercise my rights under the arrangement, but if she didn't take me for a fool, I could've probably lived under that arrangement indefinitely.   This is grossly simplified, but the point remains that it's not as simple as "You cheated? You GONE!".

Did you catch them in the act or just find out about it?? Even though I still maintain controlling our ego (not an easy task by any stretch, and even I still have some remnants of it floating around inside me) make things so much easier, catching your wife or significant other in the act still has to be brutal, even if only for that moment. My brother caught his wife in the act several years ago. She did it in their own bed with their children in the house, too. He ended up turning to drugs over it and damn near killed himself.

My outlook on relationships is so bleak. My last one ended at the end of 2014. I've been with about 50 women since then, and while it has been incredibly fun, part of me feels a need to recapture my "innocence" with a good old fashioned relationship sometimes, but I see them as transitory illusions and a big responsibility that I don't think I can handle anymore, so I don't know what the hell to do.

All this talk of infidelity reminded me of something, too. If anyone ever finds themselves in need of a good cry, but haven't been able to get it out, fire up the soundtrack from the movie "Unfaithful". That shit has me blubbering like a baby every time.


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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3175 on: February 27, 2019, 06:48:17 AM »
That's a good movie

Offline NunoTenniscourt

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3176 on: February 27, 2019, 07:07:19 AM »

Yes, it was. I haven't seen it again since the year it was released and was of a different mindset then, but damn, I felt every last bit of pain the character Richard Gere played felt. I'd venture to say many other men did, too.

And damn, Diane Lane was smoldering.  :o

Offline Stadler

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3177 on: February 27, 2019, 07:18:12 AM »
I'm sorry to hear that.   I'm 50 now, and married (for the second time) and I'm really starting to rethink my stance on fidelity.   I'm increasingly coming to think that we aren't wired for that. 

We're not, and the problem is, not many people want to actually admit it. I don't care how hot one's wife or girlfriend is, how great her personality is, or he deeply he may "love" her, the desire to hook up with or get turned on by the next mega-hottie he sees will never die. Ever. No, he may not act on it, but he's damn sure thinking about it.  The fact Hollywood is constantly force feeding hokey concepts like "soulmates" to everyone doesn't help with seeing and understanding the truth, either.  I also hate to burst any bubbles, but it's the same for women, too. No amount of "love" and attraction to a man will ever cast a tunnel vision spell on her, no matter what she says.

I've often wondered what the world would be like if we weren't subjected to so much social programming and began to relinquish the ego a bit more, because it's the primary culprit in our getting emotionally wrecked by the mere thought of being "cheated" on.

It's fascinating to me (and if I wrote this before I apologize, I don't feel like going back) but in my therapy, I've been working on the idea that I was cheated on for most of the last two+ years of my first marriage, and if I'm being honest, it WASN'T the cheating that really bugged me; it was the idea that she thought she was being so clever and getting one over on me.   Looking back, I might not have liked it, and I don't know that I have the personality to fully exercise my rights under the arrangement, but if she didn't take me for a fool, I could've probably lived under that arrangement indefinitely.   This is grossly simplified, but the point remains that it's not as simple as "You cheated? You GONE!".

Did you catch them in the act or just find out about it?? Even though I still maintain controlling our ego (not an easy task by any stretch, and even I still have some remnants of it floating around inside me) make things so much easier, catching your wife or significant other in the act still has to be brutal, even if only for that moment. My brother caught his wife in the act several years ago. She did it in their own bed with their children in the house, too. He ended up turning to drugs over it and damn near killed himself.

I don't know how to answer that; it wasn't like in the movies where I walked in on them in bed.  There were, ultimately, three times.   The first was too weird to even try to relate in a sentence or two, but suffice to say it was never officially confirmed, but the nature and manner of the discussions about it after the fact all but do confirm it.   The second, I saw some texts that were inappropriate and a phone bill that had literally 1000 texts to a specific number (and that went on for a couple of months, while I was working on an extended assignment.  The third was... odd. I knew the guy very well (he was married too) and there was a business trip and when I went to pick her up at the airport, he walked right by me with his head down as if doing a perp walk.   There was, again, never any real official confirmation, but it was just sort of a "fait accompli" about the whole deal, and as we moved toward divorce, it just "was".  There was no confirmation, but there was no denial either.  I don't know how to better explain it, other than "you had to be there".   

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My outlook on relationships is so bleak. My last one ended at the end of 2014. I've been with about 50 women since then, and while it has been incredibly fun, part of me feels a need to recapture my "innocence" with a good old fashioned relationship sometimes, but I see them as transitory illusions and a big responsibility that I don't think I can handle anymore, so I don't know what the hell to do.

All this talk of infidelity reminded me of something, too. If anyone ever finds themselves in need of a good cry, but haven't been able to get it out, fire up the soundtrack from the movie "Unfaithful". That shit has me blubbering like a baby every time.

You know, I don't want to make this political (at ALL) but if you read me in P/R much, I'm very critical of social media, and my personal belief is that it's doing more harm, in total, than good, at least on the personal level, and while dating with social media is, in many ways, almost like shooting fish in a barrel, I think it results in a greater existential loneliness.   I have found that the "openness" that texting or social media engenders doesn't actually bring people closer intellectually.  That so-and-so has a d--- pic of mine doesn't, in my view, open any deeper spiritual doors in that relationship.

I know for me I kept sane (and there were some insane moments, let me tell you) out of dumb luck.  I met a woman on Match, and through the "Match" process it seemed like such a great fit on every level.  Then we met, and as callous as this sounds, there was literally no physical spark (on my part, I can't speak for her) at all.  None.  She kissed me at one point and it was perhaps the first time (other than when this guy Steve kissed me at a Uconn football game as a joke in front of all our friends) where I had zero interest in continuing the activity.  And yet we went on a second "date" (tried again with the kiss and same result), but continued to talk.  We'd meet for a drinks on occasion (and to reinforce, even with alcohol and being functionally celibate for the better part of a couple years, we never did anything other than those two kisses) and it was so good - for me, I don't think she would say the same - to have a relationship that went beyond "texting" and the sort of shallow social media exchanges. 

Offline NunoTenniscourt

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3178 on: February 28, 2019, 01:35:25 AM »
There was no confirmation, but there was no denial either.  I don't know how to better explain it, other than "you had to be there".

Judging from what I read, I'd say you had enough compelling evidence it occurred.

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You know, I don't want to make this political (at ALL) but if you read me in P/R much, I'm very critical of social media, and my personal belief is that it's doing more harm, in total, than good, at least on the personal level, and while dating with social media is, in many ways, almost like shooting fish in a barrel, I think it results in a greater existential loneliness.   I have found that the "openness" that texting or social media engenders doesn't actually bring people closer intellectually.  That so-and-so has a d--- pic of mine doesn't, in my view, open any deeper spiritual doors in that relationship.

You'll get no disagreement from me on this. I have out of state relatives who opt to not show up to the big family holiday get-togethers anymore, and I suspect it would be different if social media didn't exist as an alternate method of "keeping in touch". Hell, why travel to see how much your baby cousins have grown in the last year when one can simply see the pictures and video on Facebook? The thing is, they can't be convinced it's not the same as being in each other's presence. They'll have to come to that realization on their own. As for dating sites, I believe people end up becoming addicted to the pursuit. I know of several people who constantly piss and moan about the sites, yet the one thing they won't do is walk away.  I liken it to listening to a drunk bitch about hangovers.

Offline MoraWintersoul

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3179 on: February 28, 2019, 05:42:36 AM »
I've always felt the way you do with my x, that it sucked she would be the last one I'd bang.  Then we broke up and I banged many other girls and now kind of realize that the rush and excitement fades either way.  It's better to just be happy with someone you love IMO.  If I never bang anyone else but stay with my current gf and if we are happy, then I think that's fine for me.
This is kinda my perspective. I feel like maybe monogamy is best for social cohesion, harmony and the thriving of individual humans - life is too hard to go at it all by yourself, and you need some chosen family to provide you with that stability, not to mention raising children if you're into that. However, a "hall pass" method would probably fit the most humans the best - monogamy in principle, but if a strange mutual attraction happens while you're somewhere halfway through fourty years of marriage to the same person, well...

As a woman who's only been with men, I have to admit I rarely feel that rush of excitement at the thought of getting with somebody new (now in theory, since I'm married). My thoughts hooking up with a new man are mostly in the realm of "okay let's see if he even knows how things work around here", and that's when you rule out the inherent dangers of being alone in a closed space with a person much stronger than you who is, for all intents and purposes, a total stranger. Sex with men is better when you actually spend a few months with them. Don't wanna rain on anyone's parade, but I guarantee ya at least half of your one night stands were thinking "well okay now I can say I've done that, item checked off the list" after the night was over, and nothing more than that.

Being with someone who knows me, loves me and moves me, that's my jam, even without a harem of beautiful people just waiting outside my door :lol

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Online Phoenix87x

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3180 on: February 28, 2019, 05:31:33 PM »
This is kinda my perspective. I feel like maybe monogamy is best for social cohesion, harmony and the thriving of individual humans - life is too hard to go at it all by yourself, and you need some chosen family to provide you with that stability, not to mention raising children if you're into that.


Oh I agree 100%. My home was beyond broken. My father was gone before I was born. My mother was more interested in partying then raising a child. And every couple of months it was some new guy in the picture, and they ranged from bad to worse. I can remember the constant fighting and screaming, things being broken and doors slammin at 2am in the morning. Living in fear and uncertainty, powerless to stop any of it. I wouldn't wish that shit on my worst enemy. And Not having my father in my life brought me profound sadness that still hurts me to this day.

I want it to be different with my child. I want to provide a stable, loving and constructive home, with both parents present. Two people that love and support each other and want to be their for their child.

Is marriage outdated? Is it asking too much for two people to stay together til death do you part? Yeah maybe. But at the very least if I have a child with someone, I will commit myself to staying with that person until the child is grown, for the sake of the child we chose to bring into this world. After that if me and my partner have grown apart, then Its totally fine if we go our separate ways and move on. It does not have to last a lifetime, and I am fine with that.


Sex with your significant other is better when you actually spend a few months with them. Don't wanna rain on anyone's parade, but I guarantee ya at least half of your one night stands were thinking "well okay now I can say I've done that, item checked off the list" after the night was over, and nothing more than that.

Being with someone who knows me, loves me and moves me, that's my jam, even without a harem of beautiful people just waiting outside my door :lol

I agree 100%. I can't speak for other guys, but I only ever enjoy sex if I actually care for someone. Only one time in my life did I have sex with someone I didn't love and it was like eating stale bread or drinking flat soda. Something felt really off about it and its something I will never do again. I like to get to know someone, build a bond and from that comes intimate relations. But that's just me.

Offline Stadler

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3181 on: February 28, 2019, 07:04:15 PM »

Sex with your significant other is better when you actually spend a few months with them. Don't wanna rain on anyone's parade, but I guarantee ya at least half of your one night stands were thinking "well okay now I can say I've done that, item checked off the list" after the night was over, and nothing more than that.

Being with someone who knows me, loves me and moves me, that's my jam, even without a harem of beautiful people just waiting outside my door :lol

I agree 100%. I can't speak for other guys, but I only ever enjoy sex if I actually care for someone. Only one time in my life did I have sex with someone I didn't love and it was like eating stale bread or drinking flat soda. Something felt really off about it and its something I will never do again. I like to get to know someone, build a bond and from that comes intimate relations. But that's just me.

But is it completely unreasonable to think that you might have two or maybe even three people that you care enough about to have meaningful, semi-regular sex, but have a main "life partner" with whom you share a home and a family and parenting responsibilities? 
I have guy friends that I periodically go out and have drinks with, I have guy friends that I periodically go out to concerts with... is it so out of the mainstream to contemplate a scenario where I have girl friends I periodically go out and have sex with?

(Full disclosure; this is hypothetical and talking generally.  I don't have a "set up" like this and nor do I have the constitution to pull it off, I don't think.  But it's worth contemplating.  And categorically, I am not talking about polygamy here.)

Offline Chino

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3182 on: February 28, 2019, 09:02:56 PM »

Sex with your significant other is better when you actually spend a few months with them. Don't wanna rain on anyone's parade, but I guarantee ya at least half of your one night stands were thinking "well okay now I can say I've done that, item checked off the list" after the night was over, and nothing more than that.

Being with someone who knows me, loves me and moves me, that's my jam, even without a harem of beautiful people just waiting outside my door :lol

I agree 100%. I can't speak for other guys, but I only ever enjoy sex if I actually care for someone. Only one time in my life did I have sex with someone I didn't love and it was like eating stale bread or drinking flat soda. Something felt really off about it and its something I will never do again. I like to get to know someone, build a bond and from that comes intimate relations. But that's just me.

But is it completely unreasonable to think that you might have two or maybe even three people that you care enough about to have meaningful, semi-regular sex, but have a main "life partner" with whom you share a home and a family and parenting responsibilities? 


Ugh. Fuck. Okay. You got me (You're lucky I'm 9 Heineken deep right now) .

Story time. This post may be long winded, and off the cuff, so bare with me. Apologies in advance if I ramble and become incoherent at any time.

Victoria broke. She moved out of out house last July. She moved out two months prior to the four year anniversary of us (me) buying our home. It's not an easy thing to talk about, obviously, seeing as I share a lot of stuff here that my closest friends don't even know about me, and it's still taken me me over 7 months to mention it here. Of my core group of guy friends, only 3 of the 7 are currently aware that she's no longer living with me. She had a complete mental breakdown and is in therapy twice a week, sometimes three times per week. We still love each other deeply, but she's got shit to figure out before we can proceed. It sucks, but I'm glad it's happening now rather than a few years into a marriage or with children involved. We still say good morning and good night daily. We still say "I love you" to each other just as often. She was here last night and we have dinner plans tomorrow.

Anyway, we still have sex like mad every time we see each other (a few times per week), and somehow, the sex has gotten better than it ever was when she was living here (not to imply that there was anything wrong with our sex lives to begin with). She's gotten herself a lease on a nearby apartment which ends in four months, at which time we will reassess the standing of our future together. Part of this arrangement is we are allowed to see other people.

I've had sex with three other girls during this time:

Girl #1: For our five year anniversary we had booked a 9 night trip to Ireland. Victoria didn't come. Part of that was due to our situation, which was only two months in at the time, but it was mainly due to family obligations on her end that she really couldn't avoid without her family throwing a shit fit. That being said, I met a girl in Dublin (I stayed in four cities in all) who was randomly looking for a lighter when I was nursing a beer outside of a pub. Five hours later after a shitload of beer and a local's (her) tour of the area, I ended up spending the night at her place and doing the deed twice. That was without question one of the most exciting experiences of my life. It was a combination of factors, but a huge part of it was the spontaneity and knowing that it was statistically impossible I'd ever run into or hear from her again. If I rocked the house (which I did  :hat), cool. If I didn't, it'd be an easy thing to forget. To top it off, she was five years older than me and a cop, which somehow added to the experience immensely.

Girl #2: A girl I met on Bumble and had a two week fling with. We had sex a total of five times. She was a 33yo single mom (I'm 30 for those who don't know). She was really cool, and sweet, and and all around a genuinely awesome human being. I called it off out of guilt as I felt as though I was using her. She knew my situation, but even so, it still felt weird. Sidebar: the dating app game has changed a ton (for the worse) since I met Victoria on Tinder 5.5 years ago.

Girl #3) Jamie. Jamie is a girl I've known for over a decade now. We met at our place of employment and used to have a friends with benefits thing, a few instances of which happened at work, one of which happened in an industrial freezer that was 40 below. Good times. Anyway, her and I have hooked up a number of times over the last couple months. We both know the deal. We both know we could never have a feasible relationship, but are both 110% on board with just partaking in the act of sex. There's no pity element or anything like that. We've always just been really cool with each other and understand that sometimes sex can just be sex. We're both consenting adults and both seem to understand that when horny, fucking someone else is better than doing it alone. We've talked about it at length and basically just use each other like human fleshlights and dildos. TBH, it's freaking phenomenal. We're both fine with the situation. We've been friends a long time and are completely cool and comfortable with each other's bodily fluids, but at the same time we can both acknowledge that a relationship would never work. We have a connection and a ton of chemistry, but it's not "love". I see absolutely nothing wrong with that.

I have every intention of continuing things with Victoria if that's what she wants to do, and there will be no difficulties in going back to a monogamous relationship. But for the time being, what I'm doing now is fun. Would I want a lifetime of it? I don't think so. Would it be the worst thing in the world? No. If Victoria approached me and said I want to marry you and have a family, but we can agree to having disclosed sex with other people on the DL, I'd be completely content with that. And that's not a knock against her in any way. 
« Last Edit: February 28, 2019, 09:47:25 PM by Chino »

Offline SystematicThought

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3183 on: February 28, 2019, 10:10:18 PM »
I don't mean to be crass, Chino, and not mention the rest of the story (thanks for sharing that by the way, I think it's cool that you trust all of us to share that. Hopefully everything works out)

But how exactly did you have sex in a 40 below cooler and still have all of the plumbing working? Wouldn't everything just turn into a raisin? More power to both of you, though. That's impressive and since I work in a grocery store and freezer in similar temps and have a work relationship of sorts, I gotta give you one of these:
"Keep your stick on the ice. I'm pulling for ya. Remember we're all in this together."
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Offline NunoTenniscourt

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3184 on: March 01, 2019, 03:37:39 AM »

Oh I agree 100%. My home was beyond broken. My father was gone before I was born. My mother was more interested in partying then raising a child. And every couple of months it was some new guy in the picture, and they ranged from bad to worse. I can remember the constant fighting and screaming, things being broken and doors slammin at 2am in the morning. Living in fear and uncertainty, powerless to stop any of it. I wouldn't wish that shit on my worst enemy. And Not having my father in my life brought me profound sadness that still hurts me to this day.

I'm in the same boat. I never knew my father, either, and in my childhood, I never wanted people to know. The ones who did know began treating me like I was emotionally crippled after finding out, and I resented it. Their sympathy brought me no comfort whatsoever. It made me feel abnormal. There were many times when I felt like I missed out by not having a father around, but I eventually started taking pride in what I became without one and realized things may not have necessarily been better with a father present.