So, rant incoming but whatever.
Yesterday, I did nothing special, just being at home. Then I check Facebook and I see my best friend who has put up a picture of her and her boyfriend, writing happily that they're soon going to live together. And reading that just set off this massive chain of thoughts and I started thinking about my past relationsships and how both of my serious girlfriends broke up with me just as we were about to start living together.
And I get this panic attack, realizing that I'm 29 years old and that many people that age have already settled down and has kids. And I've had two dates these past months which both ended with the girl rejecting me. And I started thinking that I've never going to find someone who can put up with how weird and anti-social I am and am okay with not ever having kids.
I slept terribly and woke up feeling like crap. But now, I've slowly started to feel okay again. I listened to a podcast while working, which is from a comedian/musician I really admired who is 37 years old, single and perfectly happy with his life. And it made me feel a bit better.
So yeah, I do have these moments where I feel really lonely and insecure, totally certain I'm never going to find someone to love again. But at least these moments are much more rare than they used to be. But it hit really hard this time and it's going to take a couple of days to recover from this.