Now that I think I'm kind of back, I guess I should post an update because I used to post in this thread I think.
Anyways, long-ish post incoming.
So, couple of years back at uni I fell in love with my best friend. Typical right? The thing is, I really loved this girl and it was never a romantic thing. We loved hangin out and that was it. Then something happened and I fell for her. We both did, it was mutual and we started dating.
I have to say, I never loved anyone like I loved her, I really did. Everything was great, until some months into the relationship she started drifting away, sexually, emotionally every-ally. As a backstory I have to say that's a part of her personality that was always there, but me, being a typical man and being insecure I started questioning if it was because of me or because she found someone else.
Those things, nag and crawl inside of you. And one day I asked something about one of her friends, I just wanted to clarify what he was to her and she exploded cut it off and ran. Everyone that knew eachother, knows I never ever treated her badly and that she overreacted(She admitted that herself later). And TBH I couldn't blame her when she suggested a break(we know it never works) and that we should talk later about our relationship.
We tried to stay in touch, talking, being friends... But then, she started acting really shitty and in the end we never talked. When I asked her to talk, she acted like a bitch. Then I told her to at least treat me with the same respect I treated her with. And basically asked her if she was talking behind my back and shit. She said no.
Things weren't as bad until one point. We, being classmates, went to the same party that month, and when I saw her there I exploded against her, every time I think about that night I feel really shitty and ashamed but really, what I said wasn't as bad as what I found out she said about me before. Basically, I called her a "cold bitch", and the thing she later said hurt her the most was that I asked her If she was finally gonna cry when I saw her getting teary eyed, because she always told me she didn't feel anything. And that was it.
Then we saw each other at school and, well we kind of talked here and there but it almost always ended badly. Everyone of our closest friends told us to just stop talking for good, but we kept trying.
Until...
Another part of the backstory is that she knows everything about me, and I was obviously depressed at the time. So what did she do? It turns out that two weeks after we broke up(when everything was still "ok") She went and told basically everyone of her closest friends she wanted me dead. And then, some time later she said she wanted me to succeed when I tried to kill myself (I tried it, and it was irrelevant to her whole situation, but the situation going on with her didn't help ya know?). And she said that because she knew I tried it years before. She knew about my problems and used them to talk smack.
I knew about what she said, because of some random person playing games, but the thing is that she said it. We had a fight, a lot of fights about that. But in the end, we found out who the person was, why did he show me what she said and what was the backstory with those suicide comments. Turns out, as she showed me the chats, that she said it because she wanted to get those people that always asked her if she was already done with me off her back. And she knew they didn't care about what she said, and thought I would never see that and that even if I did, it was just bullshit to get off an interrogation. It was obviously a shitty thing to said but she did it, and she couldn't un-say it.
After a couple of apologies we stopped talking completely, we where in the same classroom but we acted as strangers with the occasional "Hey x is looking for you" and shit.
Turns out, like all our friends said, that we needed the time, like, a lot of time without talking to sort ourselves out instead of forcing ourselves to act as "friends".
One day we talked a lot, we apologized for what we did and said. We had the talk we were supposed to have during our break, with the part about getting back together being impossible, obviously. But we "healed" what we had. We knew we acted bad, we knew we fuck it up, and she finally told me why she started drifting away: She had a pregnancy scare, she didn't know how to tell me, and she closed herself to me, and she stopped wanting to have sex after that because she was scared it would happened again, etc..
The thing is, we had a big talk like we never had when we where together. And it worked.
Our last couple of months at uni where great. We talked, we made jokes, we even played yugioh because she want to get into the game after she watched us play. Basically like I said, we healed and despite what happened and despite the stupid things that go with a break up we still kind of made it as friends.
And tbh we said the worst thing you can Imagine between ex's, that we actually loved eachother and that's why despite all that, we tried to stay in touch. Without obviously being in a relationship because that would be even more toxic than this looks.
I know it sounds like soap opera at some parts. But in the end I grew as a person thanks to that bullshit.
And know, I'm not part of the lonely harts group, because some months after healing everything with my ex I got in touch with someone I really cared about. And now we are a couple. And I'm trying to be better and less insecure than I was with my ex.
TL;DR: broke up with someone, it was kind of nasty, and then I re-found someone.
Topic: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip (Read 282764 times)
