Insecure girl trying to bring me down

[Tim van Duijn]

So i am kinda stuck with a problem here. I am forced to hang out with a girl who is trying to bring me down no matter what. She is the sister of a friend of mine and everytime me and my friends are hanging out or doing something, she is there.

I'll try to describe her: She is 19 years old and the younger sister of a friend of mine. She is obviously very insecure about herself. I think she suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder, mainly because of her emotional reactions to everything (she barely thinks), because of her dominance, her insecurity, and her friends. At one point her friendship means everything to her and at another point she is disbanding them and replacing them with other people while talking shit about her previous best friend. She is trying to make other people like her so she gets a better feeling about herself. What she always does is looking for things to say to bring me down and to insult me. She does this with ANYTHING i'm saying. She has a boyfriend, who is also a great friend of mine, which she is completely dominating. He is way too good for her and he is so in love with her that he doesn't see her shortcomings. He is very intelligent and she obviously isn't. She broke up with him recently after they were dating 4 months and after a couple of days she wanted him back (just to let you know she is complety using him as she pleases, she did the same thing with another friend of mine)

At first it bothered me, thinking about why she acted this way. I didn't do anything bad to her that would justify her acts. I talked about it with a close friend of mine and he agreed with me, he also said that silence is the best reaction and that she eventually would stop if i didn't give her any attention. She hasn't stopped yet. Although the things she is saying to me are complete shit and not hurting me at all, it is very annoying to be forced to hang out with someone that you don't wanna hang out with. It's like a wound that doesn't hurt but never goes away, it's very annoying. Or a fly that is buzzing around your ears all day. Imagine someone sticking a charger into you and sucking all the energy out of you.

She is a very dominant girl and is always trying to lead the group, whenever you don't do what she wants she gets angry and you will appear on her blacklist (she also slaughtered another friend of mine).

Now what i could do is the same thing she is trying to do to me, bringing me down. I know a lot about here to make her feel ashamed and i could say a couple of things in front of the whole group whenever she is trying to act though and creating a 'don't fuck with me or you will suffer' attitude. There are 2 reasons i'm not doing this:

- I don't want to lower myself to her standards
- Her brother and boyfriend which i don't want to hurt

Now the story may seem as if i am completely desperate about what to do, but it annoys me more than it bothers me.

My question is: How the fuck do you handle these types of people?? Is silence the best treatment or is there another way?

Don't get me wrong, she won't win. I am just looking for a way to save myself from mental exhaustion.

[King Postwhore]

You tell your friends that they may put up with this behavior but you will not.  It's nothing against them but you cannot put up with this behavior.   Tell them you will react to her in a manor that isn't as boorish as her but you will put your foot down.

This will force them to confront her.  Both the brother and boyfriend who are your friends.

Don't back down.  bully's always back down when they are bullied.  She's insecure and let her know that.

[Ħ]

Stand up for yourself, man! Next time she pushes you around, call her out on it! Maintain some tact, of course - don't critique her identity in wide brush strokes (like calling her "insecure"), which will just make the situation worse, given that she's probably prone to fighting. But do tell her specifically what you will not tolerate, which is her treating you in such-and-such way.

[Tim van Duijn]

I normally would stand up for myself and put her where she belongs but the situation is different now considering that i'm also dealing with her brother and boyfriend which i don't want to hurt.

You are saying that i have to tell her that i wont't accept her behavior. HOW do i tell that to people like her? She doesn't listen, there is a 0% chance she'll accept it so there is no point in trying to. I've taken that into account many times. I'm not the type that let people walk over me. But she is different, everything together makes it very hard to deal with the situation. And many of the things she says are not even worth a response. It doesn't bother me, it annoys me as hell thinking how one could be like this while no one is forcing her to fix the attitude + the fact that she is forcing herself inside our company and knowing i'm stuck with her and can't walk away from her.

[rumborak]

I second that you should probably raise this to the two guys. At the very least they need to know that this is an issue.

[sneakyblueberry]

You keep reiterating the fact that it doesn't bother you but the way you're talking about it would suggest otherwise. 

Just tell your friends that, although you still want to be friends with them, you don't want to be associated with that girl.  She seems pretty toxic.  If they're your friends then they'll stick around regardless.  If they abandon you then A) you'll know that they were never really friends at all, and B) she'll undoubtedly end up 'slaughtering' them at some point in time.  Or C) they are blinded because tits.

Life's too short to be bothered with this casserole of nonsense, do what you need to do to move on, and carry on with your life. 

[wolfking]

Tell her to fuck off, and no one should have to hang out with someone they son't want too.  You have the balls, not her.

[rumborak]

Sneakyblueberry, sadly things are not that clearcut in most cases. I don't know about you, but when someone is my friend, I don't just easily ditch them based on some "me or her" rhetoric.

[Tim van Duijn]

You keep reiterating the fact that it doesn't bother you but the way you're talking about it would suggest otherwise. 

Just tell your friends that, although you still want to be friends with them, you don't want to be associated with that girl.  She seems pretty toxic.  If they're your friends then they'll stick around regardless.  If they abandon you then A) you'll know that they were never really friends at all, and B) she'll undoubtedly end up 'slaughtering' them at some point in time.  Or C) they are blinded because tits.

Life's too short to be bothered with this casserole of nonsense, do what you need to do to move on, and carry on with your life.

I understand that you think this way but when i say that it doesn't bother me i mean that the things she says aren't hurting me. It's more that i will be mentally drained if this keeps happening every time.

I also do think that when i say it's me or her that they are most likely choosing her because they will think i'm overreacting or think i didn't do enough to salvage the situation. I already confronted her boyfriend (my pal also) asking hem what he thinks about all this. What i expected, he said i have to fix this with her. That would be a Mission Impossible.

Should i tell my friends that it's me or her? Will they accept that?

[sneakyblueberry]

Sneakyblueberry, sadly things are not that clearcut in most cases. I don't know about you, but when someone is my friend, I don't just easily ditch them based on some "me or her" rhetoric.

I wasn't saying that he should up and leave them.  Merely to express his feelings to them about the girl, and how he'd rather not be associated with her.  How they respond to that is up to them.

Should i tell my friends that it's me or her? Will they accept that?

I wouldn't do it quite like that.  Just tell them how you feel, like you did here, but with a little more... I dunno, subtlety maybe?

EDIT: sorry, you just said you did that.  oy vey.

[rumborak]

You know, don't necessarily dismiss that "Mission Impossible". Sometimes people are actually oblivious about their behavior (because nobody reins them in), and an outsider is the one it takes to knock some sense into them.
And in the end, there is something to be said for addressing the person directly who is the issue. Try to intercept at some point where neither of the guys are there and simply ask " Hey, what's with your attitude towards me? "

[FlyingBIZKIT]

Tell her to fuck off

Yup. This is what I should say to 80% of people.

[Bolsters]

Have you considered murder?

[wolfking]

Tell her to fuck off

Yup. This is what I should say to 80% of people.

Some people just need to be told this sometimes.

[black_biff_stadler]

Punch her in the tits in front of her bf and bro. If they take issue, firmly say "You wanna get punched in the tits too?!"

[TioJorge]

 

[wolfking]

Punch her in the tits in front of her bf and bro. If they take issue, firmly say "You wanna get punched in the tits too?!"

This could actually work.

[Tim van Duijn]

Punch her in the tits in front of her bf and bro. If they take issue, firmly say "You wanna get punched in the tits too?!"

Hahaha it may definitely raise a few eyebrows.

[black_biff_stadler]

I call it "flexible pacifism".

[bout to crash]

 

You don't actually have to hang with her. Like someone else said, life is too short for this crap. You could say something to the guys, you could tell her her behavior is unacceptable, but you don't NEED to be around her all the time. Do you have other friends?
And just for the record, you don't know there is 0% chance of her listening because you've never said something to her. You don't actually know how she is going to respond, so saying that is just saying you're too scared to stand up to her. That's not a bad thing- I would be too. I'm just saying you're making excuses. There's only one way to know her reaction and that's to say something. Worst case scenario? She's still a bitch.

[Chino]

Text her the link to this thread.

[black_biff_stadler]

Chino's onto something

[Ben_Jamin]

Just straight up tell her the truth. Those types of girls need that, then tell your friends you've had enough of her and you don't need that draining your energy. If they're your friends they'll understand its for your own health and not to be mean.

[hefdaddy42]

Life's too short to be bothered with this casserole of nonsense

This.

Also, see black_floyd's idea.

[King Postwhore]

Or just do what Hef does,



Tell her she's a stupid fucking bitch.

[wolfking]

Tell her she's a stupid fucking bitch.

This is what I keep saying, this is the answer to the thread.

[King Postwhore]

Tell her she's a stupid fucking bitch.

This is what I keep saying, this is the answer to the thread.

He's worried about his 2 male friends so talk to them first then say this.

[wolfking]

Tell her she's a stupid fucking bitch.

This is what I keep saying, this is the answer to the thread.

He's worried about his 2 male friends so talk to them first then say this.

Yeah.

[Neon]

I actually don't think you should say anything to either of your friends, as it could create some awkwardness or hard feelings between you all.  I have a few friends whose significant others/spouses I'm not particularly crazy about but I would never say that to them.  My friend loves that person, so for the sake of my friend (and my friendship) the least I can do is make a concerted effort to be cordial and to tolerate that person as well.  I certainly won't go out of my way to hang out with them, but if they're around, then what difference does it make if they're there?

Maybe because I'm more of a "go with the flow" kind of person anyway, but so what if this chick wants to take charge?  Who cares if she decides what restaurant you all go to or what movie you all go to see?  Does anyone else ever have a better idea?  Maybe next time she takes charge and tries to dictate what everyone else does, why not just offer a different option, and see if anyone else agrees with you instead? 

And the next time she says something negative and mean to you, just fire right back.  There are polite, joking ways to put someone like that in their place.  And I can speak from experience when I say that I tend to be a REALLY sarcastic bitch...and it just comes so naturally to me that sometimes I say really bitchy stuff to people- it's gotten me in trouble on occasion when I've been around people I don't really know so well. 
But you can jokingly say, "Man, why are you so grumpy today?" "Who peed in your Cheerios today?" or my ever-popular favorite, "Oh, well fuck you too, then."

Or next time you happen to be around her (and just her) just say to her "Are you ok?  You just seem really down and I feel like you're kind of trying to push us all away....stop being so mean and enjoy the wonderful company, will ya?" 

And if that fails, then perhaps you can just tell her she's a raging cunt.  But be prepared to be exiled from your group.   

[hefdaddy42]

Or just do what Hef does,



Tell her she's a stupid fucking bitch.

I.....


















































...have been known to do that.