Was anyone here ever a member of the Ytsejam Mailing List or at least heard of it? I remember my mailbox getting flooded on a daily basis with updates. My favorite thing was the Ytsejam Mailing List drinking game. The rules are lengthy by pretty funny still.
The Ytsejam Drinking Game
Disclaimer:
This is a game. This is only a game. If using alcoholic beverages, do not
drive. For safety reasons, do not operate heavy machinery. Do not attempt
to play the instrumental part of Metropolis, on any instrument. And do not
listen to any of the Charlie Dominici songs, or you may vomit heavily.
Instructions:
Take a deep breath, buckle down and let the Ytsejams pile up in your
mailbox for a indeterminate amount of time. Place drinks, alcoholic or
not, within easy reach. Read the 'jams, drinking when instructed to
according to the following rules. In case of confusion over whether or not
to drink, always err on the side of drinking. Enjoy your experience...!
[Bonus suggestion: have a bunch of friends over, mix various drinks, and
have a PROGRESSIVE. Get it...?]
Take a sip if...
someone prefaces their message with "This is my first post, so bear with
me.." (2 sips if you immediately hate the person upon hearing this)
someone says "[lurk mode off]"
someone uses "take the time" in a sentence (the most beaten-to-death DT
cliche ever)
someone's quote is longer than their response
someone's sig is longer than their message
someone posts an "unsubscribe" request (2 sips if they give some lame
excuse or irate complaint)
someone voices their bitter, condescending contempt for today's popular music
someone goes through an entire previous 'jam, extracts a series of
quotes, and posts smartass remarks after each one
someone says "DT RULZ!!" (additional sip for each exclamation point)
it's painfully, head-shakingly obvious that someone has not read the FAQ
you thought Ytse and Jam were funny the first time but got old fast (lose
a turn if you never got it in the first place)
someone pines for Kevin Moore
someone wonders how Derek will fit into the band
someone expresses their utter hatred for David Prater and his fucking
drum triggers
you snicker every time you hear the name "Jeff Chew"
you snicker every time you hear the name "Hairball"
Ben Laussade's cutesy sig ceases to be funny after the 20th time you've
seen it
Damon Fibraio mentions that he's blind
someone asks how to get Acoustic Dreams
you find yourself laughing your ass off at the AOLers
someone uses a DT lyric that you love in their sig and it sounds
pretentious and dumb out of context
someone posts that they "finally figured out" the samples at the end of SDV
someone asks how to pronounce "ytsejam"
someone attempts to flamebait (writing a deliberately harsh, acidic
message, then saying "flame me if if you want" or "flames will be ignored")
some clueless soul posts thinking he's writing directly to DT
Take a gulp if...
someone uses the prefix "ytse-" on anything
someone posts more than 5 times in a row (Laussade and Fibraio excluded)
someone posts misheard lyrics that are better than the originals
Bafu writes a serious, provocative, eloquent post (2 gulps if you
actually take it seriously)
one of the foreign 'jammers totally butchers the English language
someone goes through a DT song in minutes and seconds, analyzing each part
the quote carets (>) get more than 4 levels deep
someone fakes a message from a DT member (additional gulp for each moron
who falls for it)
a non-musician tries to explain why they love DT
someone appends their name with their instrument and band name
someone refers to Bafu as "Steve"
an AOL message shows up twice or more
you enjoy Ben Laussade's weird posts but are afraid to meet him
someone writes an entire message in lower-case
someone writes an entire message in upper-case
someone writes an entire message in alternating upper and lower-case
Mike Bahr imparts some Timeless Wisdom
Mike Bahr provides some handy cocktail recipes
Mike Bahr tells a joke (2 gulps if it's racist)
you can't fucking stand those little smileys
someone thinks up a corny email name alias and signs their emails with it
(additional gulp for every word in between "David" and "Kobayashi")
the Visual Music thread ever returns
someone tries to start a letter-writing campaign
someone fantasizes about DT becoming famous
someone agonizes about DT becoming famous
you get sore fingers from hammering "page down" over Trey Allen's Ytsecon
updates and those Ytsejam hat offers
someone fawns all over Bafu (2 gulps if you are Bafu)
someone bitches about how bad the 'jam is
someone fills their post with arcane musical terminology (2 gulps if they
actually know what thy're talking about)
someone accuses another 'jammer of racism/fascism/liking rap
someone flies into a blind fury when someone insinuates that DT are fallible
Chug your entire drink if...
someone refers to Charlie Dominici as "Chuck D"
someone abbreviates "Awake"
any romances develop on the 'jam
you can correctly spell "Borzilleri," "Battaglia," and "Balkiewicz" (2
chugs if you can pronounce them too)
you gave up in junior high the things that Mike Bahr now collects
someone actually puts forth the effort to write "Dream Theater" instead
of "DT"
someone reposts the entire fucking 'jam (pour everything down the drain
if you're that someone)
you don't give a rat's ass about DT hats, shirts, stickers, or transcriptions
a letter-writing campaign actually works (2 chugs if it results in an album)
Bafu reuses the "YOU'RE THE MERCY FUCK" passage
someone starts another poll (2 chugs if Ken Bibb frantically urges you to
respond by by private email)
you start pronouncing DT abbreviations phonetically (i.e. ACOS, WDADU,
UAGM, LSOAD, TOWHTSTS)
you own what is currently in Neil Gallup's CD player
Graham Borland uses the words "bloody," "arse," or "buggered" (down a
pint of bitter if in the same sentence)
DT music has ever made you cry
someone analyzes a DT song in terms of a literary work (2 chugs if it
sounds pathetically silly)
you singlehandedly manage to piss off everyone on the 'jam
you try to piss off everyone on the 'jam but instead fall flat
you get the feeling that some 'jammers are blowing their family fortunes
on guitar gear
Mike Bahr sounds like your dad (start two-fisting if he IS your dad)
Drink everything in sight if...
Warren in Oregon gets his fan club stuff
Al Balkiewicz sends Patricia her tapes
SloppyJoe69 comes back
DT makes Metropolis Part 3
the FBI busts Jeremy Haynes/Susan Moscardini (start bonging if they let
us decide the punishment)
Eddie Vedder sings backup on the new album
DT incorporates gangsta rap into their next album
you use DT lyrics as pick-up lines-- and they work
Izzy Stradlin joins DT
a member of DT actually posts (drink straight, no chaser, if he's
actually believed to be who he is)
a 'jam contains ALL DT content
a 'jam contains NO DT content
any marriages develop on the 'jam (go to the store for more if it's Bafu
and Ben)
you finally realize that DT occupies a greater part of your life than
personal hygiene, human contact, and career fulfillment... AND YOU DON'T
GIVE A FLYING FUCK.
This game to be followed by the Rush urination game, the Blind Melon
projectile vomiting marathon, and the Tori Amos hangover therapy.
Topic: Ytsejam Mailing List (Read 1894 times)
