Well....that was officially the most difficult day of my life. I lost my 'first' son.....the only constant in my life for the past 12 (near 13) years. I don't have a tear left in me and am just exhausted.
Drake refused to come inside last night....just stayed laying under the boys trampoline in the back yard. After my third or fourth attempt failed to get him to come in I decided to lay with him. His breathing was odd and he looked 'dazed'. I thought maybe he was going to pass. I layed there with him until 1:30 am or so, it was a bright moonlit night and we just hung out and talked. I just let him know over and over how much I loved him and what a great dog he was. I eventually came in and went to bed.
I awoke and he was still alive and under the trampoline. As I got the boys ready for school my oldest and I went out to him and was petting/hugging him and Kyle says to Drake 'just come inside boy'. Drake slowly lifted his body and started to walk and that is when you could really see his back legs were very wobbly....and his walk was crooked. After he was inside (around 7:45) he sat in there for a moment but immediately wanted to go back out. I let him out and he just posted up on the deck.
As we were leaving for school my middle son said that he wanted to say bye to Drake. He went out alone, shut the door....and I watched as he had a good three or four minute conversation with Drake. He came in and I said 'Everything OK?' to which Ethan replied 'Yeah, I just told him that he'd be fine because he was going to get to see God and live in Heaven and be an Angles dog now'. I said OK.
Once I returned from dropping them off I pretty much just spent the morning laying next to Drake and petting/talking to him. I had convinced him to come back inside at that point. Around 10:45 I was able to get him out to my car and we headed down to the park. When I opened the door, I suppose the smell of all the other doggy territory markings and what not perked his interest...because he had a little pep in his step. Not bounding by any means...still had a crooked slow walk but he was energized a bit.
We walked the path and I could notice that when he peed his urine was very dark. Almost cola looking. I got him to the creek and he went in the water but he really just layed in it. Kind of soaking it up I guess. I tell you every two minutes I was in tears thinking abut how this would be our last walk together...how in an hour he'd be gone....it was tough.
We finished the trail around noon and I walked him back to the entrance and we walked out into a beautiful field sprinkled with some nice giant shade Oaks. Drake kind of plopped under one while I was looking for the 'perfect' spot....so I agreed with him that the spot he picked was perfect.
We sat there then....his head on my lap and I just thanked him for being such a wonderful dog. I thanked him for not becoming mean or disgruntled when first Kelly started to steal his time from me and then our kids. I thanked him for being so patient and tender with my boys....allowing them to do virtually anything they wanted to him without even a sneer or growl. I told him I wished that I had been a better doggy daddy but that he is and will always be my first son....and that I'd never forget him.
I shed many tears over the past two days....the majority of them in that hour we sat there. It was at times so beautiful with the nice breeze and sounds of nature. Us two, just sitting there loving each other. I've never been so terrified...sad...content...and heartbroken all at once.
I think I stroked his fur from head to tail 1000 times that hour...it was so slicked back and smooth. The Vet arrived just after 1:00...and as he and his Tech walked up Drake stood up and walked to him and the Vet immediately told me that he definitely had some joint and hip issues. I tried to explain the pee to him and around that time Drake peed....allowing the Vet to see it and he confirmed for me that he either had a severe Kidney or Liver issue due to the amount of blood that was in his urine.
I sat down with Drake...he layed his head on my lap and the Vet told me that when he gives him the shot...it's ten seconds and his eyes are closed...another twenty and his heart will stop. Drake 'knew' something was up...he kind of gave me a look and I just kept his head in my hands and told him 'that he was my good boy...yes him is' over and over and over....the drug started to set in, he relaxed and well....that was that, his Spirit had drifted away in that cool soothing breeze.
The Vet gave me some time with him....I'm sure those tears I shed weighed 100 lbs each. I had myself a good, old fashioned deep cry that medicated me like none other. The Vet came back and helped me move Drake to my car. I had bought a nice white blanket to wrap him in. I thanked the Vet for coming outdoors and meeting me...then began my 45 minute trip out to my Granparents to bury him on their property.
My Grandpa helped me dig a nice and deep hole and we placed Drake in there to which I burst into tears again. I'm telling you...this has hit me like a ton of bricks. Although Drake was wrapped up I knew I had his head so I just patted him a few more times and positioned him in a position that looked like a good eternal rest.
When I got home earlier....no one was here and I made it up to my room before I had one more real good, soul cleansing cry. Just the utter realization that my boy is no longer here is brutally jabbing me. Even as I've typed this I've had a couple moments and I suspect tonight when I lay my head down I'm in for a couple more.
Man I loved that dog. So well behaved and sweet. I'm going to miss him but I know the score. This is life.
I have various pics of Drake thought the years, but I found some 'old school' pics that I had to take pics of to transfer that I'd like to share. Drake would have been 2 in these pics..
Me and Drake in the 'beginning'
What I called 'The Scorpion'. He'd assume this position right before we wrestled.
By the way, Drake played Bass...
You know you want some....
The next couple are of him playing outside....
He loved this tug toy...
Just a Great looking Dog!!
Whuts you lookin at fool?
And....these are from today. I couldn't decide whether it'd be right to even take any today or share them...but it's his life
Just enjoying the peace of a nice afternoon...
And finally.....Gary and Drake after spending 12 of the greatest years of MY life together!!!
I apologize for the extremely long post.....but you have no idea how therapeutic this was.
THANK YOU to Everyone who has mentioned kind words to both of us fellas in this thread who are struggling big time right now. I really appreciate it!!
Topic: I just lost my best friend. (Read 5253 times)
