Author Topic: If Classic Movies were made today... (Read 4914 times)

Kotowboy · « **on:** July 01, 2013, 10:56:20 AM »

Imagine if classic movies were made for today's audiences.

1. Back To The Future

It would be a Seth Rogen type film and would star Vince Vaughan as a guy who goes back in time by dropping his watch in the microwave or something stupid. And he would actually end up sleeping with his own mother by accident thereby becoming his own dad.

Doc would be played by Zach Galifinakis and would be foul mouthed and boozy and none of his inventions would work...

Etc etc etc..

2. Jaws would basically be all those Super Shark movies just with a slightly bigger budget.

El Barto · « **Reply #1 on:** July 01, 2013, 11:35:02 AM »

Quote from: Kotowboy on July 01, 2013, 10:56:20 AM

2. Jaws would basically be all those Super Shark movies just with a slightly bigger budget.

Hooper would be reimagined as Megan Fox.

Kotowboy · « **Reply #2 on:** July 01, 2013, 11:37:47 AM »

Quote from: El Barto on July 01, 2013, 11:35:02 AM

Quote from: Kotowboy on July 01, 2013, 10:56:20 AM
2. Jaws would basically be all those Super Shark movies just with a slightly bigger budget.
Hooper would be reimagined as Megan Fox.

Definitely.

I see Jaws today as a cross between Deep Blue Sea ( which was shit ) and Fast & Furious.

eric42434224 · « **Reply #3 on:** July 01, 2013, 01:11:24 PM »

Star Wars IV would be remade as Star Wars I, II, and III.

Zantera · « **Reply #4 on:** July 01, 2013, 01:26:19 PM »

I would imagine movies like Alien and Jaws would have shown the entire "monster" within the first 10 minutes of the movie, and then showing it way too much throughout. And have people do stupid things in order to get killed. "Hey, I'm just gonna dive into this water and check something"

Kotowboy · « **Reply #5 on:** July 01, 2013, 01:31:47 PM »

Yeah there's no subtlety in films these days.

Sir GuitarCozmo · « **Reply #6 on:** July 01, 2013, 01:35:14 PM »

Quote from: Kotowboy on July 01, 2013, 01:31:47 PM

Yeah there's no subtlety in films these days.

If Fast Times at Ridgemont High were made today, Phobe Cates better still take her bikini top off.

Perpetual Change · « **Reply #7 on:** July 01, 2013, 01:42:02 PM »

The Godfather would feature a soundtrack by Jay Z.

sueño · « **Reply #8 on:** July 01, 2013, 01:44:27 PM »

Quote from: Perpetual Change on July 01, 2013, 01:42:02 PM

The Godfather would feature a soundtrack by Jay Z.

ugh. kill me now....

King Postwhore · « **Reply #9 on:** July 01, 2013, 04:02:13 PM »

The Incredible Mr. Limpet would be played by Adam Sandler and he's have all the same actors with him that I don't like.

Accelerando · « **Reply #10 on:** July 01, 2013, 04:32:14 PM »

Mary Poppins would have Julia Roberts in the title role, Robert de Niro as Mr. Banks, and Russell Brand as Bert

Chino · « **Reply #11 on:** July 01, 2013, 04:56:45 PM »

Tora Tora Tora would be in color, and it'd have titties in there somewhere.

Chino · « **Reply #12 on:** July 01, 2013, 05:05:05 PM »

Animal House would be interesting.

Dark Castle · « **Reply #13 on:** July 01, 2013, 05:05:56 PM »

Animal House would be completely ruined by toilet humour and the live music scene would probably just be Lil' Wayne or something awful

Cool Chris · « **Reply #14 on:** July 01, 2013, 05:25:39 PM »

The Star Trek movie with Khan would suck.

Seriously... Movies would be bigger, longer, flashier and louder because of the increased number of diversions and leisure activities consumers have. Back in the day, they didn't have to compete with HBO, Playstations, and the other stuff competing for our disposible income and limited attention spans. Wait, we have already seen that trend established.

Kotowboy · « **Reply #15 on:** July 01, 2013, 06:14:23 PM »

Star Trek Into Darkness is better than Nemesis & Insurrection

Chino · « **Reply #16 on:** July 01, 2013, 06:18:39 PM »

What would Pochahontas be like if it were made today?

Kotowboy · « **Reply #17 on:** July 01, 2013, 06:22:49 PM »

Quote from: Chino on July 01, 2013, 06:18:39 PM

What would Pochahontas be like if it were made today?

It would be like Dances With Wolves and Ferngully.

TioJorge · « **Reply #18 on:** July 01, 2013, 06:25:03 PM »

I'd like to see Titanic remade with the entire movie expanding the nude painting scene. Then I'd like to see Rose Dawson raped by her millionaire boyfriend while Jack slowly slices her open with a rusted part of the ship. Afterwards, the mini-orchestra would play Hannibal's theme as the ship goes down and Jack roasts Rose's remains and has a really awesome barbeque and they all marvel at how great Rose tastes and then Billy Zane becomes Billy Zane and he flies off into the black starry sky and the waves overtake the ship and they all die a horrible death as Billy Zane wakes up from his heroine-induced coma inside of the ship's lowest toilet.

That's about the only classic movie I'd like to see remade.

sueño · « **Reply #19 on:** July 01, 2013, 07:01:12 PM »

Quote from: Kotowboy on July 01, 2013, 06:22:49 PM

Quote from: Chino on July 01, 2013, 06:18:39 PM
What would Pochahontas be like if it were made today?

It would be like Dances With Wolves and Ferngully.

In other words..."Avatar"?

Kotowboy · « **Reply #20 on:** July 01, 2013, 07:33:15 PM »

Quote from: sueño on July 01, 2013, 07:01:12 PM

Quote from: Kotowboy on July 01, 2013, 06:22:49 PM
Quote from: Chino on July 01, 2013, 06:18:39 PM
What would Pochahontas be like if it were made today?

It would be like Dances With Wolves and Ferngully.

In other words..."Avatar"?

No. I'm tired of that comparison.

oh Avatar is just Dances With Wolves Pocahontas and Ferngully.

SO in other words - Dances with Wolves is like Pocahontas and Ferngully - but nobody ever mentions that because Dances With Wolves didn't make 2.8bn dollars.

King Postwhore · « **Reply #21 on:** July 01, 2013, 07:35:58 PM »

The Cannonball Run with Will Ferrell and Jonah Hill

Kotowboy · « **Reply #22 on:** July 01, 2013, 07:37:20 PM »

Innerspace.

Tuck Pendelton would be played by Ryan Reynolds and Jack Putter would be Rob Schneider.

Robert Picardo's Cowboy would be played by Jim Carrey a nd the face changing scene would be all Carrey with no CGI help.

Chino · « **Reply #23 on:** July 01, 2013, 07:54:44 PM »

Quote from: Kotowboy on July 01, 2013, 07:33:15 PM

Quote from: sueño on July 01, 2013, 07:01:12 PM
Quote from: Kotowboy on July 01, 2013, 06:22:49 PM
Quote from: Chino on July 01, 2013, 06:18:39 PM
What would Pochahontas be like if it were made today?

It would be like Dances With Wolves and Ferngully.

In other words..."Avatar"?

No. I'm tired of that comparison.

oh Avatar is just Dances With Wolves Pocahontas and Ferngully.

SO in other words - Dances with Wolves is like Pocahontas and Ferngully - but nobody ever mentions that because Dances With Wolves didn't make 2.8bn dollars.

And everyone seems to forget that Pocahontas was based off a real life event and is technically far less creative and original than Avatar.

Kotowboy · « **Reply #24 on:** July 01, 2013, 07:59:39 PM »

I don't want to turn this into an Avatar thread but James Cameron said when it came out that he knew the story would get a bad rap but he made it simple on purpose and that the sequels would be a lot more in depth.

I agree in a way - I enjoyed Avatar *because* the story was simple. Sometimes when you know exactly what's coming - you kinda get more excited. Can't really explain it.

Like when watching a comedy - even if you know exactly what the punchline to a scene will be - it sometimes makes it *even funnier* when it does happen.

sueño · « **Reply #25 on:** July 01, 2013, 08:03:30 PM »

Don't get me wrong, I really enjoyed Avatar. It just immediately and always reminds me of those other films.

Kotowboy · « **Reply #26 on:** July 01, 2013, 08:04:38 PM »

Quote from: sueño on July 01, 2013, 08:03:30 PM

Don't get me wrong, I really enjoyed Avatar. It just immediately and always reminds me of those other films.

But strangely never get reminded of them when watching either of the other two ?

Chino · « **Reply #27 on:** July 01, 2013, 08:09:19 PM »

Quote from: Kotowboy on July 01, 2013, 08:04:38 PM

Quote from: sueño on July 01, 2013, 08:03:30 PM
Don't get me wrong, I really enjoyed Avatar. It just immediately and always reminds me of those other films.

But strangely never get reminded of them when watching either of the other two ?

I get reminded of Avatar every time I watch DWW.

theseoafs · « **Reply #28 on:** July 01, 2013, 08:14:32 PM »

Quote from: Zantera on July 01, 2013, 01:26:19 PM

I would imagine movies like Alien and Jaws would have shown the entire "monster" within the first 10 minutes of the movie, and then showing it way too much throughout.

Nah, plenty of modern horror films refrain from showing their monster off very much. It's been a pretty common trope ever since Blair Witch. Cloverfield is the most recent relevant example I can think of.

Chino · « **Reply #29 on:** July 01, 2013, 08:18:06 PM »

Quote from: theseoafs on July 01, 2013, 08:14:32 PM

Quote from: Zantera on July 01, 2013, 01:26:19 PM
I would imagine movies like Alien and Jaws would have shown the entire "monster" within the first 10 minutes of the movie, and then showing it way too much throughout.

Nah, plenty of modern horror films refrain from showing their monster off very much. It's been a pretty common trope ever since Blair Witch. Cloverfield is the most recent relevant example I can think of.

I was thinking Cloverfield as soon as I read this post. I think that's one of the few tricks that still work today in terms of making a movie exciting and suspenseful. Granted it was a kids' movie, but How to Train Your Dragon did a great job of this with the queen dragon.

BlobVanDam · « **Reply #30 on:** July 01, 2013, 08:55:13 PM »

Quote from: Kotowboy on July 01, 2013, 07:59:39 PM

Like when watching a comedy - even if you know exactly what the punchline to a scene will be - it sometimes makes it *even funnier* when it does happen.

That hasn't worked for the past decade of The Simpsons.

Perpetual Change · « **Reply #31 on:** July 01, 2013, 09:17:19 PM »

Citizen Kane's downfall would be based on the fact that no-one understood how great he was

theseoafs · « **Reply #32 on:** July 01, 2013, 09:37:11 PM »

Quote from: Chino on July 01, 2013, 08:18:06 PM

Quote from: theseoafs on July 01, 2013, 08:14:32 PM
Quote from: Zantera on July 01, 2013, 01:26:19 PM
I would imagine movies like Alien and Jaws would have shown the entire "monster" within the first 10 minutes of the movie, and then showing it way too much throughout.

Nah, plenty of modern horror films refrain from showing their monster off very much. It's been a pretty common trope ever since Blair Witch. Cloverfield is the most recent relevant example I can think of.

I was thinking Cloverfield as soon as I read this post. I think that's one of the few tricks that still work today in terms of making a movie exciting and suspenseful.

Maybe, but I actually thought Cloverfield was a pretty crappy movie. There's something deeply unsatisfying about a generic monster movie where you never get a good look at the monster. But that's just me.

sueño · « **Reply #33 on:** July 01, 2013, 09:39:39 PM »

Quote from: Kotowboy on July 01, 2013, 08:04:38 PM

Quote from: sueño on July 01, 2013, 08:03:30 PM
Don't get me wrong, I really enjoyed Avatar. It just immediately and always reminds me of those other films.

But strangely never get reminded of them when watching either of the other two ?

No, not really. Each of the other films felt more original in their story. Avatar felt like it borrowed, or at least was inspireda bit from tthose earlier films.

SystematicThought · « **Reply #34 on:** July 01, 2013, 09:43:43 PM »

I have a feeling Jaws would somehow involve the shark helping the government stop terrorists from destroying a building

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Author Topic: If Classic Movies were made today... (Read 4914 times)