Author Topic: My Fathers Day Melt Down  (Read 2326 times)

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Offline Tick

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My Fathers Day Melt Down
« on: June 16, 2014, 06:43:43 AM »
I'm sure the title of the thread will make some think...Ut oh, that maniac Tick went on a rampage of destruction leaving carnage in his wake!

Seriously though, this is the only board I post on anymore so I wanted to share with my friends here.

This past weekend my daughter Brianna graduated from middle school and is 2 months away from beginning in high school. That was an emotional night for me. Seeing my baby graduating with high honors made me very proud but I was also so sad to see another chapter over so quickly. You just can't hold on to time, all you can do is be there for every moment. If you do that as a parent, you will look back at it and have no regrets. That's what I tell  new parents just starting out. Take it all in and enjoy and cherish every moment because in the blink of an eye its over.

Yesterday was another great fathers day for me. My wife and daughter treat me like a king every year. We had lobsters and just chilled. My own father died in 88 when I was 23 so I always think about how long he has been gone and all he has missed in my life. I think the years and the longing to see him again make it harder as the years go bye. When you are 23 you don't quite understand the struggles he went through as a farther raising me and my 2 sisters.

So on a picture perfect day in Connecticut I was relaxing with my wife in the backyard just enjoying being with her. We will be married 19 years this year and that blows my mind how the years keep flying by.
As I started to reflect on being a dad and how much I love my 13 year old daughter Bri, my mind started to wander to strange places it normally does not.
All of a sudden I was overcome with emotion. It hit me so hard I could not control it. I began to quietly weep as not for my wife to see me while reading her book. It got worse and I started to make noise as my nose started running and I kept wiping my eyes.
Finally my wife Laurette sees me and says..."honey are you crying? Whats wrong?"
I was hyperventilating and I could not answer her. She asked again and still I could not respond.

After about 5 minutes of crying like a baby and trying to gain composure I was able to speak. She patiently waited as she knew I wanted to respond and could not.
Finally I spoke and told her what I was feeling.
I said...I was sitting thinking about when we met and I was courting you, your father was such a big influence in every decision you made. He was the guy. If you asked my opinion it was only validated if he agreed with it. It bothered me. Then we got married and still dads opinion on anything from what car to buy to where to buy a house always seemed to trump my thoughts and views.
It bothered me a lot. I felt that I am your husband and I wish you would trust me more and let go of letting dad control the way you feel and think when it comes to making important decisions.

As time went by, I started to see a change in her. She started to realize that her father was not always right and sometimes my thoughts on certain things were valid. She started to trust in me. I became number one in that sense and though I may not have always been right, their was a shifting that took place where my role as husband went to a higher level. I appreciated it a lot.

To my point...
Yesterday I started thinking about that from a fathers perspective. I started to think about my baby Brianna who is almost 14 years old. I thought about how much she loves me. I am the guy in her life who has always been there for her.
That's when I lost it. I thought to myself....someday I will walk my baby down the aisle and hand her over to another man. A man who will have to earn her trust but ultimately (and rightfully so) with become the number one man in her life. Then what made me cry uncontrollably was the worst thought I had. I would not only be the number 2 man in her life, I would be the number 2 man in her heart.
That hurt to think about so much I could not control my emotions. I'm starting to cry again writing this.

I guess as my daughter gets older I realize how precious being her father is to me. She will always be my baby girl and I love her more than I can put into words.

Sorry if I come across as a mushy old fool but I needed to write this as therapy for what I felt yesterday, on fathers day 2014.

Thank you for reading



« Last Edit: June 16, 2014, 08:52:24 AM by Tick »
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Offline kingshmegland

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Re: My Fathers Day Melt Down
« Reply #1 on: June 16, 2014, 07:04:54 AM »
That's is a good cry Tick.  A proud and warming moment for sure.
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Offline bosk1

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Re: My Fathers Day Melt Down
« Reply #2 on: June 16, 2014, 07:34:59 AM »
I completely get it.  Right there with you, buddy.  Not to turn this over into P/R land, but I will just say:  Take comfort in the fact that, not only is that transition natural, but it is exactly what God intended.  That transition is definitely an emotional one, but it good and right.  As you have done with the moments while she was growing up, when it comes, embrace and cherish it to the best of your ability.  And I dare say that, really, the best thing you can do is do your best to help her get to where her future husband is the #1 in her life.
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Offline gmillerdrake

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Re: My Fathers Day Melt Down
« Reply #3 on: June 16, 2014, 07:54:37 AM »
As emotional as that was for you Rich it sounds like a 'good' afternoon of reflection. The world is loaded with weapons of mass distraction that often keep us from exploring those moments of self reflection and spiritual evaluation. To piggy back on Bosk a bit....we weren't designed to ignore our mortality and the cycle(s) of physical life....so never be ashamed of or avoid the moments when you feel the urge to reflect on life like that.

I'm certain there will be a day when your daughter has such a moment and realizes what a blessing it is/was to have you as a Father.
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Offline gmillerdrake

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Re: My Fathers Day Melt Down
« Reply #4 on: June 16, 2014, 07:55:15 AM »
...double post....
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Offline Tick

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Re: My Fathers Day Melt Down
« Reply #5 on: June 16, 2014, 08:49:59 AM »
Thank you guys. I guess writing that was therapy for me. I can only hope and pray she finds the right man to love her like she deserves. If I am blessed enough to see that I will be very happy.

I also understand that its part of the natural cycle of life to hand her over but I guess with her graduating this weekend I was just overcome with emotion the entire weekend.


I love this girl so much! :heart
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Offline YtseBitsySpider

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Re: My Fathers Day Melt Down
« Reply #6 on: June 16, 2014, 09:05:51 AM »
I read the whole thing Tick.

I was waiting for one of those "punch lines" at the end but thankfully your story was a good honest read.
Take care everyone - Bet you all didn't even notice I was gone.

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Offline Chino

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Re: My Fathers Day Melt Down
« Reply #7 on: June 16, 2014, 09:11:36 AM »

That's when I lost it. I thought to myself....someday I will walk my baby down the aisle and hand her over to another man. A man who will have to earn her trust but ultimately (and rightfully so) with become the number one man in her life. Then what made me cry uncontrollably was the worst thought I had. I would not only be the number 2 man in her life, I would be the number 2 man in her heart.


Maybe it's different from a 25 year old guy's perspective, but I don't know why you are beating yourself over the assumption that your daughter is going bump you to second place. Whether she gets married or moves out and live alone her whole life, you're no longer going to be her lifeline. However, you're still going to be her father. I don't think you should lump yourself into the category of 'men in her life'. A father by default is above that. You'll see when she can't wait to let grandpa see his grand kid(s) for the first time how prevalent you still are in her mind and heart.

Offline gmillerdrake

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Re: My Fathers Day Melt Down
« Reply #8 on: June 16, 2014, 09:17:29 AM »
Maybe it's different from a 25 year old guy's perspective, but I don't know why you are beating yourself over the assumption that your daughter is going bump you to second place. Whether she gets married or moves out and live alone her whole life, you're no longer going to be her lifeline. However, you're still going to be her father. I don't think you should lump yourself into the category of 'men in her life'. A father by default is above that. You'll see when she can't wait to let grandpa see his grand kid(s) for the first time how prevalent you still are in her mind and heart.

I can honestly say that if I were forced to 'rank'.....both my mother and father, and even my brothers would fall behind my Wife and my children as far as where my loyalties and especially responsibilities lie. That's not implying that don't love and adore them....because I do...or that I wouldn't do anything for them, but as I've grown as a Husband and Father my immediate family takes precedence over anyone or anything. The love I feel for "my" family (wife/kids) is different than the love I feel for my siblings and parents. Without sounding heartless....I'd offer that the Love I have for my wife and kids is 'stronger' in some way?
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Offline TempusVox

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Re: My Fathers Day Melt Down
« Reply #9 on: June 16, 2014, 09:19:08 AM »
Hey! A rare moment the wifi works here in the Caribbean, or is it Lucayan Archipelago? Anyhoo... Beautiful daughter there man. Before you walk her down that aisle you'll need to beat the guys off with a stick.

Yesterday was a great fathers day. Celebrated with numerous friends (most of them Canadian and they celebrate it the same day we do), and my wife and son. My son turned 17 on Saturday, so the moment was especially bittersweet. He's growing (or trying to grow rather) a beard. His moustache is slow to come in, so he looks more like Wolverine right now, but I digress. I was telling him how proud I was of him, and how proud I was to be his father. I explained to him that kids think of life as a series of defining events. Old enough to drive, old enough to vote, to drink, graduation, etc. They think often of when they are "Grown up". For young men there is usually a defining moment that they can fondly recall for the rest of their lives. The first time you realized you were faster than your father runnning, or stronger, or better at anything that in your eyes defined what it meant to be "grown up". For me, it was when I was 16, and beat the Colonel in an arm wrestling match. It's those moments when for young men, especially, they define being ''grown up". But for fathers of sons, its not one singular event that defines that moment, but rather a series of things that continue to occur pretty much from the moment of your childs birth. The entire journey is very bittersweet. But as your child grows older those moments that cause you to choke back the tears because you're watching your child "grow up" are also moments where you are swelled with the purest pride imaginable as you see daily, the person, the adult that they are becoming. My son just sort of looked at me and said he understood; but he cannot until the day he himself becomes a father. So, I too lost a tear or four yesterday  :)

Enjoy the ride. It is one hell of a journey, and it breaks my heart, and simultaneously fills me up with great joy, every single day.  The big transition from child to adult not only occurs for your child but for you as well. The best thing to remember is that our job is not to protect them and nurture them forever, but our job is to protect and nurture them and prepare them to be the best adults, parents, and people that they can be. You will though ALWAYS be her father. And no man can take THAT role; but bacause you taught her the best that you can, you'll enable her to open her heart to another man in a different way.

Happy belated fathers day to all you dads out there! I'm gonna make another Pina Colada, and toast it to all of you!
« Last Edit: June 16, 2014, 12:30:59 PM by TempusVox »
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Offline Tick

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Re: My Fathers Day Melt Down
« Reply #10 on: June 16, 2014, 09:20:38 AM »

That's when I lost it. I thought to myself....someday I will walk my baby down the aisle and hand her over to another man. A man who will have to earn her trust but ultimately (and rightfully so) with become the number one man in her life. Then what made me cry uncontrollably was the worst thought I had. I would not only be the number 2 man in her life, I would be the number 2 man in her heart.


Maybe it's different from a 25 year old guy's perspective, but I don't know why you are beating yourself over the assumption that your daughter is going bump you to second place. Whether she gets married or moves out and live alone her whole life, you're no longer going to be her lifeline. However, you're still going to be her father. I don't think you should lump yourself into the category of 'men in her life'. A father by default is above that. You'll see when she can't wait to let grandpa see his grand kid(s) for the first time how prevalent you still are in her mind and heart.

The heart is a funny thing. I know she will always love me. Its just all going by too fast, and I felt it more so this weekend.
Chino, I do believe someday you will have a moment like this, and you will remember the gushy sap I am.
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Offline Tick

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Re: My Fathers Day Melt Down
« Reply #11 on: June 16, 2014, 09:26:01 AM »
Maybe it's different from a 25 year old guy's perspective, but I don't know why you are beating yourself over the assumption that your daughter is going bump you to second place. Whether she gets married or moves out and live alone her whole life, you're no longer going to be her lifeline. However, you're still going to be her father. I don't think you should lump yourself into the category of 'men in her life'. A father by default is above that. You'll see when she can't wait to let grandpa see his grand kid(s) for the first time how prevalent you still are in her mind and heart.

I can honestly say that if I were forced to 'rank'.....both my mother and father, and even my brothers would fall behind my Wife and my children as far as where my loyalties and especially responsibilities lie. That's not implying that don't love and adore them....because I do...or that I wouldn't do anything for them, but as I've grown as a Husband and Father my immediate family takes precedence over anyone or anything. The love I feel for "my" family (wife/kids) is different than the love I feel for my siblings and parents. Without sounding heartless....I'd offer that the Love I have for my wife and kids is 'stronger' in some way?
Its not heartless at all, and I completely understand. 100%
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Offline jingle.boy

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Re: My Fathers Day Melt Down
« Reply #12 on: June 16, 2014, 10:54:52 AM »
First Rich... You have a beautiful daughter.  And the way you talk about her here, she's going to grow into a wonderful womand.  Second, I'm in the same boat with you .... 13 year old's, graduating on the 25th.  I'm not quite feeling the emotions you are (yet), and maybe that's because I have both a son and a daughter (I think your daughter is your only child).  Perhaps that is also contributing to how you felt yesterday (totally understandable by the way - and if I thought about it for too long, I'd likely be the same).  jingle.daughter is already starting to 'fly the coop' in some regards... ie, she's not always 'daddy's little girl' - so that helps me not see her that way sometimes :lol.

I can honestly say that if I were forced to 'rank'.....both my mother and father, and even my brothers would fall behind my Wife and my children as far as where my loyalties and especially responsibilities lie. That's not implying that don't love and adore them....because I do...or that I wouldn't do anything for them, but as I've grown as a Husband and Father my immediate family takes precedence over anyone or anything. The love I feel for "my" family (wife/kids) is different than the love I feel for my siblings and parents. Without sounding heartless....I'd offer that the Love I have for my wife and kids is 'stronger' in some way?

Absolutely!  jingle.family is my #1 priority, no ifs/ands/buts about it.  It's the cycle of life, IMO.  As a unit, we are very reliant on one another.  I don't "rely" on my parents/siblings anymore, so those that rely on me become my first priority.
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Offline Tick

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Re: My Fathers Day Melt Down
« Reply #13 on: June 16, 2014, 12:09:50 PM »
First Rich... You have a beautiful daughter.  And the way you talk about her here, she's going to grow into a wonderful womand.  Second, I'm in the same boat with you .... 13 year old's, graduating on the 25th.  I'm not quite feeling the emotions you are (yet), and maybe that's because I have both a son and a daughter (I think your daughter is your only child).  Perhaps that is also contributing to how you felt yesterday (totally understandable by the way - and if I thought about it for too long, I'd likely be the same).  jingle.daughter is already starting to 'fly the coop' in some regards... ie, she's not always 'daddy's little girl' - so that helps me not see her that way sometimes :lol.

I can honestly say that if I were forced to 'rank'.....both my mother and father, and even my brothers would fall behind my Wife and my children as far as where my loyalties and especially responsibilities lie. That's not implying that don't love and adore them....because I do...or that I wouldn't do anything for them, but as I've grown as a Husband and Father my immediate family takes precedence over anyone or anything. The love I feel for "my" family (wife/kids) is different than the love I feel for my siblings and parents. Without sounding heartless....I'd offer that the Love I have for my wife and kids is 'stronger' in some way?

Absolutely!  jingle.family is my #1 priority, no ifs/ands/buts about it.  It's the cycle of life, IMO.  As a unit, we are very reliant on one another.  I don't "rely" on my parents/siblings anymore, so those that rely on me become my first priority.
and I think your thoughts, Chad, and Gary's thoughts are spot on! and me understanding that reality is what made me cry like a baby yesterday.

I'm such a freakin wussy!
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Offline kingshmegland

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Re: My Fathers Day Melt Down
« Reply #14 on: June 16, 2014, 12:14:18 PM »
Rich, I was watching a Fathers day report on Jim Kelley battling cancer and his daughters were talking and I was overcome with my 2 year battle, my mom succumbing to lung cancer and how I felt with both.  I was by myself and I couldn't stop crying.  It's good to get it out once in a while and yours is a good thing.  You are a protector and you feel a part of that going away.  Perfectly normal response.
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Offline Tick

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Re: My Fathers Day Melt Down
« Reply #15 on: June 16, 2014, 12:20:24 PM »
Rich, I was watching a Fathers day report on Jim Kelley battling cancer and his daughters were talking and I was overcome with my 2 year battle, my mom succumbing to lung cancer and how I felt with both.  I was by myself and I couldn't stop crying.  It's good to get it out once in a while and yours is a good thing.  You are a protector and you feel a part of that going away.  Perfectly normal response.
Thanks, Joe!
I think the thing that freaked my wife out was the fact I was just chilled out on a lounge chair on a beautiful day while she was reading a book and she looks over at me and I am crying uncontrollably and she has absolutely no clue why? and to make matter worse when she asks repeatedly whats wrong? I could not respond for at least 5 minutes or more! :lol
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Offline kingshmegland

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Re: My Fathers Day Melt Down
« Reply #16 on: June 16, 2014, 12:24:18 PM »
Well I was glad I was by myself! :lol
I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'. - Bob Newhart
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Offline TioJorge

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Re: My Fathers Day Melt Down
« Reply #17 on: June 16, 2014, 12:30:32 PM »
I think highly emotional men are sexy.  :police:  :yarr

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Offline Tick

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Re: My Fathers Day Melt Down
« Reply #18 on: June 16, 2014, 01:57:32 PM »
I think highly emotional men are sexy.  :police:  :yarr

Yeah, baby!
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Offline hefdaddy42

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Re: My Fathers Day Melt Down
« Reply #19 on: June 16, 2014, 02:18:57 PM »
Hey, Tick.  I feel your pain.  My youngest daughter will be starting middle school next year, and my oldest just graduated high school and is attending college in the fall. 

Getting older is a kick in the head.  And the heart.
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Offline YtseBitsySpider

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Re: My Fathers Day Melt Down
« Reply #20 on: June 17, 2014, 05:16:03 AM »
and the prostate
Take care everyone - Bet you all didn't even notice I was gone.

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Re: My Fathers Day Melt Down
« Reply #21 on: June 17, 2014, 07:25:33 AM »
and the prostate
Not a problem yet for me.
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Offline Tick

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Re: My Fathers Day Melt Down
« Reply #22 on: June 17, 2014, 07:49:56 AM »
and the prostate
Not a problem yet for me.
Me either...although I will never get used to those rubber gloves!

Moon river!
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Re: My Fathers Day Melt Down
« Reply #23 on: June 17, 2014, 08:25:01 AM »
and the prostate
Not a problem yet for me.
Me either...although I will never get used to those rubber gloves!

Moon river!

Ya ever do time Doc?
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