Advice needed on not inviting kids to a party

[KevShmev]

So, a few friends and my family are "forcing" me to have a 40th birthday party here next month, and they are preparing everything right now, but when sending out the invite, which will be on a group thing on facebook, what is a good way to say no kids allowed? 

The party is gonna be at the house of a friend, who is gracious enough to let it be there, and I don't want a bunch of friends and cousins bringing their small kids, a) cause it will inflate the guest list up way too much, and b) I don't think it is fair to have my friends and family bringing a bunch of kids to wreck his house when he is nice enough to let us use it.  The exceptions of course are my 8-year old nephew and 6-year old niece.  I think almost everyone will understand and be cool with it, but I want to make sure it is said it the nicest way possible.  The friend who is doing the invite has it all mostly done, but it still unsure of the way to handle that part, so I told her I would research it on the internet and find it.  This forum is said research.

So, what is the best way to say "no kids" on the invite??

[Big Hath]

Adults Only or
Parent's Night Out

just make sure you are clear about it.  The point you are trying to get over is no children are invited, not something that could be misconstrued (because it will be - people are idiots).  'Cause then you will have children there and other attendees will likely be upset about it.

[yorost]

Just say it. Qualification: parent. Our lives are hectic, just spell things out for us.

[senecadawg2]

Yeah, no need to try to be too delicate. Otherwise you run the risk of having people misinterpret. I'm sure they'll understand.

[Dr. DTVT]

Be as straightforward and blunt about it as possible, and prepare for a bitchfest.  I've seen friends try to pull this off and it is always the parents of the most unruly destructive bastards that bitch and moan the most.

[WDADU]

Yeah, just be really upfront about it. And say that whoever tries to bring their kids to the party will have their children shot on sight. That'll make 'em think twice!

[robwebster]

"The evening I have planned is not appropriate for audiences under the age of eighteen. Should any child arrive, the party will be immediately cancelled and all guests will be asked to return home."

[Kotowboy]

" It's MY big night and I don't want any little shits running around being noisy and irritating. Leave your brats at home. If you read this and still bring your offspring along with you - you're a moron, You don't deserve children and we are no longer friends. Capiche ? "

[lordxizor]

Definitely don't be vague. Just say it's a parent's night out and you'd appreciate no kids. Some people won't come because they can't or won't get a babysitter, so you can't feel bad if some people can't make it.

That said, I think it would be really rude to make an exception for your niece and nephew. It either is or isn't no kids. Allowing a couple kids to come tells everyone that it was just their kids that you didn't want to come. Not just kids in general. It's your party and you can invite whoever you want, but I'd consider that carefully.

[yorost]

Be as straightforward and blunt about it as possible, and prepare for a bitchfest.  I've seen friends try to pull this off and it is always the parents of the most unruly destructive bastards that bitch and moan the most.

Maybe you just have some bitchy friends. I don't think I've ever experienced that, but I wonder if they're just trying to avoid paying for a babysitter.

[CrimsonSunrise]

Adult party...no kids .... thank you.... 

[bout to crash]

Yeah, just be direct. If people whine or can't make it, it's not the end of the world. Besides, people like me will be very grateful there aren't little ones running around 

[El Barto]

That said, I think it would be really rude to make an exception for your niece and nephew. It either is or isn't no kids. Allowing a couple kids to come tells everyone that it was just their kids that you didn't want to come. Not just kids in general. It's your party and you can invite whoever you want, but I'd consider that carefully.

Yeah, I kind of thought this, as well. Besides which, how much fun are they going to have being the only kids in a group of adults?

Since it's not your place, this might not be an option, but my breeder friends make it clear that their parties will shift gears at 2100 and kids should be gone at that point. That way people can bring their kids, swim, eat, have a good time, and then they gradually start to be replaced by the real party-goers as it gets dark. Fair for all.

[hefdaddy42]

I think it would be really rude to make an exception for your niece and nephew. It either is or isn't no kids. Allowing a couple kids to come tells everyone that it was just their kids that you didn't want to come. Not just kids in general. It's your party and you can invite whoever you want, but I'd consider that carefully.

This definitely.  There can be no exceptions, or the parents who went to the trouble to make arrangements for their kids that night will be pissed.

[KevShmev]

Hmmm, I disagree about there being exceptions.  These are my brother's kids, who I see several times a week, we are talking about.  They are in essence part of my immediate family. 

[veronica]

If people bitch about there being some kids there, tell them just that. "They're like, immidiate family, for me". Your party, your rules, but yeah sure someone will always misinterpret and turn things to how they feel you mean it. It's different with your brother's kids than with your friend's kids (...I need apostrophe help), and I get that! Also, since you are close, you can yell at them if they don't behave, how many of the other kids's (oh what the hell) parents would let you do that? And how many of them would actually keep them under control? Especially if there's gonna be alcohol there...

[Aythesryche]

Depends on your personality, the people you keep as company and friends and their understanding of you. Personally, I could simply get away with saying "Adults only, NO kids - Not interested in incoherent, screaming, smelly, ignorant piles of flesh pissing me off on my birthday." and they would understand and probably get a laugh in the process.

All depends on what you genuinely want in the end and how your friends and family will react with your decision. Actually, ultimately, it's dependent on whether or not any of those things matter to you.

Regardless, have fun on your birthday! I'm sure you'll have fun.

[jingle.boy]

Hmmm, I disagree about there being exceptions.  These are my brother's kids, who I see several times a week, we are talking about.  They are in essence part of my immediate family.

Fair enough, but (as a parent) if I showed up to a party mandated as "no kids" and there were two there (immediate family or not), it does send the message lordxizor warns about - "kids are ok, as long as they are mine.  Your kids are not appropriate for my party"

It's your party and your rules, just make sure you set them out properly.

[Nick]

I agree with the crowd of no kids = no kids.

I understand these particular kids are important to you, but other people's kids are important to them. If they make the arrangements to not have kids around so should you I think.

[KevShmev]

If people bitch about there being some kids there, tell them just that. "They're like, immidiate family, for me". Your party, your rules, but yeah sure someone will always misinterpret and turn things to how they feel you mean it. It's different with your brother's kids than with your friend's kids (...I need apostrophe help), and I get that! Also, since you are close, you can yell at them if they don't behave, how many of the other kids's (oh what the hell) parents would let you do that? And how many of them would actually keep them under control? Especially if there's gonna be alcohol there...

Exactly.

Depends on your personality, the people you keep as company and friends and their understanding of you. Personally, I could simply get away with saying "Adults only, NO kids - Not interested in incoherent, screaming, smelly, ignorant piles of flesh pissing me off on my birthday." and they would understand and probably get a laugh in the process.

All depends on what you genuinely want in the end and how your friends and family will react with your decision. Actually, ultimately, it's dependent on whether or not any of those things matter to you.

Regardless, have fun on your birthday! I'm sure you'll have fun.

Thanks!

Hmmm, I disagree about there being exceptions.  These are my brother's kids, who I see several times a week, we are talking about.  They are in essence part of my immediate family.

Fair enough, but (as a parent) if I showed up to a party mandated as "no kids" and there were two there (immediate family or not), it does send the message lordxizor warns about - "kids are ok, as long as they are mine.  Your kids are not appropriate for my party"

It's your party and your rules, just make sure you set them out properly.

I can't help it if people feel that way.  It is impossible to please everyone.

I understand these particular kids are important to you, but other people's kids are important to them. 

I get that, and if they have parties, they can do what they want, but this is not a party they are throwing, and I simply do not feel it is fair to my friend (who, again, is gracious enough to let us use his entire house for this shindig) to have a bunch of little rugrats running around it. This is not a family night out; it is a Saturday night party.

[Tick]

"Sorry, due to limited space children will not be able to attend. I apologize for the inconvenience. Thank you for understanding."

[Cool Chris]

b) I don't think it is fair to have my friends and family bringing a bunch of kids to wreck his house when he is nice enough to let us use it. 

You either have a low opinion of kids, or your friends' kids are a bunch of unruly brats

I've been to plenty of parties with kids, some at my house, and not once have they wrecked anything. It changes the dynamic, but doesn't make it any less enjoyable. I would be annoyed if I saw kids and a 'no kids' party, but a the same time, if I couldn't bring my kids, I probably wouldn't stay long. I accept that now as a dad I can't stay out late like I used to, and if that means parties get more lively after me and the other parents leave, I am cool with that.

[yorost]

If it matters, as a parent I would not be offended if I was told not to bring my daughter but the host had children in the family there. I might be offended, though it is your party so I don't know, if you singled me out and I was the only one that was not allowed to bring my child.

[black_biff_stadler]

Just include a pic of the guest of honor in all of the invitations. Problem solved

[hefdaddy42]

Hmmm, I disagree about there being exceptions.  These are my brother's kids, who I see several times a week, we are talking about.  They are in essence part of my immediate family.

Do what you want, it's your party.  If I were invited and told I couldn't bring my kids, and I showed up to see kids there, I would be pissed, and I doubt I would be the only one.

If it's a party that you specifically don't want any kids at, what'sthe harm in asking your brother to keep his kids away too?  Especially if you already see them several times a week anyway.

[kirksnosehair]

Hmmm, I disagree about there being exceptions.  These are my brother's kids, who I see several times a week, we are talking about.  They are in essence part of my immediate family.

Do what you want, it's your party.  If I were invited and told I couldn't bring my kids, and I showed up to see kids there, I would be pissed, and I doubt I would be the only one.

If it's a party that you specifically don't want any kids at, what'sthe harm in asking your brother to keep his kids away too?  Especially if you already see them several times a week anyway.

That's exactly how I'd deal with it.  And I can relate because both of my brothers have young kids, who I adore, but I've actually had "adults only" parties at my house and invited my brothers.  They were absolutely fine with not bringing their kids and I didn't have to worry about offending anyone else.  Most of my wife's friends have kids and quite a few of my own friends have kids, I would feel......I don't know....tacky maybe...if I had an "adults only" party, but my nieces and/or nephews were allowed to attend.

[Podaar]

What is needed here are TWO parties. One with where everyone is invited and one at the friends house for adults only.

[Dublagent66]

Kev, no one should allow themselves to be "forced".  It's your birthday.  Did anyone bother to ask you what you want to do?  It's about you, not them.  If it was me, I'd rather go out with friends and family for drinks and food at a nice bar.  Then, you don't have to worry about kids being there.  Besides, birthday parties are for kids anyway.   

[Kotowboy]

Every year I tell myself i'll stay in bed the entire day and turn my phone off 

This year could be the year I finally do just that.

Stay in bed the whole day and get up the day after my birthday with no fuss at all.

[Dublagent66]

Every year I tell myself i'll stay in bed the entire day and turn my phone off 

This year could be the year I finally do just that.

Stay in bed the whole day and get up the day after my birthday with no fuss at all.

Good for you.   That's what I call making it about you.  It's your day and nobody else's.   

[Destiny Of Chaos]

I think that it's great that you're thinking about the individual who's place you're having it at. There is nothing wrong with having an exception to the no kids rule. My Wife didn't want any kids at our Wedding except those related. We were upfront with our guests, and everyone seemed to be okay with it. I'm sure your friends will be as well, especially with more than enough notice to make babysitting arrangements.

[KevShmev]

Kev, no one should allow themselves to be "forced".  It's your birthday.  Did anyone bother to ask you what you want to do?  It's about you, not them.  If it was me, I'd rather go out with friends and family for drinks and food at a nice bar.  Then, you don't have to worry about kids being there.  Besides, birthday parties are for kids anyway.   

I said "forced" slightly in jest, as I was basically talked into it, but I am fine with it.  Calling it a birthday party is probably an exaggeration, as it is more of just a party more than anything.  And the friend's house is huge and very much of a party house (he throws a yearly party there - with family, friends and neighbors - and it is always a blast); huge upstairs and the finished downstairs has a bar, pool table, dart board, weight room, man cave, etc.  Him agreeing to let us have it there was a big part in me agreeing to it in the first place, since I know it will be more of a regular party than anything, which is fine, as I don't need or want all of the focus on me all damn night.

Going out to bars really isn't my thing anymore, as I rarely drink anymore.  Even at this upcoming shindig, I don't plan on drinking much and have already told several friends to not even think about making me shots; I won't do them.

Anyway, I have already talked to several couples, who have small kids, who will be coming to this, and none of them have a problem at all with the no kids thing, so I don't see foresee it being an issue at all.

If it's a party that you specifically don't want any kids at, what'sthe harm in asking your brother to keep his kids away too?  Especially if you already see them several times a week anyway.

Trust me, if my nephew and niece knew there was a big party for me - and there is no way they won't know about it - and they didn't get to go, they would be shattered.  What can I say, they love their Uncle Kevin.

b) I don't think it is fair to have my friends and family bringing a bunch of kids to wreck his house when he is nice enough to let us use it. 

You either have a low opinion of kids, or your friends' kids are a bunch of unruly brats

Neither.  Well, there might be some brats in there...

I think that it's great that you're thinking about the individual who's place you're having it at. There is nothing wrong with having an exception to the no kids rule. My Wife didn't want any kids at our Wedding except those related. We were upfront with our guests, and everyone seemed to be okay with it. I'm sure your friends will be as well, especially with more than enough notice to make babysitting arrangements.

Yep.  It is 5 1/2 weeks away, so plenty of time to make plans if need be.

[jingle.boy]

So, dude... I never check the calendar section, and was just thinking that your party must've happened by now.  Sorry I missed the 'big' day a couple weeks ago.  How was the party?  Any problems with the child issue?

Oh, and a belated happy birthday... not sure if I also missed a birthday thread for ya too.

[TAC]

So, dude... I never check the calendar section, and was just thinking that your party must've happened by now.  Sorry I missed the 'big' day a couple weeks ago.  How was the party?  Any problems with the child issue?

Oh, and a belated happy birthday... not sure if I also missed a birthday thread for ya too.

[ZirconBlue]

Well, this is all over now, I guess, but as a parent, I would not be at all offended to hear that a part was adults-only.  However, if I then showed up and saw other kids there, I would be super pissed. 


And if anyone ever included something like this:

"Adults only, NO kids - Not interested in incoherent, screaming, smelly, ignorant piles of flesh pissing me off on my birthday."

in their invite, I would take it as a sign that they didn't value my friendship.