Author Topic: Make this thread reach 100 pages with funny lines from comedy films (Read 8198 times)

KevShmev · « **Reply #35 on:** May 21, 2013, 07:50:16 PM »

"When I first came here, this was all swamp. Everyone said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built it all the same, just to show 'em. It sank into the swamp. So I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So I built a third. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up. And that's what you're going to get, Lad, the strongest castle in all of England." -King of Swamp Castle, Monty Python and the Holy Grail

jingle.boy · « **Reply #36 on:** May 21, 2013, 09:01:46 PM »

You can start by wiping that fucking dumb-ass smile off your rosey, fucking, cheeks! And you can give me a fucking automobile: a fucking Datsun, a fucking Toyota, a fucking Mustang, a fucking Buick! Four fucking wheels and a seat! -- Neal Page; Planes, Trains and Automobiles.

tapsmiled · « **Reply #37 on:** May 21, 2013, 09:27:43 PM »

"That was, have a pleasant and restful evening."
"No, that was I like your ass, can I wear it as a hat?"
City Slickers

Big Hath · « **Reply #38 on:** May 21, 2013, 10:03:35 PM »

I ran out of gas. I... I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts! IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD! -Jake Blues The Blues Brothers

MetalJunkie · « **Reply #39 on:** May 22, 2013, 12:55:33 AM »

"I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, who said "I drank what?" Chris Knight - Real Genius

lonestar · « **Reply #40 on:** May 22, 2013, 01:30:12 AM »

"one prophylactic, used..."- Frank Oz, Blues Brothers

jingle.boy · « **Reply #41 on:** May 22, 2013, 05:47:41 AM »

That's nice, you look like a Helen. Helen, we're both in sales. Let me tell you why I suck as a sales man. Let's say I go into a guy's office, let's say he's even remotely interested in buying something. Well then I get all excited. I'm like Jojo the idiot circus boy with a pretty new pet. Now the pet is my possible sale. Hello there pretty little pet, I love you. And then I stoke it, and I pet it, and I massage it. Hehe I love it, I love my little naughty pet. You're naughty! And then I take my naughty pet and I go... Uuuuuuh! I killed it! I killed my sale! And that's when I blow it. That's when people like us have gotta forge ahead, Helen. Am I right? --- Tommy; Tommy Boy

DebraKadabra · « **Reply #42 on:** May 22, 2013, 06:44:51 AM »

BADGES?! We don't need no steenkeen BADGES! - Mexican Bandit, Blazing Saddles

lonestar · « **Reply #43 on:** May 22, 2013, 12:48:18 PM »

"You like that, don't you bitch?" - Saddam Hussein to Satan - South Park

The Trooper · « **Reply #44 on:** May 22, 2013, 02:11:45 PM »

Jeff Spicoli: Hey, you're ripping my card.
Mr. Hand: Yes.
Jeff Spicoli: Hey bud, what's your problem?
Mr. Hand: No problem at all. I think you know where the front office is.
Jeff Spicoli: [stunned] You dick!

-Fast Times at Ridgemont High

jingle.boy · « **Reply #45 on:** May 22, 2013, 02:15:08 PM »

<on the topic of what "third base" feels like>

Warm apple pie, huh? McDonald's or homemade? -- Jim Levenstein; American Pie

lonestar · « **Reply #46 on:** May 22, 2013, 04:02:46 PM »

" Oh, you English are *so* superior, aren't you? Well, would you like to know what you'd be without us, the good ol' U.S. of A. to protect you? I'll tell you. The smallest fucking province in the Russian Empire, that's what! So don't call me stupid, lady. Just thank me."- Otto, Fish Called Wanda

Kotowboy · « **Reply #47 on:** May 22, 2013, 04:13:45 PM »

Why on earth not ?

My husband was in the CIA and i know that if you're on a top secret mission - you don't go around telling everyone about it.

Uh. It;s a smokescreen..

What is your name ?

Uh...mann....frid....jun....sin....jun ?

Well Mr Manfred John St.John....

Cool Chris · « **Reply #48 on:** May 22, 2013, 05:06:36 PM »

"How's your wife and my kids?"

- Heywood, Major League

lonestar · « **Reply #49 on:** May 22, 2013, 07:17:58 PM »

"Well, he fucks like he pitches - sorta all over the place."- Millie, Bull Durham

Podaar · « **Reply #50 on:** May 22, 2013, 09:13:51 PM »

Bob Porter: Looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately.
Peter Gibbons: I wouldn't say I've been *missing* it, Bob.

Office Space

Podaar · « **Reply #51 on:** May 22, 2013, 09:26:09 PM »

"Let me out. Let me out of here. Get me the hell out of here. What's the matter with you people? I was joking! Don't you know a joke when you hear one? HA-HA-HA-HA. Jesus Christ, get me out of here! Open this goddamn door or I'll kick your rotten heads in! Mommy!" -- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein (played by the masterful Gene Wilder)

jingle.boy · « **Reply #52 on:** May 22, 2013, 09:37:02 PM »

Because only one thing counts in this life; get them to sign on the line which is dotted. You got that you fuckin faggots? -- Blake; Glengarry Glen Ross

(ok, not really a comedy movie, but that scene is pure gold).

Podaar · « **Reply #53 on:** May 22, 2013, 09:49:46 PM »

"Also, I don't like no one touching my stuff. So just keep your meat-hooks off. If I catch any of you guys in my stuff, I'll kill you. And I don't like nobody touching me. Any of you homos touch me, and I'll kill you." -- Psycho; Stripes

TheGreatPretender · « **Reply #54 on:** May 23, 2013, 12:54:41 AM »

"What's that smell?"
"Oh, that would be me. I've been swimming in raw sewage. I love it."
-Leslie Nielsen, The Naked Gun 2

Podaar · « **Reply #55 on:** May 23, 2013, 10:38:29 AM »

"Man, you gotta WARN somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open and everything!" -- Donkey; Shrek

WDADU · « **Reply #56 on:** May 23, 2013, 10:50:20 AM »

"Egon, your mucus."

Dr. Peter Venkman
Ghostbusters (1984)

lonestar · « **Reply #57 on:** May 23, 2013, 11:39:02 AM »

Centurion: What's this then? "Romanes eunt domus"? "People called Romanes, they go the 'ouse"?
Brian: [terrified] It--it says "Romans go home".
Centurion: No it doesn't. What's Latin for "Roman"? Come on, come on.
Brian: "Romanus"?
Centurion: Goes like...?
Brian: "Annus"?
Centurion: Nominative plural of "annus" is...?
Brian: "Anni."
Centurion: [writing] "Romani". "Eunt"? What is "eunt"?
Brian: "Go".
Centurion: Conjugate the verb "to go".
Brian: Ire, eo, is, it, imus, idis, eunt.
Centurion: So "eunt" is...?
Brian: Third person plural, present indicative. "They go".
Centurion: But "Romans go home" is an order, so you must use the...?
Brian: [getting his ear pinched, increasingly panicked] Eee, imperative!
Centurion: Which is…?
Brian: Uh, uhm, "i"! "I"!
Centurion: How many Romans?
Brian: Aah! Plural, plural! "Ite"! "Ite"!
Centurion: [writing] "Ite". "Domus"? Nominative? "Go home", this is motion towards, isn't it, boy?”
Brian: Dative! [centurion draws his sword and holds it to Brian's throat] Ah! Not dative! Not the dative! Aah! Accusative, accusative! "Domum", sir, "ad domum".
Centurion: Except that "domus" takes the...?
Brian: The locative, sir!
Centurion: Which is...?
Brian: "Domum"!
Centurion: "Domum". [writing] Understand?
Brian: Yes, sir.
Centurion: Now write it out a 'undred times.
Brian: Yes, thank you Sir, Hail Caesar. [calming down]
Centurion: Hail Caesar. If it's not done by sunrise, I'll cut your balls off.

Monty Python- Life of Brian

KevShmev · « **Reply #58 on:** May 23, 2013, 11:46:04 AM »

Quote from: Cool Chris on May 22, 2013, 05:06:36 PM

"How's your wife and my kids?"

- Heywood, Major League

I always loved that line.

I love when Charlie Sheen first pulls up for training camp and one of the coaches deadpans:

"Look at this fucking guy."

Absolutely perfect delivery.

Sir GuitarCozmo · « **Reply #59 on:** May 23, 2013, 11:53:39 AM »

Come on, Dorn, get in front of the damn ball, don't gimme this OLEEEYYY bullshit! - Coach Brown, Major League

masterthes · « **Reply #60 on:** May 23, 2013, 11:54:23 AM »

Occupation?

Comicus: Stand-up philosopher.

Dole Office Clerk: What?

Comicus: Stand-up philosopher. I coalesce the vapors of human experience into a viable and meaningful comprehension.

Dole Office Clerk: Oh, a *bullshit* artist!

- History of the World, Part 1

lonestar · « **Reply #61 on:** May 23, 2013, 11:55:22 AM »

This guy's so mean, he threw at his own son at a father-son game. -Harry Doyle, Major Leagues

That movie is so quotable!!!

Podaar · « **Reply #62 on:** May 23, 2013, 11:56:28 AM »

Quote from: lonestar on May 23, 2013, 11:39:02 AM

--snip--
Monty Python- Life of Brian

One of my favorites from LoB:

"I'm not oppressing you, Stan. You haven't got a womb! Where's the foetus going to gestate?! You going to keep it in a box?!" -- Reg; Life of Brian

KevShmev · « **Reply #63 on:** May 23, 2013, 11:58:24 AM »

"Nice catch, Hays, don't ever fucking do it again." -Lou Brown, Major League

KevShmev · « **Reply #64 on:** May 23, 2013, 12:05:05 PM »

"In case you haven't noticed - and judging by the attendance, you haven't - the Indians have managed to win a few here and there, and are threatening to climb out of the cellar." -Harry Doyle, Major League

TheGreatPretender · « **Reply #65 on:** May 23, 2013, 12:09:32 PM »

"You mean, you never even had a Slinky?"
"We had part of a Slinky... But I straightened it."
-Egon, Ghostbusters 2

masterthes · « **Reply #66 on:** May 23, 2013, 12:27:19 PM »

"I am your king"
"I didn't vote for you"

-Monty Python Holy Grail

Cool Chris · « **Reply #67 on:** May 23, 2013, 12:46:40 PM »

Quote from: KevShmev on May 23, 2013, 11:46:04 AM

I love when Charlie Sheen first pulls up for training camp and one of the coaches deadpans:

"Look at this fucking guy."

Absolutely perfect delivery.

I love that delivery too. That bench coach is awesome.

After Vaughn throws his first patch right by the coaches heads:
"Nice velocity."
"Sounded like it."

cramx3 · « **Reply #68 on:** May 23, 2013, 01:01:04 PM »

"Heyyy You Guys!!"

Yea not really a comedy movie.

"Shut it Richard" Tommy Boy

DebraKadabra · « **Reply #69 on:** May 23, 2013, 11:02:54 PM »

Hello, is this someone with good news or money? No? Goodbye! - Murray Burns, A Thousand Clowns

News: DreamTheaterForums is a place for people who just don't have the time for music anymore.

Author Topic: Make this thread reach 100 pages with funny lines from comedy films (Read 8198 times)