Author Topic: Scenes From A Hat: Round 2 (Read 165770 times)

jingle.boy · « **Reply #2100 on:** December 11, 2013, 01:22:02 PM »

Well, to correct one point... you can't really call it an "eye" patch if that's not where you were wearing it. "Cock" patch would be more accurate.

Now, reflecting on all of what you just told me, you can't honestly be shocked you lost Mr. Romney.

Look on the bright side, at least you're not Rob Ford.

Me too!

That's all fine and dandy, but would you kindly put your pants back on?

Prog Snob · « **Reply #2101 on:** December 11, 2013, 01:26:41 PM »

She's dead. She killed herself because of you. Get over it.

Tell your sister I'll pick her up at 8. I just have to stop at the pharmacy first.

Podaar · « **Reply #2102 on:** December 11, 2013, 02:15:02 PM »

Waaa waaa, sissy, la-la!

I'm sorry, I kinda spaced out there for a second. What were you saying?

JayOctavarium · « **Reply #2103 on:** December 11, 2013, 02:21:51 PM »

You know... I had a patient once... Nicholas was his name... he was going through something similar. Give me a second... I've got specific technique I used to help him. I'll be right back...

masterthes · « **Reply #2104 on:** December 11, 2013, 04:07:17 PM »

for goodness sakes man, save the drama for your mama

Lucien · « **Reply #2105 on:** December 11, 2013, 05:09:47 PM »

Quote from: JayOctavarium on December 11, 2013, 02:21:51 PM

You know... I had a patient once... Nicholas was his name... he was going through something similar. Give me a second... I've got specific technique I used to help him. I'll be right back...

Jaffa · « **Reply #2106 on:** December 11, 2013, 05:30:55 PM »

"Oh, I'm sorry, Sport, I was thinking about soup. Anyhoo, our time's up for the day. Cya next week."

TempusVox · « **Reply #2107 on:** December 11, 2013, 11:19:55 PM »

"Wow! You're really fucked up!"

"You've just been PUNK'D, and that was hilarious! Ashton will be in here in just a moment!"

"Look man, how many times I gotta tell ya? I'm a bartender; and this is a bar. Now whattya wanna drink, cuz' you gotta order somethin'?"

"Nobody gives a rats ass about your little problems. No buck up and get the fuck outta here!"

"Wait, you said your wifes maiden name was Susan Smith, and she went to Villanova? Man, I used to bang the shit out of a Susan Smith when I was at grad school there! She was a freak! She damn near banged everybody!"

lonestar · « **Reply #2108 on:** December 12, 2013, 12:27:21 AM »

Bro, it's time you got off that fucking cross, we need the wood.

Podaar · « **Reply #2109 on:** December 12, 2013, 06:10:27 AM »

The surprising thing is, there is actually a lot of good advise in this round!!

*This was not an entry*

Prog Snob · « **Reply #2110 on:** December 12, 2013, 06:19:27 AM »

Close your eyes and begin to relax...

Sir GuitarCozmo · « **Reply #2111 on:** December 12, 2013, 06:56:39 AM »

"dick butt"

lonestar · « **Reply #2112 on:** December 12, 2013, 09:59:51 AM »

So let's get to the important things, is your mom hot?

Dude, that part about your old man beating you bloody with the bra he caught you wearing? That's so going on Facebook...

King Postwhore · « **Reply #2113 on:** December 12, 2013, 10:04:03 AM »

Now that I heard your story I bet when you fart it sounds like two pieces of bologna slapping together.

lonestar · « **Reply #2114 on:** December 12, 2013, 10:17:34 AM »

Quote from: kingshmegland on December 12, 2013, 10:04:03 AM

Now that I heard your story I bet when you fart it sounds like two pieces of bologna slapping together.

gmillerdrake · « **Reply #2115 on:** December 12, 2013, 10:22:08 AM »

I can tell you that essentially every one of the entries could have won. But the consistency shown by lonestar this round has to take it. I mean read these beauties again:

Quote from: lonestar on December 12, 2013, 09:59:51 AM

So let's get to the important things, is your mom hot?

Dude, that part about your old man beating you bloody with the bra he caught you wearing? That's so going on Facebook...

Quote from: lonestar on December 12, 2013, 12:27:21 AM

Bro, it's time you got off that fucking cross, we need the wood.

Quote from: lonestar on December 11, 2013, 11:09:47 AM

Damn, you are SUCH a little bitch...

Your wife didn't leave you cause you were unavailable emotionally bro, she left you cause I'm packing ten inches. BOOM!!!!!!

Quote from: lonestar on December 11, 2013, 10:39:24 AM

Is your uncle still a total slut? If so, I'd love his number....

Hey, Father Carlos was my pastor too!!!! Small world huh...

I know you got a few years sober now, but really dude, get yourself a fucking drink.

Friggin great stuff there RJ

You are the winner of the round!

King Postwhore · « **Reply #2116 on:** December 12, 2013, 10:23:20 AM »

Quote from: lonestar on December 12, 2013, 10:17:34 AM

Quote from: kingshmegland on December 12, 2013, 10:04:03 AM
Now that I heard your story I bet when you fart it sounds like two pieces of bologna slapping together.

Stop giving me the golf clap.

lonestar · « **Reply #2117 on:** December 12, 2013, 10:47:28 AM »

Quote from: kingshmegland on December 12, 2013, 10:23:20 AM

Quote from: lonestar on December 12, 2013, 10:17:34 AM
Quote from: kingshmegland on December 12, 2013, 10:04:03 AM
Now that I heard your story I bet when you fart it sounds like two pieces of bologna slapping together.

Stop giving me the golf clap.

That's more the slightly disturbed that you went there clap.

And thanks for the win, I guess all that therapy paid off in one way or another.

Quote from: lonestar on December 12, 2013, 12:27:21 AM

Bro, it's time you got off that fucking cross, we need the wood.

I actually had a sponsor tell me this one.

And this scene- Things a Starbucks(or insert your favorite coffee shop here,ie. Tim Hortons for you hosers) Barista wish they could say....

Prog Snob · « **Reply #2118 on:** December 12, 2013, 10:49:18 AM »

Would you like my cream with that?

King Postwhore · « **Reply #2119 on:** December 12, 2013, 11:48:07 AM »

(Dunkin Donuts) The only thing I dunked in your coffee starts with a D too.

gmillerdrake · « **Reply #2120 on:** December 12, 2013, 11:59:38 AM »

Yeah sure.....like your fat a$$ needs an extra shot of Carmel mocha choka frappe latte.

The real reason this iced coffee is Luke warm is because I pi$$ed in it

Jaffa · « **Reply #2121 on:** December 12, 2013, 12:04:58 PM »

"... I'm not serving you that unless you can repeat it five times fast."

gmillerdrake · « **Reply #2122 on:** December 12, 2013, 12:11:05 PM »

Me no hablo stuck up coffee talk

I want to dump this steaming caldron of coffee into your open eyes.

Sir GuitarCozmo · « **Reply #2123 on:** December 12, 2013, 12:11:47 PM »

Here's your overpriced coffee-like drink, you smug, self-important, hipster-wannabe douchebag.

King Postwhore · « **Reply #2124 on:** December 12, 2013, 02:05:07 PM »

We're not McDonald's so if you burn yourself Fuck Off!

jingle.boy · « **Reply #2125 on:** December 12, 2013, 02:09:13 PM »

What dipshit ordered this abortion?

It's my first day here. I think I put chocolate drizzle on this, but it might be the teryaki sauce. Enjoy!

gmillerdrake · « **Reply #2126 on:** December 12, 2013, 02:27:10 PM »

Here you go Mr. A$$hat one per-center.

All these scrapes and cuts are because I've literally been hugging a tree all weekend. My lips hurt to because I kissed it over and over to apologize for the holocaust of murder mankind has thrust upon the sweet tree souls of the world.

King Postwhore · « **Reply #2127 on:** December 12, 2013, 02:33:21 PM »

We don't serve anybody here unless you have a pretentious hat on.

jingle.boy · « **Reply #2128 on:** December 12, 2013, 02:37:57 PM »

Have you accepted Juan Valdez as your lord and saviour.

No, I've never made a Double Ristretto Venti Nonfat Organic Chocolate Brownie Frappuccino Extra Hot with Foam and Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended. But I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night!

gmillerdrake · « **Reply #2129 on:** December 12, 2013, 02:47:07 PM »

What the

are those three Mexicans doing with that trombone?

Prog Snob · « **Reply #2130 on:** December 12, 2013, 05:41:51 PM »

Welcome to Starbucks, home of the big-titted mermaid.

jingle.boy · « **Reply #2131 on:** December 12, 2013, 06:15:15 PM »

Hey, don't we have the same therapist? What kind of advice does he give you?

I've got a triple espresso for Mike Oxlong, and an egg nog latte for Hugh Januz.

Onno · « **Reply #2132 on:** December 13, 2013, 04:27:53 AM »

Hi, my name is Star Fox, I work at StarBucks and I'm mentally deranged! HAHAHAHA! You want a tall latte? Well do a fucking barrel roll!

lonestar · « **Reply #2133 on:** December 13, 2013, 07:27:11 AM »

Quote from: kingshmegland on December 12, 2013, 02:05:07 PM

We're not McDonald's so if you burn yourself Fuck Off!

Love it, you're up big guy...

King Postwhore · « **Reply #2134 on:** December 13, 2013, 12:27:17 PM »

Thanks .I will post when I get home!

News: Welcome back, Mike Portnoy!

Author Topic: Scenes From A Hat: Round 2 (Read 165770 times)