DTF: The Movie

[Sir GuitarCozmo]

Or Nadia G. from Bitchin' Kitchen:

[Scorpion]

_can everyone write?-

Scene 12.

BosK rolls up his sleeves slowly. Reveals two very large and colourful Japanese style tattoo´s.
Hefdaddy looks over, a small smile around his lips.

Lonestar: ´Look, you guys....´
Bosk: ´NOT so fast.....you owe us, remember?´

Lonestar: ´Can I just check on the food real quick? I´m cooking a very special meal for a very special lady....and I´d HATE to spoil it´

Hefdaddy: (looks at Bosk who nods very slowly) ´okay. Real quick.....but I´m watching....and stay away from those steak knives´ Lonestar starts to move across the kitchen, very leisurlely.

All of a sudden, there´s a flash across the room. In a super slowmotion replay, we see the bedroom door open, and a womanfigure darts out at speed and cartwheels across the room. Bosk has just anough time to turn his head a quarter of the way around before one of the woman´s high heels catch him square across the nose.  The blood flies out in slow motion and splatters across the near wall. In one movement (or so it seems) the woman has drawn a slim knife and has thrown it towards Hefdaddy, who anticipated something of the kind and throws himself behind the counter. Having come to a standstill, we now recognise the woman as Obscure.

Scene 12, continued.

obscure flips her hair back sassily and stares at Hef, a small smile playing her lips.

obscure: You should have never come here. I had warned you many a time, but you didn't listen!

bosk (coughing blood): So you sent us the anonymous letters meant to intimidate us! But why?

obscure (laughing evilly): You know what? I actually lied. I knew you wouldn't be able to resist, and now I have you where I want you. You know, after our last encounter, I trained every day, sometimes with lonestar's help, sometimes without. I grew stronger every day, with only revenge on my mind, and I can say that I have finally, at least in terms of fighting, become as good as any guy out there.

obscure draws a gun out of the waistband of her skimpy panties, aiming at hef, who doesn't appear impressed. Without even looking, he smacks lonestar, who had been sneaking up on him with a frying pan, into the face, sending him stumbling. The sudden reaction lets obscure startle for a second, which hef uses by wrenching the frying pan from lonestar's graps and throwing it across the room with frightening accuracy. It hits obscure dead on the forehead, who slumps to the floor, unconscious.

hef (taking off his sunglasses): You, a guy? You're a fucking stupid bitch.

[JayOctavarium]

[jingle.boy]

hef (taking off his sunglasses): You, a guy? You're a fucking stupid bitch.

hef: puts sunglasses back on ...

 

(roll to intro)

[jingle.boy]

I'm thinking Anna Torv for ms obscure.



maybe Julie Bowen or Kate Hudson.

[bout to crash]

Roberts actually works!

The guy who directed Snakes on a Plane just died, so he's out.

NOBODY TOLD ME

NOOOOOOOO

Camera is positioned to take in most of the kitchen, a passthrough to the main living area, a hallway which presumably leads to one or more bedrooms, and Lonestar's excellent backside.

This made me lose my shit.

*waits for more script* 

I might write some after work.

[lonestar]

 

[obscure]

my goodness 

thanks for the heads up Chad 

[WindMaster]

Just found this thread and OMG. 

[bosk1]

Scene 12, continued.

Hef draws his gun and points it at lonestar's head.  bosk1 reaches over and gentle nudges the barrel of the gun down. 

bosk1:  It's okay, hef.  We're all friends here.  That's just her way of saying hello. 

Hef:  And why is it again that obscure's "hello"s always start with you needing more dental work and ending with you buying her dinner?

bosk1 (brushing hef's comment aside):  Arj, you know why we're here.

lonestar (irritably):  I'm retired. 

bosk1:  You were retired.

Lonestar looks around uncomfortably, as if looking for help, then lets out a sigh as his shoulders slump and he sits down. 

Hef pulls a cigar out of his coat pocket, lights up, and then sits back on the sofa, smiling. 

Scene cuts to a dark basement, lighted only by the glow from a computer monitor...

[hefdaddy42]

 

[King Postwhore]

Scene 12, continued.

Hef draws his gun and points it at lonestar's head.  bosk1 reaches over and gentle nudges the barrel of the gun down. 

bosk1:  It's okay, hef.  We're all friends here.  That's just her way of saying hello. 

Hef:  And why is it again that obscure's "hello"s always start with you needing more dental work and ending with you buying her dinner?

bosk1 (brushing hef's comment aside):  Arj, you know why we're here.

lonestar (irritably):  I'm retired. 

bosk1:  You were retired.

Lonestar looks around uncomfortably, as if looking for help, then lets out a sigh as his shoulders slump and he sits down. 

Hef pulls a cigar out of his coat pocket, lights up, and then sits back on the sofa, smiling. 

Scene cuts to a dark basement, lighted only by the glow from a computer monitor...

RJ in nothing but a chefs apron.  Where is the gun pointed at again?

[MrBoom_shack-a-lack]

Wait.....erotic thriller! Still waiting......

[ariich]

I'm really intrigued as to who you guys would cast for me. I've been told people I look like in the past, but I can't remember any of them.

[wasteland]

Scene 12, continued.

Hef draws his gun and points it at lonestar's head.  bosk1 reaches over and gentle nudges the barrel of the gun down. 

bosk1:  It's okay, hef.  We're all friends here.  That's just her way of saying hello. 

Hef:  And why is it again that obscure's "hello"s always start with you needing more dental work and ending with you buying her dinner?

bosk1 (brushing hef's comment aside):  Arj, you know why we're here.

lonestar (irritably):  I'm retired. 

bosk1:  You were retired.

Lonestar looks around uncomfortably, as if looking for help, then lets out a sigh as his shoulders slump and he sits down. 

Hef pulls a cigar out of his coat pocket, lights up, and then sits back on the sofa, smiling. 

Scene cuts to a dark basement, lighted only by the glow from a computer monitor...

As if it were the only child of darkness, a voice, deeper than the betrayers'chasm of hell, quietly releases a word in the intoxicating air. The light of the monitor, filtered and dimmed by an old fashioned and worn out sight-saving screen, can barely light lips tisting to form a crooked smile. Above them, the story of a lawyer, his thug and a chef unfolds reflected on a pair of 3D glasses.

To Be Continued...

[obscure]

dahahahahahahah... I should start 'reading' this thread 

[Sketchy]

Suddenly the screen goes dark and an error message appears.

Blob: Well, shit.

[wasteland]

Suddenly the screen goes BSOD and an error message appears.

Blob: Well, shit.

FTFT

[jingle.boy]

Scene 13....

BlobVanDam is sweating profusely in the heat.  It's 1am in Australia, and still over 100^oF. Blob has been awake for precisely 17 minutes.  The darkness is his only solace.  Efforts to numb all senses fail, as the sound of random acts of coitus come oozing through the thin walls.  Blob sighs...  "Why can't I get these headphones to turn to 11?  Coz has an amplifier that goes to 11, why can't I have headphones?"

He receives email.  It's Worf's voice "Captain, incoming message".

Blob opens email

"Dude... that video you made of my song killed.  Absolutely killed!  I'm getting nominated for best new country artist with an animated video.  I need you to do another... but by next week.  I'm still not gonna pay you shit, but I know I can count on you".

Blob let's out a deeper sigh.  "He doesn't know me too well, does he Admiral Jackbar?".  Admiral Jackbar, despite the likeness to Peter Sellers is Blob's baby Dingo, lying patiently at Blob's feet.

Random acts of coitus become too much for Blob to bear.  He removes 3-D glasses and headphones, and walks down the hall.  With all the subtlety of a heart attack, Blob stroll's into his brother's room.

"Bro, can you for once .... "  Utter shock seeps into Blob's expression.

"Jackie??"

To Be Continued ...

[Scorpion]

Awesome.

[MrBoom_shack-a-lack]

 

[lonestar]

Holy shit guys

[alirocker08]

This is like the world's weirdest fanfiction.

With real people.

[Cedar redaC]

Meanwhile, in a secret mountain lair, Cedar redaC begins finding 5/8 Nuggetz in almost everything he does. He begins to connect the dots that the album Octavarium is intertwined with the workings of the Universe in ways he previously thought impossible.

[robwebster]

I'm really intrigued as to who you guys would cast for me. I've been told people I look like in the past, but I can't remember any of them.

Sacha Baron Cohen as ariich, one half of a pair of comic relief villains with British accents.

[Neon]

I'm really intrigued as to who you guys would cast for me. I've been told people I look like in the past, but I can't remember any of them.

Sacha Baron Cohen as ariich, one half of a pair of comic relief villains with British accents.

You kind of look like the guy from the Human League

[Neon]

I want in on this action...who's playing me?

[bout to crash]

and  at the baby dingo.

[Dark Castle]

I scoured actors and I can't say I can find any who look similar to myself

[black_biff_stadler]

Introducing:





Les Claypool as Dylan!

[JayOctavarium]

b_f



YOU FUCKING ROCK

[King Postwhore]

Introducing:





Les Claypool as Dylan!

Or

[black_biff_stadler]

 

b_f



YOU FUCKING ROCK

[Dark Castle]

Introducing:





Les Claypool as Dylan!

TIME TO WORK ON MY FACIAL HAIR

[DebraKadabra]

With a smallish cameo appearance by...

Kate Winslet as DebraKadabra, the plucky gal always armed with an emote and a heart of gold.
(picture to be added later, as I'm at work presently)