DTF: The Movie

[BlobVanDam]

Forget about movies about midgets and wizards, the hit movie of 2013 is going to be DTF: The Movie, a US remake of the Japanese movie "ドリーム·シアター·フォーラムは、後であなたを雌雄鑑別とあなたの女性パンティベーコン内部触手モンスターレイプ!", based on the best-selling Japanese erotic thriller novel of the same name.


The cast-


Jim Caviezel stars as bosk1, a firm but fair lawyer by day, but by night he's not afraid to dish out some hard justice to keep the city safe from the trolls who dwell beneath the city.


Michael Chiklis plays hefdaddy42, bosk's most trusted friend, known to his friends as simply "hef", or to his enemies as "God", because he decides who lives and who dies. Infamous for his short and concise one liners, and his secret weapon - his light-up glasses.


Jonah Hill as Nick. He's the youngest member of the team, but he's ready to prove himself, even if it means some (or many) failures along the way.


George Clooney plays lonestar. Think Steve Seagal in Under Siege, except better in the kitchen, and better with a knife.


And of course Al Leong as Orbert (listed in the credits only as "asian man #1). He may or may not have any dialog, but he'll most definitely do something totally badass, such as arrange Christmas music for an odd ensemble, or start an intelligent conversation using only his MIND.



But alas I can't cast the entire movie by myself. Cast someone to play yourself, or to play someone else. And keep it fun, or I'll set Al Leong onto you while you sleep. You'll never hear him coming, you poor bastard.

[Orbert]

I am lauging out loud.  Out loud, I tell you!

[Super Dude]

I reviewed it on my blog. Check it out!

[Zook]

Paul Rudd as Zook: The sarcastic, miserable asshole.

[Zydar]

haha

[PuffyPat]

I love all of this.

[lonestar]

I'm cool with it.

[Lolzeez]

Almost fell out of my chair. 

[Sketchy]

I would ask that I would be animated by Terry Gilliam and voiced by Steven Wilson. Yeah, he's not an actor, but I have been mistaken for him both in voice and appearence (by Steve Hackett, in fact).

The animated character would be the wierd bastard who spouts inconsequential nonsense and generally confuses everyone.

[Lolzeez]

I would ask that I would be animated by Terry Gilliam and voiced by Steven Wilson. Yeah, he's not an actor, but I have been mistaken for him both in voice and appearence (by Steve Hackett, in fact).

Woah. So lemme get this straight,you were mistaken for Steven Wilson by Steve Hackett? My brain just exploded.

[snapple]

 

[Sketchy]

Yeah, he didn't have his glasses on, and I was standing in about the second or third row in this tiny venue in Bath.

[MoraWintersoul]

Ivan is clearly more handsome than Steven Wilson.

[wasteland]

Featuring: Zydar Plays Zydar

[BlobVanDam]

Featuring: Zydar Plays Zydar

That's cheating!

I was actually thinking of giving Robert Pattinson a bag of coke, and seeing what happens.

[chknptpie]

Holy crap this is fantastic

[?]

Brilliant!

Featuring: Zydar Plays Zydar

That's cheating!

I was actually thinking of giving Robert Pattinson a bag of coke, and seeing what happens.

[BlobVanDam]

Christian Bale as DarkLord_Lalinc, a man suspected of being part of a large kidnapping operation, allegedly run by crime boss Zydar.


A young CGI Kurt Russell will play the part of Ravenheart, a wild haired and mysterious character.

[wasteland]

Christian Bale as DarkLord_Lalinc, a man suspected of being part of a large kidnapping operation, allegedly run by crime boss Zydar.

Whoa, he's hiding a Sith Lightsaber behind his back 


But seriously, this is getting increasingly better. Can we cast Kevin Moore to play KevShmev?

[SomeoneLikeHim]

     

[Zydar]

Featuring: Zydar Plays Zydar

That's cheating!

I was actually thinking of giving Robert Pattinson a bag of coke, and seeing what happens.

[Jaq]

I got to Orbert's casting, and especially the name of the part, and now I can't stop laughing. 

[Orbert]

If you look up Al Leong on IMDb, half the roles he's played are "Chinese Thug" or "Asian Guy #2" and stuff like that.  He's the guy you call when you need some nameless Asian badass.  Or Genghis Khan in a Bill and Ted movie, but that's kinda the exception.

[MrBoom_shack-a-lack]

...based on the best-selling Japanese erotic thriller novel of the same name.

I suspect alot of sexy-time will occur.....

[TioJorge]

 

[BlobVanDam]

Erotic

...based on the best-selling Japanese erotic thriller novel of the same name.

I suspect alot of sexy-time will occur.....

Oh yes, it will. The original Japanese title says it all, really.
Speaking of which, to avoid this cinematic masterpiece turning into a sausage-fest, I'll cast Mary Elizabeth Winstead as nightmare_cinema. She's not looking for love, but she'll find it in all the wrong places......

If you look up Al Leong on IMDb, half the roles he's played are "Chinese Thug" or "Asian Guy #2" and stuff like that.  He's the guy you call when you need some nameless Asian badass.  Or Genghis Khan in a Bill and Ted movie, but that's kinda the exception.

Well I upgraded him right to asian man #1! Only the geeks who will read the prequel comic will know that the character's name is actually Orbert.

[MrBoom_shack-a-lack]

Yes no sausage-fest plz but were talking "Japanese sexy-time" that could get a bit kinky! Nevermind just realized it's the american version. 

[SomeoneLikeHim]

This is one for the archives right here

[Sketchy]

Ivan is clearly more handsome than Steven Wilson.

*flutters eyelashes and flicks the long, green wig*

[MoraWintersoul]

Ivan is clearly more handsome than Steven Wilson.

*flutters eyelashes and flicks the long, green wig*

That's what I'm talkin' 'bout.

[Tick]

Amazing Blob!!! 

An archive no brainer!

[Scorpion]

Best thread of 2013 so far.



Also, Bruce Willis as jingle.boy, a jaded Canadian who finds his only solace in a glass of bourbon (or whatever Chad drinks, I'm not really sure) and submersion into his large music collection, which is his lifeline to a better time long past.

[Zook]

AND HE'S ALWAYS IN THE WRONG PLACE AT THE WRONG TIME

[Scorpion]

That goes without saying.

[lateralus88]

3/10

Generic Hollywood trash.