The Advice Thread v. Couldn't find another

[Jarlaxle]

I thought DTF could do with an advice thread. We already have the Lonely Hearts Club and the Depressed/Angry thread, but lots of advice needed doesn't fit into these two categories.

For myself, I have a few things that I'd like to get an opinion on. If you follow the LHC or D/A threads, you might remember that recently my girlfriend of 3 and a half years told me she cheated on me and no longer thinks she has the same feelings for me anymore, so we kind of mutually agreed to break up. I am trying to move on, it's been a lot better than I thought it would be, but there's still some obstacles for me. For one, I am a very shy person, and I do have some pretty bad social anxiety issues, and do not meet people or make friends very often/easily, but I know that I am a really nice guy and whenever I do meet new people they usually tend to like me. So what I'm asking is ways to get past this? I want to move on from my ex (we are trying to remain friends because we both want to, she's still my best friend and the only one I can talk to about things), but it's hard when I'm almost unable to meet people. Is this something that maybe going to talk to a counsellor or something can help, what are my options?

My next thing is something I really want to change. I have developed motivation/ambition issues, especially towards my school-work or like going out and meeting new people (so these things are kind of related) among other things. It's really frustrating to want to do well in school and try hard, and then when it comes down to actually doing the work I just procrastinate for days. How have some of you guys handled this? I want to be a better person, and I want to make myself happier, and feeling like I'm accomplishing something would go a long ways!

And everyone, feel free to post your own concerns and troubles. It helps to talk it out with people!

[lordxizor]

Topic one: Ex-GF

My advice would be to stop seeing her. The fastest way to get over a person is to just steer clear of them for a while. If a friendship can redevelop after several months, that's great, but don't try to force it right away. Steer clear of her for a while. Plus, lets face it, she cheated on you. She obviously doesn't care about you as much as you'd like to believe she does. Would a good friend do something to hurt you that much? Time is the really the only thing that heals bad break-ups. Stay away from her, go out with your other friends, meet new people, start or rediscover a hobby, etc. If after 6 months after the break-up you're still dwelling on it and completely unable to get over it, you might want to consider seeing a therapist.

Topic 2: Motivation

Start small. Set micro-goals for yourself. Things that a tangible, achievable goals. Like if you have a paper due on Friday, set the goal to write an outline on Monday, the intro paragraph on Tuesday, the first half finished on Wednesday, and finish up on Thursday. Set manageable goals for each day. When I had a hard time meeting people, I wanted to boost my confidence. I found that dressing a little nicer helped a ton. Whatever you style happens to be, there's always a way to take a step up. Buy a couple new t-shirts or pants. Heck, even just wearing clean clothes and showering everyday might be a step up for some people. If you have no clue, find a female friend or sister to help you. But don't go too far out of your comfort zone or you'll just feel awkward. Just that tiny boost in confidence really helped me a lot in social situations.

[hefdaddy42]

I agree with all of that.  Especially about her.  Get away.