Somewhat focused on the original point about the ring, I'll take a moment to also get up on a soapbox that my wife and I share on the subject in general: The tendency to go overboard and go into debt on things like the ring and the wedding is a symptom of a bigger problem that is too often overlooked, which is placing more emphasis on having an awesome wedding than on having an awesome marriage. I find it silly and sad that you have to study and prepare much more to get a driver's license than a marriage license. /rant
Exactly. I never noticed it was this big of a problem until I got engaged recently. And, just because two people are on the same page doesn't mean that it's going to be smooth sailing.
I mean, the ring I gave my fiance was pretty humble, which was fine, because neither of us care about that stuff, and neither does my family at all (my brother is married, and I'm not even sure he and his wife have wedding bands!). But, up until and after the engagement, a large portion of (mostly) her friends became, as I stated above, "gollum-like". The pressure I sense from other women to see my fiance's ring-- probably out of the need to validate for their own rings-- seemed immense. The best part was her getting text-messages from people who never even talk to her asking to see it. I guess everyone needs to know what everyone else has, because that's how you measure true value, right?
Now that the wedding is being planned, it's the same thing. We'd be happy with something humble. But, around every corner, you can bet their are friends and family telling us how "it's gotta be". For her, it's a matter of her friends telling her that it's her day to make all her dreams come true (or something like that). For me, it's a matter of me being told "what she deserves". Again, my brother forwent all of this. I believe he was married in a his wife's kitchen, actually
Though, I guess a couple isn't really any good if they can't refrain from bowing down to pressures from friends and family to go their own way instead. So, a lot of times, I think my brother had the right of it. Don't let any friends and family get what they want, and disappoint everyone so they're forced to be happy with whatever you give them