Confused about a guy

[MasterShakezula]

   So, I have this friend, and the guy raises questions in my mind.  The group of friends I'm in, we're basically his only real colleagues.  I mean, he sometimes hangs out with other people, but they don't seem to care too much for him. I won't lie, I feel pity for the guy, which is a big part in why I hang out with him.  He gets bullied a lot.  There was this group o guys in German class who would always pick on him, usually in ways that would make him look gay.  A couple weeks back, they even went and attacked him and put the kid in a gay-looking position whilst doing so.  This keeps on happening because this guy gets way pissy and reactive when provoked, which the other guys think is funny.  The group I
with, we're actually nice to the dude and let him hang with us.  However, he is paranoid and even gets really upset when we, like, playfully rib on him.  On occasion he gets really moody and is all, "Why do you guys hate me?" and "Why did you guys ditch me?", when neither of those are the case.  On Friday night, our group went out and hung for a few hours, followed by a movie.  The guy was only able to make the movie, but didn't make this clear until the last second.  He ended up upset at us for having fun without him, even though we were quite happy for him to accompany us to the film, and had invited him to hang with us for the evening before it. 

  I'm guessing a big part of the issue with the dude is he's just slow to becoming mature, maybe sheltered as well.  He acts a lot like a kid.  His sense of humor is pretty kiddish, being mostly squeaky clean and often surfacing in random off-topic bursts.  He can sometimes be annoying and doesn't realize it.  Our group (myself included) get annoyed sometimes and occasion try to make this clear, but he forgets pretty quickly.  Same goes for when I try to talk to him about dealing with bullies.  (His problems with them remind me of similar experiences from back in elementary school.)

So, your thoughts on this sort of situation?

Am I a dick for thinking so much about this guy's personal life and talking about it on this here forum?

[black_biff_stadler]

Nah, if anything you're quite far from being a dick since it apparently concerned you enough to consult outsiders for advice on how to improve the situation and you have my props for that.

I was probably similar to him in my high school years since I too was badly bullied. It can instill a deeply-rooted sense of insecurity that can make you prone to over-reaction and quick to fear the worst which can come off as being paranoid (which it basically is at times.) It's awesome that y'all care enough for the dude to take him under y'all's collective wing and try to be supportive of him. I just recommend getting him on the side one-on-one so he doesn't feel ganged up on and being frank in a polite, easy going, and nonconfrontational way to let him know that some of his irrational behavior is making it difficult to feel relaxed and have a good time on certain occasions (but obviously don't use the word "irrational" when you're talking to him.)

Also, be sure to make it clear that you're glad to have him as a friend and are bringing this up because you don't want him to have to worry about whether or not your group sincerely accepts him as a friend.

[Gadough]

   So, I have this friend, and the guy raises questions in my mind.

I stopped reading here because it's funnier that way.

[Progmetty]

   So, I have this friend, and the guy raises questions in my mind.

I stopped reading here because it's funnier that way.

I wasn't gonna say anything
There's still a couple of gems in there.
Not trying to be disrespectful MasterShakezula, I think black_floyd gave the best advice about it there is.

[MykeHavoc]

Sounds gay to me.

[Orbert]

Some people just aren't comfortable in groups and are honestly better off by themselves.  They're really not good at group dynamics and feel awkward and to put it bluntly, sometimes say dumb or weird things that kinda squash the fun factor because every stops to looks at them and everything's awkward for a minute.

Some people, however, really like to hang with others.  Humans are social creatures by nature, and most of us prefer the company of others to being alone all the time.  Sure, times of solitude aren't always horrible, and are sometimes preferable, but there's nothing like the dynamic that hanging with others can provide.  If nothing else, it feels good to feel liked and a part of something.

The problem comes with these two worlds collide.  You have someone who likes to hang with others, but simply is no good at it.  He ends up killing conversations or doing or saying stupid shit, and knows he's fucked up but can't help it.  He's managed to find a group to hang with that are nice people and tolerant, so they really won't go so far as to shun him or ask him not to hang with him.  He honestly does provide some amusement to the group, and he's not that bad most of the time; he seems to actually be getting better at it.

But enough about me.

Keep doing what you're doing.  black_floyd has it right.  Your friend is lucky to have you guys to hang with.  The socially awkward will never get any less socially awkward without the opportunity to "practice" being normal, and they need to interact with others to do that.  But unlike most, they also need to hear, in simple terms, that they're okay.  They're self-conscious and know they don't quite fit in, and don't want to spoil others' fun, but their need for social interaction and acceptance sometimes overcomes their common sense, and they subject themselves and others to what happens when they attempt to mix it up with regular folk.  God bless the cool people who put up with the less cool people in this world.

[bosk1]

For a second, I really thought someone resurrected an Icy thread.