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The official DTF "drunk" thread

Started by sirbradford117, April 30, 2009, 10:33:43 PM

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LeeHarveyKennedy

No; but seriously, I forgot that you feel emotions while drunk. Wow. Also, we're playing Nine Inh Nails,

LeeHarveyKennedy

Dudesz, my life just got so faked up. Seriously. Of my god. Fuckn' girls.

Sigz


Chino

Quote from: LeeHarveyKennedy on August 30, 2010, 02:18:20 AM
Dudesz, my life just got so faked up. Seriously. Of my god. Fuckn' girls.

That it? That everything? ... Kill er'

robwebster


zxlkho

bumpppppppppppppumpumpumpupmp

drumpnk

LCArenas

Quote from: zxlkho on September 03, 2010, 11:31:33 PM
bumpppppppppppppumpumpumpupmp

drumpnk
This guy was drunk last night and you didn't exploit him? DTF, look at what you have missed.

zxlkho


TioJorge

So, I'm at my best friends house, who happens to be an extremely hot mom. A god damn milf. That's beside the point. Her car breaks down on the way home, we push it back, then as we finish watching a movie and she finishes climaxing as my tongue exits her labia minor, I realize she drove me here to her house, we are both very drunk, and I have no friends because I am the anti-christ. So I begin to walk home. I turn around realizing I left my 1.75 ML of Malibu at her house. Grab it, and begin to walk home. Its still fairly full. As I am walking the 7 or so miles it takes to get back to my house, I am drinking Malibu all the while and staring at the stars. It's a pretty nice night, no clouds, breezy, and for once it's not hot as Satan's balls. I get home and I see my poor, cute, overweight Labrador lying on the drive-way asleep. I walk up and clearly startle her as she quite literally jumps up a feet or two in the air and is ready to gnaw my face off, hackles up and snarling as she doesn't know who I am yet. We stand there for a second or two as I think she's some random dog sleeping in my driveway. I realize. She realizes. We celebrate in a sloppy embrace. Then I ponder why my precious dog is left outside when she is clearly a fucking princess meant to be sleeping on a padded bed many people would kill to sleep on. But this is my god damn dog and I'm living in rural America, so suck on my Black Forest Ham I just bought from H.E.B., you slut. I walk inside to find my father sleeping naked on the couch (He is 56) with a girl who looks about the same age as the girl I just finished eating (23). What the fuck. I walk upstairs with the longest sigh I've sighed and...here we are.

Anyway, long story short, I'm drunk. And it was a good night. I like to go carpet diving. She promised she'd gag on my meat tomorrow (I manage the deli at randalls so there's a lot of meat jokes thrown in whenever we play around. Roast beef is very juicy.)

Global Laziness

Um...wow.

On a related note, I was looking for this thread the other night and I was too drunk to find it. Extremely disappointing.


MetalManiac666

Quote from: TioJorge on September 04, 2010, 10:49:23 PM
So, I'm at my best friends house, who happens to be an extremely hot mom. A god damn milf. That's beside the point. Her car breaks down on the way home, we push it back, then as we finish watching a movie and she finishes climaxing as my tongue exits her labia minor, I realize she drove me here to her house, we are both very drunk, and I have no friends because I am the anti-christ. So I begin to walk home. I turn around realizing I left my 1.75 ML of Malibu at her house. Grab it, and begin to walk home. Its still fairly full. As I am walking the 7 or so miles it takes to get back to my house, I am drinking Malibu all the while and staring at the stars. It's a pretty nice night, no clouds, breezy, and for once it's not hot as Satan's balls. I get home and I see my poor, cute, overweight Labrador lying on the drive-way asleep. I walk up and clearly startle her as she quite literally jumps up a feet or two in the air and is ready to gnaw my face off, hackles up and snarling as she doesn't know who I am yet. We stand there for a second or two as I think she's some random dog sleeping in my driveway. I realize. She realizes. We celebrate in a sloppy embrace. Then I ponder why my precious dog is left outside when she is clearly a fucking princess meant to be sleeping on a padded bed many people would kill to sleep on. But this is my god damn dog and I'm living in rural America, so suck on my Black Forest Ham I just bought from H.E.B., you slut. I walk inside to find my father sleeping naked on the couch (He is 56) with a girl who looks about the same age as the girl I just finished eating (23). What the fuck. I walk upstairs with the longest sigh I've sighed and...here we are.

Anyway, long story short, I'm drunk. And it was a good night. I like to go carpet diving. She promised she'd gag on my meat tomorrow (I manage the deli at randalls so there's a lot of meat jokes thrown in whenever we play around. Roast beef is very juicy.)

Fuck, you have the most amazing stories. :rollin

Sir GuitarCozmo

Thirsty Thursday and Cemetary Gates is on the jukebox. Fucking awesome!!

TimmyHiggy

at a physics conference. bar stopped serving so we walked to 24 hr supermarket. so drunk.

skydivingninja

SkydivingNinja, drunk on the internet.

Fuzzboy

Got cockblocked by damn curfew tonight

fucking goddamn

so close to a blowjob.

FUCKING SHIT

i'll see this girl tomorrow night, so best of luck AMIFUCKINGRITE

Fuzzboy

Quote from: Fuzzboy on September 11, 2010, 03:04:25 AM
Got cockblocked by damn curfew tonight

fucking goddamn

so close to a blowjob.

FUCKING SHIT

i'll see this girl tomorrow night, so best of luck AMIFUCKINGRITE


I just realized this sounds kinda shallow and "i just wanna git laid tonite brah", but I didn't mean it like that


but seriously

zxlkho

HEY GUYSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Awesome partyuuyyyyy

lonestar

Yeah, I'd get drunk too if my team sucked dick to James Madison.  :biggrin:

zxlkho

FUXCK YOU

FUCK JMU LETS GO HokiseSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

lonestar


bout to crash


Portrucci

when I'm drunkl I can only listen to classical or creedance clearwater revival. I'm not sure why. but listening to the latter tright now.all i knoiw its thati t feels good man  :hat :hat

Silver Tears

i think it's sage to say i'm prett ydrunk right now..


AcidLameLTE


Silver Tears


AcidLameLTE


Silver Tears

fuck i have alectuer at nine tomrow anrd i have no idea how to get tp the hospital

AcidLameLTE


Silver Tears

its fine we 're all in the same boat right now.

It was the medics piub crawl tonigh so we were going round lods of pubs in our lab coats so none of us are up for it tomorrow

TimmyHiggy

Quote from: TimmyHiggy on September 09, 2010, 06:58:54 PM
at a physics conference. bar stopped serving so we walked to 24 hr supermarket. so drunk.
Haha I didn't even think I turned my computer on let alone posted on DTF! I wonder what else I did...

TioJorge

Meh. Got home late from work and have to go in early tomorrow (I fucking despise back-to-backs); open the department at 5. Fuck me. I'm currently drinking straight from my bottle of Absolut vodka. So I'm not drunk yet, but I will be pretty soon. And then I will be sleeping well once my clothes are finished washing. Then I'll regret doing this in the morning. Then I'll have a fuck you face directed at every damned customer that walks in, and then I'll get my paycheck and buy more alcohol and the cycle of destruction will begin anew except this time I'll change it up by buying even more alcohol and getting even more wasted. I'm also going to invest in a flesh light because I've always wanted to fuck a flashlight but it doesn't seem like it'd be very sexy.

Silver Tears

HEEY GUYYS I'M PRTETY DRUNK RIHGT NOW fuck i have a lecuater in like four hours or osmetinga

bout to crash

#663
You know you're drink when you fall askeep with delicious pizza on your chest.. and then again while reading dtf  ;)


ardon my typinc

edit: lol

Sir GuitarCozmo

Much drinking and boobies on display. Thirsty Thursday fucking rules.