This is terribly disheartening...
Two minds melded, one side of two hearts each sewn together...
Only to be slowly torn apart throughout the years.
Marriage. Hm. Make it last, Snapple. Be the one that doesn't shit on the so-called sanctity of a legal document binding the two of you together. I don't hold much hope these days for marriage, but perhaps you can be the one that, years from now, when I'm fat and dying, gasping for my last breath as I search the dilapidated forums of the DTF wasteland, I'll see a picture of you two retaking your vows and a small, tiny, dried-up tear will flow down my wrinkled, scarred face and I will die a happy man, knowing that this world has a glint of hope left in the form of your marriage. Then I will bite into my cookie-dough-peach-cobbler-hydrocodone-double-decker-extra-bacon-cheese-burger-pie and choke on it.
Or you'll get divorced and I'll have to go through with destroying the omniverse and overtaking the egg-throne of the heavens and beheading the chicken-king.