Cup Reviews the 50 worst songs (according to Blender)

[MasterShakezula]

Some years ago, the magazine Blender made a controversial list of what they considered to be the 50 worst songs ever.  Inspired by some random blogger who did this task before, I am to listen to all 50 songs and decide for myself whether or not they deserve the sort of sardonic bashing that Blender dealt.  You can probably find the original list and commentary if you google it.  Don't click on the official Blender link if you do that, though.  They took the list down some time ago. 

50. "My Heart Will Go On" - Celine Dion – 1998

Well, that sucked.  I almost want to give it some slack for having been made to promote a film (that I do not particularly like), but then considered a number of actual good songs and themes for films.  The made-for-film defense really doesn’t excuse this.  It’s dominated with outdated, crappy-sounding synths.  And not the endearing variety; those synth sounds aren’t so-wacky-they’re-cool.  They’re just disappointing.  They actual singing was alright, if a bit bombastic.  Shame she had to be singing this; her voice could have been used to serve the powers of good.  Music, that is.

49. "I'm Too Sexy" - Right Said Fred – 1992

Not bad.  It’s dumb, but at least it’s funny and you can tell he (they?) were having a laugh about it.  Also, it’s very catchy.  If I wasn’t the sort of person who doesn’t dance, I’d jig to this on the dancefloor or whatever kids use to dance on these days.  (Picket fences?)  Anyway, this is no bad song, let alone the 49th worst ever. 

48. "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da" - Beatles – 1968

Sorry, there's no way this is worse than "My Heart Will Go On", let alone all of popular music, save for 47 other songs.  It's not necessarily one of the best Beatles tunes I've heard, but it's a good song.  I can see how it could be considered stupid or whatever for being lighthearted and not serious, but It's not banal and it's well-composed.  This successful piece of pop has no place here. 

More will come tomorrow. 

[lonestar]

I think we need to make some room in the archive for this one, looking forward to it cup.

[Gadough]

make 'em say uuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[Ben_Jamin]

Interesting idea.

[Pols Voice]

Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da doesn't deserve to be on a worst songs list at all. It's a harmless little song. There are several other tracks on the White Album that are worse, too.

[Silver Tears]

I'll follow this one cup

[Nihil-Morari]

Nice! I don't even know the list, so this'll be double good.

[jingle.boy]

Following.

[Elite]

Yeah, I've seen this list, so I know some of what will be coming up.
Still, I will be following, because there's no such things as the 'worst 50 songs ever'.

[Gorille85]

yeah the fact that that beatles song made list is wtf material

[Ħ]

My Heart Will Go On is fantastic. Overplayed back when the movie came out, but still fantastic. Amazing vocal performance.

[antigoon]

48. "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da" - Beatles – 1968

Seriously?

[King Postwhore]

My Heart Will Go On is fantastic. Overplayed back when the movie came out, but still fantastic. Amazing vocal performance.

Agree

48. "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da" - Beatles – 1968

Seriously?

And again, agree.

[Gorille85]

Looks more like an "un-cool songs according to us top 50 list"

[Ħ]

"I'm Too Sexy" was pretty terrible.

The Beatles song was, well....a Beatles song.

[Gorille85]

The Beatles song was, well....a Beatles song.

what does that even mean

[Ħ]

It sounded just like a Beatles song. That should tell you about the quality of the song.

[Gorille85]

Oh right. Pretty awesome.

Got ya!

[Ħ]

Yes, the quality of the song was not surprising at all, given the fact it's a Beatles song. It certainly met my expectations.

[Gorille85]

It's one of the worst Beatles song but still doesn't deserve a spot in that list. If you think every Beatles song sounds like that then you didn't hear a lot.

[Zook]

Holy shit The Offspring ripped off the melody of that Beatles song for Why Don't You Get A Job

[King Postwhore]

It's one of the worst Beatles song but still doesn't deserve a spot in that list. If you think every Beatles song sounds like that then you didn't hear a lot.

I can think of one I really don't like but it's not top 50 worse of all time!

You Know My Name (Look Up The Number)

[MasterShakezula]

I'd say these 4 songs are pretty lame.  I dunno whether they'd be among the worst ever (I try to avoid listening to stuff that could fall into thier sorta territory), but there's plenty for me to bitch about.   

47. "The Only Thing That Looks Good On Me is You" - Bryan Adams - 1996

This is what happens when you gather up a few random blue-collar workers from a former Warsaw Pact nation, provide them with a vague definition of what 'rock music' is, and ask them to write and record a song of 'rock music'.  Very little outstanding about this.

46. "Hangin' Tough" - New Kids on the Block - 1989

Yeah, pop music's had its share of bu*9384 since always.  Like this, for instance.  There's just no way anyone at the time could have been taking this seriously unless they were under 11.  I'll take it over whatever's on the AM station nowadays, if only because I like the outdated synth bass and silly percussion effects.  The Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah part could work well if it was in a good song, possibly.

45. "Mesmerize" - Ja Rule feat. Ashanti - 2002

No thanks. 

This song really could benefit from

A. having more variety and not driving such a small amount of samples into the ground

or B.  being about 3 minutes shorter. 

A small amount of ideas can be put to real good use in a small amount of time (or a real long amount of time if you're clever, but I don't see Steve Reich on the credits list for production, so whatever).  But if you drag things out for longer without really doing anything interesting with them, you'll just be redundant.  Also, at one point, Ja Rule mentions that he drives a GMC Yukon.  I detest SUVs, so I give it one thumb down for promoting the Yukon and another for everything else. 

44. "I'd Do Everything For Love [But I Won't Do That]" - Meat Loaf - 1993

This song could have been alright if it was more reserved and wasn't 7 MINUTES LONG.  When I was younger, I did not like long songs (by long, I mean over 5 minutes or so).  Nowadays, I'm posting on a prog-metal forum, of course, but that aside, I'm relating more and more to my younger self about long songs.  Sure, a long song can be something fantastic, like, Dvorak's 9th or something like that, but there's a chance it could be this. 

More to come later today. 

[Fluffy Lothario]

I don't get what everyone has against Obladi Oblada. It's far from one of the worst Beatles songs. In fact, probably a good half of the songs on any of their albums are worse.

[lonestar]

I don't get what everyone has against Obladi Oblada. It's far from one of the worst Beatles songs. In fact, probably a good half of the songs on any of their albums are worse.

Fun lonestar tidbit.  When I was a senior in high school, and my pot smoking was at it's peak, my buddies and I used to go off campus to smoke during lunch.  The moment we got out of the parking lot, Obladi Oblada went on and we fired up.  True story.

[jingle.boy]

44. "I'd Do Everything For Love [But I Won't Do That]" - Meat Loaf - 1993

This song could have been alright if it was more reserved and wasn't 7 MINUTES LONG.  When I was younger, I did not like long songs (by long, I mean over 5 minutes or so).  Nowadays, I'm posting on a prog-metal forum, of course, but that aside, I'm relating more and more to my younger self about long songs.  Sure, a long song can be something fantastic, like, Dvorak's 9th or something like that, but there's a chance it could be this. 

More to come later today.

Dude... that's the radio edit.  The actual song is 12 minutes long.

[Jirpo]

44. "I'd Do Everything For Love [But I Won't Do That]" - Meat Loaf - 1993

This song could have been alright if it was more reserved and wasn't 7 MINUTES LONG.  When I was younger, I did not like long songs (by long, I mean over 5 minutes or so).  Nowadays, I'm posting on a prog-metal forum, of course, but that aside, I'm relating more and more to my younger self about long songs.  Sure, a long song can be something fantastic, like, Dvorak's 9th or something like that, but there's a chance it could be this. 

More to come later today.

Dude... that's the radio edit.  The actual song is 12 minutes long.

[LieLowTheWantedMan]

I hate every song posted thus far. I might like this list.

[Big Hath]

48. "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da" - Beatles – 1968

Sorry, there's no way this is worse than "My Heart Will Go On", let alone all of popular music, save for 47 other songs.  It's not necessarily one of the best Beatles tunes I've heard, but it's a good song.  I can see how it could be considered stupid or whatever for being lighthearted and not serious, but It's not banal and it's well-composed.  This successful piece of pop has no place here. 

this song (cover version) was also the opening them of the show Life Goes On, the first tv show to have a major character with Down Syndrome, Corky Thatcher.  You guys remember that show from the late 80's/early 90's?

[senecadawg2]

Interesting list. As hard as it is to come up with the 50 best songs, its so much more difficult to name the 50 worst songs.

[Zook]

Who Let the Dogs Out for #1?




Well it should be.

[King Postwhore]

I'm betting Rico Suave is on the list.

[splent]

Every song by Ja Rule shoudl be on this list.

Songs I bet are on that list:
Ooh Ahh Just A Little Bit by Gina G
Rico Suave
Macarena
Party All The Time by Eddie Murphy
That one other song by Bruce Willis
We Built This City by Starship

[Zook]

Come Dancing by The Kinks should be on this list too.

[jingle.boy]

The Ketchup Song?