Married Losers v. You're My Only Hope

[snapple]

Alright married losers, i need some advice.

DISCLAIMER: all of the things I am posting have been discussed with Courtney (my wife-to-be). This is not a typical AndyDT thread. I intend on reading all the responses but, I'm generally a listener when I get advice. I'll try to respond, even if it isn't profound. /disclaimer

So, I'm getting married on May 26th. It's awesome. She's the love of my life blah blah I've probably posted enough about this and her. However, I'm running into some emotional roadblocks. I'll just list them so there is some sort of order.

1.) Leaving my physical home - Until Saturday, this one seemed pretty unreal to me. Leaving my physical home to a new place and just assuming that place can be my "home", even if it's temporary. However, Courtney and myself signed a lease for a cute upstairs flat at the college town we are moving to following the wedding! It was unreal! I have the key, and she signed as Courtney Yaple, which like...man it was awesome. It's hard to explain the emotion I felt. Partly because I was(am) sick at the time. We were going over our budgets and realizing like "holy shit, we can make this all work!" We have a solid $12K saved between the two of us and we could easily get by without jobs for a year at the price we got and what not.  So this point is kind of moot, but I wanted to kind of give a starting point and maybe some realization that everything will be okay once I do it.

2.) Leaving my emotional(?) home - I keep a lot of things. No, I am not a hoarder. In my family, we were always taught to appreciate gifts (and things of that nature) because the idea was that someone took the time to think of you to purchase that. You were the one in mind. I have every birthday card from when I was 9 until 22 (I just turned 22 in March). And, I'm realizing I need to part with some of this stuff soon. I never play my bass anymore, and I realize it would be best to sell it. I remember getting it for my 17th birthday and was the happiest person in the world. And this feeling of selling it is just awful. So, the packing up and getting rid of stuff is going to be hard, and I'm not sure how to best deal with it. How much do I bring?

Also, my dogs I don't want to leave my dogs. Daisy, my golden retriever (well, they're my parent's dogs, but I refer to them as mine) is almost 14 and she has been through a lot in her life. She looks really good for 13 and she's always been kind of "my" dog. I trained her, I've taken her to the vet, she only lets me clip her nails, I'm the only person she doesn't growl at when they come near her while she's eating etc. And the same applies to my 18 month old yellow lab Sophie. They're both my girls and it's going to be hard leaving them. I love them both so much and I feel like I would be abandoning them. I'm actually tearing up at the thought of leaving them. They're really awesome and I love them a lot. And part of the reason why it sucks is because they're probably going to go down to Texas (edit: I'm from Michigan) in August or so when/if my Dad moves down to be with my Mom. I mean, Sophie always lies next to me and she puts her head on my lap if I'm sitting and cuddles up to me and everything. Daisy doesn't like cuddling, but she always KNOWS when I'm having a bad day and she's always there for me. I think this is where I am going to struggle the most. They're the two best dogs in the world.

So, yeah...any help is appreciated

[Progmetty]

For some reason I always assumed that you're over 40. I think I confused you with someone else heh
Congratulations dude and as a married man that went through exactly the same process I can tell you that the first few month will be the hardest to adjust to everything new thrown your way in marriage life but then the reminiscing and the story telling will make something ever cooler out of the memories.
And a quick but important marriage advice, if your wife works and the following conversation comes up, this is how you're supposed to react. I learned that the hard way.

[Orbert]

I understand what you're going through, it'll be a little rough, but you'll be fine.

I left the house when I was 18, lived with other dudes in a couple of houses/townhouses, and lived with my girlfriend (now wife) for a while, so I guess I went in phases.  Leaving the nest was no biggie, I wanted to do it.  You'll be surprised how easy it is to adjust to this one.  It helps that there's a lot of positive excitement surrounding the change.

Giving up your stuff is tougher, but doable.  I too kept all my birthday cards, as well as a bunch of Valentine's Day cards and Christmas cards and probably others.  I had a drawer in my desk that was stuffed full of them.  I'd even pull them out sometimes and read through them when I was bored.  I guess I'm just a sentimental fool.  When I moved out, I couldn't take everything with me, and I left the cards.  Later, when I returned to clean out my room, I just tossed them all.  I think I flipped through them one last time, but I figured that if I'd survived that long without them, then I didn't need them.  Needs and wants are definitely two different things, and now is as good a time as any to start making some decisions regarding that.  You're entering the next phase, the big one.

[Dr. DTVT]

While I'm not married, I do know about the whole moving out/moving on thing.  While things always seem overwhelming at the time, you'll adjust pretty quickly.  In some ways you have it better than me because I moved outside of Pittsburgh not knowing anybody for a job, then did the same thing when I moved down to Virginia Tech.  No wife in tow to ease the transition, had to do it on my own.  Like Orbert said, this will actually be pretty easy.

As for what to keep/what to toss, just take everything you want now, eventually you'll phase stuff out.  When I moved out, I took all my HS football trophies and academic awards because I wanted to remind myself I was more than just a chemist.  Now that stuff sits in the basement and I'll probably throw most of it out when I move again.  If it doesn't feel right to get rid of it yet, don't.  Some day you should be ready to let go of that stuff, and as you move forward in life and redefine who you are with time you'll care less and less about holding on to the past.  Last time I moved I made a decision to throw away my game tapes and highlight reel I had made for college recruiters.  When I move this summer, most of the rest of the stuff like trophies and plaques will go because I'm not displaying them now (and I would feel silly doing so) and that part of me is further in the past.

As for the dogs, I'm assuming taking them with you isn't an option.  That's probably just something you'll have to deal with unfortunately.  You'll have enough on your plate getting settled and making your house your home that hopefully you'll get over leaving them fast.  But, you're leaving your parents, so the dog shouldn't be any worse, right?

[Cool Chris]

First off… congratulations and good luck to you.

If it doesn't feel right to get rid of it yet, don't.  Some day you should be ready to let go of that stuff, and as you move forward in life and redefine who you are with time you'll care less and less about holding on to the past. 

This is great advice. You are about to embark on an amazing new journey and creating so many new memories and acquiring so many new things for y our new place and life together. It doesn’t mean you will forget about everything that has happened to you up till now and should thus ditch everything. You shouldn’t. Just as you will still hold on to aspects of your current life, you should hold on to those things that are important to you now. But you will be redefining yourself reprioritizing your life and your life style. In a year or two things you thought you couldn’t live without will be forgotten in a box in the back of a closet somewhere. When you are ready to get rid of something, it won’t be because it no longer has meaning. It will be because you need the room for all the fun new stuff you are gaining. That’s how I’ve looked at it over the 2 years I’ve been married and a home owner.

[antigoon]

I don't know anything about marriage, but you could probably start buy throwing out all the cards. From now on, just throw them out a few weeks after your birthday/holiday/whatever is over.

[Dr. DTVT]

I use cards as bookmarks since I am usually in the middle of reading several books at any one time.

[wolfandwolfandwolf]

snapple, I think we are the same being.

[snapple]

snapple, I think we are the same being.

Shhh don't ruin it for everyone

[snapple]

[snapple]

So, I went through my room. With a few minor exceptions that I need to talk to Courtney about, I got rid of everything I didn't need. I thought I would take it a day at a time and make it easier on myself. Nope.jpg. I fucking did it all. Wow. It was not easy. Thank God for Megadeth. Cryptic Writings was perfect for throwing shit away.

[jingle.boy]

Follow a tried and true axiom.  When in doubt, throw it out.

Congratulations to both of you. You're a little younger than I imagined (had 26 in my mind). As the professor said, this transition will be something you adapt to ... Not easily, but you will adapt. I lived on my own (with roommates) a lot from the time I left home at 20, to the time I moved in with Mrs Jingle a year before we got married (I was 27). It's stressful, sure, but as Captain said to Tennile, 'Love Will Keep us Together'.

[King Postwhore]

I tell you what,  my wife and I had a feeling of "we are together on our own" vs the world and we loved it.  Sure I threw out some of my stuff, but it was the little sacrifice I made to be with her,  and her sacrifice you ask?

She gave up all control to anything electronic!!  I am the master of TV and RADIO!!  Here me click from station to station with speed!!

[SystematicThought]

"My wife and I haven't spoken in 20 years, I didn't want to interrupt her."
-Rodney Dangerfield

[j]

I didn't really give up anything when I got married.  Bitches be loco.

-J

[King Postwhore]

I didn't really give up anything when I got married.  Bitches be loco.

-J

Don't let her read this.

[j]

Lol I won't, but...she knows she's loco.

-J