Male-female interactions at church

[AndyDT]

If some woman keeps hanging around you in church and you're not really into her as a potential partner what do you do? It happened before  and I ended up asking her out just so it would be resolved one way or another and nothing came of it as just as I thought there wasn't the chemistry there but ever since she's barely talked to me.

[the Catfishman]

 

[BlobVanDam]

This isn't really a P/R issue, it's just basic human interaction. The wonders of the Andy thread! Perhaps if you stopped viewing every social interaction with a female as a one-minded search for a "potential partner", as you've referred to her, you wouldn't need to ask DTF for help every time you leave the computer.

Do you have to be into a woman as a potential partner for her to be allowed within your general vicinity? She may just take the same spot every time from nothing more than routine. Or maybe she wants to bump uglies with you. Who knows? The answer is "she does". Human interaction sorts these kinds of things out through the ancient art of conversation, if it really matters that much to you. Does her presence really offend you that much? Sort it out, man.

[eric42434224]

Andy, are you that totally and completely socially inept and clueless?
I can't believe you still ask about stuff like this.

Whats next?

New Andy DT thread:

I was buying a soda, and after paying, the cashier smiled at me and said, "have a nice day".
What do I do?  Does she want a relationship?  Wont that interfere with my quest to be close with god?
Wont it just be playing to my ego?  What should I wear to our church wedding?

 

Seriously dude.  I have never met anyone that over analyzed every tiny bit of life, then blew that tiny bit so far out of proportion, as you do.  My annoyance in your continuous attempts to get advice, and then continuously ignore that advice, is matched only by my deep sympathy in the fact that you are wasting the greatest years of your life by actively not living them.

Unfuckingbelievable.

[Chino]

If some woman keeps hanging around you in church and you're not really into her as a potential partner what do you do? It happened before  and I ended up asking her out just so it would be resolved one way or another and nothing came of it as just as I thought there wasn't the chemistry there but ever since she's barely talked to me.

Maybe she wanted a relationship with you. She's not going to waste her time socializing if there is no meat on the bone for her... Literally

[yeshaberto]

Andy, are you that totally and completely socially inept and clueless?
I can't believe you still ask about stuff like this.

Whats next?

New Andy DT thread:

I was buying a soda, and after paying, the cashier smiled at me and said, "have a nice day".
What do I do?  Does she want a relationship?  Wont that interfere with my quest to be close with god?
Wont it just be playing to my ego?  What should I wear to our church wedding?

 

Seriously dude.  I have never met anyone that over analyzed every tiny bit of life, then blew that tiny bit so far out of proportion, as you do.  My annoyance in your continuous attempts to get advice, and then continuously ignore that advice, is matched only by my deep sympathy in the fact that you are wasting the greatest years of your life by actively not living them.

Unfuckingbelievable.

I can't believe you would post something like that about a fellow DTFer.   Take this as a warning.   

[yeshaberto]

And for all future andydt threads I defer to the wisdom of my mother.  "If you can't say anything nice in an Andy thread don't say anything at all"

[Ryzee]

Serious question:  Do we know for sure that AndyDT is for real with all of these threads and isn't just trolling the crap out of us, or maybe even he was sincere the first few times but now just keeps making more threads like this because it's become his "thing" and it's kind of expected of him around here?  Just curious as I'm relatively new here, and these things are important.

[slycordinator]

1) Maybe she just wants to have a conversation with you.
2) Just because there wasn't a chemistry before doesn't mean there won't be any now. Many people go on a date, have it not go well, then get back in touch with that person some time later. Or maybe she felt there was something you weren't feeling.

Although, did you go into that date with the intention of it going well? Because it seems strange to me to hear someone essentially say "I asked her out so we could resolve the feelings she was showing."

[Sir GuitarCozmo]

And for all future andydt threads I defer to the wisdom of my mother.  "If you can't say anything nice in an Andy thread don't say anything at all"

Guaranteed, your mother never read an andydt thread. 

[El Barto]

This isn't really a P/R issue, it's just basic human interaction. The wonders of the Andy thread! Perhaps if you stopped viewing every social interaction with a female as a one-minded search for a "potential partner", as you've referred to her, you wouldn't need to ask DTF for help every time you leave the computer.

Do you have to be into a woman as a potential partner for her to be allowed within your general vicinity? She may just take the same spot every time from nothing more than routine. Or maybe she wants to bump uglies with you. Who knows? The answer is "she does". Human interaction sorts these kinds of things out through the ancient art of conversation, if it really matters that much to you. Does her presence really offend you that much? Sort it out, man.

[theseoafs]

I'm confused. Is the question "if a woman is nearby what do you do?"

Regardless, you're doing it wrong if you're asking women out "just so it would be resolved one way or the other". Why do relationships have to be "resolved" -- why are relationships with females all or nothing? Why can't we just be friends with everyone (even girls), and then take the next step with one of your friends if you're both up to it? If you're going to ask a girl out, do it because you want to spend time with her.

[Odysseus]

If some woman keeps hanging around you in church and you're not really into her as a potential partner what do you do? It happened before  and I ended up asking her out just so it would be resolved one way or another and nothing came of it as just as I thought there wasn't the chemistry there but ever since she's barely talked to me.

She wants your babies, no doubt about it.  Get in there! 

[Ravenheart]

It's a plot against you.

[AndyDT]

If some woman keeps hanging around you in church and you're not really into her as a potential partner what do you do? It happened before  and I ended up asking her out just so it would be resolved one way or another and nothing came of it as just as I thought there wasn't the chemistry there but ever since she's barely talked to me.

Maybe she wanted a relationship with you. She's not going to waste her time socializing if there is no meat on the bone for her... Literally

That's what I thought.

The church leaders even issued a friendly warning of advice about this some time ago. Along the lines of "if you're talking regularly to the opposite sex make sure you're clear of the basis of the relationship as it can lead people on".

[eric42434224]

I find that handing out a well-worded disclosure, clearly spelling out your intentions (with caveats approved by my lawyer) at first contact with the opposite sex, is the best way to make sure you dont lead anyone on.  I made mine pocket-size and laminated them...with 2 categories of intentions.  1) You are homley so I just want to be friends, and 2) You are good looking and I want to hump you.   It is good to see that your church is on the ball, making sure that behavoir doesnt get out of hand, and intentions are clear from the get-go.

[AndyDT]

This isn't really a P/R issue, it's just basic human interaction. The wonders of the Andy thread! Perhaps if you stopped viewing every social interaction with a female as a one-minded search for a "potential partner", as you've referred to her, you wouldn't need to ask DTF for help every time you leave the computer.

I'm single and interested in women so most interactions with a fairly attractive female are usually I expect going to be coloured with this. I think the church recognises this particularly as its somewhere where a lot of people between 20-40 get together. However I didn't say any interaction just when a woman is repeatedly approaching me I think "what is she expecting me to do? What do I want to do?" If the only place you're meeting is in the congregation or in a mixed spot I find it does lead me on and causes frustration because you think "ok you're interested but there's no way I can do anything about it here or at any foreseeable time in the future".

THis is why I think the church raised the issue some time ago as it causes a lot of confusion. I like to be upfront personally which is why I've had some success in relationships doing it that way. That's what HAS worked for me.

[ZBomber]

This isn't really a P/R issue, it's just basic human interaction. The wonders of the Andy thread! Perhaps if you stopped viewing every social interaction with a female as a one-minded search for a "potential partner", as you've referred to her, you wouldn't need to ask DTF for help every time you leave the computer.

I'm single

Wait really?

[hefdaddy42]

Serious question:  Do we know for sure that AndyDT is for real with all of these threads and isn't just trolling the crap out of us

Not really.  But he's always entertaining.

[King Postwhore]

If some woman keeps hanging around you in church and you're not really into her as a potential partner what do you do? It happened before  and I ended up asking her out just so it would be resolved one way or another and nothing came of it as just as I thought there wasn't the chemistry there but ever since she's barely talked to me.

Why would you ask someone out that you had no real interest in?  Ne polite and tell here you are not interested instead of going on a date you never wanted to do and then drag this girl around thinking see has a chance.


Also 3 Our Fathers and 3 Hail Mary's for you.

[slycordinator]

Why would you ask someone out that you had no real interest in?  Ne polite and tell here you are not interested instead of going on a date you never wanted to do and then drag this girl around thinking see has a chance.

To be fair, lots of people go out on a date with someone they aren't all that interested in to be nice and find that they had a lot more in common with the other than they initially thought they would.

On the other hand, I have my doubts he went in with an open mind.

[King Postwhore]

You did read the OP's post about how it hapened before and he went out on a date to "Resolve" it one way or another. 

That's not how you do it.  Don't lead on a person into thinking they might have a chance with you.

[slycordinator]

I agree. If you scroll up, you'll see where I told him that it wasn't normal to go in hoping to get everything resolved. I was responding to the wording that could imply that people in general shouldn't go out on dates with people they weren't all that interested in.

[King Postwhore]

I agree. If you scroll up, you'll see where I told him that it wasn't normal to go in hoping to get everything resolved. I was responding to the wording that could imply that people in general shouldn't go out on dates with people they weren't all that interested in.

Then I agree with you!

[Orbert]

Andy is such a tease.  Took her out on a date, but wasn't really interested in her.

[slycordinator]

At the risk of being rude, I think it's a little hypocritical to agree that talking to the opposite sex can lead them on while downplaying the fact that the date in question *did* lead the girl on.

[King Postwhore]

At the risk of being rude, I think it's a little hypocritical to agree that talking to the opposite sex can lead them on while downplaying the fact that the date in question *did* lead the girl on.

Well is she continually talks to him at church a good guess is she's interested in him.   I'm guessing Andy has that vibe that she likes him so he needs to be straight with her and tell her he's not interested so he won't follow in the same footsteps as last time.

[AndyDT]

At the risk of being rude, I think it's a little hypocritical to agree that talking to the opposite sex can lead them on while downplaying the fact that the date in question *did* lead the girl on.

Well is she continually talks to him at church a good guess is she's interested in him.   I'm guessing Andy has that vibe that she likes him so he needs to be straight with her and tell her he's not interested so he won't follow in the same footsteps as last time.

The way I figured was that I wanted to resolve whether I was just "hiding" from relationship but really the issue was she was was hanging around a lot  and this made me think "you don't dare ask her out" or "you must be abnormal if you don't ask a woman out and she's interested". I just wanted to know if there was something in it, as slycoordinator said. But if I'd listened to myself and said "no this isn't going to work out even though she seems a very nice person".

At the risk of being rude, I think it's a little hypocritical to agree that talking to the opposite sex can lead them on while downplaying the fact that the date in question *did* lead the girl on.

Well is she continually talks to him at church a good guess is she's interested in him.   I'm guessing Andy has that vibe that she likes him so he needs to be straight with her and tell her he's not interested so he won't follow in the same footsteps as last time.

That would sound very arrogant I reckon. Blobvandamme suggested sort it out with conversation. I did have a conversation and it seemed to lead to a natural conclusion so maybe it's as simple as that.

[eric42434224]

I did have a conversation and it seemed to lead to a natural conclusion so maybe it's as simple as that.

In all seriousness, I think that many of your dilemas in life can be that simple.  Just doing the thing/activity, instead of over analyzing, usually leads to a simple resolution, instead of the overwhelming complication you may experience in your head.
But we have been telling you this for some time now.  Good to see you did it this time.

[Chino]

https://www.dummies.com/how-to/relationships-family/Dating.html

[comment]

If some woman keeps hanging around you in church and you're not really into her as a potential partner what do you do? It happened before  and I ended up asking her out just so it would be resolved one way or another and nothing came of it as just as I thought there wasn't the chemistry there but ever since she's barely talked to me.

I would see this as an opportunity to practice assertive communication next time.  But now is the time to "be up font" because no one wants to be lead on.  So you pray, talk to your elders and other girls you have a friendship with.  My opinion is it's okay for a woman to make herself found, but "It's not good for MAN to be alone" and "HE who finds a wife finds a good thing"  Proverbs 31 gives you a reference for what to look for in a woman and Proverbs 1-30 will prepare you to be the man she is looking for.  Until then you could call all of them "sister" and make it known your enjoying your singleness right now.  The word "friends" in your vocabulary helps too.  I'd also suggest praying the girl you took out would be found by a man who would be right for her.  Blessings bro.

[senecadawg2]

AndyDT, here is my advice to you. If you are going to have sex with a woman, make sure you always, always, always, always ask.

[eric42434224]

AndyDT, here is my advice to you. If you are going to have sex with a woman, make sure you always, always, always, always ask.

Just to be clear, by asking, he doesnt mean to ask DTF in a PR thread.

[Chino]

AndyDT, here is my advice to you. If you are going to have sex with a woman, make sure you always, always, always, always ask.

Just to be clear, by asking, he doesnt mean to ask DTF in a PR thread.