Religion Getting in the Way of Relationships

[Implode]

Whoops. I tend to let me threads just go without me checking in.

I've talked to her a lot recently, and though her religion is a big part of her life, she doesn't seem like a fundamentalist zombie Christian. I'm sure I wouldn't have to worry about scenarios that millah brought up. Also, she wants to become a microbiologist. That somewhat speaks for itself.

As for where she is with me, I'm not sure. We haven't talked about having a relationship since I really started this thread. Then, the last word was that she really appreciates my company, and I'm one of her best friends, but was undecided about the next step. She needed time to decided or let things play out.

Now I'm in a whole new problem because this other girl has developed a crush on me, and I like her a bit too. Man, I feel like this is what most people go through in their freshman year of high school.

[Chino]

Now I'm in a whole new problem because this other girl has developed a crush on me, and I like her a bit too. Man, I feel like this is what most people go through in their freshman year of high school.

I feel yah. I have this one girl who reminds me every day that she wants me to come over and fuck her. Purely a sex only relationship. My girlfriend wants to have sex like twice a month. I'm in a serious pickle.

[antigoon]

Twice a month, what the fuck!?

[Implode]

Twice a month, what the fuck!?

[Dark Castle]

My hand is a prude.

[comment]

Well I'm glad she's not a zombie.  You might think she's into you and really she just wants to eat your brain.    

Buddy it's starting to sound like this is more about too many girls you're interested in then your religion separating you from the one girl you really want to be with.  But if you want to be with this girl maybe this will help... 

Problem:  Her Christian faith and your agnostic-atheist faith are incompatible world views so instead of being as close as you might like to be, your just friends who tolerate each others religious world views. 

Solution:
A.  The easiest thing is, get her to believe what you believe.  Tell her the things you didn't like about your former faith and how you became convinced it's a lie and there is no God.  If you convince her, then you can let her know that without a God you can become your own moral authority without worrying about death.  She becomes her own god to do whatever she thinks and feels is right.  If she feels like she wants to be with you then you both can be closer.   

Possible Scenario:  She becomes your girl and you live happily until.  She really thinks about her new faith.  After awhile she lets you have the other girl too.  Later, she wants to be with both of you.  But she finds she's really just into the other girl, but it's okay she wants you to be their baby-daddy with no strings attached.  No reason why not?  After awhile though maybe the baby bump becomes unfashionable for her figure or economic status.  She decides pregnancy isn't for her so she will change a few terms around.  Now she says "fetus bump" and chooses "abortion" instead of killing a baby.  But as a friend you or her girlfriend will probably be there to help her deal with the psychological stress a majority of women deal with after... "the procedure".  And then you can do it again if you want or she can swear off human relationships and marry an animal.  Maybe the whole experience puts you off girls and you're off the hook, besides maybe you were curious one time?  But maybe she goes to term and you get together, besides the economy's on the uptick so you keep... "it" and there's hope for a future talent like the next John Petrucci.

B.  Believe what she believes.  You can ask her to share what she believes with you.  But I'm going to go out on a limb and assume I understand her Christian beliefs and maybe help answer some of your religious questions.  She more than likely believes that everyone has sinned and falls short of God's glory.  And that everyone whose honest, will admit they've broken at least one of the 10 Commandments.  She probably believes that.  How about you?  You seem honest, sincere and reasonable so you could ask yourself if you've kept pure.  I know I've lied, stolen, used God's name as a cus word and Jesus said, 'lusting for a woman in the heart is adultery'...etc.  It's like breaking the law and you're going before a Judge.  Pay the penalty for sin or be locked up in hell.  It's appointed once to live and then the judgment for our lives by a just God.  So no matter how much of a nice guy I am or what church I go to or how much I feel sorry and or my religion changes my ways, I deserve justice and am unable to pay my fine.  But God, whose, rich in mercy and loves this world sent His son Jesus to pay the price for you, me, her and the whole world.  The Son of God, went willingly to the cross, not condemning the world that deserves condemnation, but dying for it.  He proved "It is finished" by paying for us in full.  He gave us hope by dying and raising from the grave for proof of eternal life.  He's not on the cross anymore.  Today, most Americans are celebrating this event.  Because now there's time and you and I can change the way we think or "repent" and turn from living in sin and trust in the only One who gave His life as a gift, the only one who could pay the price for the worlds sin, your sin, my sin, her sin.  He died because we sinned and why would He pay such a price if He didn't see how valuable you are.  You're loved by God.  "Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends."  It's God's goodness that leads us to change the way we think/repent so friends learn what friends like and do it because it's good for the relationship, not to create religious zombies.

This is probably what she believes.  Really though if this makes sense girls are the least of you concern if you don't settle your eternity before you die and you don't know when that will be.  This isn't to scare you into something you don't believe, but you asked about religion earlier.  I believe God doesn't want to enhance your life by getting you a Christian girl.  He wants to change your life to make you a son.  But she might be able to point you to help if you decide on option b which is really the only plan A any of us have.  If this resonates with you, if it makes sense, think on it read the bible for yourself, and ask God to take you where and who you need to fellowship with, that's not the internet.

 

   

 

[Vivace]

the only distinction I would point out is that God does not desire for us to follow the convictions of any church (unless coincidentally it is right).  we are to "study to show yourself approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed, handling correctly the Word of God" (Paul in a letter to Timothy).  we will be held accountable by the creator for our convictions rather than others convictions.

You are taking a text from Paul out of context to support an idea that would be contradictory. What was Paul doing during his evangelization? We was creating churches and setting leaders over those churches. Also by revisiting them and re-educating them on their faults comes rather close if not exact to a hierarchy of leadership to which Paul was acting as superior. If we follow your ideas then how can you justify Paul returning to Ephesus to "correct" what they were doing wrong?

[Vivace]

To me, "not allowed" makes it sound like some other person is telling you what you can and cannot do.    I don't know anyone who has ever had anyone tell them what they can and cannot do.    I'm allowed to do anything I want.   I'm allowed to leave.   I'm allowed stay.   Hypothetically...I'M ALLOWED to cheat on my wife...and no one will tell me I "can't do that" if I'm bound and determined to do so.   But I would be removed from the congregation if I did.   That doesn't mean I'm not allowed.  It just means I made a choice that what I wanted to do was more important than my dedication to God and my public vow to maintain his standards.   No one is going to chain me to the floor.   No one is going to tell me "No!  You can't do that! You're NOT ALLOWED!"   

I think you're taking an extremist approach to the idea of "what you can and cannot do". Also I think you are confusing allowed and doing. For example, I cannot kill, not because the law tells me to but because my conscience tells me to. Am I allowed to kill? Not according to the law, but according to my free will yes. But being allowed doesn't imply that I will do it or even more to the point that I can do it. Again, maybe my conscience or morality will prevent me from actually killing someone. Most people see religions as a "I can't do this" or "I have to believe in that". They fail to see the main point.

Take an average person in a dictatorship. Let's say this person is seeking freedom. They find the freedom and way of life they were looking for in America. But in moving to America there is more to it than just the idea of freedom and liberty. But if this person's heart is open to what America stands for, just in his initial seeking he will more than likely accept the bulk of American Dogma. Religion works in exactly the same. Most people join because it was what they were seeking. You don't join America then find out the dogma's and rules are in complete disagreement with what you believe. So let's not go a label religion as being something that "hinders" a person's will or turns them into mindless zombies (however there are certain religions out there that do turn people into mindless zombies so I certainly won't say that religion cannot become this but I also argue this is extremism religion which should be avoided completely).

[slycordinator]

Now I'm in a whole new problem because this other girl has developed a crush on me, and I like her a bit too. Man, I feel like this is what most people go through in their freshman year of high school.

It's been my experience that when you find one girl interested in you, more follow at the same time. It's a combination of jealousy and the other girls noticing that you're more confident and such when you've got someone interested.