I'm Going to be Alright, Right?

[TheOutlawXanadu]

Here's the deal. I'm taking a year off before I apply to graduate school to wait for my girlfriend. I know... I know... Ill-advised but she's definitely worth it. We're about as serious as it gets and we get along better than any couple I know by a landslide.

Anyhow, enough justifying why I am in my position. All I'm here to say is that I am in it. I'm graduating in May and I am currently in the process of trying to find some kind of work so I can stay in Raleigh and be around my friends and girlfriend instead of having to live with my parents for a year.

Now, my parents are freaking out. My Dad in particular thinks that I'm not going to be able to find a job and that me taking a year off school might mean I never get into graduate school and that I will have to live my life with a useless undergraduate degree.

I'm going to be alright, right? I'm usually a really positive person but my parents have me panicked. I mean... I'm a good student (will probably be valedictorian), I have loads of research experience and strong recommendation letters. I perform well at the job I'm at now. I'm also only 21.

It's probably going to all be fine, right?

[Jamesman42]

Useless undergrad degree? What

[YtseBitsySpider]

Useless undergrad degree? What

Welcome to my world....."what? You have JUST a B.A"



You'll be fine.

[Fiery Winds]

Is there someway you can apply and defer for a year?  I have a friend who was accepted to grad school and did just that.  It'll definitely provide some reassurance to your parents that you're still serious about school.

[TheOutlawXanadu]

Useless undergrad degree? What

The undergraduate degree that I (will) have is essentially useless.

Is there someway you can apply and defer for a year?  I have a friend who was accepted to grad school and did just that.  It'll definitely provide some reassurance to your parents that you're still serious about school.

The reason I did not apply is because I want to optimize me and my girlfriend's chances to go to graduate school near each other. She is graduating a year after me. If I went ahead and applied to school now and locked myself in to go to Georgia, for example, that would mean that she would have to also get into a school near Georgia in order for us to be close. Essentially, we would have no options. That's why I waited a year: To give us as many options as possible.

[ariich]

You'll definitely be fine. After I finished uni, I spent 3 years doing fairly straightfoward admin jobs before getting a serious career-focussed job, and honestly I'm SO glad I did that. It meant I got used to the world of full-time employment so eased into my current job nicely when I started it, plus it meant I could kick back a bit for a couple of years. Otherwise you go straight from uni into serious work and there's no rest, and I know I'd have got bogged down by things if I'd done that.

[Sigz]

As long as you spend the year doing something, I'm sure you'll be fine with the credentials/experience you have.

[Dr. DTVT]

I worked for 18 months between undergrad and grad school, and I know others who have split the two as well.  The downside is you'll be rusty at the start and will have to spend some time relearning the things you thought you learned as an undergrad.  You'll also have to learn to live on less money when you restart grad school.  You'll be fine, but to be perfectly honest I don't think the year off route is the best plan.  Your g/f should have an idea of where she wants to go to grad school.  What happens if one of you can't get in near the other?  What if a good school for one of you isn't near one for the other?  It's not hard to coordinate these things.  My best friend lived apart from his girlfriend for 3 years when he was in law school.  You said your degree is useless without a graduate degree (pre-something I'm guessing).  If you don't think you can make a career with a bachellors, do you think finding relavent job experience will be easy?

My dad is a store manager in Raleigh, but I'm pretty sure they're cutting back staffing.  I could also ask my sister in law about the place she works which is right off campus, but she's just a NCSt student so she'd have no pull - but neither of those would be relavent job experience.

[Jamesman42]

Related and not meant to downplay TOX's questions: I want to take 2-3 years off before starting grad school (for mathematics). Good idea?

[j]

Useless undergrad degree? What

The undergraduate degree that I (will) have is essentially useless.

Most of them are, nowadays.

If you're motivated, you'll be fine.  I took a year off between getting a Master's degree and starting medical school.  Just worked and paid off my loans from undergrad.

I think the common concern is that you won't go back to school if you take time off for whatever reason, whether you get comfortable in your job or just decide you don't want to go back.  Or when you do go back, you'll have "forgotten" how to be a student or something.  I don't know, this is stuff people told me when I was going through it.

-J

[Jamesman42]

In my down time, I am aiming to get better at a lot of math and try and teach myself some stuff I will learn more in depth in grad school.

[bout to crash]

You will be totally fine; that year is not going to keep a school from accepting you. What kind of program do you want to get into? My only advice is that if you have to take the GRE or anything DO IT NOW. Also save up some money if you can.

[hefdaddy42]

I'm a good student (will probably be valedictorian), I have loads of research experience and strong recommendation letters.

You'll be fine.

[Jamesman42]

Hef, when you tell it like that, it seems so peaceful and uplifting, like a glorious cloud of angels singing harmonies that bring tears to the eyes while You smile upon my face.

[obscure]

I'm not saying you won't be fine...  but you might wanna give it another thought... the recruiters will always be interested in the gaps in your education and career.. if you can justify the gap, that's totally fine... what Rich has done is totally sth recruiters like.... "waited for my gf" on the other hand.... well it's sweet but that's not sth they care about or looking for in an eligible candidate .. it even shows you weak and fragile... they might think that your personal life will always come first (which actually should but why show it?) Job market is though.. and getting tougher every single day...

don't mind me if you totally made up your mind... it's not me talking... it's my bad experiences with my ex for whom I made shit loads of sacrifices and who turned out to be a worthless total shit.. so I am biased...

hope for the best!





edit: spelling

[hefdaddy42]

Hef, when you tell it like that, it seems so peaceful and uplifting, like a glorious cloud of angels singing harmonies that bring tears to the eyes while You smile upon my face.

Gosh, it feels like 2005-2007 up in here.

[Jamesman42]

I love You.

[Dr. DTVT]

obscure brings up good points about why you don't want to delay a real job, but grad school they're not going to care.  I just think you're not looking for the middle ground well enough.  Taking a year off is one more year you'll probably have to work, its one more year you'll have to put off living your life.  I think planning with your g/f involved and making a tiny sacrifice of one year apart would be better for you.  Your first year of grad school is a great time to network.  You'll want to get to know your classmates, and that will be much easier without a girlfriend around.  Once you start working at advanced levels, who you know becomes almost as important as who you know.  Someone you go to grad school with may do a lot of things in the future: referee a paper you wrote, help you find a job, help you fill a vacant position you have, introduce someone who you can collaborate with, broker deals, grease wheels, get you the better spot at a conference, someone to go out for drinks with at said conference, and honestly, some of your best friends.  You don't foster those lifetime relationships in a classroom; they happen at bars, cookouts, tailgating, late-night pizza, and times you don't expect it to.  None of which you'll be a part of if you're spending all your time with your g/f your first year of grad school.  Networking is very important in a field like chemistry where you wouldn't think it would be.  I can't imagine you're entering a field where everyone forms insulated bubbles of humanity.

[TheOutlawXanadu]

I didn't really want to do this, but since so many people think it's a bad idea to wait for my girlfriend:

The reason I took a year off was not simply to wait for my girlfriend. If it was as simple as that, then I probably would not have done it. The more complicated reason is that she is also planning on going to graduate school. If I went ahead and enrolled at Georgia, for example, and she did not get into a graduate school near me, then she would probably not go to graduate school and just follow me. I don't want to do that to her. I want her to be able to live her dream as well. Skipping a year was more about optimizing our options than it was about simply being near each other right now.

tl;dr - If we both apply to school at the same time, we will have options; whereas, if I simply run off to school now, then if we want to be near each other during graduate school, we will have very few options. Also remember that graduate school for both of us will be a 5 - 7 year deal, so it's not as simple as spending a couple of years apart. Spending two or three years apart is hard but worth it. Spending five to seven years apart is just unnecessary and a potential killer.

[Dr. DTVT]

So you're willing to go to a lesser school in order to be with her?  You're potentially hurting yourself on two fronts now.  Here's a shitty thought, but if you think she's going to have trouble getting in a grad school near you what makes you think she's going to get into grad school, period?

To use a made up example, if she is only good enough to get into Northwestern Wyoming at Ruralia, and you are capable of getting into Harvard, do you think you're really better served going to an substantially lesser program just to be with/near her?  What if something happens and you aren't together for whatever reason?  What if she decides grad school isn't what she wants two years in?

[obscure]

Dear TheOutlawXanadu.... I know it's tough.... but I would at least sleep over it and think about the things DTVT said.... a lot of important heads-ups and great advices there.... your life, your call... but it's always more complicated than you thinks it is.....

If I were you... I would go to the college right away.... Colleges will always pay attention to personal lives... you can always say that you're (gonna get) engaged and they will take that into account....

I've got friends who did that and got accepted to NYU together as a couple even though one of them didn't meet the requirements....

[TheOutlawXanadu]

So you're willing to go to a lesser school in order to be with her?  You're potentially hurting yourself on two fronts now.  Here's a shitty thought, but if you think she's going to have trouble getting in a grad school near you what makes you think she's going to get into grad school, period?

To use a made up example, if she is only good enough to get into Northwestern Wyoming at Ruralia, and you are capable of getting into Harvard, do you think you're really better served going to an substantially lesser program just to be with/near her?  What if something happens and you aren't together for whatever reason?  What if she decides grad school isn't what she wants two years in?

I think that we - and obscure - just have to agree to disagree now, because I think you've both started assuming some things that are simply not true. Maybe that's my fault for not explaining myself well enough. Whatever. I appreciate the advice. Let's see how things turn out. You might disagree, but I truly believe I am doing the right thing.

[obscure]

hey.... sure buddy... I hope for the best... well I'd trust my feelings too...