At no point would I have considered myself addicted to weed, but it was definitely being used as a coping mechanism more and more often and in bigger doses. Wether it was just to deal with loneliness or major frustrations from work.
After a heroic psychedelic dose last week, I have had zero desire to have any weed, so that's nice. where as before, I would be counting down the days for a day off to use, now the desire is just not there and that is very refreshing.
I love weed but I want to be in control of it and it not in control of me.
Any chance you'd like to talk a bit more about this? I'm not personally in that spot, but I've heard stories about psychedelics helping with various personal issues including addiction. I find it very interesting and maybe a path forward for many people in the future.
Sure, I'd be happy to.
My whole life I've struggled with metal health issues, most of which stemmed from a violent, traumatic and broken home growing up. I found I was being a mean, cold and uncaring person to people around me since I was holding on to all this anger, sadness and pain. And eventually, I just came to the point where I wanted to heal and grow toward being a better person.
After trying the conventional therapy with a few therapists and psychologists it just wasn't really helping and then I stumbled the Johns Hopkins hospital psilocybin studies they were doing for depression, anxiety, PTSD and and addiction. Seeing how much success they were having in the research, I just went all out studying this stuff and that led me to a substance called ayahuasca.
ayahuasca is a vine found in South America that is high in DMT, which is the strongest psychedelic that is known currently. They make it into a brew which you drink.
The night I drank ayahuasca was probably the defining moment of my life and a major turning point. It was the most profound, powerful experience that i've ever had. Its hard to express in words, but somehow someway it lets you revisit, confront and make peace with past trauma while in that headspace. I was crying my eyes out in a way I never had before and in a way that brought me so much peace to finally confront this stuff that was buried so far deep down.
I'm not going to sugar coat it either. It was the struggle of my life. Not everyone vomits while using aya, but I sure did. some people did after 15 mins, while it took me 4 hours to finally purge. I was holding on to all that negative stuff and struggled so hard to let go, but after I did purge I felt utterly incredible.
I felt like I had a totally fresh slate, and I felt cleaner then I ever have in my entire life. People often talk about a concern with psychedelics being a "bad trip". In my experience, these are really just "challenging trips". Psychedelics let you face your demons, and there's nothing fun about that. But at the same time there's nothing fun about living a life of hate and sadness.
So while, it was extremely challenging and painful. Coming out the other side having freed myself of that pain was worth it a million fold. I feel like this treatment was finally the thing that helped me in a meaningful way.
I worked with ayahuasca at a facility with medical staff and therapists and counselors present. They monitored peoples vital signs and provided support both emotionally and physically. It was good "Set and setting" to do the work since you felt safe to just focus on the experience.
That was almost two years ago at this point. Now, I would love to say that that was that and my life it 100% good now, but its not some magic wand. I feel like this treatment can give your life back to you, but it can't live your life for you. And life can be very messy and trying at times. I do feel far more patient, open minded and far less angry. Like everything I was dealing went down from a 10/10 to like a 4/10, which to me any progress is better than no progress.
About a year later, I just wasn't feeling all that great for a multitude of reasons, and then I began to work with psilocybin (aka magic mushrooms) and I have only used them twice, one of which was last week.
The first time was again very challenging, but helped so incredibly. Basically the message was that with ayahuasca I purged all the bad stuff out of me, but then proceeded to just pick it up and carry it with me, and during this session the core defining message was "just let it go" and it was a fight of me trying to hold onto my pain and it working with me for a good 2 hours to finally let it go. And it felt so utterly incredible to do so.
And very happily, with psilocybin there was no vomiting for me, although some people do.
And last week's session was really just a tune up. If the theme of psilocybin session one was letting go of the past, this one was about enduring the present. And the message was that I have the strength to endure this life and to believe in myself.
And honestly I don't really want to work with psychedelics any further. I feel like I've done what I've come to do and I would like to just get on with my life. But if I ever do need to go back for a tune up, then this is something that I know helps.
Some people like to use psychedelics recreationally (which is fine by me), but for me personally I look at it as a medicine. In two years I've used them 3 times total, and each time I feel like I've moved the ball forward a little bit more in growing as a person. And ultimately, in a world full of so much negativity, I want to play a positive role.
Is this treatment perfect? No, but It's certainly given me hope in my life for the first time. And I will say that while this worked great for me I don't think it's for everyone and I respect that. But ultimately in a world where someone commits suicide every 40 seconds, it's worth a shot to look at new methods.
There are different countries where its legal currently and what's on the horizon now in the US are states that have now legalized psychedelic mental health treatment such as Colorado and Oregon, and it looks like New York state is filing legislation to vote on this year as well as other states looking to as well. Its also being researched and pursued for the VA for veterans who are struggling with PTSD from combat.
So that's my story. Thank you to anyone that took they time to read all of that.
If you or anyone else wants me to elaborate any further or have more questions, feel free to ask. And sorry for the length. I just had so much to say.
Topic: The addictions thread (Read 65540 times)
