So I hit 13 years sober two months ago in June....but man, I have to tell you for the first time in literally a decade I've been really struggling mentally with sobriety. The 'addict' in me has been working overtime to convince myself that I've 'proven' that I can control myself and that surely I can start drinking and smoking some pot in moderation. That I've 'learned' to be smart about it.
Now, I know that isn't the case. I am incapable of moderation and have no 'off' switch when I drink or smoke pot. Yet, I've been telling myself that it probably wouldn't be that bad if I just ate some edibles every now and then....or, have a beer or two here and there. I do know better but it's been such an underlying and consistent thought recently that I even bailed on a trip to the lake last weekend with the guys I play hockey with because I knew they were going to be smoking weed, eating edibles and drinking all day and for the first time in years I didn't trust myself to be around it.
I took a new job close to a year ago and it's a pretty high stress deal with a ton more responsibility....and honestly I think that is the main contributor to these thoughts. I don't feel any 'real' danger of actually drinking or smoking weed....but it's just odd that after over a decade of really no desire or thought about breaking sobriety that it's now been in the background. So much so to where I had a dream last night that I got wasted and it felt incredibly real....like, a super lucid dream where I felt drunk and stoned.....I remember being so mad at myself in the dream for giving in and falling off the wagon that when I woke up I was teary eyed and relieved that it was just a dream.
Topic: The addictions thread (Read 65761 times)
