Would you hook up for "casual sex"?

[j]

I had a lot of "casual sex" before meeting my wife.  Some of it I'd take back, some of it I wouldn't, but I'm not against it on principle.

I'd like to think there's a healthy balance somewhere between the puritanical "sex is the ultimate sacred act and it is evil if done outside these constraints" and "sex should be treated like a meaningless animal instinct that warrants little to no consideration or discernment."

I wouldn't hook up for casual sex, but I don't see how it is an ego thing.

I think it is for some people.  For most, it's an attempt to satisfy a primal urge.  Simple as that.

-J

[obscure]

And that healthy balance is at: 90% meaningless 10% ultimate sacred act. 







j/k guys... I've never had meaningless sex......









because sex is always meaningful no matter what







jokes aside... What Hef said is really important.... wanting to have sex is OK.... having sex for only bodily needs with a partner who wants to same thing is OK too... (only theoretically for me) but sex for the male ego..... only for a score ... to show off......... now it's not cool....  it's cheap and childish.... and lame... and nonsense....

and you're highly likely to break a girl's heart if she's secretly in love with you........


(not from experience, I swear  )

[El Barto]

I totally agree that an intimate bond makes sex all the better,  but I'm at a loss to why people think it's a requirement.  For some reason,  getting it on seems to be an area where plenty of people feel that it's an all or nothing endeavor--if it can't be the world's greatest, then it's not worth doing.  Strange behavior, IMO.

And the notion that feeding one's ego is necessarily a bad thing is baffling as well.  I don't see what purpose there could be without indulging it from time to time.  From what I can tell, Andy,  your ego could probably use a pretty big meal right about now.  Hell,  even a couple of saltines would probably improve things quite a bit.

[AndyDT]

I know from experience that following ego does not boost self-esteem. I differentiate ego from self-esteem which some refer to as healthy ego or healthy narcissism.

To give an example, I contacted a xian woman via internent recently and she was  a bit insulting, not answering the post. I thought she was flirting so I replied positively. Then a couple of weeks later she replies and we end up speaking for an hour. She invites herself over and I say I don't work like that but would meet for a drink. So we meet and she says she has  a mental disorder and 5 minutes into the date starts acting out. She then phones somebody and says she has a situation developing and she's very worried or something. Eventually I offer to leave and we depart amicably. If I'd followed ego I probably would have instantly invited her over in the first place.

In fact I've sent a few texts to her since and I'm trying to finish positively whereas my ego is crying out for the attention. Recently as I probabyl mentioned here I kept going out with a woman because  I wanted the connection but didn't have the "chemistry". If I'd kept going I'd say that would have been ego.

[Chino]

The only reason it seems wrong is because we have been told growing up that meaningless sex is bad and that sex should be special. Had we grown up in a society where it was frowned upon to only have sex with those you love, meaningless sex would be the most awesome thing in the world.

I'm not saying sex with a partner isn't great/different. Of course there is a connection that you can't find with a stranger. However, there are awesome things you can't really do with a partner (most of the time) but can easily get away with while having sex with a stranger. By awesome things I mean being really rough, filthy, and not having to have to respect the one you are having sex with. I don't mean beating the shit of of a stranger while having sex, or anything anything along the lines ofnrape, I don't mean it like that.. I could never imagine getting violent (playfully) with my girlfriend, but with a stranger... hell yeah. I know not everyone is into that kind of thing, but kinda like it.

[Perpetual Change]

What I posted in the prostitution thread:

"I dunno. I just can't do the whole sex without strings attached thing. It's weird, and makes me feel very awkward. I'm already awkward enough, being close or inside of someone I don't or barely know just kinda would send me into a panic attack."

I know that might seem weird, but I don't think I'd enjoy a casual hook-up honestly. I'm too addicted not to the sex itself but to all the baggage that comes with it. If I just want to get off, I'll watch a porno instead.

[obscure]

GFs/wives might like getting violent (playfully), dirty and filthy during sex.... don't assume to much... and have a go.... don not scare the ladies of course.. usually they don't even know that they might like it.... elevate it gradually... one new craziness at a time... you'd be surprised....

[livehard]

agreed, girls are much more dirty than they even know...  Its all about taking charge, which they love.  I think thats why rape fantasies are so prevelant for chicks.  If you dont give it a shot (not rape) they prolly wont. 

moreover, i dont think there's anything sacred about sex.  With the girls Ive been with there have been 1000x more sacred moments, and most of them dont necissarily involve touching.

[obscure]

rape fantasy

[rumborak]

With the girls Ive been with there have been 1000x more sacred moments, and most of them dont necissarily involve touching.

This, absolutely. It's the non-physical, unspoken stuff that makes a relationship magical, not the sex. Sex is great and certainly can make or break a relationship, but in the end it's a bit like going white water rafting together. It's the fact that you're doing a thoroughly pleasing physical activity together that is its major value and that bonds you. Not some glorious union where cherubims are singing from the heavens. I've said it before, and with the obvious implication, Andy if you've had sex before I can't imagine you haven't been struck by the mechanic-ness of it.

rumborak

[Cyclopssss]

rape fantasy

Nope, does nothing for me...

[obscure]

damn... I'll try to find another partner then....   

[Cyclopssss]

Oh, hell....I guess I could be persuaded....so who'll bring the cuffs then? 

[obscure]

But I can't be... not by you.... 

[AndyDT]

With the girls Ive been with there have been 1000x more sacred moments, and most of them dont necissarily involve touching.

This, absolutely. It's the non-physical, unspoken stuff that makes a relationship magical, not the sex. Sex is great and certainly can make or break a relationship, but in the end it's a bit like going white water rafting together. It's the fact that you're doing a thoroughly pleasing physical activity together that is its major value and that bonds you. Not some glorious union where cherubims are singing from the heavens. I've said it before, and with the obvious implication, Andy if you've had sex before I can't imagine you haven't been struck by the mechanic-ness of it.

rumborak

PM if you want to ask personal questions. You've just underlined everything I'm saying: the relational stuff and being with somebody rather than what I would call casual i.e. invite a stranger over straight away as in the recent example I talked about. I'm not talking about sex being ethereal at all just devoting one's life to relationship rather than self-serving. So yes, I agree.

[HeAvY-MeTaL-MaN]

I wouldn't just have casual sex with a lady I have just met. Who knows where she has been, what she has got, what kind of person she is?

[Nick]

I wouldn't just have casual sex with a lady I have just met. Who knows where she has been, what she has got, what kind of person she is?

Always wear protection, whether you know someone well or not!

[HeAvY-MeTaL-MaN]

I have known, and been with my current partner for well over 6 years, so should I still be wearing protection? 

[Nick]

Trust them all you want as far as STDs are concerned, just know that even when taken properly birth control is not 100% effective.

[HeAvY-MeTaL-MaN]

True my man, but does that mean you always wear protection regardless?

[Nick]

True my man, but does that mean you always wear protection regardless?

I was in a committed and safe relationship for 2.5 years before, and even though she was on the pill I always wore protection, partially because the thought of a kid at this point of my life scares the shit out of me. It doesn't help my ex was a supreme klutz regularly forgetting a pill or taking it at the wrong hour etc. That said I have much more faith in my current girlfriend but still feel double protection is a good thing. I can see there being a time when we have been together longer that perhaps the pill and a calendar method could be used a week or so out of the month for still doubly protected no-condom fun, but for now I will always use one for sure.

[HeAvY-MeTaL-MaN]

You are a very sensible fella, fair play to you dude.

[El Barto]

With the girls Ive been with there have been 1000x more sacred moments, and most of them dont necissarily involve touching.

This, absolutely. It's the non-physical, unspoken stuff that makes a relationship magical, not the sex. Sex is great and certainly can make or break a relationship, but in the end it's a bit like going white water rafting together. It's the fact that you're doing a thoroughly pleasing physical activity together that is its major value and that bonds you. Not some glorious union where cherubims are singing from the heavens. I've said it before, and with the obvious implication, Andy if you've had sex before I can't imagine you haven't been struck by the mechanic-ness of it.

rumborak

PM if you want to ask personal questions. You've just underlined everything I'm saying: the relational stuff and being with somebody rather than what I would call casual i.e. invite a stranger over straight away as in the recent example I talked about. I'm not talking about sex being ethereal at all just devoting one's life to relationship rather than self-serving. So yes, I agree.

Why must devoting one's life to anything factor into the equation?  What's wrong with just occasionally trying to enjoy yourself?  Not everything that exists does so solely as a means of betterment.

I can name countless things that I enjoy doing.  I suppose that most of them would be better if done with the love of my life sitting next to me.  That doesn't mean that they're not worth doing otherwise. 

[livehard]

True my man, but does that mean you always wear protection regardless?

I was in a committed and safe relationship for 2.5 years before, and even though she was on the pill I always wore protection, partially because the thought of a kid at this point of my life scares the shit out of me. It doesn't help my ex was a supreme klutz regularly forgetting a pill or taking it at the wrong hour etc. That said I have much more faith in my current girlfriend but still feel double protection is a good thing. I can see there being a time when we have been together longer that perhaps the pill and a calendar method could be used a week or so out of the month for still doubly protected no-condom fun, but for now I will always use one for sure.

try without the rubber dude, its totally different...

[sonatafanica]

i feel like andydt is an angel sent here from heaven to make sure i am being the best christian i can be at all times



also, i don't see any reason not to casually score

[livehard]

I have known, and been with my current partner for well over 6 years, so should I still be wearing protection? 

Do you ever get bored of the sex? Ever wanna just F some other woman even if she were less hot because of the change in scenery?

[livehard]

With the girls Ive been with there have been 1000x more sacred moments, and most of them dont necissarily involve touching.

This, absolutely. It's the non-physical, unspoken stuff that makes a relationship magical, not the sex. Sex is great and certainly can make or break a relationship, but in the end it's a bit like going white water rafting together. It's the fact that you're doing a thoroughly pleasing physical activity together that is its major value and that bonds you. Not some glorious union where cherubims are singing from the heavens. I've said it before, and with the obvious implication, Andy if you've had sex before I can't imagine you haven't been struck by the mechanic-ness of it.

rumborak

Ya exactly.  I find the best moments are the ones where you're doing something together, taking on a challenge or a journey together.  Its the idea that you're there side by side with someone experiecing life together.  Sex is good and all but you can get a much more substantial connection with the person without even touching them.

[yeshaberto]

i feel like andydt is an angel sent here from heaven to make sure i am being the best christian i can be at all times



also, i don't see any reason not to casually score

not cool...warning #dos

[HeAvY-MeTaL-MaN]

I have known, and been with my current partner for well over 6 years, so should I still be wearing protection? 

Do you ever get bored of the sex? Ever wanna just F some other woman even if she were less hot because of the change in scenery?

Honestly, yes sometimes I feel like wanting to bash someone else, but I don’t act on it. We all need to settle at some point, and this is likely to be my point. 6 Years I have been totally faithful to my current lady. She is a complete pain in the arse, but she is golden

[Perpetual Change]

I was in a committed and safe relationship for 2.5 years before, and even though she was on the pill I always wore protection, partially because the thought of a kid at this point of my life scares the shit out of me. It doesn't help my ex was a supreme klutz regularly forgetting a pill or taking it at the wrong hour etc. That said I have much more faith in my current girlfriend but still feel double protection is a good thing. I can see there being a time when we have been together longer that perhaps the pill and a calendar method could be used a week or so out of the month for still doubly protected no-condom fun, but for now I will always use one for sure.

This. Until I'm ready to have a kid, I'm wrapping it up regardless of whether my lady is on the pill. Aside from klutz related issues like those you mentioned, the effects of the pill can also be cancelled out by commonly prescribed and even over the counter medications. Not taking that chance until after marriage.

[AndyDT]

With the girls Ive been with there have been 1000x more sacred moments, and most of them dont necissarily involve touching.

This, absolutely. It's the non-physical, unspoken stuff that makes a relationship magical, not the sex. Sex is great and certainly can make or break a relationship, but in the end it's a bit like going white water rafting together. It's the fact that you're doing a thoroughly pleasing physical activity together that is its major value and that bonds you. Not some glorious union where cherubims are singing from the heavens. I've said it before, and with the obvious implication, Andy if you've had sex before I can't imagine you haven't been struck by the mechanic-ness of it.

rumborak

PM if you want to ask personal questions. You've just underlined everything I'm saying: the relational stuff and being with somebody rather than what I would call casual i.e. invite a stranger over straight away as in the recent example I talked about. I'm not talking about sex being ethereal at all just devoting one's life to relationship rather than self-serving. So yes, I agree.

Why must devoting one's life to anything factor into the equation?  What's wrong with just occasionally trying to enjoy yourself?  Not everything that exists does so solely as a means of betterment.

I can name countless things that I enjoy doing.  I suppose that most of them would be better if done with the love of my life sitting next to me.  That doesn't mean that they're not worth doing otherwise.

Speaking for myself sex involves two people so I have to consider whether the impact on both people is congruent to who I want to be. I don't really want to use somebody as a chemical toilet or vice versa and then expect that I can suddenly switch into living a life of meaning which I DO really want.

[Sir GuitarCozmo]

chemical toilet

Sounds so clinical and sterile.  I can only imagine how much less amusing it would have been if we'd referred to the girl I used to work with at Pizza Hut (20 years ago) as "chemical toilet" instead of "cum dumpster".  Though thinking about it, it really doesn't sound any more endearing.

[lonestar]

chemical toilet

 "cum dumpster"

One of my all time favorite insults.

moreover, i dont think there's anything sacred about sex.  With the girls Ive been with there have been 1000x more sacred moments, and most of them dont necissarily involve touching.

I totally agree with the second part of this, but I do feel there is some sacredness to sex.  I mean, you're laying pipe on a lovely woman, and she is pulling your hair out in ecstasy, screaming "OH GOD, OH GOD I'M COMING", sounds pretty sacred to me.

[Infinite Cactus]

If I was single then yes, I would go back to just hooking up casually.

[Tick]

Well, I certainly have quite a few times back in the day but I was in a band so that makes it ok.
Seriously though, I have so I have to answer yes. Pretty much nothing was out of bounds when I was younger.
I'm not endorsing casual sex. I'm just saying I engaged in it. Follow your own moral compass. I didn't have one at the time.