Ok, so for the recent converts (and for the long time fans who just haven't bothered with the story), I'm gonna give you my "Junior High Book Report Written by a Kid with ADD" version of the story for the first three Acts...
Act I
So it's way back in the day [like, before the internet even], and there's this city with a church. But when the sun goes down, the church turns into a whorehouse called "The Dime". One day, one of the chicks there [let's call her "Ms. Terri"] gets knocked up. So she's all like "shit... I can't raise a kid here. I gotta ditch this city and go out to the country where the lake and the river are." But the pimp/priest in charge is like "Hell no... none o' my bitches gonna be leaving me!". She's kinda crafty though, and even though the pimp/priest sends some people after her, she manages to get away. She makes it to the lake and the river and starts raising the kid. For some reason the boy likes catching small animals and bringing them to her, like a little hunter. And he's very dear to her, so she starts thinking of him as her dear hunter [OmGz!! That's the name of the band!! I c wat they did thar]. So the boy grows up and pretty much never leaves the lake and the river and is super naive and innocent 'cause Ms. Terri keeps the bad shit in the world away from him. Also, there's a big tree on the border of the lake and the river. It's probably important for some reason. It's, like, a symbolic representation of his father or something.
Act II
So the boy gets to his mid-late teens, and Ms. Terri totally dies. So he's like "shit... what do I do now?". They have a funeral and such, but after it's done, instead of going home, the boy just starts wandering. He finds this place where there's some sort of weird big moving machine called The Delphi Express. [If he wasn't so clueless he probably would've known that it was a train]. He hops a ride one one of the cars and there's some crazy old guys in there saying all kinds of cryptic stuff like "don't be ashamed of your amore faux pas". He pretty much ignores them, probably 'cause he thinks they were crazy, but it turns out they were oracles warning him about his future. [It's probably good that he ignored them though, or else there wouldn't be much of a story to tell]. The Delphi Express takes him into the city, and he's blown away. He's never seen anything like it before. He's strolling about and comes to this big building with a way hot girl standing out front. They start chatting and she introduces herself as Ms. Leading [If he wasn't so damn naive he probably would've been a bit suspicious. I mean, her fucking name is "misleading"!!]. She brings him inside and there's all kinds of crazy stuff going on, but she takes him up to her room. They totally bang. And it's awesome. He thinks "this chick is cool... I should fall in love with her". So he does. Then he goes downstairs the next morning and there's some guy there [the pimp/priest] who's like "'sup?" and boy is like "Hey, Ms. Leading is cool" so the pimp/priest goes "If you wanna hang here you can have a job as her driver". So he takes it and starts driving her around. He's still kinda dumb and doesn't really know where she's going. He just drives her to some house, and she goes inside, and then she comes back a while later. He doesn't ask questions. They're hanging out more now, and pretty soon she totally falls for him too. But one day she forgets her scarf in the car so he goes inside to bring it to her and she's boning some fat old dude. She's been caught red handed. He's pretty pissed, so he bails. She's pretty bummed so she writes him a letter wanting to meet where they first met (where the road parts), but he's like "fuck that" and writes back all angry-like and tells her off, saying stuff like "the bitter manufacturer of lust that you have been presented as doesn't do a thing for me. I now know your identity - a black widow who tempts her prey with promises of love. if ignorance is bliss wish I was blissfully ignorant but I'm not, I'm enlightened now, light has been presented to me in spite of you." [Damn... harsh!]. They exchange some more letters (which all somehow end up on a beach in a series of broken bottles being read by some random person), then he decides he needs to skip town, so he hops a ride on a big steam ship and peaces out of the city. She tries to chase him down but she's too late and just watches the ship sail away in the distance.
Act III
The Boy didn't know wtf to do next, so he thinks "Hey, I should join the army!" He runs into those oracle guys again and they try to warn him, but he just ignores them again. Then he realizes that war sucks and starts thinking about how shitty it really is. He sees dead bodies piled up everywhere and realizes he's totally alone. This tank suddenly starts coming after his unit and it's just running people down, and he doesn't really feel like being squished to death, so he bails again. He meets this lady who sells poison and I guess she likes him or something because she gives him a bottle for free. He goes back to the camp and meets this other guy who's a thief who steals stuff from dead bodies, and they have a nice chat about war and stuff. The boy wants to get out of there and is crossing this field when the enemy attacks and he gets hit with some mustard gas and falls into a ditch. He's all depressed now and starts thinking he should just die, but then he remembers his mom and is suddenly saved by another soldier. They go for some drinks at a bar or something, and there's this older dude there and they're all telling stories, and this older dude starts talking about this time he was in the city and hooked up with some whore in a church named Ms. Terri. So the boy is like "whoah... so you're my dad?". Then that other soldier [the one who rescued him from the ditch earlier... remember him?] was like "no way! that old guy is MY dad too!". So now out of nowhere the boy has got a dad AND a half-brother! Yay! So they all go into battle together [like every good family], and the boy's half-brother gets blasted and dies. The boy is like "man, that sucks", but the dad is like "whatever". The boy is pretty pissed at his dad and wants to kill him. If only he had some poison... [But wait! He does!!]. So the boy uses the bottle while the dad is sleeping, and the dad totally dies. The boy wants to leave again, and, as fate would have it, he pretty much looks exactly like his recently deceased half-brother, so he decides he can just steal his dead half-brother's identity and goes off to live with his half-brothers mother.
fin.
p.s. ~ Casey's version is a lot more eloquent.
Topic: The Dear Hunter v Act III: Life and Death Live Stream (5/7 and 5/14/24) (Read 355618 times)